by Erme Lander
Ezra nudged her, she’d been staring too long. He wanted to know why the cats fascinated her so much. She explained how they were loved by her people and the legends of a cat intermingling with the royal family. She shivered as she spoke of it, could it be true? He shook his head, not seeing her fascination and dragged her back to his rooms for some more interesting explorations of his own.
“I’ve decided.” Ezra was in his favourite place, sprawled across his bed, plucking idly at the strings on his instrument, “I’m going to seduce you.” His eyes lazily wandered over her as she slung her cloak on against the rain outside.
“What was it you’ve been doing so far?” She flushed, she still wasn’t used to a man looking at her in this way.
He grinned, “That’s just a warm up.” He swung himself onto his feet and kissed her soundly, “I intend to have you begging.” Mika froze in his arms, torn between anxiety and delight. “But not just yet. I can wait, that’s half the fun.” She did punch him then and he folded up, laughing.
Chapter 18
Lissina’s campaign to capture the boy she thought Mika was, wasn’t helped by her father asking Mika to accompany his daughter to the palace on certain afternoons to meet her cousins. He couldn’t make his approval more plain. Mika struggled to walk the thin line between enjoying Lissina’s company and following the signals that she was giving out. She wondered if she’d been that obvious to Ezra and decided she hadn’t. In the privacy of his rooms, Ezra had became bolder, pulling her closer, kissing her. Mika flushed, thinking about him. She’d began to trust him, to respond more to his explorations.
Lissina’s voice caught her attention, she’d been talking and Mika hadn’t been listening. Lissina huffed, “I don’t know why I bother…” She stopped as Jace walked by, the cat bumping against his legs, muscles rippling under velvety skin. They both moved in the same way, a wild stride that didn’t belong in the surroundings, challenging the civilisation around them.
Rebuffed by Mika, Lissina smiled brilliantly at Jace and his attention was caught by her. His mouth opened briefly, Mika thought it was the beginning of a smile, then she caught the sharp movement of his chest. Like a cat, smelling. She’d seen the little cats do that at home, they’d sniff her mother’s fingers open mouthed and then purr as she scratched their ears. His mouth clicked shut and he bent his head to Lissina in greeting, ignoring Mika.
Mika hurried Lissina up to her cousin’s rooms at the palace and said her goodbyes, troubled by Jace’s nearness.
“When is your birthday Jon?” Ezra asked. They were walking around the park, the dry cold air whipping around. Jon had joined them for once.
Mika blinked in confusion. Birthday? Jon shrugged, kicking against the stone wall, “Dunno.”
“Didn’t you ever have one?” Jon just looked uncomfortable. “What about yours?” he asked Mika.
“My what?”
“Birthday.” Seeing her look of confusion, he explained, “You know, to celebrate the day you were born?”
“We don’t do that in Cassai. We celebrate at Midsummer. It’s a big festival, everyone becomes a year older at once.”
“So, did you celebrate this summer?”
“No, I was too busy.” She looked at the ground, her parents would be upset, missing both her and Kaylan. Two children gone.
Ezra rolled his eyes and then looked thoughtful. “Never mind, Jon, you could use the Cassai method too, have it at midsummer.”
“But that means I have to wait nearly a year!” Mika and Ezra laughed at Jon’s indignation.
Mika panicked the night when she woke to find a carcass next to her. She’d become used to changing out in the country, a few deep breaths and tickling the right place in her brain to trigger the change. She came into consciousness curled around a sack of broken bones, the blood stained fleece accusing her of a theft she couldn’t remember. Her stomach felt heavy and she fought to stop herself vomiting at the thought of eating raw flesh.
She dragged the remains into a copse and hid it in the bushes, hoping it wouldn’t be found. She listened hard to the conversations of her classmates the next day, worrying that the dead sheep had been found. No mention was made.
Mika had began to wake from the changes with vague dreams of stalking through the countryside. She encouraged them, believing it was the only way she could remember what she’d done. The colours were different from her sleeping dreams. They were monochrome, with the smells and movement sharper. She walked through the countryside on her afternoons off, with the eerie feeling of having been to places before. Jon got thoroughly spooked when she pushed through what appeared to be impenetrable bushes to find a tiny stream and was unable to say how she’d known about it.
Several nights later it happened again. A dismembered sheep gazing into her eyes as she opened her own. This time she heard people in the distance. Naked and covered with blood, she ran, bent double to the nearest cover. As a predator she had no fear of humans, they’d be further down the food chain. As a girl, she had no doubt that the attentions of any man who found her naked would be very unwelcome and she wasn’t sure if she could change at will purely to kill a man for making assumptions.
Shaking with cold and the fear of being caught she dressed, thankful her clothes weren’t too far away. She sluiced herself down in a stream and sneaked back through the city. It took her a long time to stop shaking in bed and ages to warm up. This time she did hear rumours from the boys in her class. A large animal had been preying on a local farmer’s sheep, they’d seen a shadow leaving the corpse. Patrols would be sent out and the livestock kept in.
Mika stayed inside for several weeks after that, setting herself the challenge of changing one part of herself instead. Staying conscious while watching her hand widen and fingertips shrink nearly made her vomit. She persisted, certain she’d need it. Mika touched the thick claws, the soft fur as if they belonged to something else, not quite believing the cat’s paw on the end of her slender wrist. She could feel a cold numbness running down the length of her arm and remembered Jon asking if it hurt to change and not being able to answer. Her muscles spasmed uncontrollably, making her arm shake. She couldn’t feel anything past her shoulder. Halting the change and keeping it stable wasn’t easy, sweat poured from her as she forced her body to do what she wanted.
When the rumours had died down, on Jon’s suggestion, she started to set herself challenges to distract herself from thieving. She hid a bone a mile away from her changing spot, tried to keep it in her mind as she changed. When she woke, it was there beside her, cracked and broken. She shuddered at the teeth marks and then swore as she realised she’d have to walk back to where she’d left her clothes. She took more care after that, hiding a tunic close by as well. She set herself harder challenges, got Jon to hide things for her other self, followed the scent from his old tunic to find the treasure.
Lissina came into class looking pleased with herself, tilting her head to show off a new set of earrings. She and Jenna whispered through the break, Jenna looking worried.
“Mikon,” Lissina hissed at her before the tutor walked in, “I did it.”
“Did what?”
“He let me, I stroked the cat.” She was full of herself.
“What?”
“Jace. I asked him when I saw him in the palace yesterday evening.” She giggled. “I was terrified and he smells of that stuff he smokes. Then he smiled at me.” She sighed and leaned over further. “He’s so handsome when he smiles. He got the cat to lie down, put his hand on its head and told me to stroke it. It didn’t want to let me at first, it growled. I nearly wet myself, but he took my hand and made me touch it. Its fur is so soft, so thick, I nearly lost my fingers in it.” She stopped talking, lost in memories.
“Lissina, he frightens you because he’s dangerous.”
She tossed her head, “He can be really charming when he wants to be. I think you’re jealous.” The tutor walked in and that was the end to the conversation. Mika thought of Lis
sina trying to touch her when she’d changed and shuddered. No way would she allow that in her other form. Only Jace’s control kept the cat from running on a rampage. Her mind raced desperately to think of a way to discourage Lissina and failed through the tiredness of disturbed nights.
She met up with Ezra, on his night off from playing to the court.
“You are really bad for my practising. I should be looking at this,” He waved his hand at the sheaf of music discarded on the floor, “And here I am attempting to get your clothes off.” He pulled her close and started undoing her shirt ties.
“What am I going to do about Lissina?”
“Hmm?”
She pushed him away, “Lissina, I’m worried about her and Jace.” Ezra muttered a swear word into her neck as he slid his hand up her shirt and discovered her corset. “Seduce her then. Give her what she wants. Gods woman, you’re tied up tighter than an usurer's arse.”
“I can’t seduce her. It’d be easy if I was a boy.”
Sighing at not being able to get to bare skin, he propped himself on his elbow with a lazy smile. “I could get you some lessons at Drutha’s. Then, by the time you’d finished with her, she wouldn’t care what you were.” He wagged a finger, “Conditions being, that I get to watch the lessons.” Mika rolled her eyes and sat to peel off her shirt.
Mika lay in her own bed and worried for Lissina, she’d refused to listen, charmed by the attentions of a good looking older man. She was still happy enough to spend time with Mika, but the conversation always came back to Jace, pointing out his similarities to Mika.
She squirmed, wondering if he did actually like Lissina. It was perfectly possible. Lissina was pretty, Mika had to admit, with delicate features, vivacious eyes and the mass of dark curly hair. Unlike his reputation suggested, Jace was always impeccably behaved. Mika sourly decided he did it to wind her up. Every time he went past, Lissina would sigh and Mika would get bombarded with questions.
Mika muttered to herself, was she any better? She lay and thought of the previous night, Ezra had outdone himself. She’d slipped into his rooms, later than normal, wanting to surprise him after a concert and found he’d not gone out after all.
She’d stopped, delighted by the scene. Wine and food awaited her. The usual lamps he had lit for reading music in the evenings had been blown out on her arrival, the smell still lingering. The candle lit room made for a cosy space in the dark, the mess of clothes had been shoved into a corner and the sheaves of music and clutter faded into the dimness. He leant against the door frame, inviting her in with a mischievous gleam in his eye.
He’d teased her over her sudden shyness and she was aware of a tension throughout the meal. A nervous expectation, threaded through with the memories of her wedding with Rylan. She drank little and noticed Ezra didn’t touch much either. He refused to rush, insisting they enjoy the food he’d bought.
Ezra had been extremely decided in his attentions, allowing her to set the pace, but refusing any chance to get away. She’d tightly held onto her fears, not wanting to think about her earlier experiences and allowed him to win her over with soft kisses and gentle caresses. His insistence she explore him as much as he did her, calmed her fears, allowing her to concentrate on the feeling of his flesh against hers.
She’d lain in the dark afterwards, stroking Ezra’s warm side while he dozed in her arms. In the end, his teasing that he’d have her begging hadn’t been far off, he’d simply forgotten his own reactions to the gentle wind up he’d performed. She marvelled at the softness of his skin, she’d never touched Rylan like this. Ezra grunted and shifted away as she found a ticklish spot, then pulled her close. She giggled and persisted in exploring until he caught her fingers, kissed them and put them elsewhere. Mika thought further, Rylan had never touched her like this.
Sensing her change of mood, he tilted her chin, “This bed’s too small.”
Confused, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“There’s only space for two of us in here, not three. Stop thinking about him.” Mika opened her mouth. Ezra stopped her reply by kissing her and saying, “I can tell, you go all stiff. Now stop it.” He tucked her back into his arms and they dozed, limbs tangled.
Ezra had unpeeled himself reluctantly to light a lamp as she reminded him that she had to go back, otherwise people would ask questions. He insisted on walking her home through the deserted streets, despite her being dressed as a boy. He pointed out, with all seriousness, that youths were set upon by strangers in the city. She didn’t like to mention she’d been walking the streets on her own in the dead of night for weeks now.
“You’re going to lose your reputation by walking boys home,” she teased.
“What reputation?”
“Flirt.” She grinned.
“Lover.” He qualified with a smile, “And?”
“And what?”
“Do I deserve it?”
She’d ducked her head and smiled, refusing to answer, he didn’t need that sort of praise. He’d pulled her into his arms, kissed her and refused to let her go. Mika had been unable to get away. Ezra, not caring that she looked like a boy in the dark night, kissed her until she gave up and agreed, that yes, he did.
Mika flushed with the memories, she’d had a hard time this morning not to walk down to the kitchen singing. Gavin had grinned and asked who the lucky girl was. Marta had given her a searching look and promptly deflected any extra attention away from her. Jon had been dreadful, all the way up to the palace, teasing her constantly about the moonstruck look on her face.
Chapter 19
Mika saw Jace talking to Lissina in the hall. He leaned over her, his cool features transformed with a brilliant smile. The sight reminded Mika of a predator stalking its prey and Lissina looked transfixed by the older man’s charm. Mika noticed Lissina’s father talking with another noble close by, torn between concern for his young daughter and pride that she’d caught the attention of someone in the King’s favour. Jace caught Mika’s eye and whispered something further, something sly that made Lissina giggle, then he kissed her hand and walked away with a smirk for his younger countryman.
“What are you doing?”
“He likes me.” Lissina gave a shrug. Mika couldn’t help noticing that her pupils were huge and she could smell Sweetroot around her. She tried not to breathe too deeply.
“He gave me these.” Lissina showed off her earrings.
“He’s dangerous.”
Lissina snorted, “I think you’re jealous.”
“Is that what he said? Lissi, I’m worried for you. I thought we were friends.”
“Father’s over there.” She waved a hand, “I suppose I’d better go to him, don’t want to be seen talking to strange men.” She giggled again. Mika sighed, there was no way as a boy she could talk to her. She couldn’t say why Jace was dangerous. Mika wondered if she should tell Lissina that she was a girl, would it make her listen? She shook her head, if she did there was no guarantee Lissina would keep her secret.
Everyone was on a high, the midwinter festival would come shortly. The weather was dry and cold. A thin layer of frost spread over the buildings and cobbles in the mornings, the exposed parts burning off as the sun rose, deepening into an iron hardness in sheltered corners.
Jon raced around, twice as excited as everyone else. Whilst Jon’s studies were going well, getting his attention became harder as the weeks went by. Mika saw the other apprentices having the same problems with their boys. Jon hadn’t experienced the midwinter festival in a proper home before, only seen the decorations outside, the bonfires and masked frivolities. Each addition to the house sent him into further delight. Mika had her own surprises for him, hidden from his quick eyes and knew Gavin and the others had similar ideas.
It became a relief to escape to the cool quiet corridors of the hospice. The usual coughs and slips on icy cobbles affected the population and Mika was kept busy. Her knowledge had increased to the point where she no longer had to follow Eno
s around, she was expected to deal with her own patients. The first week of practice was terrifying, until she realised they were giving her the easier patients to deal with. Abran or another Medici would check on her work, quietly suggesting improvements. As Enos had said, the patients ignored her heritage, she was simply Medici.
Belindros had caught cold after cold this winter. Mika watched with concern while everyone fussed around him. For once he didn’t appear to enjoy the attention, his usually acerbic comments muted, voice hoarse from coughing. Mika would read various books to him, while he coughed and dribbled in a pile of misery. Marta coaxed him into eating. Jon sat in his room to study, attempting to read aloud and being snapped at whenever he got something wrong.
The week before the festival, Lissina caught Mika at the end of the lessons.
“Will you walk me through the festival next week? Father says he would be happy for you to do so.” She played with her hair, twinning it around her fingers, sure of Mika’s reply. The others stopped in the doorway, waiting.
Mika was flustered, she’d promised to to meet Ezra. Their relationship had got to the point where she was having problems concentrating during the day if she wasn’t careful. She’d discovered a mischievous side to herself that had her constantly thinking up new ideas to tease him with. Every spare moment they had together she cherished. Ezra was in demand constantly by the nobility at the moment and he grumbled over the lack of time they had together.