by Jewel E. Ann
“Great night.”
I glanced behind me as I wormed my way into Kael’s store. “Hi. Yeah. It couldn’t be more perfect,” I replied to Mike Holmes, the banker, one of the two eligible men in Epperly. Three … but not according to my daughter.
“How’s business?”
Dead.
“Good. ’Tis the season to be grateful for every customer.” As I pulled off my mittens and slipped them into my pockets, Kael glanced up from the table covered in a palate of paints, brush in his hand, white paint smudge on his nose and smeared along his beard.
He gave me two seconds, maybe three. Without so much as a smile, he returned his focus to the young girl on the stool next to him getting her face painted.
“Well, I’m definitely stopping by tomorrow to grab all my favorites from your store. One-stop Christmas shopping,” Mike continued the small talk, saying all the right things.
“That sounds great. I’m not placing another order this year, so early shopping is a good idea.”
“I bet you’re running pretty ragged … you know … kids, work, Craig’s parents. I don’t know how you do it.”
Apparently, I’m a pack mule.
The lines moved forward, and I veered into the shorter line that wasn’t Kael’s. “Yeah. It’s been a crazy year, but I’m doing fine. The kids are doing well. And I can’t do much about Craig’s parents’ situation, but every day I can help them stay in their home is a good day. How are your parents? I heard your dad had heart surgery a few weeks ago.”
“He did. But he’s recovering really well.”
I nodded. “That’s good.”
“Yeah.” Mike had a look. It was different and yet familiar. Before I could place the familiarity, he spoke again with a nervous demeanor. “Say … how would you feel about getting a drink sometime? Or if you don’t drink, we could share some nachos at the bar and grill.”
A date.
Almost a year after Craig’s death … a guy asked me out on a date. I wondered how long he’d been thinking about it. Or maybe he just asked it on the fly out of nowhere. I actually liked that scenario better.
“Um …” I thought of the rumors. Drinks or nachos at the bar and grill was different than screwing Kael in private. I was ready for sex, but was I ready for a small town to plan my next wedding? That was what would’ve happened.
Marry Mike or move to a different zip code.
“Maybe. Let me think on it until you come by the shop tomorrow.”
He chuckled. “That’s fine. No pressure. I honestly wasn’t sure if I should ask or what the appropriate time to wait should be.”
My nose wrinkled. “It’s not that. It’s…” I lowered my voice “…small-town gossip.”
“Ah …” He nodded. “Gotcha. Well, you can always have dinner with me at my house if privacy is what you need. Just…” he held up his hands and smiled “…throwing that out there. Again, no pressure.”
“Thanks.”
“Do you need to get back to your store, Mrs. Smith?”
I pivoted toward Kael’s slightly gravelly voice as he cleaned his brushes. “My daughter is watching the store. It’s fine.”
He jerked his head toward the empty stool next to him. “I’m sure she wants to do something besides watch the store. I’ll squeeze you in now so you can get back. I don’t think anyone would care.” He winked at the next person in line.
Tillie.
Tillie was next in his line. She gave him a flirty grin and shook her head. “Elsie can go next. That’s fine.”
“No. Really.” I pointed to the other employee whose line I was in. “I can wait.”
“Get over here.” Kael patted the stool with his hand.
I gulped and started sweating in all the embarrassing places. My body cheered at the opportunity to be closer to him. My head wasn’t as excited. Wearing a sheepish grin for cutting in line, I weaved my way through the congestion to his stool, climbed onto it, and slipped off my jacket.
He took my jacket and purse and set it on the floor behind the table before smiling at me. He wasn’t allowed to “mess around” with Amber then give me that smile.
He just … wasn’t.
“What do you want me to do to you, Elsie?” His suggestive smile twitched.
“Doesn’t matter.” I averted my gaze over his shoulder to Tillie drooling over him with so much adoration in her eyes.
She gave me a smile—the isn’t-my-future-husband-awesome smile.
“Something wrong?” he murmured, dipping a brush in blue paint.
“Nope.”
“For someone who doesn’t like vague, you sure know how to dish it out.” He kept his voice low and his face close to mine, putting us in a little bubble where no one else could hear us over the Christmas music and chattering customers.
“If your ‘good old infatuation’ with me is over, then I expect to hear it from you, not from my daughter.”
He continued to paint my face, gaze on the brush, but his forehead wrinkled. “Not following.”
“She said you were ‘messing around’ with Amber,” I whispered. “And that’s fine. This isn’t love. I just cannot be with you like that if you’re messing around with a girl my daughter’s age. I’m sorry. I don’t have the mental capacity for that right now.” I shot Tillie a tiny smile as she leaned in to hear us. My smile made her back up again.
“The Epperly rumor mill.” He grunted a tiny laugh. “Do I really have to comment on it?” His gaze made a sudden shift to mine. It was a challenge.
What was I supposed to say? That I didn’t trust him? Say nothing and risk being the most gullible person in the town? It wasn’t fair of him to ask me that.
“I cleared their driveway the other morning.” He ripped his attention from mine, and it felt like a Band-Aid ripping away … leaving something raw.
I needed an answer, and he needed me to trust him. It sucked that we needed different things in that moment. But with twelve years between us, I wasn’t sure we would ever need the same thing at the same time unless it was an orgasm.
“When I got out to shovel the walk to their front door, she stepped outside and threw a snowball at me. I threw one back at her. So if that’s messing around … then I’m guilty.”
Amber lied. She intentionally led her friends to believe she had done something sexual with Kael. I was disappointed in her the way a mother would be disappointed in their child.
Kael seemed to be disappointed with me, but not like a parent frustrated with a child’s immaturity—more like a scorned lover.
“You’re shaking,” Kael whispered inches from my face as his brush slid across my forehead. “You need to hold still.”
I swallowed hard. “Sorry.”
A tiny grin pulled at his lips. He rested his left hand on my leg to still my bouncing knee. I felt it a little higher than my thigh. “Did you do something different with your hair?” He made small talk like Mike, but Mike didn’t draw my nipples into pointy weapons with just his voice.
Kael always surprised me. He sucked at holding grudges. He sucked at being anything but nice. Even his evil moments faded quickly into something irresistible. Of course Tillie looked at him like he hung the moon—he probably did.
“I washed it.” I smirked.
Kael chuckled and released my leg to change brushes, dipping the smaller brush in white paint.
Did the whole store see us? Did they see my red cheeks, erect nipples, and tiny, panting breaths rushing past my lips? I felt completely exposed, like he was seducing me in front of the whole town. I felt his anger and disappointment, but I also felt the chemistry between us, slowly building like it always did.
“I love your cheekbones … they’re perfection.” His brush ghosted over my cheek.
“Stop,” I whispered with a shaky voice.
“I will not,” he whispered—his words only for me as his minty breath infiltrated my nose, so close to my face. “I love this tiny dimple that comes out when you smile.”
<
br /> “Kael …” My heart hammered in my chest. “Please stop.”
“And I love your lips.”
I knew no one could hear him, and that made the words even more intimate.
His brush traced my lips, and I couldn’t breathe. The heat on my skin burned to the point of pain. I needed out of there, but I couldn’t leave. And he took his time as if he knew I needed out—as if he was making a point.
As if … he was punishing me.
So I closed my eyes and thought about my dead husband and all the responsibility that came with his death. I thought about foods I hated and chores that sat on my long to-do list. I thought about anything but Kael using the word love over and over again.
I wasn’t his to love in any way.
Not my cheekbones.
Not my dimple.
Not my lips.
And certainly not my heart, even if I felt the stroke of his brush hit me there like a hunter’s dagger laying claim to it. There was nothing worse than giving something away to someone who didn’t appreciate it or even want it. Kael didn’t believe in love. He couldn’t be a good steward of anyone’s heart.
Minutes, hours, days later … it felt like forever … he stepped back. “Done. That will be ten bucks, my snow queen.”
I blinked open my eyes.
“Oh my gosh …”
“How beautiful …”
“Oh! I want that!”
“It’s like Elsa from Frozen!”
Eager customers ooo’d and aww’d while gawking at me. I returned a nervous smile as I climbed off the stool. Kael helped me into my jacket and handed me my purse.
My shaky hand reached into my purse and pulled out a twenty.
“I’ll get you change.”
I rolled my eyes. “Just … keep it. Donate it. Whatever.”
He smiled, slipping it into a jar filled with money. “Well, thank you, Mrs. Smith. That’s very generous.” He magically slipped back into Kael Hendricks, nice guy and fellow shop owner.
Before I could even get out of the tiny space behind his art table, Tillie threw her arms around Kael. “Good to see you. I’ve missed you. We really need to do dinner again.”
Everyone grinned and pointed with delight at my face as I made my way out of the store. When I sneaked one last peek back at Kael, his gaze was already on me. He winked.
I couldn’t hide my instant reaction—a knowing smile that felt like our little secret.
By the time I wormed my way back to the store, stopping every two seconds for compliments on my face, it was time to close up for the rest of the night’s activities.
“Oh my gosh! Mom!” Bella’s mouth fell open. “Not fair! Your face!”
I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and brought up the camera to have a look at what everyone was fussing about. “Dang …” I whispered at the beautiful shades of blue swirled along my face and outlining my lips. But it was the intricate detail to all the snowflakes that gave a wow factor.
I liked it a lot.
Too much.
I liked him a lot.
Too much.
“Did you ask for that?” Bella snapped several photos of my face with her phone.
“Nope. I just said he could do whatever he wanted with my face.”
I wanted him to grab it with both hands and kiss me until I forgot how to breathe, until my knees gave out, until the rest of the world faded into nothingness.
But the stunning face painting was a nice second choice.
“For real? Well, we are totally jealous.” Bella frowned and her friends nodded with similar envy on their young, pouty faces.
“I’m going to use the restroom and lock up so I can take my place at the judges’ table. Are you girls going to make a snowman?”
“Of course. Laters, Mom.”
As soon as I used the restroom and locked up shop, Kelly practically jumped me. “Elsie!”
I whipped around.
“Whoa … I mean … Elsa.” She smiled, eyes wide. “Your face painting is a freaking masterpiece.”
“Yeah. He did a good job. I wasn’t expecting it.”
“Well, listen … I just wanted to catch you before the judging started.”
“Okay.” I pulled my white stocking cap onto my head and slipped on my mittens. “You caught me. What’s up?”
We walked toward the center of the square.
“I’m selling my house and moving out of Epperly.”
With surprise pulling at my painted face, I gave her a side glance. “You are, huh?”
“Yes.” She returned a confident nod. “You … your generosity and bravery for opening up to the group about the real stuff … well, it’s changed me. I felt like leaving here, the place where we met, married, and wanted to start a family—and the place where he’s buried—would feel like I was running away and forgetting about him. I worried so much about what everyone would think. But you showed me that my feelings are important too. And I shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed of them. You’ve been a huge role model.”
Ugh … not a role model at all.
“Kelly … I’m not worthy. Really. But thank you. I’m happy for you. Leaving Epperly is just living your life. You can’t change the past no matter how long you stay here. And beneath the headstone in that cemetery is just a body. It’s not him. You carry him with you in spirit. And he would want you to be happy.”
As we approached the table where the other shop owners were gathering to judge the snowman competition, I turned and hugged her. “Love you, lady. You’ve got this.”
“Thank you, Elsie … Elsa.” She winked.
As soon as I turned toward the group getting settled in their chairs, Penelope, the owner of Spoons, gave me a conspiratorial grin. “So … what’s up with Kael Hendricks only giving you the Elsa face painting?”
My eyes shifted side to side. “Uh … I know nothing about it.”
“Well, apparently you left and the last few people in line asked for the same thing, and he said it was an exclusive Elsa for Elsie. What makes you so special in his young eyes?” She really punctuated the young.
I shrugged, tightening the scarf around my neck. “I think he feels bad for stealing my business this year.”
“Oh … wow. Has it been bad?” Concern kidnapped her playful banter.
“No. Well, of course competition will steal some business. I’m just kidding. I don’t know why he was being weird about the face painting. He’s kind of a goof like that.”
“He really is.” Penelope sipped her hot drink and shifted her attention to the snowman-making contestants fighting for fresh snow to roll into balls while playfully lobbing a few at each other.
“Where’s Kael?” Grant, the art gallery owner asked, leaning forward to see everyone seated at the long table.
“He finished painting faces. Last I heard, he was helping the Albertsons. Their oldest is sick, so they were struggling to keep up with getting trees strapped to vehicles,” someone else offered.
The Albertsons owned the only tree farm within twenty miles of Epperly. Holiday Fest was their biggest night for selling trees, but they did heavily rely on their oldest son to help get trees secured to roofs—especially since Tobin Albertson had a kidney transplant just four months earlier.
“Of course he’s helping the Albertsons. Last night he helped me clean the kitchen at my cafe when he saw my light was still on. One of my employees had to leave early. He’s a saint if there ever was one.” Penelope sighed. She had a husband and two young girls, but it didn’t stop her from swooning over Kael and his generosity. “I heard he’s removed snow from your driveway on more than one occasion.” She nudged my arm.
I nodded slowly. “Yes. He did. It was very kind of him.”
“I bet Bella has eyes for him. I know all the girls do. But rumor has it, he and Tillie have really hit it off.”
Stupid. Fucking. Rumors.
The head judge took the small stage, where the band played beneath a canopy with heaters, and a
nnounced that the competitors had to stop working on their snowmen. We judges were given sheets of paper to vote for our top three. Of course, I voted for Bella’s which she built with her friends. Nepotism was alive and well in Epperly.
They ended up taking third place, but no one seemed to care. The prizes were large gift baskets of products donated by the business owners in the square—including some cancer causing shit from Smith’s.
The band resumed its holiday greatest hits as the crowd navigated toward the skating rink and to the cash bar that also served hot drinks for the kids. I milled around the area, pretending that I wasn’t looking for Kael, but I was. And when I found him helping tie the last tree to the Buckman’s Subaru in the parking lot at the end of the square, I just stopped and stared at him.
He didn’t see me yet. He was too busy laughing and chatting with the Albertsons as they used brooms and shovels to remove the bulk of the pine needles littering the area, disposing of them in the big dumpster behind Spoons. After it slammed shut, Kael walked toward the square with Mr. and Mrs. Albertson.
I remained in the shadows under the awning to Raine’s Insurance Agency on the corner by the parking lot. As if he sensed me, Kael glanced in my direction. He said something to the Albertsons, and they continued toward the square as he trekked my way in his brown boots, jeans, jacket, and beanie.
“Spying on me, Mrs. Smith?” He grinned as he approached me.
My words caught in my throat, making it hard to breathe. Maybe I was broken. What if my heart didn’t know how to do anything but love?
“I need you to stop.”
“Stop what?” He backed me into the door.
My gaze shot around us, searching for anyone seeing his close proximity to me, but it was dark. We were hidden to anyone not looking hard to see if two figures were tucked under the awning away from the street lights.
“Stop being nice.”
“To you?” The corner of his mouth curled into a sly grin.
“To everyone.”
The toe of his boot hit the toe of mine, and it nearly made me fall to pieces. I had no idea how fragile my heart was until he shook it with a look, with a touch, with a simple kiss. He made it weak. He made me weak.