by Maggie Walsh
“So, you think the only reason he’s here is because of all this shit going on?”
“Yes. I can’t think of any other reason,” Nicco said.
“Maybe he wanted to see you? Maybe it was Fate stepping in again?” Shelby said, and Nicco could hear the hope in his voice.
“I doubt it. He wanted the high life. He wanted to be a rock star, and he is. He didn’t want me then when he was just a kid down on his luck with nowhere to go, so why the hell would he want me now that he’s a famous celebrity?” Nicco purposely ignored the Fate comment. He couldn’t even think about that now, or that this might have something to do with Aurora. Either way, Thad didn’t come back because he wanted to. He came back because of circumstances he had no control over.
“Because maybe now he’s a man and knows what a fantastic catch you are? Have you talked to him yet? Maybe he came to see you? Maybe with everything going on, and he was scared, you were the first person he thought of?” Shelby surmised.
“Somehow, I doubt that,” Nicco mumbled.
“You only told me pieces of what happened back then, like Thad was only sixteen when you met, and he was in the human foster care system. But I also remember you telling me how you both fell in love, but knew you couldn’t be together until he came of age. He moved into the coven house when he turned eighteen right?”
“Yes. That’s how he knows everyone. Well, some of the other vamps and all of Micah’s guys. Including your Xander.”
“So everyone knew he was your mate and that he walked away? Shit, Nic, it must have been extra hard for you to stand by and watch everyone find their mates.”
“No. Only Dante, Vik, Sky, Micah, and Raith knew that Thad was my mate. All the others just thought he was a kid with a crush who Dante felt sorry for and took under his wing,” Nicco replied.
“So what exactly happened? For him to come live with you all I mean?” Shelby asked.
Nicco stared out the window across the room as he thought back to that day.
“Happy Birthday, Thaddeus,” Nicco said happily as he handed Thad a wrapped gift with a big bow on it.
Thad gave him a sad smile as he accepted the gift. “Thank you, Nikolai.”
Nicco reached up and cupped Thad’s cheek, making him look into Nicco’s eyes. “What is it, beautiful? What has you looking so sad on such a special day?”
“I’m eighteen today, Nikolai. Do you know what that means?”
Nicco smiled. “Yes, that means that you are now legally an adult, and I can finally do this.” Nicco leaned in and brushed his lips over Thaddeus’s in a soft kiss.
Thad sighed as he pressed his cheek against Nicco’s hand. “That was nice, and honestly something I have been dreaming of for almost two years, since that night we met in that alley.”
“Me too, mate. I have been wanting to start my life with you.”
“I know you told me all about mates and what that meant to your kind. I love the idea of a mate and am thrilled that you are mine, but I don’t know what to do, Nikolai. I’ve never been with anyone in any way before now. What if I do everything wrong, or I suck at it?”
Nicco gave a soft chuckle, his heart filling with more love for his mate. “Impossible. It can’t be bad between mates. I know this for a fact. But…I know you are still young and inexperienced, so even though you are eighteen now, I won’t pressure you or rush you. And I can’t claim you as mine until you are twenty-one—it’s part of our laws.”
“But I thought I heard that Lemon guy say eighteen?” Thaddeus asked.
Nicco chuckled. “I love that you call Lenny Lemon, and you’re right―he did say that. But Lenny is a horse shifter, and for shifters, the mating age is eighteen, but for vampires, because we live for so long, our law is twenty-one. Our king, Dante’s father, believes that everyone should have a chance to live a little and sow some wild oats before they decide to mate for life. So even though I want to claim you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life, I can’t for another three years. But that doesn't mean we still can't do other things, but only when you feel comfortable enough and you are ready. I can wait for you, Thaddeus.”
Thad gave him a shy smile. “Thank you, Nikolai. I don't think I’m ready for…well, you know. At least not yet, but I hope to be someday soon.”
“Take as much time as you need, mate. I’m not going anywhere,” Nicco promised, and then leaned in and gave Thaddeus another tender kiss.
“See, I always knew you were a good man, Nic. That was very sweet. Thaddeus is lucky to have a mate as wonderful as you,” Shelby said.
“A lot of good that does me, Shel, seeing as he rejected me,” Nicco hissed and stood up, and then walked to the window.
“Then what happened, Nic?”
Nicco stared out the window for a moment as he tried to control the pain that was bubbling inside him. Once he felt like he could talk, he began to tell Shelby everything. “I told you about how we met and how I went back to Texas weekly to see him until his eighteenth birthday. After that, every time I went back, Thad started looking almost sick. After another month, he appeared to have lost weight, and dark circles had started to form under his eyes. After the second month, I thought that he was seriously sick and dying. When I asked him about it, he would always just tell me that he was working so much and was just tired. Finally, after another week passed, I asked him why he was working so hard. Were his foster parents not feeding him? That’s when he looked at me with eyes so haunting it scared me. After a few minutes, he began to cry, and he confessed to me that since his eighteenth birthday, he was released from the foster system and had been living on the streets. Some days he was lucky to find work and make a few bucks, but mostly no one wanted to hire a homeless kid with no experience. Some people even looked at him like he was a criminal, and all he did was age out of the system.
“I was horrified when he told me what was happening and sad that he didn't run to me for help. He said he thought I knew. That hurt more than anything. That he thought I knew he was living on the streets, going hungry, and I did nothing to help him. I pushed my hurt aside and told him he was coming to live with me. I didn’t really give him an option. I just grabbed his arm and disseminated back to the coven house. Once we got there, I showed him to my suite and went to talk to Vik and Dante. When I finally told them everything, Dante of course opened his home to Thaddeus, and we got him settled in his own room, and Dante even gave him a job at ParaSafe as one of his assistants. Everything was going great. Thaddeus fit right in. Everyone liked him, he was happy, I was happy, and time just went by.
“We spent a lot of time together and fell in love, but even when Thaddeus turned nineteen, he still wasn’t ready to take our relationship to the next level. We spent many nights loving on each other in different ways, but never penetrative sex. He said he wanted to wait for that until I could claim him properly. Then one day, one of ParaSafe’s clients who had heard him sing came to see him. Lenny, the horse shifter who was one of our drivers back then, he had been playing a CD that Thaddeus had made of himself singing different rock songs. When the client got into the car, Lenny turned it off, but the client told him to put it back on. He listened to the whole CD and requested to speak with Dante about talking to Thaddeus. I knew Thaddeus had the most amazing voice I had ever heard, and I loved to hear him sing, but I had no idea a big-time record producer would ever hear him and offer him a contract.”
Nicco stopped talking and pressed his forehead to the cool glass as he closed his eyes and sighed. His throat started to constrict with emotions as all the pain from that time in his life came flooding back. He swallowed around the lump in his throat as he tried to calm himself. After a few moments, the pain and anxiety vanished and was replaced by the numbness that he had become accustomed to.
“I was a fool, Nikolai,” Thaddeus said from behind him, and Nicco stiffened.
“You’re Dax Dalton. Hi, I’m Shelby,” Shelby introduced himself.
“You can call me Thad. Hi,
Shelby, it’s nice to meet you. I love your hair,” Thad replied.
“Thanks. I’ll just head out and give you two some alone time. Nic, is that okay with you, or would you rather I hang out?” Shelby asked.
Nicco sighed heavily. Now that Thaddeus was here, he knew this moment would come eventually, so why not now? He straightened but didn't turn around. He just peered out the window. “It’s okay, Shel, thanks. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay, sweet cheeks. I’m heading out to the club tonight. Sage and I are going to do our show with the hoops, if you want to stop by and check it out.”
“Shit, I forgot that was tonight,” Nicco said as he turned to face his friend. His gaze landed on Thaddeus’s, and locked. “I said I would be there to give you and Sage my support, so I’ll be there.”
“Thanks, buddy. I’ll see you then, unless you need me sooner, just call. It was nice meeting you, Thad,” Shelby said, and then collected the cleared plates and left them alone, closing the door behind him as he went.
They stood there silently staring at each other, the minutes ticking by. Finally, after about five minutes, Thaddeus broke their connection and stepped closer, clearing his throat. “You look good, Nikolai.”
Nicco continued to stare at him for a moment, and then turned away to face the window again. “Small talk is something I don’t need right now, Dax. I have too much to take care of with everything turning to shit in the world right now.”
“I heard. Vik told me everything that’s been going on since I left. I can’t believe your world is in the middle of a war and the humans have no idea. And now all of this that’s on the news. Dante said it sounded like the end of the world.”
“Yes, it does. So is this why you’re here? Because of all the events happening in the world, especially in California, and you were afraid you were about to die, so you came scurrying back for Dante to protect you?” Nicco said calmly, his voice filled with indifference.
He heard a small gasp from Thaddeus and then heard that he had taken a few steps forward. Nicco’s senses filled with the scent of his mate, and his eyes closed of their own volition as he breathed deep through his nose, allowing the fresh scent of crisp mountain air wash over him.
“No. Harley brought me to Vik when we were being chased by a psycho asshole who’s obsessed with me.”
Nicco looked over his shoulder at Thad. “So, you’re the client Vik wouldn’t tell me about or let me help? Very smart of him,” Nicco stated, then turned back to the window.
“Why are you being so cold, Nikolai? I know I hurt you. I know I fucked up. God how I know I fucked up, but please…I can’t take you being like this to me,” Thad pleaded.
“Do you remember my friend Melinda?” Nicco asked as he stared out the window.
“She was a witch, right?” Thad replied, his voice showing his confusion at the change of subject.
“Yes. I saved her children from a fire once, and she always insisted that she owed me and would forever be in my debt. I never wanted anything from her, but I appreciated the friendship that grew between us.”
“That’s very sweet of you, but I’m a little confused. Why are you telling me this?” Thad took a step closer.
“Because when you rejected me, my life was over. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t feed. I spent all my time locked in my room waiting to die.”
“Nikolai, I’m so sor…”
“I don’t need you to be sorry. I need you to listen,” Nicco ground out through clenched teeth. Keeping his back to Thad, he continued. “Melinda heard through the grapevine that was Vik or Sky I’m sure, and she came to see me. She begged me to go to you and plead for you to return to me and allow me to claim you, but I refused. As much as your rejection hurt, I knew I wouldn’t die. Without claiming you, I could still live and feed from others, and if you died, I wouldn’t. But the bond between us had already started to form even though I hadn’t claimed you. And because of that bond, even though I could go on, I didn’t want to. Then Melinda reminded me of one of the other wonderful perks of the bond—I would never be able to have sex again. Yes, I could feed from others, but I couldn’t fuck them. Not even a kiss. So, while you were out there somewhere, living your life, your dream, and probably screwing anything that batted an eyelash at you, I would be damned to be faithful.
“A few weeks passed, and Dante, Vik, Raith, and Micah were beside themselves. They tried everything to help me, but nothing worked. It was Melinda who found the answer and saved me. She found a blood spell that she could perform on me that would break the bond that had already started and take my pain away. It would only work because I hadn’t claimed you yet. You being a human, would feel nothing, but me…it would free me and allow me to move on. The downside was that I would never have another mate. I would only get one in this lifetime, and you were it.
“Finally, after another few weeks went by and everyone arguing with me over it, I finally decided it was the right thing to do. I saw you in an interview on TMZ with your very out and proud actor boyfriend, and the two of you looked very…cozy. Even though you both denied there was something going on between you and that you were just friends, I could see the truth in your eyes.”
“He was just a friend, Nikolai, I swear. The record company wouldn’t let me come out anywa―”
Nicco ignored his words and kept talking as if Thad had never said a word. “That was the moment I gave up all hope of you ever returning to me. You had moved on and were fucking other men, so why shouldn’t I have a life? So, I told Melinda to do it. And after she performed the ritual, my chest was filled with so much pain I thought that in that moment, I was going to die. Hell, I prayed for death. But then the pain started to fade, and by the time the ritual was over, my heart no longer hurt. I could think of you without the sadness engulfing me. If I ever saw you, that pain of rejection wasn’t there.
“I was free of the bond between us and free of the bond that would hold me in darkness for the rest of my days. I could go on living again. It may have taken some time for my broken heart to mend and move on, but I did. Of course, the fact that I have had to sit around watching everyone I love find their mates and their happiness hasn’t been easy, because I would never have what they have. But at least I’m alive, right?” Nicco sneered and then turned from the window, and without looking at Thad or saying another word, he walked out of the room.
* * * *
Thaddeus sighed heavily as he dropped into the bed. He couldn’t believe it. He was finally here in the same house as Nikolai. It wasn’t the same home he remembered, and his mate wasn’t as warm and loving as he was the last time he had been here, but now that he saw Nikolai, he felt like he had finally come home.
All these years he had never felt like he was home. Even when he spent a few weeks a year at home in a fancy place he bought out on the coast, it never felt like this. He always felt alone and like something was missing. Even when he was surrounded by thousands of screaming fans, or at a party with hundreds of bodies, some calling him friend, he also felt alone.
Thaddeus sat up and grabbed the guitar that lay on the bed next to him, where he left it before when he was in here. One of the vampires had given it to him when they popped in at the coven house in Sanctuary. He had been sitting nervously in this plush room they gave him and had started fiddling with it when he heard some of the vamps talking outside his door about Dante and the others coming to join them.
He quickly got up, hoping the Nikolai would be here for their return, and ran down the stairs to find them disseminating into the foyer, Nikolai by their side. And gods, he looked even more gorgeous than he had eleven years ago. He didn’t look older, of course, but he looked…more mature, refined. Like he had been through a lot and held a certain wisdom in his eyes.
Thad hadn’t expected Nikolai to be happy to see him, but he didn't expect the coldness he received either. Which was stupid and naïve of him. He should have expected Nikolai to throw him out and tell him to never co
me back. But of course, his mate didn’t do that. Even though Thad could see the strain and hurt in Nikolai’s eyes, and maybe the desire to actually throw him out, Nikolai didn’t. The world was going to hell out there, and Nikolai would never do that and put Thad in danger. As mad or hurt as he was his mate would still protect him.
Thad sighed and pulled the acoustic guitar over his head, strapped it across his chest, and then strummed lightly. He couldn’t believe what Nikolai had told him about that witch friend of his and how she put a spell on him so that he could move on. In all honesty, he had hoped that Nikolai would have followed him and refuse to let him go.
He never wanted to leave Nikolai. He just wanted to live a life. Sure, he could have done that at the coven house, living with his mate, but he wanted to see the world and experience things first. He wanted to experience them with Nikolai at his side, but he knew his mate needed to be in the safety of his coven. He had heard many times from the other vampires when he lived at Dante’s that a lone vampire was in danger of turning feral and becoming a rogue, and Thad was afraid that would happen to the man he loved if Nikolai had come with him like he had offered.
As much as it hurt both of them, Thad knew he had done the right thing by lying to Nikolai and telling him that he didn’t want him to go along. It would have killed him if his mate suffered in any way from being without his coven. But then again, he didn’t do the right thing by walking away from Nikolai in the first place. He knew now that being by Nikolai’s side was the place he belonged, not going off to be a rock star and living the life he did. Gods, what an idiot he was. He had given up the best thing that ever happened to him for fame.
Although at the beginning he did love making the music and even the touring, he still had a hole inside him that could never be filled. Then as that first year went on, he realized what a big mistake he had made. He missed Nikolai more than anything and spent many nights crying himself to sleep, wishing Nikolai would come after him. Tell him that he still loved him and couldn’t be without him, but Nikolai never came.