by neetha Napew
Abe would be so proud, she thought, leading the formation into the Honor Square for the last time. He was there, but she didn’t even think of glancing around to find him. He would see what he had made, what he had saved ... for a mood went grim, thinking of the latest bad news, another colony plundered. Every time such news came in, she thought of girls like her, children like Lunzie and Janek, people, real people, murdered and enslaved. But the crisp commands brought her back to the moment. Her own voice rang out in answer, brisk and impersonal.
The ceremony itself, inherited from a dozen military academies in the human tradition, and borrowing bits from all of them and the nonhumans as well, lasted far too long. The planetary governor welcomed everyone, the senior FSP official responded. Ambassadors from all the worlds and races that sent cadets to the Academy had each his or her or its speech to make. Each time the band had the appropriate anthem to play, and the Honor Guard had the appropriate flag to raise, with due care, on the pole beside the FSP banner. Sassinak did not fidget, but without moving a muscle could see that the civilians and guests did exactly that, and more than once. A child wailed, briefly, and was removed. Sunlight glinted suddenly from one of the Marine honor guard’s decorations: he’d taken a deep breath of disgust at something a politician said. Sass watched a cloud shadow cross the Yard and splay across Gunnery Hall. Awards: Distinguished teaching award, distinguished research into Fleet history, distinguished (she thought) balderdash. Academic departments had awards, athletic departments had theirs.
Then the diplomas, given one by one, and then - at last - the commissioning, when they all gave their oaths together. And then the cheers, and the hats flying high, and the roar from the watching crowd.
“So - you’re going to be on a cruiser, are you?” Abe held up a card, and a waiter came quickly to serve them.
“That’s what it said.” Sass wished she could be three people: one here with Abe, one out celebrating with her friends, and one already sneaking aboard the cruiser, to find out all about it. Everyone wanted to start on a cruiser, not some tinpot little escort vessel or clumsy Fleet supply ship. Sure, you had to serve on almost everything at least once, but starting on a cruiser meant being, in however junior a way, real Fleet. Cruisers were where the action was, real action.
They were having dinner in an expensive place, and Abe had already insisted she order the best. Sass could not imagine what the colorful swirls on her plate had been originally, but the meal was as tasty as it was expensive. The thin slice of jelly to one side she did know: crel, the fruiting body of a fungus that grew only on Regg, the world’s single most important export . . . besides Fleet officers. She raised a glass of wine to Abe, and winked at him.
He had aged, in the four years she’d been a cadet. He was almost bald now, and she hadn’t missed the wince as when he folded himself into the chair across from her. His knuckles had swollen a little, his wrinkles deepened, but the wicked sparkle in his eye was the same.
“Ah, girl, you do make my heart proud. Not ‘girl,’ now: you’re a woman grown, and a lady at that. Elegant. I knew you were bright, and gutsy, but I didn’t know you’d shape into elegant.”
“Elegant?” Sass raised an eyebrow, a trick she’d been practicing in front of her mirror, and he copied her.
“Elegant. Don’t fight it; it suits you. Smart, sexy, and elegant besides. By the way, how’s the nightlife this last term?”
Sass grimaced and shook her head. “Not much, with all we had to do.” Her affair with Harmon hadn’t lasted past midyear exams, but she looked forward to better on commissioning leave. And surely on a cruiser she’d find more than one likely partner. “You told me the Academy would be tough, but I thought the worst would be over after the first year. I don’t see how being a real officer can be harder than being a cadet commander.”
“You will.” Abe drained his wine, and picked up a roll. “You never had to send those kids out to die.”
“Commander Kerif said that’s old-fashioned: you don’t send people out to die, you send them out to win.”
Abe set the roll back on his plate with a little thump. “He does, does he? What kind of ‘win’ is it when your ship loses a pod in the grid, and you have to send out a repair party? You listen to me, Sass: you don’t want to be one of those wet-eared young pups the troops never trust. It’s not a game any more, any more than being hauled off by slavers was a game. You’re back in the real world now. Real weapons, real wounds, real death. I’m damned proud of you, and that won’t change: it’s not every girl that could make it like you have. But if you think the Academy was tough, you think back to Sedon-VI and the slave barracks. I daresay you haven’t really forgotten, whatever polish they’ve put on your manners.”
“No. I haven’t forgotten.” Sass stuffed a roll in her mouth before she said too much. He didn’t need to know about the Paraden whelp, and all that mess. A shiver ran across her shoulder blades. He must know she hadn’t changed that much . . . but he sure seemed nervous about something. As soon as they’d finished eating, he was ready to go, and she knew something more was coming. Outside, in the moist fragrant early-summer night, Sass wished again she could be two or three people. She’d had her invitation, to the graduation frolic up in the parked hills behind the Academy square. It was just the night for it, too . . . soft grass, sweet breeze. Mosquito bites where you can’t scratch, she reminded herself, and wondered why the geniuses who’d managed to leave the cockroaches back on Old Terra hadn’t managed the same thing with mosquitoes.
Abe led her across town, to one of his favorite bars. Sass sighed inwardly. She knew why he came here: senior Fleet NCOs liked the place, and he wanted to show her off to his friends. But it was noisy, and crowded, and smelled, after the cool open air, like the cheap fat they fried their snacks in. She saw a few other graduates, and waved. Donnet: his uncle was a retired mech from a heavy cruiser. Issi, her family’s pride: the first officer in seven generations of a huge Fleet family, all noisily telling her how wonderful it was. She shook hands with those Abe introduced: mostly the older ones, tough men and women with the deft precise movements of those used to working in a confined space.
It took them awhile to find a table, in that crowd. Civilian spacers liked the place, too, and Academy graduation brought everyone out to raise a glass for the graduates. Even the hoods, Sass noted, spotting the garish matching jackets of a street gang huddled near the back door. She was surprised they came here, to a Fleet and spacer bar, but a second, smaller gang followed the first in.
“Go get our drinks, Sass,” said Abe, once he was down. “I’ll just have a word with the Giustins.” Issi’s family . . . Sass grinned at him. He knew everyone. She took the credit chip he held out and found her way to the bar.
She was halfway back to him with the drinks when it happened. She missed the beginning, never knew who threw the first blow, but suddenly a row of tables erupted into violence. Fists, chains, the flash of blades. Sass dropped the tray and leaped forward, already yelling Abe’s name. She couldn’t see him, couldn’t see anything but a tangled mass of Fleet cadet uniforms, gang jackets, and spacer gray. Her shout brought order to the cadets, or seemed to. At her command they coalesced, becoming a unit; with her they started to clear that end of the room, in a flurry of feints and blows and sudden clutches. From the corner of one eye, as she ducked under someone’s knife and then disarmed him with a kick, she saw a move she recognized from one of their opponents. For an instant, she almost recognized that combination of size, shape, and motion. She had no time to analyse it; there were too many drunken spacers who reacted to any brawl with enthusiasm, too many green-jacketed, masked hoodlums. The fight involved the whole place now, an incredible crashing screaming mass of struggling bodies. She rolled under a table, came up to strike precise blows at a green-jacket about to knife a spacer, ducked the spacer’s wild punch, kicked out at someone who clutched her leg. Something raked her arm; the lights went out, then came on in a dazzle of flickering blue. Sir
ens, whistles, the overloud blare of a bullhorn. Sass managed a glance back toward the entrance, and saw masked Fleet MPs with riot canisters.
“DOWN ...” the bullhorn blared. Sass dropped, as all the cadets did, knowing what was coming. Most of the spacers made it down before the MPs fired, but the hoods tried to run for it. A billowing cloud of blue gas filled the room; a thrown canister burst against the back door and felled the hoods who’d headed that way. Sass held her breath. One potato, two potato. Her hand reached automatically to her belt, and her fingernail found the slit for the release. Three potato, four potato. She flicked the membrane mask open, and covered her face with it. Five potato, six potato. Now she had the tube of detox, and smeared it over the nose and mouth portions of the mask. Seven, eight, nine, ten ... a cautious breath, smelling of nutmeg from the detox, but no nausea, no pain, and no unconsciousness. Beside her, a spacer already snored heavily. She looked up, eyes protected by the mask. Already the gas had dissipated to a blue haze, still potent enough to knock out anyone without a mask, but barely obscuring vision.
The MPs spread around the room, checking IDs. Several other cadets were clambering to their feet, protected by their masks. Sass pushed herself up, looking for Abe. She wondered if he carried a Fleet emergency mask.
“ID!” It was a big MP in riot gear; Sass didn’t argue but pulled out her new Fleet ID and handed it over. He slipped it into his beltcomp, and returned it. “You start this?” he asked. “Or see it start?”
Sass shook her head. “It started over here, though. I was coming across the room - “
“Why didn’t you get out and call help?”
“My father - my guardian was over here.”
“Name?”
Sass gave Abe’s name and ID numbers; the MP waved her out to search. She veered around two fallen tables . . . was it this one, or that? Three limp bodies lay in an untidy pile. Sass shifted the top one; the MP helped. The next wore spacer gray, a long scrawny man with vomit drooling from the comer of his mouth. And there at the bottom lay Abe. Sass nodded at the MP, and he took a charged reviver from his belt and handed it to her; she put it over Abe’s gaping mouth. He looked so ... so dead, that way, with his mouth slack. The MP had dragged away the tall spacer, and now helped her roll Abe onto his back.
They saw the neat black hole in his chest the same moment. Sass didn’t recognise it at first, reached down to brush off the smudge on the front of his jacket. He’d hate that, dirt on the new jacket he’d bought for her graduation. But the MP caught her wrist. She looked at him.
“He’s dead,” the MP said. “Someone had a needler.”
Even as the room hazed around her, she thought “Shock. That’s what’s happening.” She couldn’t think about Abe being dead ... he wasn’t dead. This was another exercise, another test, like the one in the training vessel, when half the students had been made up to look like wounded victims. She remembered the realistic glisten of the fake gut wound, trailing a tangle of intestines across the deck plating. Easier to think about that, about the equally faked amputation, than that silly little black hole in Abe’s jacket.
Later she heard, through an open doorway in the station, that she’d acted normally, not drugged, drunk, or irrational. She was sitting on a gray plastic chair, across a cluttered desk from someone who was busy at a computer. The floor had a pattern of random speckles, like every floor she’d seen for the past four years. She turned her head to look out the door, and an MP with his riot headgear under his arm gave her a neutral glance. She was Fleet, she hadn’t started it, she hadn’t had hysterics when they found Abe’s body. Good enough.
It didn’t feel good enough. Her mind raced back and forth over that minute or so the fight lasted, playing back minute fragments very slowly, looking for something she couldn’t yet guess. Where had it started? Who? She had been carrying the drinks: Abe’s square, squatty bottle of Priun brandy, and the footed glass for it, and a special treat for herself: Caprian liqueur. She’d been afraid the tiny cup of silver-washed crystal - the only proper receptacle for Caprian liqueur - would bounce off the tray if someone bumped her, so she hadn’t been looking more than one body ahead when the fight started. She’d looked up when . . . was it a sound, or had she seen something, without really recognizing it? She couldn’t place it, and went on. She’d dropped the tray, and in her mind it fell in slow-motion, emptying its contents over the shoulders of someone in spacer gray at the table she’d been passing.
Suddenly she had something, or a hint of it. In the midst of that fight, someone to her right had blocked a kick with a move that had to come from Academy training ... a move that almost had to be learned in low-grav tumbling, although you could use it in normal G. Only it hadn’t been one of the graduates, nor . . . her mind focussed on the anomaly . . . nor one of the spacers. It had been someone in purple and orange, with blue sleeves ... a gang jacket. She’d tried to take a fast look, but like all the second gang, the fighter’s face had been painted in geometric patterns that made identification nearly impossible. Eyes . . . darkish. Skin color . . . from the way it took the paint, neither very light nor very dark.
“Ensign.” Sass looked up, ready to curse at the interruption until she saw the rank insignia. Not local police; Fleet. And not just any Fleet, but the Academy Vice-Commandant, Commander Derran.
“Sir.” She stood, and wished she’d had time to change uniforms. But they hadn’t run the scan over all the spots yet, and they’d told her to wait.
“I’m sorry. Ensign,” the Commander was saying, “He was a good man. Fleet to the core. And on your graduation night, too.”
“Thank you, sir.” That much was correct; she couldn’t manage much more through a tight throat.
“You’re his only listed kin,” Derran went on. “I assume you’ll want a military funeral?” Sass nodded. “Burial in the Academy grounds, or - “
She had only half-listened when he’d told her, years ago, how he wanted it. “I don’t hold with spending Fleet money to send scrap into a star,” he’d said. “Space burial’s for those who die there. They’ve earned it. But I’m no landsman, either, to be stuck under a bit of marble on a hillside; I hold by the old code. My life was with Fleet, I had no homeland. Burial at sea, if you can manage it, Sass. The Fleet does it the right way.”
“At sea,” she said now. “He wanted it that way.”
“Ashes, or - ?”
“Burial, sir, he said, if it was possible.”
“Very well. The Superintendent’s told me they’ll release the body tomorrow; we’ll schedule it for - “ He pulled out his handcomp and studied the display. ‘Two days ... is that satisfactory? Takes that long to get the arrangements made.”
“Yes, sir.” She felt stupid, stiff, frozen. This could not be Abe’s funeral they discussed: time had to stop, and let her sort things out. But time did not stop. The Commander spoke to the police officer behind the desk, and suddenly they were ready for her in the lab. A long-snouted machine took samples from every stain on her uniform; the technician explained about the analysis of blood and fiber and skin cells to identify those she’d fought. When she came out of the lab, she found a Lt. Commander Barrin waiting for her, with a change of clothes brought from her quarters, and the same officer escorted her back to Abe’s apartment. There, another Fleet officer had already opened the apartment, set up a file to receive and organize visits and notes that required acknowledgment. Already dozens of notes were racked for her notice, and two of her class waited to see her before leaving for their new assignments.
Sass began to realize what kind of support she could draw on. They knew what papers she needed to find, recognized them in Abe’s files when she opened the case. They knew what she should pack, and what formalities would face her in the morning and after. Would he be buried from the Academy, or the nearby Fleet base? Would the circumstances qualify him for a formal military service, or some variant? Sass found one or the other knowledgable about every question that came up. Someone provi
ded meals, sat her in front of a filled plate at intervals, and saw to it that she ate. Someone answered the door, the comm, weeded out those she didn’t want to see, and made sure she had a few minutes alone with special friends. Someone reminded her to apply for a short delay in joining her new assignment: she would have to stay on Regg for another week or so of investigation. Her rumpled, stained uniform disappeared, returned spotless and mended. Someone forwarded all required uniforms to her assignment, leaving her only a small bit of packing to do. And all this was handled smoothly, calmly, as if she were someone of infinite importance, not a mere ensign just out of school.
She could never be alone without help, as long as she had Fleet: Abe had said that, drummed it into her, and she’d seen Fleet’s help. But now it all came together. No enemy could kill them all. She would lose friends, friends close as family, but she could not lose Fleet.
Yet this feeling of security could not make Abe’s funeral easier. The police had offered her the chance to be alone with his body, a chance she refused, concealing the horror she felt. (Touch the body of someone she had loved? For an instant the face of her little sister Lunzie, carried in her arms to the dock, swam before her.) Wrapped in a dark blue shroud, it was taken by Fleet Marines to the Academy mortuary. Sass had no desire to know how a body was prepared for burial; she signed the forms she was handed, and skimmed quickly over the information given.
The body of an NCO, retired or active, could remain on view for one day. That she agreed to: Abe had had many friends who would want to pay their respects. His flag-draped coffin rested on the ritual gun-cradle in a side chapel. A line of men and women, most in uniform, came to shake hands with Sass and walk past it, one by one. Some, she noticed, laid a hand on the flag, patted it a little. Two were Wefts, which surprised her . . . Abe had never told her about Weft friends.
The funeral itself, the ancient ritual to honor a fellow warrior, required of Sass only the contained reticence and control that Abe had taught her. She, the bereaved, had only that simple role, and yet it was almost too heavy a burden for her. Others carried his coffin; she carried her gratitude. Others had lost a friend; she had lost all connection with her past. Again she had to start over, and for this period even Fleet could not comfort her.