***
The saying: you could hear a pin drop made me think we were the reason they made expressions like that. Our family could be the foundation on which silence was founded. This wasn’t just any kind of silence. No, it took years to perfect this kind of quiet.
Friday night dinners were always quiet. Only today wasn’t Friday, which meant if any of us wondered what dinner would be like on a Tuesday, we had our answer.
We didn’t have normal dinner conversation. No one tried to talk over each other about their day. None of us bickered over the last piece of Annie’s baked chicken, even though later we’d all end up doing that in the kitchen.
The only sound was the noisy way Sebastian chewed his food or scraped his fork over the expensive porcelain china, because he knew it grated on her nerves. It wouldn’t be long now before she snapped at him to pick up his fork while he ate.
I nearly spilled my water when I pitched forward in my seat. My shin stung just below my knee and I looked up, glaring at Careless across from me. She ignored the fact that I was trying to disintegrate her in her chair and made weird faces at me. Frowning at her, I tried to decide if she was having a seizure or trying to tell me something.
She strained her neck, shifting her eyes in the direction of our mother, and the corner of her lips twitched and she hitched her head a few times. I knew what she wanted, but she’d left me hanging this afternoon with Sebastian.
I wanted to delay whatever was coming out of this dinner for as long as I could. I had the feeling it wasn’t going to be something I wanted to hear. Since J.D. had no idea why we were here, at least I knew it had nothing to do with the business end of things.
Unfortunately, we weren’t going to have to wait much longer. J.D. blotted his mouth with the corner of his napkin and placed it on his empty plate. With Annie’s cooking, there was never anything other than empty plates. Except for Coraline, but she did that out of spite.
J.D. cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. He was getting bored, and whether Coraline spilled it now or later wouldn’t stop him from getting up from the table.
“Hurry this up, Coraline. I have work to do.”
Everyone but Coraline continued to eat. She looked up from her plate, and out of the corner of my eye I could see her face twist for a brief second.
Sometimes I felt bad for her. I never understood why she stayed with him all these years, but in the end, money was a powerful weapon. What people always tended to forget was, just like weapons of mass destruction, when in the wrong hands, money destroyed everything in its path.
It caused greed and greedy people became liars. Liars became cheats. Cheats turned into thieves, and thieves killed. J.D. was a falling domino short of becoming a murderer.
“It’s actually good news for Ryland.”
I tried not to bang my head against the table at her words. Good news to Coraline was never good news to me.
Sebastian snickered, elbowing me. He raised his hand and waved it around.
“A show of hands… Who didn’t see that coming?”
Sebastian’s snarky remark might as well have fallen on deaf ears. Careless covered her snort with a forced cough.
We all stared at Coraline, waiting for her to finish.
“Georgia’s daughter is back in town and she has expressed a great amount of interest in our Ryland,” she said and her voice shifted with fake excitement.
I choked, coughing hard, and looked at my mother who wore a tight grin on her painted face.
“Wait, what?”
I’d been in the process of shoving a forkful of mashed potatoes in my mouth, and it took me a minute to realize she was talking about me.
“That’s why we’re here?” Sebastian’s silverware clanked loudly against his plate, and his outburst finally earned him a double glare. “Because some rich broad’s daughter has a hard-on for Ryland? You realize I can’t get the last hour of my wasted time back, right? Next time, Mother, if I’m going to be forced to sit through these insufferable, FAKE dinners, make sure more than half the people at the table actually give a—”
“Leave the table, Sebastian.”
Other than an annoyed sigh, J.D. didn’t show much more of a reaction.
“Gladly. Congratulations, bro.” Sebastian slapped my back as he got out of his chair. “I’m sure you’ll be bored to death and horny as hell.”
I choked around another mouthful of food, and while I tried to give myself the Heimlich maneuver, I heard Careless’s fork clatter on her plate, or maybe that was her jaw.
Sebastian pushed in his chair, bumping his fists on the back.
“As always, this has been fan-fucking-tastic.”
As he left the dining room, I wondered if he was still partially drunk. Sebastian was famous for his outspokenness and his less than I don’t give a crap attitude, but this was the first time he’d ever gone this far. Not that any of us lacked the shock-factor gene, but we rarely tried to rock the boat for Careless’s sake. Apparently we weren’t sticking to that rule tonight.
My attention focused on Coraline, who had slightly lost some of her color during Sebastian’s pretentious exit.
“Who is Georgia? And who is Georgia’s daughter?” I asked.
Not that it really mattered who they were. Wherever Coraline was going with this was never going to happen.
“Georgia, who is currently stepping out on her husb—”
“I could care less for your insipid gossip, Coraline. Get on with it,” J.D. snapped.
She cleared her throat and continued. “Georgia is Mark McCain’s wife and Roxy is his daughter.”
The second J.D.’s eyes flickered across the room to fully acknowledge he was now listening, I cursed. Whoever this McCain guy was, it was serious enough to make J.D. sit up and take notice of the conversation. It was easier to get out of Coraline’s setups when she was the only one pushing, but if J.D. was involved, it was going to be a hell of a lot harder.
Coraline was the reason I had my no dating rule. Every girl she thought was perfect for me ended up being worse than the last. I’d failed to find a single redeeming quality about them and finally I told her enough was enough.
I wasn’t interested in her high society drama queens anymore. Of course she huffed and puffed about it, but if she didn’t want me to announce that I was suddenly gay, she would back off. From then on, I did what I wanted, who I wanted, and when.
“Mark’s daughter, huh?” He clipped the edge of his square chin with his fingers.
“I knew that would spark your interest,” she said, squaring off her shoulders proudly.
His eyes cut toward her. “Don’t gloat, Coraline. It’s unattractive on you,” he said with disgust.
I watched Careless’s fingers grip her fork before throwing it down on her plate. The sound rang through the awkward silence. Even though neither of our parents was Careless’s favorite, it angered her the way J.D. talked down to Coraline.
Maybe if Coraline didn’t just take it, Careless might have stuck up for her. Instead, she threw down her napkin on her plate and the legs of her chair screeched across the wood floor as she got up.
“Excuse me, but I’ve lost my appetite.”
And then there was one.
I would be sure to thank those two later.
Lifting his glass of scotch, he brought it to his lips and sipped slowly before setting it back down.
“Your children are out of control, Coraline.”
“And I’m to blame for that?” she screeched. “Why don’t you speak to their precious Annie? If you’re going to point fingers, I’d start there.”
And that was my cue.
I gritted my teeth, and I could feel the muscle in my jaw twitch. I just wanted to get this over with already, and I reminded them that I was still here.
“I realize I don’t technically need to be here, since the two of you seem to be more interested in talking around me, but since I made the effort to show up and this is, after all, about me, how long do I
have to sit here before I can say thanks, but no thanks?” I raised my eyebrows, looking between the two.
I moved to get out of my chair, but J.D.’s words stopped me.
“Sit down, Ryland.”
I wanted to tell him that he could kiss my ass, but with Sebastian losing his mind, I couldn’t afford us both getting kicked out on the same night.
I wouldn’t let them destroy Careless the way they had Sebastian. Whether he admitted it or not, he was.
Plopping down in my chair, my posture wilted into a position I knew would drive Coraline crazy. When her expensive manicured nails drummed a tune of annoyance on the table, I knew I succeeded.
“McCain Industries is a rising company of imported high-end foreign materials. He is being sought out by a number of want-to-be investors and dealers.” He paused. “Set it up, Coraline. Good catch.”
It wasn’t exactly an endearment of love, but it was the closest thing to a compliment that J.D. would ever give out.
A spark shimmered in Coraline’s clear blue eyes, but it was dull and fragile. I watched as her face transformed into a version of her former self, and it reminded me of how beautiful she used to be. Annie had told me the story of how my parents had gotten married, and it was far from a love story.
Down to the wedding vows, everything had been arranged for them. J.D. was smart, ruthless, and he was never going to be the man Coraline wanted.
My mother had been young and breathtaking, Annie said, but she’d been naive for not seeing the marriage for what it was: an illusion. She foolishly thought she could and would change J.D. and he would fall in love with her for real. All he did was tear her down and crush her soul, pushing her until she finally broke.
Loneliness and desperation had aged her fair skin in an unflattering way. Stress and heartbreak had worn her body down, making her look thin and sick. When she got tired of being turned down time and time again, she turned to the liquor cabinet for a different kind of comfort.
It’s what he did to anyone who stood by him long enough. He was a poison. He’d done the same thing to Sebastian and now to Careless. All they wanted was his love and attention, and in return he rejected his entire family.
I learned early never to expect anything from him, and because of that I was spared. I hadn’t been old enough to protect Sebastian, but I would be damned if he turned Careless into another Coraline. Only a few more months and I would take Careless away from here.
The sound of J.D.’s chair sliding away from the table brought me back to what he just said.
“Wait,” I said, throwing out my hands in the air. He paused but didn’t move to take his seat again. “What do you mean set it up? What is she setting up?”
“We’re going to have them over for dinner, of course! Sometime this month, so make sure you look your best.”
Coraline looked to J.D. for his stamp of approval, but he was looking at me.
I didn’t back down from his stare. “I’m not going to jump through flaming hoops for some girl I don’t know because you want her father’s business.”
His expression didn’t change; it rarely did. He wore that same passive look he always did.
“Grow up, son.” I hated when he called me that. “This is part of the business. No one is asking you to marry the girl. Take her out, show her a good time, but keep it in your pants. If you get her pregnant, then you are stuck with her.”
“It’s not my first time. I know how not to get a girl pregnant,” I grumbled.
“Ryland Dare! You shouldn’t talk like that in front of me.”
I looked at her. She had a hand pressed against her chest.
“I’m sorry, Mother. Did I offend your delicate nature?”
“You watch your mouth, Ryland. I’m still your mother!”
I scoffed and turned away.
“Do you disagree?”
Her eyes narrowed at me, but she was no more threatening than a nonvenomous, snake.
“I’ll have dinner, but that’s all. I won’t be your pawn.”
I continued to have a stare-down with J.D. while my mother rushed on.
“It’ll be small, just our family and theirs.”
“Invite Nelson Curt and his twit of a wife too.”
“I’m going to bed.”
I knew before the time was here, this small dinner would turn into anything but.
“I don’t want your brother there,” J.D. announced as I got up from my chair. “Your sister can come if she wants to, but she isn’t needed.”
“How exactly are we going to have a family dinner if they’re not there?”
“I hardly doubt Sebastian will care and I don’t want him causing a scene like he did tonight.”
“I’m sure he won’t mind,” Coraline added.
I turned on her. “Then you can tell him yourself.”
“Fine, I will,” she snapped with a tilt of her head.
“I’m going to my study.”
J.D.’s part in tonight’s dinner was over, and he left without another word.
My mother watched him leave, and I wanted to shake her and scream, He’s never going to love you! But she was never going to accept the truth.
I picked up my plate and that brought her attention back to me.
“Where do you think you’re going with that?” she hissed, and her face twisted ungracefully.
I looked down at the plate and then at her. “The kitchen?” I said as if talking to a five-year-old.
“Why?” Her lips thinned and the one word came out strained.
“Because I’m done with it.”
“We have people who clear the table for us, Ryland. Put. It. Down. Now!” She turned her head to the side. “Annie!” she called.
“I can take my plate into the kitchen, Mother.” I made sure to enunciate the word to piss her off.
“Put it down, Ryland.” She warned, but I didn’t move.
Annie appeared in the dining room at my mother’s side, but she was looking at me and then the plate in my hands.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Once Ryland puts down his plate, clear the table,” she ordered.
Annie looked at me, to the plate in my hands and then at me, throwing daggers. She hated when I baited Coraline, and if I knew it wouldn’t be taken out on Annie, I would have cleared the entire table to piss her off more. I set down my plate, and Annie walked over to the table to take it.
“Thank you for dinner, Annie. It was amazing as always.” She was forcing herself not to smile at me.
She walked around me to take J.D.’s plate. The minute she moved and my mother was in sight, I was hit with her glaring eyes. She tried to play the victim next. Within a blink of her eyes, her face took on the part of a wounded mother.
“I don’t know why you try to hurt me, Ryland, but you should be ashamed of yourself.”
I didn’t play into her act one bit. I may feel sorry for her at times, but she was never interested in gaining any of our love. She blamed everything that came with the territory of being Jonathan Dare’s wife on the reason he denied her his love.
Including us.
It wasn’t until she saw the way we were with Annie that she suddenly tried to develop a motherly nature. It was too late by then and that’s when she took it out on Annie. If it had been up to her, she would have fired Annie on the spot, but for some reason J.D. wouldn’t allow it.
I looked at Annie as she balanced the dishes in her hands with grace and a hint of badass. Looking back at my mother, I found her waiting for me to apologize.
“So should you.”
Annie stood next to Coraline to collect her plate, but she was frozen in place. My mother gaped at me and then threw down her napkin, roughly pushing back her chair.
She glared at Annie for a second before stalking out of the room. I heard the rattle of glass and the click of a door and knew what she was doing. I tried to tell myself she would have taken the bottle of bourbon to her room no matter what I said, but that d
idn’t ease the small amount of guilt I felt.
When I was alone in my room, I lay in bed staring up at my ceiling, my arms tucked under my head. Despite everything that happened at dinner and what I had to face later this month, the only thing I thought about was Araya and seeing her again tomorrow.
Even after my eyes closed and I drifted into unconsciousness, the sweet smell of flowers, red hair, and dangerously soft skin haunted my dreams.
Araya
Three
I stored away the last of the oils, counting each row of vials one last time before I closed and locked the case.
I covered a yawn with my palm. I felt drained. It had been a while since I’d gotten out of the apartment. I wanted to get in bed and sleep through Nina and Carl coming home, but I knew that wasn’t an option. Pushing my case away, I knew I probably had ten more minutes before they walked through the door, and I let my mind wander to this afternoon.
I was feeling incredibly guilty about leading Ryland on, but I told myself there was no other way. He obviously wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he backed me into a corner until I told him what he wanted to hear.
I was very tempted to show up tomorrow just to hear his voice again. I had absolutely no experience when it came to guys. Feeling what I felt today was all new to me and the main reason I freaked out. It had been fun and exciting, and since he walked away from me this afternoon, he hadn’t been far from my mind.
Although the reactions he stirred inside me were scary, they’d also been exciting. Boys weren’t part of my equation, and I never entertained the idea that they would be.
Of course I held the brief glimmer of hope that someday I might fall in love, get married, and maybe have a child of my own despite the very reason that kept me from truly believing it would happen. I was old enough to know better now, and I was okay with that.
Until now.
It had been easier not to wonder about what I didn’t know I was missing.
His promise to see me tomorrow night left me feeling both sad and anxious. All the way home, as Mr. Metchler talked about his day, I had to convince myself there was no way I could show up.
The list was endless, but when it came down to it, there was only one that managed to pull me from the ledge and freefalling into Ryland’s world. He didn’t go out with girls like me and as soon as he realized it too, he would be gone. Why did I need to get any deeper than I’d gotten in a matter of twenty minutes?
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