“Yes, you are,” he whispered and kissed me softly. “I have something for you.”
He sat back on his knees and I heard him wrestling with something.
“You’ve already given me so much, Ryland.” I started to protest.
“Don’t do that,” he scolded.
“Okay, but first I have something for you.”
“Is that what’s in the box?”
I’d been holding the box ever since before we left the house, but he never asked me about.
“Yep.”
“My curiosity has been going insane.” He joked.
“It’s nothing big, but… Well, open it.”
I handed him the box and he opened it.
“A birthday cupcake?”
“Annie helped me make it. It’s got Reese’s Pieces in it. I know your birthday isn’t for another few weeks, but I wanted to be the first person to give you something.”
His hand wrapped around my neck and he pulled me to him, kissing me swiftly.
“It’s actually the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten, hummingbird. Thank you.”
“My turn?”
I laughed. “Yes.”
“Hold out your hand.”
When I did, he placed something small and soft on my palm. I touched the velvety box with my other hand and opened the lid.
“It’s a necklace. Right here,” he said, moving my finger to touch a piece of the jewelry. “This is a birdcage. And right here…” He moved my fingers down the chain. “This is a hummingbird being set free. I made it for you.”
“You made it for me? How?”
He pressed my finger into birdcage. “Can you feel that? It’s wire. I just bent and twisted it together to make the birdcage and hummingbird and then put it on a chain.”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You can say you love it and then ask me to put it on.” He teased.
“Are you kidding me? I beyond love it! Will you put it on me?”
He took the box from my fingers and moved behind me. I touched the charms at my neck when he put it on.
“How does it look?” I asked when he was done.
“Perfect.”
I pulled him to me and his lips met mine willingly. He pressed me back into the blanket and his body covered mine completely. He planted kisses all around my face and down my neck.
“Araya?” he whispered against my throat.
“Yes?”
“I’m not going to fight this anymore.” I could feel him staring down into my face. “I don’t want to fight it anymore. I thought I was doing the right thing by resisting you, but I don’t know what the right thing is anymore, but I do know that I want you and I mean more than just like this. You’re a ray of light in my life that’s full of shadows, hummingbird. I want you as long as you want me and I hope that’s a really long time.”
It wasn’t I love you, but it was pretty close and I couldn’t ask for more. He was already giving me more than he’d given anyone else.
“Forever, Ryland.”
Bravely, I pulled on the bottom of his shirt and pulled it slowly up his body. He rested on one arm as he pulled it over his head.
When he came back, his lips were on mine and his tongue sank into my mouth. I ran my hands over his bare chest, enjoying the way his skin burned beneath my hands.
His hand slid down the side of my neck and his thumb applied a soft, firm pressure down the center. His fingers teased my collarbone and he laid his palm flat against my chest over my pounding heart.
“Your heart is beating so fast.”
His breath stirred the baby hairs along my hairline at my neck, and his lips created a delicious kind of torture as they moved along my skin.
“Your body hums sweetly when I touch you. Did you know that? You’re my tiny hummingbird. So curious and beautiful.” His fingers shifted through my hair, pulling my head back gently until my neck arched, and my lips were under his. “Never change, Araya.” And then his lips were on mine again.
He kissed me until I never wanted him to stop, and I protested when his lips disappeared. He chuckled softly against my skin and his fingers plucked at the buttons of my dress, pushing it open. He hissed in a deep breath and bent over to kiss the spot between my breasts. His lips moved down to my stomach and he bit at the skin softly, and I was instantly covered in goose bumps.
Sitting back, he pulled at my dress until it was free from my body. I waited for him to finish undressing me, but he didn’t move.
“Ryland?” I asked, sitting up on my arms.
“You’re gorgeous,” he breathed.
He pulled my panties down my legs when he knelt between my thighs. He was completely naked too. I pushed myself up so I could touch his bare chest.
“This is how I see,” I said, lightly touching his chest. I looked toward his shadow. “Can I see you, Ryland?”
He let out a controlled breath. “Yes. Please.”
I moved until I was on my knees in front of him. I heard him suck in a deep breath, but he didn’t release it. I ran my fingers over his lips.
“Breathe,” I told him, and slowly I felt his warm breath against my fingers.
I moved my fingers down his face, enjoying the way his hair tickled my fingers and then explored his chest. My hands moved over the smooth dips and curves of his muscled chest, over his shoulders and down his arms.
I followed the same route back, moving lower until my palms smoothed over his stomach. I enjoyed the low growl he made when my finger traced the outline of his hips.
“You’re so smooth and hard,” I told him and felt his chest move in laughter. “What?” My entire body blushed when I heard my own words. “Oh,” was all I could say.
“You’re so sweet to tease, hummingbird. I’m dying a slow death right now.”
“I like touching you.” I confessed.
“I like that you like it.”
“I want…”
“What? What do you want?”
“I want to touch more of you… All of you.”
“I couldn’t stop you even if I wanted to, hummingbird. And I definitely don’t want to.”
His last word ended on a groan when my fingers closed around him. He was breathing loudly and I could feel his pulse beating wildly against my palm. He really was smooth and hard. Very hard. I petted and stroked him, loving the warmth he gave off. The noises he made only encouraged me more, and my touch became bolder.
“Araya!” he growled and his hand wrapped around mine, stilling it.
My enjoyment quickly dissolved and I tried to pull my hand back, but he wouldn’t let me.
His other arm crushed me to him and his lips came down hard on mine. His tongue pushed its way deep into my mouth over and over until I was dizzy.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Please don’t move. I don’t want to lose control yet and you’re about to make me.”
My entire body flushed. “So I wasn’t… doing it wrong.”
“God, no! Nothing has ever felt so right, Araya. I promise you that.”
“Does that mean I can’t touch you anymore?”
He laughed. “Not just yet. I need to get under control again and I can’t do that when you’re touching me. But if it makes you feel any better, I really want you to keep touching me too.”
I hand wrapped around him tighter as I pulled it away and he buried his face into my neck and groaned.
“You’re cruel, hummingbird. My turn,” he said, and I gasped as I felt his teeth against my skin.
He pushed me back, his body covering mine, and I realized how perfectly we fit together. I could see how beautiful he looked.
My heart pounded harder when I felt him move between my thighs and my hips lifted, moving against him. He growled softly, dropping his head into my neck, and pinned my hips still with his. My exploring made my body hungry and ready for something more.
“None of that, hummingbird. I want you so bad right now and if I feel you m
ove against me like that I’m going to lose myself in you… and I want to make this last as long as I can.”
His hands moved over my hip and his fingers trailed a line along the underside of my thigh down to the curve of my knee and he pulled my leg up higher and wrapped it around his waist.
He pushed against me and my back arched off the ground. He was quick to take full advantage, slipping his arm under me and pulling me up to his open mouth. His breath was hot against my skin and his teeth closed over the curve of flesh that swelled against the edge of my bra. His fingers found the clasp and the sheer material fell away from my body.
“Do I get to touch you now? I’ve been dying to touch you since I met you. The few times I have, it’s never enough. It will never be enough.”
I nodded and my eyes slid closed when his palms moved over my chest and covered my breasts. He tortured my nipples with his thumbs, sweeping back and forth over them, and they responded to his demands. I shivered when he bent over me, blowing lightly.
His mouth was hot and wet as he placed it over my nipple, sucking it into his mouth. I cried out as a warm burst of pleasure spilled between my thighs. Digging my fingernails into his back, he moved to the other side, creating another wave of sweet torture. He followed suit with the other side, and I buried my fingers in his hair, gripping fistfuls.
“Ryland…” I moaned, twisting against him
“Yes, hummingbird?”
I didn’t know what I was asking him or if I was asking him anything at all. I just knew I didn’t want him to stop touching me.
“I like the way your stubble feels against me.”
He smiled against my skin and moved his cheek back and forth over my nipple. I cried out, arching against his touch, and he did it again.
His lips followed his fingers down my ribs, counting each one as he went. His tongue dipped into my belly button, and when he blew on it softly, I sucked in a breath. He kissed each of my hipbones and ran his hands down my thighs. Pushing them open, the backs of his fingers moved up the inside. My hips twisted, wanting something, and I wasn’t entirely sure I knew what that was.
“I want you to feel pleasure before you feel pain. I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s your first time and there’s nothing I can do about that.”
I was in my own little haze and I didn’t have time to fully register what he meant before I felt his fingers brush against me. I gasped and my fingers twisted into the blanket as a raw burst of fire ignited my bones. My hips lifted, searching for more of his touch, and he gave my body what it was desperately demanding.
His fingers explored further, circling the knot of flesh, and stroked until I couldn’t stand it anymore. His fingers moved, slipping in me, and everything faded away. I’d never experienced anything like this before and I thought I was going to melt away. He pushed deeper and I cried his name, pulling at him until he was covering me again. I could still feel his fingers and I pushed against his hand.
“You’re so damn tight,” he said against my lips, and he moved again.
His mouth covered mine and his tongue matched the rhythm of his fingers. A pleasure I couldn’t describe no matter how hard I tried consumed my body. It was darker than the world I lived in and the intensity of it gripped my muscles, constricting them. I held on to the feeling, letting it control my body. I felt the warmth spill from me, and Ryland moaned, but it wasn’t enough for me. Not nearly enough.
I twisted restlessly under his body as mine demanded something more. It built until I was clawing at Ryland for relief.
“Please, Ryland.” I begged.
“Tell me, Araya,” he whispered fiercely, pushing deeper.
“I want you, Ryland! Now and forever!”
I felt him move and I then could feel him inside of me, teasing me, and I wanted more. I lifted my hips, but again he pinned me down with his.
“Don’t move, Araya. I’m trying not to hurt you.”
“You won’t, Ryland,” I said, lifting my hips again. “I can’t help it.”
With a strangled sound, he pushed inside of me, filling me. I cried out as I felt the sting of pain consume me and I arched into him. My fingers dug into his back and pain was all I could feel.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated over and over, kissing my lips. “Don’t move, please don’t move, Araya,” he pleaded, waiting for the pain to subside. “God, you feel so damn good.”
When I no longer felt the pain, my body took over and I started moving my hips.
“I’m okay now.” I reassured him when he hesitated to match my movements. “Please, Ryland, I need you.”
It was all he needed to hear before he started to move in and out of me. His strokes were long and deep as he pushed into me. The pleasure became so intense.
I couldn’t handle it and I begged him for release. He moved faster and harder, persuading my body let go, and I did. I exploded into a million fiery sparks and my body clenched around his as my release took over.
In that moment, I slipped over the edge of darkness and I became Ryland’s forever.
***
That night I lay in bed thinking about Ryland and my afternoon with him. My body was a mix of feeling sore and renewed. I smiled into my pillow when I thought about my last conversation with Ryland.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not in any pain? Are you still…?” His question trailed before he got the whole thing out.
“I’m fine.” I tried to reassure him again.
He kissed me softly and leaned his forehead into mine. “Have I told you how incredibly amazing this afternoon was?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t hurt to be told again.” I smiled and he kissed me until I was breathless
He was right, though. Everything had been amazing. He had been amazing. He awakened something inside of me that I didn’t know existed, but I loved whatever it was. He’d been right. I was broken, just lost, and he had found me.
Araya
Twenty-Nine
“Ryland is having a birthday dinner at his house tomorrow night and he asked me to go,” I announced quickly over breakfast that morning.
In the weeks that followed my afternoon with Ryland, I’d never been happier, and at times I felt like I should feel guilty, but I knew my mom wouldn’t want that.
My afternoons spent with Careless became less and less as Ryland and I got closer. It got harder and harder to have to come back to this place at the end of each day.
Neither Nina nor Carl said anything at first, and I prepared myself for a fight. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“Tell him we said happy birthday,” Nina said.
“What? That’s it?” I was confused.
“Did you expect us to say something else? You sound like you’re excited about it.”
“I am… so I can go?”
“Yes, but I can’t take you.”
“That’s fine. Joseph, their driver, is going to pick me up.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“Thank you,” I said slowly, still expecting them to laugh in my face and scream, “Just kidding!”
I was left with the nagging feeling that was easier than it should have been
***
“How about this dress? Shit! Why do I keep doing that?!” Careless cursed and I laughed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s habit. It’s okay. Just pick something that will knock their socks off. I trust you.”
“Their socks? Or Ryland’s socks?” She teased.
Careless knew that Ryland and I were getting closer, but she didn’t know exactly how close we’d become.
“Your brothers, definitely, but I need to make a better impression than I did the last time I attempted dinner with your family.”
“If you ask me, they’re the ones who need to be worried about making a good impression. They acted like asshats the last time.”
I could hear her rummaging through the dresses on the racks.
I was perfectly fine wearing something of hers,
she had a closet full of dresses she would never wear, but she wanted me to have something of my own and insisted that we go shopping.
Careless was difficult, but she loved being a girl and she loved shopping. After she’d picked herself up off the ground when I told her how long it had been since I’d been shopping, we were on our way to her favorite stores. We also had plans to get our hair and nails done too because Careless thought it was a crime that I hadn’t ever had a manicure.
“Lots of people haven’t had their nails done.”
“And I’ll be praying for their souls tonight too.”
I laughed.
“You know it’s not important to Ryland for them to like you.”
“No, I know, but I want them to like me.”
“Trust me, Araya, they’re bad news and you’re better off keeping your distance. They’re evil spawns of the devil himself, and they will suck the life from you. As soon as I’m free, I’ll be putting as much distance between me and them as I can.”
She played the indifference role to perfection, but I had the feeling if she could have it the other way around, she would.
“Where will you go?”
“I’m not sure yet. I want to go to college, but I’m not sure if that’s going to work out.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. I’m just being whiny,” she said dismissively.
“Ryland told me you’re graduating soon. He’s so proud of you. They both are. I mean Sebastian too. I think it’s cute how protective both your brothers are.”
“You really like him, don’t you?” she said, and I knew she was watching me.
“Actually, I love him. I know you didn’t want me to and I know you think Ryland isn’t a forever kind of guy… Well, actually he told me that—”
“He did?” she said quickly.
“Yep, but I think he’s changing his mind about the whole forever thing.” I smiled.
I thought of the last month and I couldn’t help but slip into a dreamy state of happiness.
“I’m sorry, Araya,” Careless whispered. “I wish I had done things differently and I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”
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