Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Erin, baby. Please answer or call me back. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you about Olivia, but baby, I was scared. Please call me or something. Let me know that you’re okay. Please.” I walk up the stairs and go into our bedroom. Her vanilla scent fills our room. I love how she smells. My face goes diving first into our bed. Wrapping my head around the fucked up day makes me nauseous, and I’m ready to tear the room apart.

  I toss my phone on the kitchen counter, go to the liquor cabinet, and pull out a bottle of scotch. Pouring the dark brown liquid in a glass and tossing it back, the liquid burns my throat and I want more. I pour a few more glasses and bring the bottle to the deck. The suns out and it’s cool outside but I don’t give a shit. Messing up with Erin is the last thing I want to do. The image of her broken heart flashes through my mind. I can’t get rid of it. I bring the bottle to my lips and drink more. The pain in my heart and chest build and the lump in the back of my throat.

  She’s the best thing that’s happened to me. She completes me and makes me brave, but I’m blind. Erin doesn’t deserve this, and I should’ve told her. I keep drinking to try to block out the pain but there’s no use. It feels like hours that I’ve been out here. Getting up from the chair, I walk back inside and leave the empty bottle of scotch on the counter. I look at the time and it’s nearly five in the afternoon. “Shit,” I mutter. Picking up my phone, I see that I have fifteen missed calls and ten messages. “Oh no! NO!” I read my messages from Adam and Sophia asking where I am and to come to the hospital. “Shit!” I know I’m in no condition to drive so I call Steven to see if he can come get me. He lets me know he’ll be here in five minutes. I run to the bathroom, brush my teeth and splash water on my face.

  Fuck!

  I can’t be drunk when I go see Erin.

  “Oh, no,” I yell. I click on Sophia’s number and call her. She answers on the second ring, “What happened?” My head starts pounding.

  “Connor, get to the hospital now,” she cries. “Please, just hurry.”

  The five minutes go by slowly as I’m pacing the front porch waiting for Steven. When he pulls up to the side of the house, I run as fast as I can to get to him. I open the passenger door and jump in. “Hospital, now! Please, Steven.”

  “Okay, Connor.” He looks at me through the rear view mirror and tosses me back a bottle of water. “Drink this, son. You look like shit.”

  Twisting off the bottle cap, I bring the water bottle to my lips and let the cold water go down my throat. Steven drives fast to the hospital. It’s as if he knows what’s going on without me telling him. The lump of sickness is in the back of my throat. Something tells me that it’s going to get worse before things get better. I’m a fool, simple as that. Erin keeps giving me chances, and I mess up every single time. I keep telling myself that I’ll be better, and I’ll put her first but I always seem to forget about her and put her last. I blink away the tears and lean my head back.

  “Please, God,” I whisper, “Please don’t take Erin or our baby away.”

  “Connor, have faith. It’ll be all right. I know it.”

  “I don’t know, Steven. I fucked up, and now Erin’s in the hospital.”

  “You and Erin are two souls that have a strong and unbreakable bond. She loves you, son. Just like you love her. True love conquers all and I know it’s hard to believe now, but you’ll see.”

  His words hit me.

  Hard.

  I feel little.

  I feel like my world is falling apart.

  I pray that Erin’s okay.

  I pray that our baby is okay.

  We get to the hospital and I run inside asking where Erin is. Adam’s in the waiting room with his arms on his knees, looking down at the ground. “Adam!”

  He gets up and walks over to me. “Come on, man. Erin’s waiting for you.”

  We go through the white automatic double doors, and I follow Adam to get to Erin. When I walk in, Erin’s lying on her side and Sophia’s sitting by her side, holding her hand. There are wires all over and machines beeping. I look around the small room and let out a breath of relief.

  “Erin?” Erin and Sophia look at me, and I walk over to her and kiss the top of her head. I hope she can forgive me and that we’re okay. I can’t lose her or the baby. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, kissing her head and touching her face.

  “No more lies,” Erin softly says. “We’re supposed to be in this together, and I don’t want any more surprises, okay?” I nod my head. “Everything’s fine, babe. Just the doctors want me to rest more, and no more stress.”

  Thank God. Hearing that she’s okay and the baby is fine takes a weight off my shoulders. The guilt consumes me, and she’s right, no more lies. I can’t lie to her anymore or keep things from her. I don’t know how much she wants to know, but I’m willing to tell her everything so that this never happens again.

  The doctor and nurse come in to see us. They explain that the stress needs to be maintained, and they want to keep Erin overnight. They did more tests, and the baby’s fine and healthy, so that’s good but Erin needs to stay in bed for a few weeks. We thank the doctor and nurse, and I get situated on the couch.

  “We’re going to head home but call us if you need anything,” Adam says, hugging Erin and holding Sophia.

  “Sounds good, I’ll walk you two out.” I kiss Erin on the forehead. “I’ll be back, baby.”

  “Thanks, everyone,” she tiredly says before drifting off to sleep.

  We walk out of the room and Sophia turns to look at me. There’s hate and fear in her eyes, and I’m scared as shit to hear what she has to say.

  “You should be ashamed...” Sophia’s voice trails off when Adam looks at her again.

  “Pretty girl, stop. Please?”

  “Ugh, whatever.”

  “Pretty girl,” Adam says again, taking her hand in his. “Alright, so what happened?”

  “Olivia and I had a one-night stand. She got pregnant then had a miscarriage. I helped her out a little bit and then she got fired, so I kept giving her three thousand a month but then she asked for five thousand, and if I didn’t agree she was going to the press about it. I thought giving her the money would keep her happy and save the company’s rep. We have the Cali deal, Adam.”

  “Before or after she tried stealing Adam?!”

  “Sophia!” Adam looks at her again but his look doesn’t faze her this time.

  “I don’t care, Adam! I want to know!”

  “Before. We didn’t want anyone knowing about what happened.” No matter how many times I say it or how many times I think I did the right thing, I know that I didn’t. I should’ve been honest with everyone and tried to get help before this all blew up in my face. Erin’s right, how could I do this to us?

  “It’s the past man. She’s going to forgive you. You just need to give her time, ya know?” Adam says reassuringly, but a part of me knows how Erin can hold a grudge for a while. Being around my two best friends usually helps me put things in perspective but right now, all I want is to make sure Erin’s okay.

  Sophia comes over to give me a hug. “No more secrets, Connor.”

  I squeeze her tight and nod my head yes. Walking back to Erin’s room, I take a deep breath and go inside. I smile looking at her and how peaceful she looks. I sit down next to her and before she says anything, she’s in my arms and I’m holding onto her as if she would leave again. I feel her heart beating fast against my chest. Her breathing is growing faster as she rests her head on my chest.

  “Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Olivia. I’m sorry for lying and I’m sorry for giving her money. I didn’t know what else to do, and I wanted to protect the company and you. When you left, it broke me.” I take another deep breath and try to not sound like a little bitch. “Just tell me you forgive me because I can’t lose you or baby.”

  “Love’s a fight, Connor, but a good fight. We’re in this war together and breaking up isn’t an option.” Erin’s soothing words tr
ickle into me. She forgives me and we’re not breaking up. She’s staying in my life, and we’re going to have the ending we both want.

  “How’d I get lucky to have you in my life?”

  Erin kisses the tip of my nose and cradles my face. “I’m the lucky one.”

  The next day, Erin is released and we head home. I text Aly and have her schedule a massage therapist to meet at the house in an hour. I want Erin to be fully relaxed and to stop stressing. This is the second time she’s been in the hospital and each time it takes a piece of me. I hate myself, and what I did to her. If only I could’ve been honest from the start. Erin looks at me and smiles. “Stop blaming yourself. I understand why you kept it from me.”

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I really am. It kills me when I have to see you in the hospital.” She doesn’t say anything, instead she squeezes my hand, and we drive in silence. When we pull into the driveway, I help Erin out of the car and into the house. Once she’s all settled in the living room, I have food ordered from Zedd’s and pull out my laptop to check my emails. When the doorbell rings, I get up and answer the door.

  “Hi, Mr. Simpson,” the older lady states, carrying a large bag. “Aly called me and told me to come over. I’m Heidi.”

  “Nice to meet you, Heidi. Call me Connor. Come in and I’ll bring you to the living room and you can meet my fiancée, Erin.”

  Heidi and I walk over to Erin and she looks up with a confused look on her face. “Connor?”

  “Baby, this is Heidi. She’s here to give you a massage.” Erin’s eyes go wide and she runs over to me.

  “Thank you so much, Connor!”

  “Go enjoy it, babe.” I kiss her forehead and leave so she can finally relax.

  Two hours later, and I’m finally done working for the night. Things have been quiet, and it’s nice to work from home, and knowing Erin’s okay. I get up from my computer chair, stretch my arms, and head out to the living room. Heidi comes walking my way. “How’d everything go?”

  “She’s nice and relaxed.” She nods her head to the direction of the living room. “Knocked out, so be gentle,” she laughs.

  I pull out my wallet and hand her three hundred dollars. “Thanks again for coming on short notice and making Erin feel better. I’ll have Aly call you again.”

  “Thanks, Connor. Have a nice night.”

  “You as well.”

  I walk Heidi out and lock the door after watching her get into her car. I turn on the porch light and set the alarm. Walking back to Erin, I scoop her in my arms as she rests her head on my chest, mumbling how much she loves me. She wraps her arms around my neck and slowly starts to wake up.

  “Babe, you’re the best.”

  “Anything for you.”

  When we get to the room, Erin gets under the covers and lies on her side. She pats my side of the bed and motions for me to come over to her. The heat from Erin’s face presses against my face. I look into her eyes and see her wide desire and want. Her heart beats faster on my chest as I take my time to touch and admire every part of her body. The sexual tension in the air looms over our heads. “Baby, you’re driving me crazy.” I struggle to say with pain in my voice. “We can’t do anything. Your doctor wants you to rest.”

  Erin’s sexy smile makes my dick jump in my pants. I can’t stand not being inside of her and feeling her come while screaming my name. Her smile is my undoing—Erin’s my lifeline and without her, what’s the point of going on?

  Slowly, she gets out of bed and my embrace. Standing in front of me, she starts to take off her sweater and jeans. My own private show. “Damn, Erin.” I slide off the bed and pull her to me. She’s standing in front of me in her lacey purple bra and thong. My lips touch her bare shoulder and her intoxicating kiss makes me growl and want more. I swiftly pick her up and lay her down on our bed. Taking my time, I kiss every inch of her body and greedily take off her bra and thong.

  “You’re so beautiful, baby,” I whisper, kissing her on the lips. “I love you so much.”

  “Connor, I love you, too. Doctor Benson said it’s okay if we have sex. I asked her after my massage. She just doesn’t want me working. So if you don’t get inside of me, I’m going to be so mad!”

  How can I say no and make her wait? I take off my clothes and slide into Erin without hesitation. My hands are gripping her hips as I slide in and out of her wetness.

  “Yes! Connor! Oh my God! Harder, please.”

  Our eyes meet and the desire in her eyes keeps me going. The passion is growing as Erin clutches herself around me. Pumping in and out of Erin, her body starts shaking and she closes her eyes. “Erin, keep your eyes open. I want to see you come.” Slowly her eyes open, licking her lips and wrapping her legs tighter around my waist. “I’m about to come!”

  “Fuck, Connor.”

  In seconds, I release myself in her as she screams out my name a few times along with some other interesting words. “Sex God, huh?” I laugh, lying down next to her.

  “Shut up!” Erin gets up to use the bathroom before coming to bed. Once she’s all set, she comes back and slides under the covers next to me. Resting her head on my bare chest, her fingers entwine with mine and she lets out a soft sigh.

  “What’s wrong?” I kiss the top of her head and twirl a strand of her hair in my fingers.

  “Nothing. You just make me so happy, Connor.”

  “You’ll never know how much you mean to me, Erin. You’re my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. You and this baby are my world, and I’ll do everything and anything to make sure you are both safe and happy.”

  Bringing Erin closer to me, I give her a soft kiss on her lips and we both fall asleep.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Erin

  I’ve been home for a few days since being in the hospital. Things are better between us, and the baby is doing good, too. Doctor Benson is nervous with my stress and blood pressure, so I’m taking it easy and making sure no one or anything gives me stress. The pregnancy is going well besides being in the hospital, but I’m hardly getting sick and baby’s heartbeat is still strong and well.

  I’m in Connor’s arms, and he’s still fast asleep. I touch my stomach and whisper good morning to my precious baby.

  “Still sleepy, baby?” I ask my small bump, wondering how baby is doing. Not a lot of activity throughout the night, which is good so I can sleep without being kicked. “I hope you’re okay, sweetie. God, I can’t wait to meet you. Do you know how many people can’t wait to meet you? Your daddy is so happy, and I promise that mommy will be better. No more stress. I’m so sorry, baby.” A tear falls from my eye, and I think about being in the hospital and all the pain. Our baby needs to be first, and I need to slow down with my life. “I promise you I’ll be better, okay?” I make a heart shape over my small bump and tell baby how much he/she means to me.

  I look at Connor and watch his chest rise and fall with each breath. He truly is the most beautiful man ever. I let out a sigh and crawl out of bed. I make my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. The sun is slowly rising, and I take the opportunity to stand outside and take it all in. I feel better—as if a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders. I close my eyes and say a quiet prayer. Praying that our relationship won’t hit any more bumps. The doorbell rings, taking me out of my spaced out mind. The bell rings again, and when I open the door and see Vander is on the other side with three cups of coffee and a brown bag.

  “Morning, baby doll.”

  “Morning. Come in.” I look inside the bag to try to see what he has.

  “Where’s that beautiful man of yours?” Vander asks looking around the room.

  I laugh and loop my arm through his. “He’s still sleeping. What are you doing here so early?

  “Don’t you have papers for me to sign?”

  “Oh, yeah.” Running to my desk in my office, I grab the stacks of paper and meet Vander in the kitchen. There are muffins and bagels spread on a plate on the kitchen table with coffee and juice
. “Vander! Oh my gosh, thank you!”

  Vander strolls over and puts his arm around me. He kisses the side of my head and looks proud of what he’s done. “Anytime, alright, let’s get this thing started!” My stomach growls and Vander starts laughing.

  We sit down at the table and talk more about the house and his plans with Curtis. Everything is going really well for Vander, and I’m happy for him. We’ve gotten close over the last few weeks, and I love having him around. He smiles and laughs when he talks about Curtis and their dates.

  “I’m glad you’re happy, honey.”

  Vander takes my hand and smiles. “Me, too, baby doll.”

  We finish eating, and Vander leaves to head to the hospital. I go back upstairs and see an empty bed but the shower isn’t running. I call out for Connor and don’t hear his response. I walk out of our bedroom and toward the nursery. Connor’s standing in the middle of the room and looking out the window. He’s wearing charcoal gray pants and a dark blue button down shirt. Quietly, I walk toward him and wrap my arms around his waist.

  “I can’t wait to see you in here holding our baby.” Connor’s hands lace through mine as we stand in the nursery thinking about our future. He kneels down and kisses my round belly. “Hi, baby. We can’t wait to meet you. Be good for us, huh?” I start laughing as Connor kisses my belly and I feel his smile.

  “You’re going to be such a great dad, Connor.”

  “And you’ll be an amazing mom, baby.” We share a passionate kiss and all the stress and unhappiness leaves my body. I love how Connor makes me feel. He knows how to make me smile and make my heart race. I love this man, and I don’t know how I could ever live without him.

  We go through the motions of the morning and Connor heads out to go to work. He gives me a million more kisses and tells me to be good and have fun.

  I pull out my phone and text Sophia to see what she’s up to.

  Me: I need a girl’s day!

  Sophia: OMG same here! I’ll have Steven come pick you up and we’ll go shopping and do lunch!