Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

“Okay, I’m ready.”

  When we got to the top of the stairs, he held out his elbow for me. It was cold outside and the vow of rain lingered in the air. I rubbed my arms while Sebastian opened the door for me. I didn’t take a full breath until I was in his car and we’d put distance between the apartment and us. Even if I could see, looking back was something I had no interest in doing.

  ***

  “Can I get you anything?” Sebastian asked me nervously for the second time in five minutes.

  He fidgeted, switching between pacing and playing with his keys or change in his pockets. The Dare brothers had the same nervous expressions, and it made me smile.

  “I already asked that, didn’t I?”

  My eyebrows rose and I lifted my face toward his rough voice. It wasn’t smooth and firm like Ryland’s. Years of drinking, bars, and underground fighting rings filled with second-hand smoke and God knows what else had changed it. It wasn’t unpleasant though.

  “It’s okay.” I reassured him. “Do you want something?”

  Maybe if I left the room long enough he would relax and then maybe I could. Right now I felt like any small noise was going to send us up in the air, gripping the ceiling like a terrified cat.

  “Uh… no. I’m good.” He had a frown in his voice. “How…?” He couldn’t help but ask.

  “I’ve been taking care of myself for four years now. I know my way around the kitchen.” I smiled.

  “No, I’m good.”

  He was the only Dare sibling that I hadn’t spent most of my summer with. He wasn’t used to being around me, and he did what every seeing person would do—used gestures instead of expressions. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been blind all my life, but I could tell when they inserted a head nod or tilt before they actually said anything. It was just instinct.

  “I don’t know when Ryland will be back,” he said, filling the silence with an offside apology.

  “It’s okay.” I clasped my hands between my legs. “You don’t have to be nervous around me. I know it takes a while to get used to...” I waved my hand in front of my eyes.

  “Is that why you think I’m nervous?”

  I frowned. “Well, I did. Why, if that’s not it?”

  “Truth or dare, Red?”

  I smiled. So apparently he wasn’t the only Dare who liked to use his last name to pick up girls. Not that he was trying to pick me up.

  I thought about it for a minute and took a deep breath. “Ask me again after I’ve talk to Ryland.”

  I know he felt like he needed to fill the brief inserts of silence with conversation, but it wasn’t needed. I had so many things on my mind. I welcomed the chance to get my thoughts in order, but to Sebastian, it was awkward silence.

  “Do you mind if I lie down?”

  I knew he wasn’t going to relax until I was occupied, and even though his discomfort was kind of amusing, I felt for him.

  “Yeah.” He jumped from his chair and I could almost feel his relief.

  His dark shadow hovered above me, blocking out the sunlight from the window.

  “Take my hand and I’ll help you.”

  I reached out until my fingers found his. His hands were firm and warm and his fingers wrapped around mine as he pulled me up, leading me down a hallway. He opened a door and there was no hint of light or even windows. It was so dark.

  “This room doesn’t have a light and the windows are covered in those tinted screen thingies, but it’s the only room with a bed.”

  I didn’t feel the need to remind him I lived in my own personal darkness, permanently. I didn’t need light. I took a step into the room and he surprised me when his hand touched my back.

  “I’m just going to show you to the bed,” he explained. “It’s right here,” he said, planting me next to the bed. “If you need anything, just holler.”

  He moved toward the door, and I stopped him before he could leave.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “For everything.”

  He was quiet for a moment and then I felt him push my hair aside, but his touch didn’t linger. It was just enough to confuse me.

  “Don’t mention it.” And then he was gone.

  I lay down thinking there was no way I was going to be able to sleep, but after ten minutes, I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

  I woke with my name being called again, but this time I welcomed the sound. Rolling onto my side, I sighed as Ryland’s forehead touched mine.

  “Hi,” I whispered.

  “Hi.” His tone was controlled, but I could tell the hold was fragile. The slightest thing was going to set him off.

  His fingers brushed across my bruised cheek and I tried not to flinch, but my skin was sensitive and I grimaced. He shot up and the heavy sound of his footsteps moving across the floor told me he was pacing.

  I pushed myself up into a sitting position and swiped the tangled curls out of my face, waiting for him to calm down. Anything I tried to say was going to make it worse. So I waited for the storm to pass.

  “I’m going to kill them for thinking they can lay a hand on you without any consequences.”

  Still I waited, saying nothing. He wasn’t going to listen to anything beyond his own angry threats.

  “Did they think they could just ship you off and I would just roll over and let them keep you from me? J.D.’s got a lot of nerve. He’s always playing one step ahead of everyone. I should have seen this coming. I never should have left you there by yourself!”

  By the end of his last confession, his fire was starting to simmer. The bed dipped under his weight and he crushed me to him, his lips finding mine. The small sound of surprise that escaped my lips was lost in his kiss.

  I expected it to be rough, but his mouth was gentle as it curved around mine. My lips parted under the tender persuasion of his, and my tongue was inviting him in before he could do anything. He growled deep in his throat and pulled me into his lap. His tongue slipped over mine, swirling and dipping until I was left panting.

  “I hate that you had to go through that alone. I haven’t even asked if you’re okay.”

  He was still holding me close. Close enough that our lips brushed across each other’s when we spoke.

  “I’m fine. Sort of.” I smiled. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you before they came and got me. I almost forgot about the phone.” I moved far enough back so I could pull it from my sweater pocket. I rocked it back and forth in my hand to show him.

  “I would have found you. I promise you that, hummingbird.”

  “What do we do now?” I asked.

  He moved from the bed and started pacing again.

  “You’ll stay here for now,” he finally said. “We have plenty of time to figure out everything else. I promise.”

  “Will Sebastian be okay with that? Me staying here, I mean?”

  “Of course he will. Besides, it’ll only be for a little while. I’ll get us our own place.”

  “Us?” I said, taken back.

  He stopped and was back on the bed again. “Yes, us. Is that okay? Would you want to live with me? I could get you an apartment of your own for now—”

  “No,” I said too loudly and my face lit up with a happiness that was both old and new. “I’d love to live with you.”

  I pulled him to me and kissed him hard. When he finally pulled back, I was breathless and my lips felt swollen.

  “You’ll never have to go back there again, Araya. I love you and I won’t lose you.”

  “You love me?” I whispered and felt like my heart was going to explode.

  I’d waited so long to hear him say it, and every time we were together and he hadn’t, I felt like I was never going to. Now that I had, I never wanted him to stop saying it.

  “Of course I love you. I probably fell in love with you the moment I met you, Araya. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realize it or to tell you.”

  His fingers combed through my hair and cupped the side of my cheek, pulling me in close
.

  “I think I fell in love with you the moment I met you too, Ryland.”

  “Thank you for changing my life, hummingbird.”

  I laughed and started to cry at the same time. Throwing my arms around his neck, I pulled his lips to mine. Thirty minutes later, I was curled against his side and running my fingers across his naked chest. I was blissfully happy.

  I rested my chin on his head and my hair fanned out around his ribs. The sound of rain hitting the window in the bedroom was soothing.

  “Do you think Sebastian is going to be upset after what we just did in his bed?” I asked, and I could feel the warmth covering my cheeks and neck.

  He laughed. “You mean is he going to be upset because his little brother got straddled by an outrageously sexy redhead in his bed? Upset? Honestly, I’m finding it hard to care right now. Jealous? Definitely!”

  “Ryland!” I hit his chest and he laughed, rolling on top of me.

  “We’re definitely going to have to get our own place and soon.” He kissed my nose. “We probably should give him his room back. He’s fighting tonight.”

  He got out of the bed and I rolled over, pulling the sheet with me. I watched his dark shadow dance across the space in front of me as he got dressed and wished until I ached that I could see how beautiful he looked naked.

  I sighed, bringing his attention to me. He squatted next to the side of the bed.

  “What’s wrong, hummingbird?”

  “It’s not fair.” I pouted.

  I could hear the smile in his words. “What’s not fair?” He kissed my lower lip and then pulled it between his lips.

  When he released it, I was able to answer him. “It’s not fair that I don’t get to see you naked.”

  He laughed and kissed my nose. “You’re not missing much.”

  “Liar.”

  “Come on and I’ll help you get dressed.”

  I sat up and let the sheet fall to my waist. I liked feeling so free around Ryland. I wasn’t embarrassed or shy to be with him this way. He made me feel beautiful and I loved hearing his reactions.

  “Araya,” he warned on a growl, and my lips tilted into a knowing smile.

  “Yes?” I replied innocently.

  He was hovering over me before I could blink and I fell back on my elbows. His breath was warm against my skin as he kissed each rib. His tongue made a trail up between my breasts and I shivered and my head fell back when it dipped into the hollow at my throat.

  He nipped at my collarbone and I moaned, when his hand covered my breast and his thumb swept across the center and it hardened in response. His name was a soft cry on my lips as he blew lightly over my nipple.

  “You started it.” He taunted and then his lips closed over the tight bud, sucking it into his mouth.

  I moaned and my back arched, pushing it farther into his mouth. His teeth closed around it gently and an electric shock ran down between my legs.

  He shifted on the bed and then the sheet was completely gone. The material rippled in the air as he threw it uncaringly from the bed. He pushed my legs open, running the back of his fingers down the inside of my thigh and over the center of my heat until I was trembling.

  His fingers pushed inside me and his thumb was making lazy circles over the knot of sensitive flesh until I saw white sparks. When he finished, I was clinging to him, breathless and spent.

  Five minutes later, Ryland finished getting dressed and handed me my own clothes. I was sitting at the edge of the bed, holding them to my chest.

  “Are you sure I can’t help you get dressed?”

  I smiled. “I’m fine. I’ve been getting myself dressed in the dark just fine.”

  He pulled me from the bed and into his arms, nuzzling the side of my neck.

  “It’s not that I don’t think you can do it yourself. It’s that I can’t keep my hands off you longer than five minutes at a time, and this gives me a chance to touch your beautiful, naked body.”

  There was a knock at the door and Sebastian’s rough voice came.

  “Umm, do you think I could get in there before round three starts?”

  “Oh my God.” I moaned in embarrassment and hid my flaming face in Ryland’s shirt.

  “Was that Araya?” Sebastian asked. “Am I too late?”

  Ryland bent over and threw something at the door.

  “Next time,” he vowed, kissing my forehead, “in our own place. Get dressed and I’ll meet you in the living room. I’m starving, woman.”

  He pulled the door open and I heard Sebastian’s voice in the doorway.

  “How could you not be after that? I’m starving and I wasn’t even there.”

  “Shut up, Sebastian.” Ryland warned and pulled me to him.

  I felt if I got any hotter, my face was going to explode from the pressure.

  Fifteen minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom and made my way down the hall, feeling the wall as I went. Before I could make it into the living room on my own, Ryland was there, helping me.

  “Thank you,” I said when he moved me to the couch.

  I didn’t feel the need to tell him he didn’t have to help me each time.

  “Where’s Sebastian?”

  “Still in the room getting ready. Do you want to eat in or out?”

  “In,” I replied with a slow smile.

  He laughed and kissed my lips. “I like the way you think, hummingbird. How about Chinese?” He knelt in front of me. “We can eat on the floor and feed each other. Or I can eat noodles off your body,” he said, kissing the side of my neck. “Sebastian needs to invest in a fur rug.”

  “Chinese sounds amazing,” I breathed.

  “Chinese it is, then. Have you had Chinese before? If not, you’re missing out.”

  “Maybe,” I said, trying to think. “If I have, I don’t remember.”

  He went silent and I heard him messing with something.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, tilting my head toward the sound.

  “Leaving myself a reminder on my phone,” he said, distracted, and then he put his phone away. He stood up, walking around the room. “I’ll order and then go pick it up. Sebastian will be here while I’m gone.”

  “I’m okay, Ryland. I don’t need a babysitter.”

  He was at my side again, pushing my hair away from my face.

  “That’s not what I meant, Araya. I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to worry about me so much. I’ve taken care of myself just fine the last few years.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. Sebastian isn’t leaving until later so he’ll be here, not for you, but because this is his apartment.” He teased.

  “Much better.” I kissed him. I wasn’t ever going to get tired of doing that. “What were you reminding yourself?”

  “What?” he asked, confused.

  “In your phone? You said you were leaving yourself a reminder.”

  “Oh, that. It was nothing. I have to call my advisor tomorrow.”

  “For school? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m just going to let him know I won’t be finishing the semester.”

  “What? Why not?” My first thought was that J.D. had cut him off.

  “We’re going to be busy. Getting an apartment and moving in. I want to make sure you’re settled and comfortable before I even think about going back to school. I know you think you can take care of yourself, but you’ll be in new surroundings. It’s going to take time. Plus, I have some money saved, but I tried not to touch J.D.’s money, so I’ll need to get a job too, but you don’t have to worry about any of that.”

  “You can’t quit school, Ryland.” I tried to stay calm.

  “I’m not quitting. I’m just taking the semester off. People do it all the time. It’s not a big deal.”

  I thought it was a very big deal. “You can’t spend your life trying to take care of me. I don’t want our relationship to be like that! I want us to be equal.”

  “Hey.” He
took my hands between his and kissed my fingertips. “We are equal, hummingbird,” he insisted. “You don’t have to worry about this, okay? I’ll take care of it.”

  “How are we equal if you’re trying to take care of everything without me? You just decided all of this without even asking if I’m okay about it.”

  “I knew you’d try to talk me out of it, and I didn’t want you to worry about it. I will go back to school next year. Okay?”

  I felt like someone had sucked all the air out of the room and I was having a hard time catching my breath.

  J.D.’s words came back to taunt me as I tried to absorb everything Ryland just said. He was quitting school? He said for the rest of the semester, but what happens if one semester turned into another and another until he finally just quit.

  He wanted to take care of me because he thought I was too fragile to take care of myself. He wanted to get a job and leave school to… babysit me. He wouldn’t see it like that at first, but later when he realized he didn’t have a life because he was so busy trying to take care of everything, because he didn’t trust that I could take care of myself, he would resent me.

  I couldn’t stomach the thought that our life would turn into his parents’. I couldn’t let him do this. I wouldn’t.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  He smoothed his hand down the side of my head and his fingers curled around the back of my neck, pulling me in to kiss my forehead.

  “I’ll order in the car. I’ll be right back.”

  “Ryland,” I said urgently and stood.

  He was still so close that I molded against him. My fingers found his neck and I moved them up until I could trace the lines of his features and then ran my fingers down his face.

  I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him softly at first, but the need to taste all of him drove me to explore further. My tongue swirled inside his mouth and over his tongue. I nipped at his lips, pushing farther.

  I was gripping his shirt, holding back the urge to cry, and his fingers were tangled in my hair when I finally pulled away. We stood like that for a minute and the warm pants of our breath bathed our moist lips.

  “That was a hell of a kiss, hummingbird,” he exclaimed, and I kissed the corners of his grin.

  “I love you,” I whispered.