by Jewel E. Ann
“Well …” She emptied the rest of her wine down her throat and hopped off her stool. “I have some patient treatment plans to go over before tomorrow. Do you need a ride home?”
I stared at my beer that was basically full, minus some foam off the top. “I think I’m good.”
“Love you.” She maneuvered around the table as I hopped off my stool and gave me a big hug. “I’m proud of your midlife crisis. If meaningless sex with a hot, thirty-year-old is a midlife crisis, then I need to get home and start planning mine. I’m six months older than you. I should have had him first.”
I followed her to the door. It wasn’t a midlife crisis. I hated that term. “Well, you can have him if you want to fight Tillie for him.”
Amie shamelessly ogled him, welcoming his glance in our direction. I tried to, again, hide behind her, but he saw me.
“Uh … I don’t think that smile on his face is for Tillie or me. Bye, Elsie.” She took a sharp left to the door before I could squeeze past two crowded tables.
Kael scooted out of his chair, saying something to the other three guys at the table before making his way to me. I offered an awkward wave and stiff smile and shot out the door. When I glanced around the square, Amie was nowhere in sight.
“Not cool,” I muttered to myself as the bar door opened behind me.
“Mrs. Smith.”
I turned, jerking each side of my jacket together before zipping it. “Your mom, huh? I remind you of your mom. That’s pretty messed up, Kael, considering the things we’ve done.”
He tucked his hands into his back pockets and shuffled a few feet to the side as another group of men stuffed themselves into the bar. “You’ve talked with Tillie.”
“She’s in my grief recovery group at church. We had a meeting tonight. Yes, I know about your budding relationship. All of the things you have in common. I know she’s going to invite you to our church this Sunday with the hopes of saving your soul.”
“Saving my soul, huh? Sounds intense.”
After zipping my stubborn jacket, I slipped on my mittens. “I’m serious, Kael. If you don’t watch your step with Tillie, I won’t have to put you out of business; the residents of Epperly will run you out of town for breaking Tillie’s fragile little heart. Everybody loves her. I realize you think everybody loves you but take that times ten and you’ll get a glimpse of the affection people have toward Tillie.”
“Hey, I’m not arguing with you there. She’s amazing.”
It was hard to be angry with the truth. I didn’t have an issue with Tillie being amazing. I had an issue with Kael saying it to me after what we had done together.
“She is. I’m sure the two of you will be very happy together. See you Sunday at church.”
“Whoa … whoa … whoa …” As I started to escape in the opposite direction, he grabbed my arm. “You know where I stand with marriage and happily-ever-afters.”
“I do. But clearly Tillie doesn’t. And you’re young. You’re allowed to change your views, especially if a game-changer comes along.”
“And you’re my game-changer?”
“No. Aren’t you listening to me? Tillie, you idiot. Tillie is your game-changer.”
“Is this jealousy?” He smirked.
“Ugh! No! I’m not jealous. I don’t want to marry you. I don’t want your babies. I don’t want to invite you to my church.”
“I told you … I’ve had a vasectomy. No babies.”
I frowned. “That wasn’t my point.”
“Then what is your point? Because I’m not getting it.”
“Don’t hurt Tillie. That’s my point.”
Lines formed along his forehead. “I wasn’t planning on it. What is this really about?”
I deflated. “Look … ten years ago, if someone would have asked me if I could see myself having no-strings-attached sex—no commitment, no love, no pressure for anything more—I would have laughed in their face. The idea would have seemed absurd. But now that it’s happening to me, I don’t know the rules. And maybe there are no rules. But I think I need some rules, at least for myself. Some moral boundaries. I don’t …” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I don’t care if you…” I glanced around to see if anyone was close by who could hear us “…have sex with Tillie. That’s not my business. And while I don’t want you to tell her you’ve done it with me, I do need you to be honest enough to let her know you have no intentions of being monogamous with her. Unless …”
My nose wrinkled as I caught myself rambling and putting words into his mouth like I knew his intentions with me, Tillie, or any other woman in Epperly.
“Unless?” He took a step closer to me.
“Unless you are planning on being with her,” I murmured. “Which is fine, and again … none of my business.” My gaze worked its way up to his. “You can’t hurt me.”
That was a lie, but I liked how strong I felt saying it.
“But Tillie isn’t looking for casual sex. So don’t hurt my friend.”
“I want to touch you right now.”
Swallowing hard, I surveyed the area again. The intensity of his eyes on me, the heat from his proximity, and the suggestiveness in his voice did euphoric things to my body.
“Are you wet, Elsie?”
I blinked and turned my head to the side.
“I bet you are.”
That! That was what I wanted in my secret little world. Dirty talk. The high stakes of sneaking around. A man reading my body like he could feel my skin and the desire between my legs without even touching me.
But then … Tillie Cunningham had to make him dinner.
“Follow me to my place.”
I shook my head, keeping my gaze averted. “You just got here. Your friends are waiting for you inside.”
“They’ll understand.”
My head snapped up, eyes squinted. “Understand?”
“Getting laid is better than beer, especially when your team isn’t playing tonight.”
“Kael! They saw you follow me out the door. If you tell them you’re leaving too …” I took a step back and offered a stiff smile as a couple passed us to enter the bar. “It will start rumors.”
“That’s what I love about small towns. All the rumors and gossip. It’s why everyone thinks I’m going to church Sunday and courting Tillie Cunningham.”
“Rumors are awful. And I don’t want to be the newest one floating around. I have a daughter still in school here. And Tillie was speaking from her firsthand experience with you. I heard her. It wasn’t a rumor.”
“Well, she read into the situation.”
“You were too nice to her!”
Kael’s eyebrows jumped up his forehead. “Is that a thing? Is that even possible?”
My mittened hands covered my face as I chuckled. “I don’t know. I … I just need to go home and get back into quilting instead of other stuff.”
“And I’m the other stuff?”
My hands slid from my face. “Yes. You’re other stuff for sure. Night.” I turned and wandered toward the parking lot down the street.
“Am I better than quilting?” he hollered.
I laughed and kept walking. There was no way I was answering him.
Chapter Thirteen
I married an old man, but he’s only thirty-seven. Why must he take such small, short steps? He’s average height. It’s just not normal or manly.
* * *
“I want to talk about your virginity.” The pot (me) sat across from the kettle (Bella) at the kitchen table.
“Why?” She smirked with her head angled toward her cereal bowl. “It’s gone and I can’t get it back.”
I picked at my bowl of fruit. “I thought we could be friends and discuss your first time. If you used protection. If it was or is serious.”
“Friends?” She raised her head. “Like how I’d talk to my friends from school?”
Tapping my fork on the side of the bowl, I nodded. “You’re an adult. I’m an adult. Let’s
have an adult conversation about sex.”
“Fine.” Her lips pulled into pure evil, and I regretted starting the conversation before she had the chance to open her mouth again. “Did Dad go down on you often? Did you like it?”
My daughter made me blush. When did I lose my footing as the grownup in the house?
“See.” She scooted her chair away from the table. “You don’t want to talk about sex with me like we’re friends. And I honestly don’t want you to answer that question anyway.” Her nose wrinkled before she turned and shuffled her bare feet to the kitchen sink.
“So …” I cleared my throat. “You like oral sex?”
“Mom … please … just don’t.”
“Have you had more than one partner?”
“Right there.” She turned toward me, resting her hand behind her on the edge of the counter. “My friends wouldn’t ask that. At least, not in that way.”
“In what way?”
“Like a doctor. How many sexual ‘partners’ have you had? Seriously, Mom. Just … no.”
“Then how many guys have you slept with? Made love to? Screwed? Done it with?”
“Mom!” She closed her eyes and covered her face while laughing. “Stop.” She giggled.
I made a slow approach toward her and set my bowl on the counter before stealing a hug. “Fine. We don’t have to discuss it if you don’t want to. But I want you to know there is nothing you can’t talk to me about. I’m still your fiercest protector, but I want you to feel like we can discuss intimacy. My mom never discussed it with me, and it led to a lot of shame.” I pulled back, holding her at arm’s length as I grinned. “It led to your two oldest brothers.”
“They weren’t planned?” Her mouth hung open with surprise.
“No. They weren’t planned because your dad and I didn’t plan on having sex. We were raised to believe it was wrong to have sex before marriage. But we were young and in love. We were passionate and unprepared.”
“I haven’t had unprotected sex.”
“Good.”
She shifted her gaze to my hands holding her arms. “So … are we done?”
“Yep.” I released her and retreated two steps, maintaining my cheerful smile as if I didn’t just get shot down in my attempt at bonding with my only daughter.
After slipping into my jogging pants and sweatshirt, Meadow and I waited outside for Amie. Ten minutes later, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to call her only to find a missed message from her.
Amie: Sorry, client emergency. Have to cancel this morning.
Dropping my phone back into my hoodie pocket, I ventured down the driveway, turning north instead of my usual route going south. The air bathed my skin in its fall crispness, and snow still blanketed most of the ground, making my walk a little tricky in icy spots. Taking the first right, I trekked up the gradual hill toward the dead end where the Davidsons lived. Their daughter, Amber, was two years older than Bella, but they had become close friends through youth group at church.
My pace slowed as I recognized the pickup truck parked just off to the side of their driveway, where they kept their fishing boat during the summer. To my knowledge, Randall and Anna were in Arizona. They owned a place not too far from where my parents lived. Bella hadn’t mentioned Amber being home from college for Thanksgiving break, but it was possible.
Still, it didn’t explain why Kael’s truck was parked there. The front door opened, and I shuffled to the side, yanking on Meadow’s leash and hiding behind a tree. He stepped outside, toolbox in hand. Amber followed him with a blanket wrapped around her body and boots on her feet. Kael hoisted his toolbox into the back of the truck and turned toward her.
She stepped closer to him as if personal space meant nothing to her generation. Her lips moved, speaking words I couldn’t hear. Then she smiled, gazing up at him. He returned a smile and nodded several times.
They were standing too close for comfort—not how one would stand next to a guy who did something like hang a picture or fix a leaky faucet.
Amber took another step into him, leaving no more steps to take, forcing his back to rest against the driver’s door to his truck. He slid his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Amber spoke again. Kael lifted his gaze and glanced around. When he returned it to her, she lifted onto her toes and kissed him.
“What … the … fuck?”
He didn’t seem to move. I couldn’t tell if he kissed her back. It was too quick. He sure didn’t push her away or turn his head. I was in too deep. Really … I really did not want a boyfriend or a relationship. Just the sex.
Amber had to be … twenty, maybe close to twenty-one. He was thirty. I was forty-two. Overthinking the age gap didn’t work in my favor. That didn’t stop the anger from brewing. I wasn’t sure if my anger stemmed from him allowing her to kiss him. After all, we weren’t anything. He could’ve had sex with a different woman every night.
Maybe that was it. Maybe I was upset that he was having more sex than me. Nothing stopped me from finding other guys to have sex with.
Okay. That wasn’t true. Epperly had a population slightly under twelve hundred. And I knew just about everyone, and everyone knew me. It was basically like fishing in your own fish tank for dinner. Sure, there were single men in town, but once I took out the ones I would never have sex with, the ones that would never keep their mouth shut about it, and the ones I felt confident weren’t carrying an STD—it left me with two, maybe three options including Kael Hendricks.
Brian Hosier was an attorney in town. He divorced five years earlier. Craig hired him for things like our will and rental contract advice. He was in his late forties with a mostly full head of hair and jogged every day.
Mike Holmes, a fifty-something banker who lost his wife to breast cancer nearly a decade earlier, squeezed into the final spot. However, Mike had a gait issue. I remember overhearing Melinda, his wife, talking about him to a friend at the cafe. She said, “I married an old man, but he’s only thirty-seven. Why must he take such small, short steps? He’s average height. It’s just not normal or manly.”
Maybe he had a really big dick and walking too fast sent it swinging like a wrecking ball. That unlikely, but not entirely impossible, scenario was the reason I added him to the list.
Mentally tucking away my short list, I edged around the tree to stay out of sight as Kael drove toward the main road.
“Meadow …” I frowned as she squatted to poop just as the front door shut behind Amber. I reached into my pocket for a poop bag, but there wasn’t one. “Ugh!” I grimaced at the pile she left. Seeing only Kael’s taillights as he turned the corner, I kicked snow over the pile of shit and hightailed it toward the main street, deeming my walk to be over. When I turned the corner to head back home, Kael’s brake lights greeted me from the side of the road.
“Good morning, Mrs. Smith,” he sang with a cheerful tone while rolling down his window.
I continued walking toward home. “For some it is.”
“What were you doing? Spying on me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His truck tailed me down the street. “I saw you in my rearview mirror, hiding behind a tree when I left the Davidsons’.”
“Congratulations on your twenty-twenty vision, and I wasn’t spying.” I sped up my pace as if I could outrun his truck.
“Then what were you doing?”
“Making a list of eligible men in town to fuck.”
He chuckled. “Am I on that list?”
“I can’t remember. It’s a long list in alphabetical order. A lot with H’s too. I’ll let you know.”
A horn honked, going in the opposite direction. I waved at Bella and so did Kael.
“You left a pile of dog shit on the Davidsons’ property. I’m pretty sure that’s frowned upon.”
I shot daggers at him and sped up my pace to a jog. “You’re frowned upon,” I mumbled. When I reached the house, I kept pace right to the front door, even when I heard
his truck pull into my driveway.
Door shut.
Shoes off.
Jacket off.
I marched straight up the stairs to shower.
“Elsie, is that about the kiss?” he asked … coming into my house uninvited.
“Jeez … come on in,” I quipped as I turned at the top of the stairs to face him.
“Thanks. I just did.” He unlaced his boots.
“You’re not staying.” I eyed him through tiny slits.
He glanced up from his hunched position. “Why? Because Amber kissed me?”
“No. God! You’re so full of yourself. I have to shower and get to work.”
“Your store doesn’t open for two hours.” He stood straight and glanced at his watch.
“You have to leave.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
He prowled toward me, one step at a time. “Why? Because you’re upset that Amber kissed me?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes in exasperation.
“So … let’s take that shower.”
“No.” My feet moved backward to keep a safe distance between us.
“Take off your clothes.” He deposited his coat on the banister and shrugged off his long-sleeved tee.
I told my eyes they weren’t allowed to leave his face, but they ignored my request and drifted to his fantastic chest and abs as his hands worked the button and zipper of his jeans.
“If you’re not upset about Amber testing the waters with me, then take your clothes off. Otherwise, I won’t believe you.”
“Cocky bastard.” I ran out of steps to take, missing the doorway and bumping into the wall.
He ate my comment and returned a satisfied grin. When he ducked to kiss me, I turned my head. He made a second attempt, and I whipped my head in the other direction. Once he paused long enough to show a slight level of agitation in his narrowed eyes, I showed my hand.
Gah!
Why did I show my hand? I should have crossed his name off my sex list and moved on. Nope. I made a mom move by licking my fingers and wiping off his mouth—the mouth Amber had kissed.
His lips curled into a smile beneath my scrubbing motions. When I finished, he rubbed them together. “Do you want to urinate on me too?”