“You do,” I whispered, leaning down on my elbows so I could brush my lips across hers. “You do. I know you do.”
“I’m terrified that I’m going to wake up one day and you’re going to take them again,” she confessed in a shaky voice. “That you’re going to decide you want someone else and there’ll be no more room for me.”
“No, Katie,” I said harshly, gripping her head between my hands. “That won’t happen.”
“How can you know that?” she argued, her eyes filling with tears. “That’s what you did less than two weeks ago.”
My forehead dropped to hers, and I inhaled a shaky breath. “That wasn’t what happened. There’s no one but you, Kate.”
She closed her eyes, and tears leaked out of the corners. “I can’t trust you.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I whispered frantically, kissing her face while she lay passively beneath me. “It wasn’t you. It was me. I was being selfish. I wanted them with me, and I fucked everything up.”
“That’s the thing,” she replied, defeat lacing her words. “You have that power. I have no rights when it comes to the kids, and at any point you could erase me as if I never existed.”
“I wouldn’t. I thought you’d follow behind us, Kate. I swear. I thought it was only for a little while until you could have Iris. I never planned—”
“I don’t believe you.”
Her words slapped me in the face. She still wasn’t looking at me, and I hated that she was blocking me out that way. I was surrounding her, my body pressed against her from all sides, and she’d still found a way to keep herself distant.
“I’ll prove it to you,” I said resolutely.
Her eyes slowly opened, and I caught a glimpse of the Katie I’d used to know before her eyes once again took on the haunted look she’d had since Iris was born.
“Please do,” she whispered back softly, her hand lifting to rest on my ribs. “I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t.”
Both of us were breathing raggedly as I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, tentatively sliding my tongue between her parted lips.
It was the first time I’d really kissed her in over six months, and within seconds I was hard as a rock. My mind knew that we would go no farther, but the rest of my body seemed to chant Kate, Kate, Kate as she slowly slid her hand up my chest and wrapped her fingers around the front of my throat. I wasn’t sure why she did it, but the movement both turned me on and oddly centered me.
I finally pulled away as Iris began to fuss in her bed, and I immediately felt guilty for keeping Kate awake when she should have been sleeping. “I’ll get her,” I said, leaning back down to suck Kate’s lip into my mouth one more time before crawling off the bed.
When I reached Iris, I couldn’t help but glance back at Kate.
She was lying on her side again, a small sleepy smile on her face while she waited for me to bring her the baby. One half of her nursing tank top was already unsnapped and gaping at the top, and at some point while I was on top of her, the blankets had been pushed down past her hips, giving a glimpse of the flannel pajama bottoms she wore to bed and the soft belly above them.
I didn’t care if it took the rest of my life to prove to her that I wasn’t going anywhere—as long as she would let me roll over in the middle of the night and see her looking exactly the way she did then.
* * *
The next morning, I climbed out of bed before my alarm went off, anxious to get away from Kate.
She was killing me, and kissing her the night before had left me with an erection that would go down just enough for me to fall asleep and grow hard again as I started to dream. It was insane.
I made it into my old bedroom and stripped off my shorts in a hurry before sitting on the edge of the bed and fisting my erection.
Ah, God, I was so hard I ached.
I probably should have gone to the shower to take care of business, but I hadn’t wanted to wait long enough for the water to heat up. I’d needed to come six hours before. I couldn’t wait any longer.
I closed my eyes as I thought about the way Kate’s body had grown more curvy and round since she’d had Iris, panting as I imagined fucking her tits like I had the first night we’d been together.
My breath caught and I held back a moan as my cock jerked.
“Shane, are you—”
I didn’t see Kate come in but my eyes snapped open as she stuttered and clicked the door closed behind her.
“Oh, shit,” she breathed, glancing down at my hand and then back up to my eyes, her face flushing.
I should have stopped. That would have been the decent thing to do after getting caught. But I couldn’t force myself to stop pulling hard on my shaft—not when she was standing there in a white tank top that hid nothing, watching. Instead, I gripped myself harder and moved my hand faster, almost instantly feeling my balls draw up as her nipples hardened beneath her shirt and her hands fisted at her sides.
I watched her lick her lips, and just like that my orgasm hit, tightening my leg and ass muscles as semen coated my hand.
If I hadn’t been watching Kate’s face, I would have missed the low noise she made and the way her eyes grew heated as she watched me move. Because as soon as I’d finished, she was fleeing back out the door and slamming it behind her.
Fuck.
Chapter 16
Kate
Time passes quickly when you’re so busy you can barely see straight, and before I knew it I had a fourth grader, a kindergartner, a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a two-month-old.
It was exhausting in the best possible way. As Iris got a little older, I felt more and more like my old self, and I’d even started getting reacquainted via email with my old business contacts. I thanked God every day that I’d saved up during Shane’s deployment because the minute I’d gone on bed rest, I’d had to send emails to all my clients giving them the contact information for other web designers I trusted. I hadn’t been able to work in months, and though I’d been frugal, my savings were getting low.
I wasn’t sure that I was ready to go back to work yet—we were still trying to find our sea legs—but I knew that eventually we’d figure out a schedule and I’d have a little extra time on my hands.
I sang to Iris as I put her into her baby swing that I’d pulled into the kitchen, then spun on my heel to grab Gunner off the floor and dance him around the kitchen table. I was in a ridiculously good mood. I couldn’t help it.
It was Friday night, homework was done, the big kids were playing on the Wii, Gunner had taken a three-hour nap that left him almost giddy, and I was ready to make homemade pizzas for my family as the sun shone through the kitchen window.
I sang, swaying Gunner from side to side as he giggled.
I got to the chorus right as Shane walked in the door from the garage, and I couldn’t help but laugh as Gunner threw his hands straight up in the air and yelled, “Daddy!”
Shane smiled as I continued to sing, his eyes soft on my face. “Beautiful,” he mouthed silently, never looking away from my face as the older kids stormed into the kitchen.
I blushed and broke eye contact, spinning Gunner around in a circle.
Shane and I seemed to be dancing around each other, pushing and pulling as we found our new normal. We’d never lived together before, which seemed odd when I thought about it. I’d given birth to his child and we’d been circling each other for a year, yet bumping into him in the bathroom each morning was new and a little embarrassing.
He was trying so hard to get back into my good graces that it was a little bit endearing. He pitched in with the kids, and ran baths for me after the big kids were asleep, taking care of Iris so I could have a few minutes of quiet. He told me I was beautiful, sometimes when all I felt like was a big blob of human.
I loved that he was trying, but I couldn’t help but feel like he’d missed what I was trying to tell him. I wasn’t mad at him—not anymore. No, it went deeper
than that. I loved Shane, I’d always loved him, even when I could have strangled him. But there was a bone-deep weariness inside me that I couldn’t seem to shake.
It was as if, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get past the fear that he would leave me again and take the kids with him. I didn’t think I’d survive it.
So I held him at arm’s length, even though I saw how it wore on him. I couldn’t let him bridge that distance no matter how much I wished he would.
We were at a stalemate, both aching for the same thing, but unable to reach it.
“Kids, in the living room while Auntie Kate makes dinner,” Shane called out after the kids had told him all about their days. Poor Gavin had very little to contribute past the large spider he’d found on the outside wall of the house.
I set Gunner on his feet and watched him run clumsily after his brothers and sister before turning to look at Shane. “Pizza sound okay?”
“Pizza sounds great,” he answered huskily, making my heart thump. “Come here.”
I shook my head silently as his mouth pulled up in a small grin. He nodded back, taking a step toward me.
“I have to start dinner,” I mumbled, frozen to the spot.
“You can wait ten minutes.”
“The kids are—” He reached me before I could finish my sentence, and suddenly I was pulled tightly against his chest.
“Ouch,” I hissed, pulling back.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in confusion as I lifted my hands to cover my breasts.
“Iris hasn’t wanted to eat in, like, three hours,” I told him with a shake of my head. “I’m just a little…full.”
“I’ll be careful.” He spun me around so we were both facing the kitchen window and began to sway from side to side. “I want to dance with my woman.”
“Your woman?” I snorted.
“My baby-mama?” he asked with a small chuckle.
“That works.” My breath caught as his arms shifted from my hips to wrap around the front of me.
“I love it when you sing to the kids,” he whispered in my ear, making goose bumps pop out on my neck. “It’s one of my favorite things.”
“You have a list?” I asked breathily as his thumb began to sweep back and forth across the bottom of my breast.
“Mmhmm,” he hummed before he began to sing softly in my ear.
“My voice leaves a lot to be desired,” he said sheepishly after he’d finished singing the first verse, holding me tighter as I tried to turn and look at him. “Nothing like yours.”
“I liked it.”
“Liar.” He chuckled, letting me go.
“I did,” I insisted, spinning to face him.
“I’m going to go shower,” he said uncomfortably, making me laugh.
“You blush like a little girl,” I needled him, jumping when he took a step back toward me.
“I don’t blush,” he argued.
“Oh, yeah, you do. You turn red like a tomato.”
I screeched as he moved for me and laughed hysterically as he chased me around the table.
“Get her!” Keller yelled, running into the room.
“Whoa!” Shane yelped, grabbing my hips and thrusting me behind him before Keller could barrel into me. “No roughhousing with Auntie Kate tonight, okay, bud?”
“Ah man!”
“I know. Dad shouldn’t have chased her,” Shane replied seriously, glancing over his shoulder to flash me a devious smile. “I’m going to shower. Why don’t you see if there’s anything you can help Auntie Kate with?”
Shane reached behind him and gave my hip a light swat before sauntering out of the kitchen. I stared at his ass until I couldn’t see it anymore. Shit.
I shook my head and smiled down at Keller, who was watching me with a weird expression on his face.
* * *
“Holy shit,” I moaned in the shower later that night. The kids were finally in their beds for the night, and Iris had passed out after nursing a little bit right after dinner. It had been hours since then, and when I’d talked to the advice nurse—who knew me by name after all the times I’d called about Gunner—she’d assured me that Iris could go longer than two hours between feedings.
Unfortunately, my breasts didn’t get that memo. They were rock-hard and hurt so bad I was in tears. I’d pulled out my breast pump, took one look at it, and realized that that thing wasn’t getting anywhere near the girls when they hurt so bad. According to the nurse, a warm shower was the next best thing, so I’d hopped in and let the hot water run down my body in an attempt to get them to express some milk and give me a little relief. It didn’t seem to be helping.
“Kate?” Shane called, startling me. I hissed when one of my arms brushed the side of my breast. God, it was agony.
“Yeah?” I called out shakily.
“You’ve been in here awhile, baby. Everything okay?” His voice was getting closer.
“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,” I called back.
He must have heard something in my voice because, within seconds, he was pushing the curtain back a little and slipping his head inside the steamy shower. “What’s wrong?”
I turned toward him and bit the inside of my cheek as his eyes widened.
“Jesus Christ!” he said. “What the fuck?”
“Iris isn’t hungry,” I sniffled. “They hurt so bad.”
He popped back outside the curtain and, within moments, was climbing into the shower naked and staring at my breasts.
“Take a good look,” I joked, pointing at the girls. “You’ll never see them this perky again.” The last word was almost a sob, I was so miserable.
“God, they look—”
“Hideous,” I cut in, nodding. The blue veins in my breasts were vivid against the paleness of my skin. It looked like I’d drawn them on with a sharp crayon, giving them a slightly raised look.
“Painful,” he corrected softly. “Did you talk to the nurse?”
“She said to take a hot shower,” I answered in frustration, jerking back when he raised his hand to touch me. “It’s obviously not working. You may want to leave while you can. I haven’t shaved in—God, I don’t even know—and pretty soon these babies are going to completely explode, leaving blood and milk spatter all over the bathroom.”
“I’m pretty sure they won’t explode,” he said in horrified amusement.
“I don’t think I’ll even be able to get Iris latched at this point. They’re going to stay this way forever.” I shook my head. “And I’m getting this awful sense of déjà vu. Haven’t we been here before?”
“Wrong shower,” he replied seriously. “And last time you vomited on my feet.”
“You’re welcome,” I said drily. “God, this is embarrassing.”
“No, the vomit was embarrassing. This isn’t.”
“Equally embarrassing.”
“Nope. Shit, you really haven’t shaved,” he mumbled, looking down.
“God, Shane! Get out!” I hissed, covering up my crotch with my hands and hissing as the insides of my arms pressed against the sides of my breasts.
“Quit that,” he scolded, pulling my arms to the sides, his eyes never leaving me. “Your hair is redder here.”
His fingers brushed against my pubic bone, and my stomach jumped.
“Focus, Dirk Diggler.”
“I’m focused.” His eyes snapped back up to mine. “What do we do?”
“I don’t know! I’ve been in this fucking shower forever.” I raised my wrinkled hand to his face. “My fingers may never recover.”
He kissed my fingers, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
“Stay still,” he murmured, lifting his hands to lightly run his fingers over my breasts. It didn’t hurt exactly, but I still held my body tight and motionless—just in case.
“Ouch,” he said softly, looking back up to meet my eyes.
“Is there something worse than ouch?”
“Motherfucking son of a bitch.”
; “Yeah, that pretty much covers it.” I laughed a little.
His fingers slid off my breasts, and he leaned forward slowly to kiss me, wrapping his hands around my back as he did so. I so badly wanted to lean into him, but I knew that would be incredibly painful.
“Stay still,” he reminded me against my lips, then pulled away.
Before I understood what he was doing, his mouth was on one of my nipples. I jerked, but his arms held me immobile as he sucked gently, once, then twice. When he finally pulled back, I watched his mouth turn up into a satisfied smirk. Then he moved to the other breast and did the same thing.
When he was done, I was leaking, and breast milk was running slowly down my torso, mixing in with the cooling water of the shower.
“Holy crap.”
“I fixed it,” he said proudly, lifting his hands to massage my breasts gently.
“Oh my God, it’s starting to feel better already,” I moaned, closing my eyes in relief. “Thank you. That was so weird, but thank you.”
“Why was it weird?” he asked with a laugh, making my eyes pop open.
“You just sucked breast milk from my nipples.”
“As opposed to sucking it from other places?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.
“Uh, no. Breast milk. In your mouth.”
“And?”
“And what? Breast milk in your mouth!” The more I said it, the more my face reddened.
“Katie, I’ve had my face in your cunt,” he replied bluntly, making my mouth drop open in shock. “I’ve pretty much had my face everywhere on your body. A little breast milk is nothing.”
“What does it taste like?” I asked, sputtering.
“Sorta sweet,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “Not like anything really.”
“Huh.”
“Feeling better?”
I reached up to rub at my breasts. “Yeah, damn. Way better,” I breathed.
“Good.”
He leaned down quickly and kissed me hard, his fingers sliding down my body until he’d reached the hair between my thighs.
“This is so fucking sexy,” he murmured, sliding his hand more fully between my thighs. “Why the fuck is that so sexy?”
Unbreak My Heart Page 20