by Duffy, Sue
A month later, at the inlet campfire, Cass had found herself on a blanket next to Adam. After several bottles of wine had been repeatedly passed around the circle, he suggested they leave the others and move off down the beach alone. The wine, the lie-down music from someone’s guitar, the lulling ebb and flow of the waves answered for her. With the few sober cells struggling for traction in her brain, she told herself that Rachel was through with him and wouldn’t mind. Besides, he was bad for Rachel. And for Cass?
Minutes later, it didn’t matter to her. She had slipped into his heated embrace and met his every move with her own willing and inebriated body.
The following morning, she was so repulsed by her actions, she wouldn’t even take a phone call from Rachel. Nor would she take the insistent calls from Adam, who’d claimed he was crazy about her. She didn’t leave the house for days, even once rebuffing him at the door and telling him never to return.
When her sophomore-year classes at NYU began a few weeks later, Cass steered clear of Rachel and Adam, whom she never saw together. Though Adam continually texted Cass, declaring his affections for her and begging her to see him, she never responded—not even the day she accidentally ran headlong into him in a hallway and he seized the moment to wrap his arms tightly around her, causing her to squirm free of him and flee, issuing dire warnings should he ever try that again.
Though Rachel pleaded for Cass to tell her why she’d withdrawn from their friendship, and though Rachel’s wrenching hurt was almost more than Cass could bear, she remained aloof from everyone except her biology lab partner. There was no escaping the prevailing presence of Jordan Winslow.
One day after classes, Cass was headed for the subway when she noticed Rachel and Adam sitting on a bench in a small park, facing away from her. She hung back and watched them. Rachel appeared to be crying, and Adam was trying to console her. At one point, he put his arm around her and tried to pull her to him, but she shoved him away and jumped up. Cass couldn’t hear her words, but she sensed their hurt. On the way home, she replayed the scene in her mind, trying to understand what might have happened. Then the terrifying question arose. Did Rachel know?
Two weeks later, Cass and her parents had just arrived at the beach house for one last warm weekend when Rachel called. “Your housekeeper told me you were at the beach, Cass. Please let me come see you today. I have something very important to tell you.” The voice was light and steady. Cass thought it held a ring of self-assurance she’d not heard before. She couldn’t imagine the transition from Rachel’s distress in the park to the voice Cass had just heard. With a twinge of hope for reconciliation, she invited Rachel to come and stay the weekend.
Late that afternoon, Cass heard the rumble of Rachel’s Jeep in the driveway and went to the door. The familiar face behind the steering wheel was a welcome sight. Cass had missed her old friend but didn’t realize how much until that moment. She was suddenly buoyant over Rachel’s arrival, enough to momentarily subdue the guilt. Yes, Cass had slept with the man her best friend loved. Nothing would ever change that. But as Rachel climbed from the car and raised a friendly wave, Cass could have burst with joy.
Surely Rachel didn’t know.
Cass met her at the car, opening her arms for the usual quick hug and release. Only this time, Rachel clung tighter and longer, the scent of her hair sweet and warm against Cass’s cheek, the scent of a beloved sister. Cass vowed never to part ways with her again. When they released each other, Cass led the way to the front door.
“Oh, let’s walk around back first, Cass,” Rachel suggested. “Maybe we could sit on the back porch awhile before going in.”
“Sure,” Cass said, eyeing her closely. Then she remembered the important news Rachel had mentioned. “You’re being very secretive about something,” she teased.
A timid smile curled at Rachel’s mouth as she slid a glance toward Cass, but she said nothing. When they reached the back lawn that fell gently toward the beach, Rachel stopped and gazed at the sea. In the slant of afternoon rays, the waters were like agate, their strata of crystal blues and greens flicked with sunset gold. Cass, too, paused to admire what she often took for granted.
“Let’s go out there, Cass.”
Cass turned to her in surprise. “Now? It’s getting late.”
But Rachel persisted. “One more ride on the Hobie Cat before winter,” she said, her voice calm and persuasive.
“Okay. Be spontaneous, right?” And suddenly the idea appealed to Cass, too. “We’ll have to hurry, though. Mom and Dad will be back from shopping in a couple of hours. I’m sure they wouldn’t approve.”
From inside the shed where they stored the boat, Cass removed two life jackets from the wall hooks and handed one to Rachel. “Your assignment this winter, Rachel, is to learn how to swim at the NYU pool. No more excuses. You can’t even dog paddle.”
“Okay, I’ll do that,” Rachel agreed, strapping herself into the bulky vest, then removing her shoes. She was wearing knee-length leggings and a long, plain sweatshirt.
“You did bring other clothes, I hope.” Cass looked down at her own cutoff jeans and T-shirt, which she’d often sailed in. Then she pulled two pairs of gloves for handling the lines, something Rachel had always helped with.
“You are going to stay over, aren’t you?” Cass added.
“Sure. I’d like that.”
The two slid the lightweight vessel from the shed, across the beach, and down to the water. “This will be easy,” Cass said brightly. “The waves are tame today.” She glanced up at the coral stripes on the sail. “Not much wind, though. We might not get far.”
“Far enough, I’m sure,” Rachel said. She looked to the west and shielded her eyes from the head-on rays of the setting sun. “It’s so pretty, isn’t it?”
But Cass was too busy with the launch to notice or respond. She positioned the twin-hull boat into the wind and announced, “Ready to go.”
Both girls hopped onto the trampoline deck and grabbed the lines. Clearing the last breaker, they drifted into deeper water, and Cass locked the rudders in place. Her hand on the tiller, she caught a draft and tacked into it. But the wind kept teasing them, rushing at them from different directions, taunting them, and making Cass work for distance.
Soon, though, they locked into a steady current of air and let it carry them into the far reaches of sapphire waters. Her hair twisted into a large clip, her feet tucked beneath the hiking strap, Rachel leaned backward over the edge of the trampoline deck, pulling against one of the sail sheets for support. She clearly relished the ride.
Cass watched her. This wasn’t the girl she’d seen in the park with Adam. Cass was anxious to know the important news, but she would have to wait.
An hour later, as the colors began to bleed from the sky, Cass announced it was time to head back. “It’ll be dark soon.”
“We can’t go yet!” Rachel blurted. “I mean … I need to talk to you.” She glanced toward shore and a few front-row estates. “It’s more private out here.”
Cass felt the first twinge of unease. And there clearly in the green eyes before her was something out of sync with the light-hearted mood of the afternoon. At least that’s how she had perceived their impromptu little voyage. What had just happened?
“Okay, Rachel.” She steered the boat straight into the wind, causing the sails to go limp and slowing them to a conversational speed, if that’s what Rachel wanted.
Soon, the little boat settled into a peaceful drift, and Rachel fired her first volley. “I’m pregnant.”
The words stung like a blast of salt spray, and Cass shuddered, mute with shock.
Rachel’s mouth twisted into something Cass hadn’t seen on her before. A snarl. Something raw, as if a mask had suddenly dropped from her face revealing a terrible truth. “It’s Adam’s child, Cass. I wanted you to know that.”
It took Cass just one excruciating instant to read the meaning in her face. She knows!
Rachel nodded slowly
as if confirming it. “You should be careful.”
An involuntary gasp escaped Cass and she struggled for words. “I … oh, Rachel, I never meant to—”
“Of course you did.”
“No!”
“You set your sights on him long before we broke up.”
“No! No! I didn’t!”
Rachel raised a quieting hand. “Stop it! I didn’t come here for this.”
Cass shook violently and had to grab the tiller with both hands to steady herself.
“I discovered I was pregnant after we broke up.” Rachel looked away and closed her eyes. “I didn’t tell anyone but Adam.” She squeezed tears from her eyes and let them run at will down her cheeks. “He was so angry at first. He cursed at me. I didn’t hear from him for days.” She opened her eyes, wiped them, and turned a suddenly wistful expression on Cass.
“And then, he came to see me. He said he had warmed to the idea of having a family. He promised he’d marry me. That everything would be all right. I was ecstatic.” Then the face contorted with the next words. “But one night on a beach, Adam forgot all about that promise … and me.”
Cass could hardly breathe.
“Then he told me he couldn’t possibly marry me … when he was in love with Cass Rodino.”
A whimper slipped from Cass and she clamped both hands hard against her mouth, against the cry rising inside. And then the words slipped through. “Rachel, I was drunk! I didn’t know what I was doing. I hardly knew who I was doing it with. Please understand. Please!”
But Rachel acted as if she didn’t hear. “I can’t tell my parents. It would kill them.” She swiped a strand of wet hair roughly from her face. “No, I can never tell them.”
“Rachel, listen to me! I’ll take care of you! We’ll go somewhere together until the baby is born. Where no one knows us. I can get the money. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
The green eyes held Cass with contempt. “And that would make you feel better, wouldn’t it?”
A sudden wind broadsided the sails and tipped the girls toward each other. Cass grabbed at Rachel to keep her from falling until the boat was turned back into the wind. Rachel looked down at Cass’s grip on her arm. “I always thought you were the strong one, the one who always knew the best thing to do.” She looked at Cass distantly, a feverish smile stretching her lips. “But now it’s me. Now I know what’s best.”
Cass searched the face, the eyes so strangely dim.
Rachel lifted a hand to her hair and removed the clip, letting the shining tresses unfurl in the wind. “There’s always a way out, isn’t there?” she asked, drawing her feet from under the strap.
“Of course there is!” Cass wailed, hope rising inside her. “You can move in with me and we’ll do this together. We’ll get you to a doctor, and we’ll—”
Rachel suddenly reached to touch Cass’s hand, halting her words. “It’s okay,” she said softly, then slid backward into the water.
“Rachel!” Cass lunged across the trampoline.
But it took only seconds for Rachel to release herself from the vest and begin her descent. Almost as if she’d rehearsed it.
Cass stripped off her own vest and dove in, stroking frantically after Rachel. But the clarity of the afternoon waters had already yielded to the coming night. The deeper Cass plunged, the blinder her chase. The more she thrashed downward, the quicker her breath escaped. Through the sightless waters she grabbed aimlessly for a head of chestnut hair, willing her fingers to lock into its tangled web and find the body beneath still pulsing warm blood. God, help me! she screamed inside her skull.
When the searing began in her lungs, Cass knew she would have to choose. Go with Rachel? Accept the fate Cass had brought down on them both? Or go back … and pretend to live. Decide quickly! There’s no more time!
But then the waters grew so cool. So peaceful. Cass felt them swirl gently around her, pulling her into their embrace, her arms floating up to meet them. Had she made her choice?
No! I can’t do this!
Suddenly, her body convulsed. Her legs scissored violently, thrusting her upward.
Exhaling her last breath, her lungs screaming for air, she split the surface and instantly dragged oxygen into her body, forcing the cold knife of air to pierce her.
She could do only one thing now. Scream. Hysterical screams, as if they would raise Rachel from the depths.
Why did she do it? God, why?
Only when her voice failed and the screams died did she observe her surroundings. The capsized boat floated in the near distance, toward the inlet. Two orange life vests floundered in the swells. Could she make it to either? Exhaustion displaced the adrenaline that had fueled her manic dive. Hysteria paralyzed her mind, her limbs. Darkness fell upon her, and she wallowed into a half-conscious float, face up.
Then a sound. What was it? A voice. She managed to raise her head. There! A light coming from shore, bobbing in the waves.
“Cass!”
A familiar voice. Dad?
“Grab the ring!”
Just then, something white sailed toward her, and she lifted one limp arm toward it. Missed it. Missed it again.
Then a splash. A man’s arms beneath her, lifting. Her dad’s voice in her ear. It was over.
Now, as her body slumped against the dune and her sights fastened on that place where the sea had consumed a broken young woman, Cass mourned as if the eight years since that day had never passed. As if she’d never been plucked from the dying waters. God, why didn’t you let me go, too? And why do I keep talking to you as if you’re here?
Cass pulled her knees to her chin and began to rock herself, wishing some kind of oblivion to catch with the cadence of her motion and relieve her pain. Then she stopped. A voice. A light coming toward her. Just like that night.
And again, a voice yanked her from the madness of her grief, snatched her from the brink. “Cass, where are you?”
Jordan! Something hot and smothering lifted from her. She stood and faced the light beam strafing the sand, searching for her. No, she was not going to drown. Another man’s arms were about to lift her again. Jordan, you came for me!
She ran headlong for him, calling his name, and barely slowing when she reached him. As he opened his arms to her, she leapt at him and laid her head against his broad chest. There were no words. They just clung silently to each other with the surf rolling gently toward them. Cass inhaled the warmth of him and felt herself go limp in his arms.
When she finally pulled away and found her footing on the sand, she looked up at him through the blur of tears. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know what—”
He ended her words with a finger to her lips, then bent and kissed them gently. When he pulled away, she reached with both arms around his neck and drew him to her again, this time kissing him back with an intensity she didn’t understand. She could only lose herself in it, with only the slightest suspicion that it was her temporary escape from torment. But if that’s what it was, and nothing more, she would not hurt another soul with her rash and reckless ways. She broke away from him, her guard back and firmly in place.
“Whoa,” he said, letting her go. “What just happened?”
She looked sadly at him. “Something that shouldn’t have, Jordan. I’m sorry I did that to you.”
“Well, I’m not.” He grinned down at her. “Want to do it again?” He reached for her.
But she stepped back and laughed.
There in the hurting place, she laughed. Something immovable inside her had just yielded. To Jordan’s touch. She looked into the winsome face of this man who had no idea what happened off this beach eight years ago. Someday, she would tell him.
But now, she must leave one horror buried while she unearthed another.
“Jordan, I can’t explain what just happened. Let’s just—”
“Let’s just admit that there’s more to us than friendship, and that in our own good time, we’ll discover what it is. Is th
at what you were about to say?”
She nodded slowly. “I truly don’t deserve you.”
He shrugged. “Probably not. But you’re stuck with me. Especially since we’re guilty of breaking and entering together.” His smiling eyes turned serious. “And since we just uncovered the secret life of Hans Kluen.”
Cass zipped her jacket to her chin and shoved her hands in her pockets. “There’s only one thing I’m going to do about that right now. I have to warn Liesl Bower.”
Chapter 15
A cheerful cerulean sky contradicted the dread Ben Hafner felt as he paced beside Annapolis Harbor that Friday morning. No matter the direction he pounded the splintered boards of the wharf, his line of sight never veered from the entrance to the harbor.
Jeremy Rubin had once again slipped through the security grid to enter U.S. waters, this time inside his own stateroom aboard a sailing vessel of Bermuda registry. Its sails down, the sleek boat finally motored through the turn at the mouth of the Severn River, past the U.S. Naval Academy, and into Spa Creek. Plying the harbor’s brisk chop with the grace of a dolphin, the boat finally eased into a slip a short distance from Ben.
No sooner had the boat’s crew secured its lines to the dock than the slight figure of a man in a puffy black jacket and knit cap quickly disembarked. He stopped to locate Ben’s position, then headed straight for him.
Ben didn’t move from his post beside a metal warehouse that leaned precariously toward the water. His hood snug over his head, sunglasses in place, he scanned the area continuously as his brother-in-law walked over to join him. Ben thought it a confident swagger.
Moments later, the two left the harbor in a small sedan, Ben driving, his eyes roving to and from the rearview mirror. There was too much at stake to be careless.
“You’re looking well fed, brother,” Jeremy snickered, as Ben headed away from town.
“I’m not your brother. Not even your friend. And if I had to live my life as a fugitive outrunning authorities over half the world, I might be as scrawny as you.”