‘But he’s still your dad?’ Diane suggested, gently.
Bryony’s lip trembled. ‘That’s right. And even though I had to put that jewellery in Uncle Freddy’s safe, in a way I still love him.’
‘Of course you do.’
‘And I still love you.’
Diane laughed shakily. ‘That’s a relief! Will you still come shopping with me, on your birthday? And have lunch?’
‘Yeah. ’Course.’
‘You know that I’ll be here for you, you and your baby, and Dad’s going to want to see you often.’
Bryony smiled, just, without disturbing the mesh of frown lines that corrugated her brow. ‘Don’t take this as a punishment or anything, Mum. But I think I’m going to go and live with Pops. For a bit, anyway. He’s so sad. He needs someone to look after him. When Dad left and he’d behaved so badly, I thought I’d better stay here, with you. But now I don’t want to feel as if I’m taking sides. He might even want me to stay after the baby because then he won’t be so lonely. Will you tell Dad? About James.’
‘I haven’t even thought about it. It might be better not to.’
Bryony brought her hand down onto the tabletop with a slap, eyes sparking with fury. ‘But if you don’t, you leave me in the same situation that he did – of choosing either to tell him or to keep it a secret from him! It’s not my secret.’
Diane blinked at her cross little elf and hastily reversed her decision. ‘OK, I’ll tell him.’ She tried to smile. ‘It’ll be something to look forward to.’
They spent another stilted hour together, the five of them. Diane moved around the kitchen with automatic hospitality, making drinks and putting biscuits on plates, for nobody to eat. Trying not to think how she’d been judged and found wanting by her daughter.
And James’s daughter. Tamzin’s eyes, wells of injury, avoided Diane’s.
Even George looked at her with a kind of wondering dismay.
When Tamzin and George left – with not even a peck on the cheek for Diane or James but they both hugged Bryony – Bryony took herself immediately to her grandfather’s house to propose to him that she become his housemate.
Diane and James ended up where they’d begun, staring at each other over the kitchen table.
‘Well, that was horrible.’ Her voice trembled as images of all those young accusing eyes rose in her mind.
James smoothed his hair. ‘I feel a worm. And I can’t believe what Tamzin’s going to do. To go to Hamburg with the band! There’s no job lined up, she’s just going to see what happens. She thinks she’s going to help manage the band because she’s got A-level German. Fucking hell, she can’t manage getting dressed, some days. She’s been depressed for two years, she doesn’t eat, she hurts herself –’
Diane cut in. ‘I think she’s coped with Valerie’s death brilliantly. She only seemed to lose it occasionally. The rest of the time she held herself together. You should give her credit.’
He recoiled, eyes blank with disappointment. ‘So you think I’m exaggerating the way she’s been, do you? Like Valerie?’
She took his hand with both of hers, wrapping her fingers around his solid warmth, feeling the goodness in him through the pores of his skin. ‘I never thought you exaggerated the way she’s been. But it’s just possible that you aren’t quite grasping how she is. She’s improved, James. She’s improved out of all recognition just in the few months I’ve known her. And she might not sustain it, she might not hold it together in Hamburg without you, one day soon you might get a phone call crying, “Daddy, come and get me!” But you can’t expect her to live her life in case she can’t cope.’
Frustratedly, he shook his head. ‘I sometimes think that nobody but me sees her as she is.’
‘Maybe we don’t,’ she said, touching his cheek with one fingertip, smoothing the lines of sorrow. ‘Or maybe we do.’
He kissed her wrist. ‘When I met you I felt I was trudging around carrying huge burdens. One was Valerie and her drinking; the other was Tamzin’s depression. I was constantly under the pressure of thinking for them. Neither could be trusted to fill in a form or anything else essential but mundane. They had to be protected from themselves and their own actions and others had to be protected from them. And I dragged them along, minding but trying not to mind, knowing that it was my role to be the reliable one. It was my job to take the shit.
‘And now Valerie’s gone and Tamzin has pushed me away. I’ve got what I wanted.’
‘Have you?’ She stroked his knuckles with her thumb.
‘I’m beginning to think I haven’t! I feel bloody.’
‘Your girls will always need you. Maybe not so much and maybe not all the time, but they need you.’
He freed a hand and stroked her hair, gathering it like a skein in his hand and smoothing it back over her shoulder. Then his hand stilled. ‘What was Bryony saying about her dad leaving?’
Her heart gave a great wriggle. ‘It seems like a lifetime since he left, not just a day.’ Even in the present awful circumstances Diane couldn’t help beaming. ‘That’s what I was trying to tell you! But you … Um, we –’ She blushed.
‘I meant to plod on but he did a couple of things that opened Bryony’s eyes and she asked me not to stay with him for her sake. And, James, I’m so liberated. I feel as if I could float up around the ceiling if I took a breath big enough. I’ve got this house and he’s got the cottage and that’s pretty much the end of the settlement, although it’ll have to be written up legally.’
His eyes, dark with shock, were fixed to hers. But then his slow smile began to break. ‘So we can be together? Perhaps not yet, not living together. But in a year, say, or two, so that it doesn’t hurt the girls too much. We can sell both houses and buy one that’s “ours”.’ He kissed her, tasting her. ‘I love you.’
Diane kissed him back. ‘I love you, too.’ Her hand tightened on the warmth of his and she made her voice persuasive. ‘But try to understand, James. I’m going to trade from here until I can afford other premises and I’m going to live off my own earnings, not yours. I’m going to make my own life. I don’t want to live in anyone’s shadow any more.’
He snatched his hand away as if she’d bitten him. Fumbling his way to his feet, he glowered down at her, his voice tight. ‘We’re not going to be together? When we’re finally free to? For fuck’s sake, you just said that you love me!’
She rose, stretching on tiptoes to kiss his lips, his cheeks, his jaw line, desperate to make him understand. ‘James, I want “us” so much I ache. I want us to love each other and make love to each other. But I’m never going to be dependent on a man again.’
He stared, understanding warring with disappointment in his face. Understanding won. His voice began to relax. ‘So you do see us going somewhere from here?’
She grinned. ‘Absolutely, I see us being together. As long as you want the real Diane, the one who has a business to run and might not always be able to put you first. The Diane who is looking forward to living alone for a while … and having a lover.’
He frowned. Slowly, the idea seemed to grow on him. ‘I certainly want the real you.’
Her voice dropped. ‘I could also see us taking up from where we left off.’
The tautness began to fade from his face and a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. ‘And where was that?’
Slowly, she eased her T-shirt up to where her bra, still undone, straggled above her breasts. ‘I think you’d got to just about here …’
His eyes fastened on her and his hands followed; hot, hungry. He murmured, ‘Even though we’ve just caused the most godawful scene and pissed off everybody we love best, all I can think about is that at least we don’t have to hide what we want.’
Diane sucked in her breath at his touch. ‘Mmm. And as we’re so thoroughly in disgrace I think we might as well act disgracefully.’
‘Fantastic,’ he breathed, sucking, nipping, licking, kissing. ‘But pack a bag because I don’t do backs
eats of cars in daylight. We’re finding a hotel.’
Slowly, she let her head fall back. ‘Yeah, well. We both have plenty of baggage.’
317
About the Author
Sue Moorcroft is an accomplished writer of novels, serials, short stories and articles, as well as a creative writing tutor and a competition judge.
Her other novels include Starting Over, Want to Know a Secret?, Love & Freedom and prior to Choc Lit - Uphill All the Way. Her novel Dream a Little Dream will be published by Choc Lit in November 2012.
She is also the commissioning editor and a contributor to Loves Me, Loves Me Not, an anthology of short stories celebrating the Romantic Novelists’ Association’s 50th anniversary and the author of Love Writing – How to Make Money Writing Romantic or Erotic Fiction.
www.suemoorcroft.com
www.suemoorcroft.wordpress.com
www.twitter.com/suemoorcroft
More Choc Lit from Sue
Starting Over
New home, new friends, new love. Can starting over be that simple?
Tess Riddell reckons her beloved Freelander is more reliable than any man - especially her ex-fiancé, Olly Gray. She’s moving on from her old life and into the perfect cottage in the country.
Miles Rattenbury’s passions? Old cars and new women! Romance? He's into fun rather than commitment.
When Tess crashes the Freelander into his breakdown truck, they find that they’re nearly neighbours – yet worlds apart. Despite her overprotective parents and a suddenly attentive Olly, she discovers the joys of village life and even forms an unlikely friendship with Miles. Then, just as their relationship develops into something deeper, an old flame comes looking for him ...
Is their love strong enough to overcome the past? Or will it take more than either of them is prepared to give?
Find out more and purchase in the kindle store: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Starting-Over-ebook/dp/B003Y8XQ74
All That Mullarkey
Revenge and love: it’s a thin line …
The writing’s on the wall for Cleo and Gav. The bedroom wall, to be precise. And it says ‘This marriage is over.’
Wounded and furious, Cleo embarks on a night out with the girls, which turns into a glorious one night stand with …
Justin, centrefold material and irrepressibly irresponsible. He loves a little wildness in a woman – and he’s in the right place at the right time to enjoy Cleo’s.
But it’s Cleo who has to pick up the pieces – of a marriage based on a lie and the lasting repercussions of that night. Torn between laid-back Justin and control freak Gav, she’s a free spirit that life is trying to tie down. But the rewards are worth it!
Find out more and purchase in the kindle store: http://www.amazon.co.uk/All-That-Mullarkey-Choc-ebook/dp/B003ZK5R7S
Love & Freedom
Short-listed for the Festival of Romance Award for Best Romantic Read 2011.
New start, new love.
That’s what Honor Sontag needs after her life falls apart, leaving her reputation in tatters and her head all over the place. So she flees her native America and heads for Brighton, England.
Honor’s hoping for a much-deserved break and the chance to find the mother who abandoned her as a baby. What she gets is an entanglement with a mysterious male whose family seems to have a finger in every pot in town.
Martyn Mayfair has sworn off women with strings attached, but is irresistibly drawn to Honor, the American who keeps popping up in his life. All he wants is an uncomplicated relationship built on honesty, but Honor’s past threatens to undermine everything. When secrets about her mother start to spill out ...
Honor has to make an agonising choice. Will she live up to her dutiful name and please others? Or will she choose freedom?
Find out more and purchase in the kindle store: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Freedom-ebook/dp/B00564A0RS
And to be released in November 2012
Dream a Little Dream
What would you give to make your dreams come true?
Liza Reece has a dream. Working as a reflexologist for a troubled holistic centre isn’t enough. When the opportunity arises to take over the Centre she jumps at it. Problem is, she needs funds, and fast, as she’s not the only one interested.
Dominic Christy has dreams of his own. Diagnosed as suffering from a rare sleep disorder, dumped by his live-in girlfriend and discharged from the job he adored as an Air Traffic Controller, he’s single-minded in his aims. He has money, and plans for the Centre that don’t include Liza and her team.
But dreams have a way of shifting and changing and Dominic’s growing fascination with Liza threatens to reshape his. And then it’s time to wake up to the truth ...
More from Choc Lit
If you’ve enjoyed Sue’s heroes, you’ll enjoy the rest of our selection. Here’s a sample:
Turning the Tide
Christine Stovell
All’s fair in love and war?
Depends on who’s making the rules.
Harry Watling has spent the past five years keeping her father’s boat yard afloat, despite its dying clientele. Now all she wants to do is enjoy the peace and quiet of her sleepy backwater.
So when property developer Matthew Corrigan wants to turn the boat yard into an upmarket housing complex for his exotic new restaurant, it’s like declaring war.
And the odds seem to be stacked in Matthew’s favour. He’s got the colourful locals on board, his hard-to-please girlfriend is warming to the idea and he has the means to force Harry’s hand.
Meanwhile, Harry has to fight not just his plans but also her feelings for the man himself.
Then a family secret from the past creates heartbreak for Harry, and neither of them is prepared for what happens next …
Find out more and purchase in the kindle store: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Turning-The-Tide-ebook/dp/B003Y8XQOC
Highland Storms
Christina Courtenay
Winner of the 2012 RoNA Best Historical Romantic Novel Category Award
Who can you trust?
Betrayed by his brother and his childhood love, Brice Kinross needs a fresh start. So he welcomes the opportunity to leave Sweden for the Scottish Highlands to take over the family estate.
But there’s trouble afoot at Rosyth in 1754 and Brice finds himself unwelcome. The estate’s in ruin and money is disappearing. He discovers an ally in Marsaili Buchanan, the beautiful redheaded housekeeper, but can he trust her?
Marsaili is determined to build a good life. She works hard at being a housekeeper and harder still at avoiding men who want to take advantage of her. But she’s irresistibly drawn to the new clan chief, even though he’s made it plain he doesn’t want to be shackled to anyone.
And the young laird has more than romance on his mind. His investigations are stirring up an enemy. Someone who will stop at nothing to get what he wants – including Marsaili – even if that means destroying Brice’s life forever …
Sequel to Trade Winds
Find out more and purchase in the kindle store: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Highland-Storms-Choc-Lit-ebook/dp/B00629ZK0I
The Importance of being Emma
Juliet Archer
Darcy & Friends Series
Winner of The Big Red Reads Fiction Award 2011 and short listed for the 2009 Melissa Nathan Award for Comedy Romance.
Mark Knightley – handsome, clever, rich – is used to women falling at his feet. Except Emma Woodhouse, who’s like part of the family – and the furniture. When their relationship changes dramatically, is it an ending or a new beginning?
Emma’s grown into a stunningly attractive young woman, full of ideas for modernising her family business.
Then Mark gets involved and the sparks begin to fly. It’s just like the old days, except that now he’s seeing her through totally new eyes.
While Mark struggles to keep his feelings in check, Emma remains immune to the Knightley charm. She’s never forgotten that
embarrassing moment when he discovered her teenage crush on him. He’s still pouring scorn on all her projects, especially her beautifully orchestrated campaign to find Mr Right for her ditzy PA. And finally, when the mysterious Flynn Churchill – the man of her dreams – turns up, how could she have eyes for anyone else?
Find out more and purchase in the kindle store: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Importance-Being-Emma-ebook/dp/B003ZSHNWW
The Silver Locket
Margaret James
Winner of Catanetworks Reviewers’ Choice Award for Single Titles 2010
If life is cheap, how much is love worth?
It’s 1914 and young Rose Courtenay has a decision to make. Please her wealthy parents by marrying the man of their choice – or play her part in the war effort?
The chance to escape proves irresistible and Rose becomes a nurse. Working in France, she meets Lieutenant Alex Denham, a dark figure from her past. He’s the last man in the world she’d get involved with – especially now he’s married.
But in wartime nothing is as it seems. Alex’s marriage is a sham and Rose is the only woman he’s ever wanted. As he recovers from his wounds, he sets out to win her trust. His gift of a silver locket is a far cry from the luxuries she’s left behind.
What value will she put on his love?
First novel in the trilogy, followed by The Golden Chain (May 2011) and The Penny Bangle (May 2012)
Find out more and purchase in the kindle store: http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Silver-Locket-ebook/dp/B004D4ZYTQ
Please Don’t Stop the Music
Jane Lovering
Winner of the RONA Best Novel of the Year 2012
Want to Know a Secret? Page 29