Candace made a vow to herself that she’d never try to change him, either. She’d just accept him for who he was. That was something she’d had trouble doing with Ian. Every time she was with him, there was something she’d wished he would change; from the way he kissed to the way he kept a comb in his pocket that she never once saw him use, she’d always wished for something different.
I was wrong to do that to him, Candace realized. I criticized him too much, told him what to do. I won’t do that with Toby. I’m promising myself right now to never try to change him. Just the promise itself felt like a breakthrough for Candace. It was the first time she’d had any clarity about what she’d done wrong in her relationship with Ian. Then again, not trying to change Toby was easy—much easier than with Ian. There wasn’t anything that bugged her about Toby. She thought hard, trying to come up with something that irritated her. Nope. Nothing came to mind. Toby was pretty much perfect. Perfect in every way.
“I thought we were going to play some poker and order a pizza.” Keenan interrupted the moment by poking his head into Toby’s room. He had a stack of playing cards in his hand that he flipped back and forth between his fingers.
“Have you ever played poker before?” Toby asked Candace. She shook her head.
“I’ll teach you!” Keenan exclaimed with more excitement than a game of cards warranted, and disappeared as quickly as he’d come.
“Do you want to learn how to play?” Toby asked.
“Sure,” she said. “Why not? Everybody learns to play poker at some point in their lives, don’t they?” The idea of learning poker sounded fun.
Keenan was already kneeling at the coffee table shuffling the cards when Candace and Toby entered the living room.
“What kind of poker are we going to play here?” Toby asked as he and Candace settled into their places.
“I was thinking strip poker,” Keenan said, and threw a wink to Candace as if they shared a secret Toby was unaware of. She couldn’t help but giggle a little. She could see how Keenan could talk, or flirt, his way out of trouble when he wanted to.
“Five-card stud,” Toby said. “And everyone keeps their clothes on.”
Keenan exaggerated his disappointment and turned to Candace. “Why do you hang out with him? He’s no fun.”
Candace smiled and looked at Toby, who shook his head. Even after what Toby told her about the incident in the alley, it was hard to picture Keenan as someone who could be so violent and unpredictable. To her, it seemed like he never took anything too seriously.
“Just show her how to play,” Toby said.
“I am, I am. . . .” Keenan said. “The object of the game is to put together the best possible combination of five cards. If you can do that, you win the pot.” Candace listened to Keenan explain the game, chuckling every time Keenan threw a poisonous look at Toby for interrupting.
“When they’re all the same suit, that’s a flush.” Keenan pulled five spades from the deck and laid them out on the table. “Now a straight is when the cards are in the right order. Seven, eight, nine, ten, jack would be a straight. They don’t have to be all the same color.”
“A flush beats a straight,” Toby butted in. Keenan groaned and dropped his chin to his chest.
“Yo. Let her learn what the hands are first, okay?” Toby threw up his palms, surrendering. “Don’t let him confuse you. Now, if the cards are in order and in the same suit, what do you think that’s called?” Candace stared down at the ace, deuce, three, four, and five that Toby was laying out. All hearts. She had no idea. She was already having trouble remembering what was what.
“I don’t know,” she said. “A really good hand?” Keenan grinned, liking her joke.
“Come on, yes you do. Think hard. It’s both a straight and a flush.”
“A . . . straight . . . flush?” Candace guessed.
“Ding, ding, ding!” Keenan high-fived her. “See? I knew there were smarts in that pretty little noggin of yours.”
“All right, come on. She’ll figure it out as we play.” Toby scooped up the cards and began to shuffle them, expertly taking the attention away from Keenan.
After two hours of accidentally winning a few hands and losing most of them, Candace was happy when the pizza arrived. As Toby pulled a twenty from his wallet to pay the delivery guy, Keenan reached over and lowered Candace’s cards so he could see her hand.
“No, no,” he admonished. “See that, cutie? You shouldn’t have gotten rid of your ten. You’re set up for a straight.”
“Game over,” Toby said as he pushed the cards off the table and set the pizza down. He opened the box, releasing a cloud of steam. “Let’s eat. I gotta meet that guy in a half hour.” Toby pulled a slice from the pie, letting the cheese stretch as far as he could.
“What guy?” Candace asked as she grabbed her own slice, peeled a curling piece of pepperoni off the top, and popped it into her mouth.
“She can stay here with me while you go,” Keenan offered nonchalantly with his mouth full.
Candace didn’t want to stay with Keenan, but before she could object, Toby set his cousin straight.
“Nah, Candy’s going to come with me,” he said in a tone that suggested it wasn’t up for discussion.
Candace shrugged to Keenan, secretly suspecting that Toby didn’t trust his cousin to be alone with her. But whatever Toby’s reason, she was excited to be going with him. Inviting her deeper into his world meant that he wanted her to become more a part of it, permanent. Keenan let out a good-natured sigh and collected the cards.
“That’s cool, man,” he said. “Pedro’s on his way over anyway. He’s gonna wanna talk to you at some point.”
“I know,” Toby responded as he grabbed Candace’s hoodie hanging on a hook by the door and handed it to her. Slipping it on, Candace snatched up another piece of pizza for the road and followed him out to the garage where his pickup was parked.
“Where we going?” Candace asked with enthusiasm, up for an adventure.
“I’m selling my bike to a guy,” Toby said, and climbed into the cab.
Candace peeked over the side of the bed and saw a motorcycle tethered securely inside. Hopping in on the passenger side, she stretched the seat belt across her chest. “Nice motorcycle,” she commented. “Too bad you’re selling it before I ever got a chance to take a ride on it.”
“You’ve never been on the back of a bike before?” Toby asked, a little surprised.
“Nope.” Candace let the word ooze from her mouth. “My mom always said it was too dangerous.” Deep down, Candace knew her mother was right: motorcycles could be deadly, though she suspected that her mom also didn’t want her hanging out with the type of guys who rode motorcycles.
“She’s right about that, at least,” Toby said as he pressed the button opening the garage. “You get into a car accident, chances are you’re going to walk away from it. Get hit on a bike, chances are you won’t.”
If there was one thing she was learning about Toby, it was that everything he did was calculated, thoughtful. He weighed things. Nothing was spur of the moment.
“Is that why you’re selling it?” she asked innocently. “Because it’s too dangerous?”
Toby paused. He seemed to be somewhat thrown off by her question. “Yeah, I guess,” he said as he turned up the radio loud enough to make it hard to converse. As they pulled out onto the street, Candace glanced around the dark neighborhood and heard the neighbor’s dog barking. It was beginning to feel familiar now. She was content. This is where I’m meant to be, she thought.
A short time later, they pulled into a vacant lot somewhere near Culver City. Toby messed with the radio as Candace sat quietly in the passenger seat.
“So, what are we doing here, exactly?” she asked.
Toby looked up, surprised. “What do you mean? I told you I’m selling my old bike to a guy.”
“I know but . . . I mean, why here? In this creepy lot? Why doesn’t he just come pick it up from you
r house?” she asked. If the ominous environment hadn’t already made her feel guarded, then Toby’s hesitation certainly did. She could tell by the way he avoided eye contact that he was thinking up an answer. Was he lying to her? What were they really doing out here?
Candace felt a hot, worried feeling in the pit of her stomach just like the one she’d had the night before. She hadn’t thought much about the vulnerable situation she’d put herself in until she found herself alone with a guy she’d just met, in his room, in a neighborhood she’d never visited, with people who were all wasted or stoned. Since then, she’d felt nothing but comfortable with Toby—until now. Something just wasn’t right about being out here in the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t another soul around. On top of that, it was dark.
As the Metrolink train clattered along the overpass above them, spilling light onto the garbage-lined street, Toby responded to her question as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“I don’t let just anyone know where I live. You never know who might come back and rob you or somethin’.”
Would anyone really want to rob his house? she wondered. She silently admonished herself for having such a snobby thought. So what if Toby’s house was small and run-down? He had a nice TV and speakers and stuff. It wasn’t like his possessions weren’t valuable enough to steal. But if he was so worried about his things being ripped off, why wasn’t he stressed about the parties he said he had almost every weekend? She’d gotten the sense that he didn’t know the people roaming through his house that well. Why was he so paranoid about the guy buying the bike and so laissez-faire about all the shady party guests?
Instead of questioning him further, she decided that there must be some sort of logic behind it. Maybe he’d been robbed by someone he’d sold stuff to in the past. Either way, it was his deal and she wasn’t going to tell him how to do it. She reminded herself that she was lucky just to be sitting next to him; lucky that he wanted to bring her a little deeper into his world.
“So,” he said. “What’s your plan? You still wanna find your real mommy?”
That was a whole different set of problems. Candace knew she couldn’t go home, or at least, she didn’t want to. If she truly wanted to understand who she was and where she came from, she needed to track down the woman who gave birth to her. She needed to see who that woman was, what she was all about, why she didn’t want her.
“I don’t really have another choice,” Candace said, knowing that she did, indeed, have choices. She could forget this whole thing and go back to her life with Mom and part-time life with Dad anytime she wanted.
“What if she tells you to get lost?” he asked, emotionless.
“Then . . .” Candace said, thinking about her answer. “I will, I guess.” She shrugged. It’s not like she could force someone to get to know her if she didn’t want to. But she preferred not to entertain that thought at all. For the time being, she was enjoying the scenario she’d made up. With everything in her life changing, she decided to stick to the version with the happy ending. Her mother would be as excited about their reunion as she was.
“I think the best way to find your mom is to hire one of those private investigators,” Toby said.
“Except it costs, like, a grand. I don’t even have enough money to put gas in my car right now.” She wasn’t exaggerating. With the exception of the seven dollars and change in her purse, Candace was completely broke.
“What if I helped you out?” he asked.
She turned to him, surprised. “Like give me a loan?”
“Yeah, I mean, I do it all the time, right? And don’t worry. I won’t charge you interest like I do those losers.”
Candace smiled, feeling genuinely touched and shocked and guilty all at the same time. Was he really going to loan her that much money? Who does that? Especially for someone they just met? That’s a lot of trust. The fact that Toby was willing to do that and had such a big heart made her feel guilty for the thoughts that had run through her head only moments earlier. I clearly have trust issues, she silently declared, vowing not to question him again.
“That’s pretty awesome of you,” she said, beaming. With the ability to hire a private investigator, she’d probably find her mom in no time.
“Don’t get used to it,” he said with a wink, teasing her. They were interrupted by the sound of a dark green coupe coming up the street. Toby watched the car as it turned into the parking lot. “That’s him. Stay here,” he said, and hopped out of the truck.
Candace kept an eye on the rearview mirror as two guys exited the car and helped Toby unload the motorcycle from the back. Then one of the guys handed him some cash, which Toby counted before nodding. The passenger pulled out a helmet, got on the bike, and sped off followed by the driver of the car. It all happened in less than five minutes and Toby was back in the pickup, money in hand, and in a fantastic mood.
“Done deal,” he said with a smile. “Let’s go party!”
Toby’s pickup cruised down Sunset Boulevard on its way to West Hollywood. It was still early, only ten thirty, but the strip was already sizzling with frenetic energy.
“Where are we going?” Candace asked, her window open, the warm breeze whipping her hair away from her face. Toby was all smiles.
“I’m takin’ you someplace good,” he said.
“Where?” she countered, well aware that he wanted to surprise her. What a roller coaster tonight had already been! She felt a connection to him that she’d never felt with anyone before. Not even with Ian. She’d told Ian that she loved him countless times, but had she? Candace was beginning to think that what she felt for Toby was love and what she’d felt for Ian was something much less. Was that even possible? To fall in love with someone after only a couple of days? It had to be. The excitement and thrill and passion and bond was so strong with them. With Ian, she’d had fun and then they’d each gone on their way. She never really missed him when they weren’t together. She thought about him, and looked forward to seeing him, but she never quite felt this comfortable. With Toby, it was like she never wanted to be away from him. It didn’t even matter what they did, as long as they did it together. “Where are we going? I’m dying to know!”
“You’ll see,” he said with a sparkle in his eye.
Caught up in his elation she leaned across the seat and began to kiss his neck. He smelled good, like sweat and cologne and cigarettes and leather. Candace moved slowly from his ear to his collar, lightly kissing every inch of his skin. When she reached a certain point right above his chest, he flinched slightly. She looked up curiously and Toby grinned.
“That tickles,” he said. She laughed and sat back in her seat, where she could watch the bright lights that illuminated the Sunset Strip.
Ten minutes later, Toby’s pickup stopped in front of one of LA’s most exclusive clubs and he handed his keys off to the valet.
“They’re never gonna let us in here,” Candace warned, a little taken aback that he’d even consider trying. She glanced down at the tank top and combat boots she was wearing—hardly the outfit to wear to a club. “I’m sure they have a dress code.”
“Won’t know unless we try,” he said confidently.
With an arm slung around Candace’s shoulder, they marched up to the doorman who was perched on a stool in front of the huge glass doors. Candace caught a glimpse of their reflection, clearly showing off to the world that they were a couple, with the palm trees and traffic streaming behind them. Tonight, West Hollywood felt like the center of the universe.
“What’s the cover to go upstairs?” Toby asked the doorman, who gave him a dismissive look.
“No jeans,” he uttered in a gravelly voice.
“How ’bout her?” Toby asked. “She okay?”
“If she’s got ID, she is.”
Toby reached into his pocket and removed his wallet. He counted out five twenties and folded them expertly between his fingers.
“Her ID is in the pocket of my other pants.
”
The doorman stared at him for a moment and then studied Candace. “You twenty-one?”
“Just turned last month,” she said, trying to seem convincing. The doorman took the cash from Toby’s hand and nodded inside.
“Top floor,” he said as he slipped the money into his pocket. And off they went.
The lights of Sunset Strip glittered down below. Candace and Toby peered over the railing, taking it all in. “Look at the cars,” she whispered. “All the red lights going away and the white lights coming toward us. It looks like they’re all connected.”
“It does look like that, kinda,” he said. She watched as he slowly sipped and savored his drink in the same way he was savoring the moment. She was savoring it too. She tilted her head to the sky and inhaled the scent of nighttime. That’s when she noticed the silence.
“It’s weird how quiet it is up here,” she mused. “You know that there’s all kinds of noise down there . . . honking, yelling, music playing. But up here, nothing. Almost like a movie with the volume turned off.” He looked down at her and smiled. Inside the double doors, hipsters and rich foreigners and the Hollywood elite were dancing to a DJ, sprawled out on plush sofas, enjoying bottle service and trying to chat over the loud thumping of bass. But out here on the balcony, the night was calm.
“You deserve this, Candace,” Toby said as he ducked under one of the hanging lanterns and relaxed in an oversize lounge chair. “You deserve somebody who can bring you to these kinds of places and treat you right.”
Missing at 17 Page 9