I walked away before he could go on.
***
The next morning, I stood in the doorway to Sebastian’s empty room. Actually, the room was cluttered with stuff, but I knew he was gone.
It felt weird knowing he no longer lived here, and I felt even weirder that he hadn’t even said good-bye before he left. A huge part of me envied the fact that he was free of this house, free of our parents. I knew why I stayed here, but sometimes the urge to get up and walk away without ever looking back was too strong to deny.
“She’s all yours,” Careless said as she passed me and I looked over my shoulder at her.
As always, she was munching on a green apple, unaware of Sebastian’s absence. She only got a few steps before she stopped and backed up so she could look into Sebastian’s room. Old room.
“Where’s Sebastian?” she asked, frowning, and sticking her head inside.
“He left.”
“What do you mean he left?” She looked at me and stepped inside. “Where’d he go?”
“J.D. kicked him out last night. He was gone before I woke up.”
“Why did he kick him out?”
“I got a call from Stitch last night. Sebastian was at The Underground drunk off his ass and decided it was a good idea to still get into the cage. Craze beat the hell out of him, knocking him unconscious. Before I could drag him out, the cops were all around the place and we got arrested.”
I told her what happened after we got home and what J.D. said. When she walked out of the room, there were tears in her eyes.
“When is he going to grow up and learn?” she snapped. “Do you know where he went?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t heard from him at all.”
She went to walk away, but I stopped her. When she finally looked at me, I felt bad for her.
“He’ll be fine, Careless.”
“He’s going to get seriously hurt during one of those fights. Or worse, killed!”
“I hate to admit it, but he’s too stubborn for that.”
“Let’s just leave with him, Ryland. We both hate it here. Why keep forcing it?”
“You know why, Careless. Just a few more months and you’ll have your tuition for college. He won’t give it to you otherwise.”
She looked incredibly sad then, but agreed. “Just a few more months and it will be all over.” She looked past my shoulder. “Araya’s waiting. She looks… happy and so do you.”
I rolled my eyes and groaned. “Don’t,” I warned.
“Don’t what?” she snapped, glaring at me.
She had such a trigger-finger temper.
“Don’t make this into something it’s not, that’s what! I haven’t changed.”
“You’re right. You’re still an asshat! I was just saying it’s nice you being happy for a change. I know you hate that you’re stuck here with me.”
“Don’t do that either!” I groaned. “I’m always happy,” I said with a big, fake cheesy smile.
“Just go!” she ordered and pointed down the hall. “Ryland?” she called after I started off toward the garden. “Don’t fall in love with her.”
Her words haunted me all the way to the garden. Araya was sitting under the same tree, smoothing out her dress and running her fingers through her hair.
I was beyond annoyed that everyone kept assuming I was going to fall in love with this girl. Yes, I was drawn to her and I liked that she was different. It would be easy to fall in love if I was at that point, but I wasn’t. So what was everyone seeing that I wasn’t?
I looked down at the book in my hands and flipped it over to examine the back. I was suddenly nervous about giving this to her and that only irritated me more. I was letting everyone get into my head and I needed to push them out.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, reading the text message that lit up my screen.
Sorry about the way things went down, little brother. Here’s my new address.
Turning off the screen, I put it back in my pocket.
Walking up to her, I knelt down on the blanket and she looked up and smiled.
“Do you and Careless have a system now? She leaves and it’s your turn to entertain me?”
I groaned. “Not you too.”
“What?” She frowned.
“Don’t do that. My second favorite thing about you is that you’re never bitter. You know better than I do that you don’t need to be babysat, watched, or entertained.”
She didn’t respond at first. “What’s wrong?”
That took me back. “Why do you think something’s wrong?”
“I can hear it in your voice. I can sense your frustration. What’s wrong?”
“Family drama. I got something for you.” I changed the subject quickly.
Her eyes narrowed. “I know what you’re doing.”
Grinning, I moved closer toward her. “And what am I doing?”
“Distracting me.”
“Hummingbird, if I was trying to distract you, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.” Her entire body flushed and it turned me on in a way that I needed to distract myself. “Can I give your gift now?”
Her face brightened. “Yes, please. Not that I’m not happy, but why did you get me something?”
“Because I wanted to get this for you… and because I like it when you smile… and because I like it when I’m the reason you’re smiling.”
So maybe Sebastian wasn’t the only one drowning here.I placed the book in her hands and they moved over the cover, feeling around the edges. She looked up at me and I could see her confusion.
“You got me a book? Is this like you asking me what my favorite color is?”
I laughed out loud. “This is not like that! Open it,” I said eagerly.
I was suddenly very happy I decided to give her the book. The look on her face and her excitement it was contagious.
She flipped open the cover and turned the pages, and because I wanted to touch her, I took her hand, running her fingers across the page. Her face was a whirlwind of emotion as she explored the raised bumps on the thick paper.
She looked up at me and clutched the book to her chest.
“I don’t know what to say…” Her voice was thick and a little tear slid out from beneath her sunglasses.
I caught it with my thumb and rubbed it between my fingers.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I know you can’t read braille, but I thought maybe we could learn together? I could help you or something?”
She shook her head. “I’m not crying because I’m upset. This is amazing, Ryland. I love it!”
“So they’re happy tears?” I asked holding my breath.
She nodded. “Yes, yes. They’re happy tears. Thank you.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“What’s it about?” She was flipping the pages and running her fingers over the words.
“Blind dancers.”
I shifted positions so I could move next to her. Close to her.
“It doesn’t have Darcey Bussel in it, because she’s not blind, but the woman at the book store said it was filled with amazing dancers who are all blind.”
She closed the book and her thumb brushed across the cover.
“What’s wrong?”
Her whole attitude had taken a complete one-eighty. She shook her head and her hair released a sweet sent.
“Nothing. This was very sweet of you, thank you.”
“You’re upset. I can tell.”
“I’m not.” She insisted, but I knew she was lying.
“Are you upset because it’s about dancing?”
“I don’t dance anymore, Ryland. If you’re giving me this book because you thought I would like a book about dancing, fine, but if you’re giving it to me for any other reason…” She took a deep breath. “I don’t dance anymore,” she repeated. “I never will.”
“Why not?”
She shot me a look that said I was either crazy or an
idiot, probably both.
“Don’t look at me like that! You’re blind, Araya. That’s not a free pass to give up on everything you ever loved. It’s definitely not a sentence to a lifetime of doing nothing. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t know anything about being blind and I certainly don’t know anything about dancing, other than the fact that the dancers have amazing legs. But if you loved to dance, I bet you could’ve done it with your eyes closed anyway. So what’s the difference? Why can’t you dance?”
“Because I can’t, Ryland,” she snapped, standing up. “You don’t understand!”
“You’re damn right I don’t understand.” I stood with her. “So explain it to me. Why can’t you dance?”
It was the first time I’d seen her get so worked up over anything and I knew I struck a nerve. I liked seeing her get passionate over something. It meant she wasn’t completely lost and if she wasn’t completely lost, I could find her and I could remind her what it meant to live again. She glared at me through her sunglasses and more than anything I wanted to see the fire in her eyes.
“Please take those sunglasses off.”
She hesitated a minute, but pulled them from her face. Just as I expected, her usually pale-green eyes had turned a dark, angry green. She was a gorgeous swarm of chaos and fire and you could see it in her eyes.
“Look, I get what you’re doing and I appreciate the sentiment—really, I do. But you don’t get to start telling me what I can and can’t do because you think by flirting with me you have some kind of right. I know what my limitations are.”
“No, you know the limitations the people around you have given you. You think because you’re blind, you’re somehow not a complete person anymore, that you’re broken. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“You’ve known me all of a few weeks. How could you possibly know how I think? I am broken, Ryland!”
“No, you’re not!”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know what broken looks like!” I said, frustrated. Running a hand through my hair, I turned my back on her. “It’s all around me, Araya. Don’t lose sight of the person you used to be and the person you can still become because you think you’re damaged.”
“I was only fifteen when this happened to me. I was a child and I’ll never be the same person as before. I’m not a little girl anymore.”
I stopped moving and my head snapped up. Turning around, I closed the distance between us.
“No, you’re definitely not,” I hissed and pulled her to me and she landed against my chest with a breathless gasp and her fingers clenched fistfuls of my shirt. “And just so we’re clear, I don’t flirt with you with the intention of making you submit to what I want. I flirt with you because I love the way you blush when I do. I flirt with you because I know under that blush you like the way I make you feel and I flirt with you because after all of that, I like the way you make me feel. I’m going to kiss you. Stop me now if it’s something you don’t want, Araya.”
She looked up at me through her lashes and that was all I needed to see. My hands covered both sides of her neck and I pulled her lips toward mine. Her fingers closed around my wrist, clinging to me as I crushed my lips to hers.
I pushed open her lips with my tongue and a soft moan escaped. I wasn’t expecting her reaction and it drove me wild as her body melted into mine. She was so sweet. Everything about her made me want her more, more than I’d ever let myself want another person.
I pushed away my thoughts and lost myself in this moment, right now, with Araya. She was timid and unsure at first, but it didn’t last long, and soon she was matching my movements.
Her tongue moved over mine, dipping in and out of my mouth. Her body was pushing into mine, wanting to be as close to me as I wanted to be close to her. Tilting my head, I deepened the kiss and the wild sounds she made deep in her throat had me pushing her into the tree.
I had a hard time controlling the urge not to lift her dress up and take her right here. This kind of wild, raw need was something I had no experience with. Taking my time had never been an issue with me, but that wasn’t the case with Araya. If I continued kissing her now, I wasn’t going to stop until she was all around me.
I found the strength to pull away. We were both breathing heavy and I smiled, kissing her slightly swollen lips. When she opened her eyes, she had the combination of a dreamy and dazed look on her face.
“I’ve wanted you to do that since I met you,” she whispered against my lips. “Does that make me crazy?”
“Not even a little bit. I get that all the time.” I smiled and she laughed, kissing my lips.
“As my first kiss, that was… wow.”
“First kiss? You’ve never been kissed before?”
“No. Boys don’t generally line up to kiss the blind girl.”
“That’s because boys are idiots. I’m not a boy, Hummingbird.” I said, pulling her close to me again.
There was something oddly satisfying knowing Araya had never been with another guy in that way. It made me instantly protective over her and I wanted to keep her to myself.
“I wish I had known it was your first kiss.”
“Why?”
“Because I can do much better than that.”
“I can’t imagine it gets any better than that.”
“That sounds like a dare, Hummingbird.”
And then I proceeded to show her better than that.
Araya
Fourteen
It was at dinner that night when I finally worked up the nerve to ask Nina. I didn’t really need to ask, but I didn’t want to fight either.
“The Dares are having a small dinner party tomorrow and Care—Cara invited me to go,” I blurted out.
I heard the slight pause in their movements, before they continued on as if I hadn’t said anything. Finally, Nina responded.
“A dinner party, huh? How fancy,” Carl mocked.
“Cara invited you? Not Ryland?” She sucked at being sly.
“No.”
“Who all is going to this dinner party?”
“Mostly Mr. Dare’s business associates. I really want to go.”
“And I guess you’re expecting me to drop you off and pick you up?”
“Cara said their driver could take me home.”
“Their driver? Since when do you ride in cars?”
“I don’t, but a limo isn’t exactly small. I think I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t be thinking just because you’re hanging out with those snobs you’re one of them.” Carl cut in.
“They’re not snobs. They’ve been really nice to me actually.”
“All of them?” Nina asked.
“Well, I don’t really see Mr. or Mrs. Dare.”
“You’re already defending those people over your own family.”
I sighed. This wasn’t going the way I wanted it to.
“No, I’m not. I’m only saying they’re not snobs.”
“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Nina asked.
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You’re not exactly the most graceful person anymore.” How nice of her to point that out.
“I’ll be fine.” It was hard to keep the annoyance out of my tone.
“All right, then, you can go. I’ll drop you off and their driver can bring you home.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
I could hardly sit still the rest of the night. My smile was permanent all evening, and when I woke up this morning I still couldn’t seem to tone it down. Not that I wanted to. I was the happiest I’d been in the last four years.
As I stood at the stove, stirring Nina’s and Carl’s scrambled eggs, my mind continued to replay the kiss over and over. Each time I thought about it, my lips began to tingle. I ran my fingers over them and I could almost feel Ryland’s lips.
I had no idea what this meant, but it was new and exciting. It was hard not to let myself get swept up in what I fe
lt. It was all fireworks and hummingbirds in my stomach—I smiled at the thought—and it was nothing I’d ever felt before, which, in turn, made it all too easy to want to spend as much time with Ryland as I could. Careless didn’t seem to mind anymore or she didn’t want to fight it. Either way, I was happy.
“Araya, you’re going to burn those damn eggs,” Carl snapped.
He brought me out of my thoughts and I hurried to pull them off the burner.
After breakfast, I got dressed as fast as I could and waited for Nina to finish taking her time. I knew she did it on purpose.
“Nina?”
“What?”
I twirled a piece of hair around my finger and asked nervously, “Do you think I could get some new clothes? The dresses I have… they’re too small. I almost feel like I’m going to fall out of them.”
“Maybe next month,” she said, dismissing the conversation. “I have to take Carl back to work and then I’ll come back and pick you up. Be ready!”
The door shut before I could reply. I sat on my bed, counting down the seconds until she got back. Carl didn’t work far, but knowing Nina, she would take her time with that too.
I thought about my entire afternoon with Ryland yesterday, and this time I didn’t focus on the kisses alone. I thought about what he said about me and my dancing.
I’d given up on my dream and in the last four years, dancing was never something I thought about. It was over. At least that’s what I had to keep reminding myself since yesterday.
Ryland said there were other blind dancers and that had sparked a tiny flame of hope in my chest, and the more I thought about it, the bigger and hotter it got. I was never going to know if I could do it if I didn’t at least try.
I knew Nina wouldn’t be back for at least another ten minutes, so I got up and found the chair, leaning into it as I attempted to stretch my leg behind me. I could feel how out of practice I was as my muscles strained against the hold. I pushed through the burn and then stretched the other.
My technique wasn’t the only thing that had changed. When I ran my hands down my body, I could feel the noticeable flare in my hips, butt, and thighs. Even my breasts had gotten bigger. I didn’t know how well I was going to be able to dance with my body’s new curves.
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