She’d wondered sometimes what it would be like to be enfolded in his arms, to feel his heartbeat against her chest, to feel his lips on hers.
Whenever those thoughts came into her mind, she pushed them away. Her parents had no regard for wealth and status, and probably would have allowed her to marry him, if she had asked. Nevertheless, she hadn’t asked. She didn’t feel herself worthy of a man whose attractiveness was so obvious to all. It had taken her many years to grow into the woman she was at nineteen. She had felt awkward growing up. Her arms were too long. Her nose was too sharp. Her face was too oval.
She gazed absentmindedly through the window, her eyes settled on Joshua, though her mind was somewhere else, ticking off the list of things that she’d deemed wrong with her since she was a child.
Thinking back, she was ashamed that she’d been so frightened of everyone and everything. She didn’t want to be that way. She wanted to be strong and courageous like her four brothers. Even her younger brother had more courage than she. However, that was to be expected, she assured herself. They were men, and men had to be stronger than women. Much stronger than her, that was for sure.
Her parents had encouraged her, along with her brothers and servants like Bess and Joshua. Bess, her personal maid, was also a good friend. If there was one thing living in Bainbridge had taught Bella, it was that status meant very little when the person was of good character. The Cornwall's were fortunate enough – or blessed, Bella considered – to find and hire some of the best characters in South of England.
Bella came back to reality when Cameron asked her a question. He had leaned over while his father was talking to their brothers and whispered in her ear, “Bella, why do you stare outside at Joshua in such a manner? You are very deep in thought, are you not? What could you be thinking to make you look at him that way?”
Bella’s eyes moved to her brother’s face and she blinked several times. “I… I was thinking about my upcoming marriage, Cam. I have asked mother if the servants may come, as well. Of course, she has agreed.”
Cameron nodded, but Bella could tell he was choosing to accept her answer. He would not press further, but she felt he had a sneaking suspicion it was not her upcoming marriage that had been on her mind, as much as it was the handsome man sitting with the kitchen maid in the garden. Cameron, as the youngest, was also the most observant, having watched his four siblings grow up for seventeen years. He spoke when he needed to and was as honest as the day was long. He knew how to use words to convince other people to do things and was wise beyond his years. It had not stopped him from being a fun and adventurous type of individual. However, it had made his choices seem much wiser than they might otherwise have been if they had not always succeeded.
Bella tried not to let herself stare at Joshua any more, but her eyes strayed to him as he stood up with Elena and the two began to walk around the garden. She remembered taking similar walks with the young man as they talked about everything under the sun. The upcoming dances and parties that Bella would attend but Joshua would not. The harvest season, when the two of them could dare to be seen together, when everyone in the village gathered for the festivals and parties taking place.
He would avoid her now, she was sure of it. The thought made her sad. She didn’t want him to think she no longer desired to spend time with him. However, being a taken woman was much different than a girl paling around with her servant, protector, and friend.
Elena said something that made Joshua laugh. Bella was a little annoyed. She wondered what they were talking about, what Elena had said to make Joshua laugh.
Cameron nudged her gently with his elbow, bringing her back once again. She narrowed her eyes at him, rubbing her arm, though his nudge had been gentle and hadn’t hurt. He gestured with his head toward his father, opening his eyes wide, and she knew she had missed something important.
She looked at her father, who was staring at her with a big grin on his face. “I’m so sorry, Papa. I was not listening. Did you ask me something?”
Her father laughed softly, stroking his beard with one hand. “I merely asked if you were still with us, my dear. You have been staring off into space for nearly fifteen minutes. But I suppose a young lady who is getting ready to change her life completely has the right to drift off in her thoughts as she pleases, am I right, my dear?” He looked at his wife for confirmation.
The Duchess nodded. “Most definitely, my husband. When Lord Humbridge comes in a sennight, we will throw a big dinner and invite everyone in the village. That is when we will announce the betrothal. Does this sound acceptable to you, Bella?”
Bella nodded. “Oh yes, Mama, that sounds wonderful. Thank you.”
The Duchess nodded again, looking confident. “You are welcome, darling. We do want you to be happy and have everything you want at this wedding. I pray that there are no distractions or problems leading up to it.”
Bella felt a pang of fear that left as quickly as it came. “Oh, Mama, do you think something will go wrong?”
Hettie shook her head. “No, my dear. I was just mentioning that I pray for all to go well. I pray for everything to go well all the time. It does not necessarily mean that I expect tragedy.”
“That would be horrible. I don’t want anything bad to happen between now and when I get married.”
“Do you know where you will be living when you marry?” Cameron asked, curiously. “Will you be staying in Bainbridge or going to London to live there with Lord Humbridge.”
Bella shook her head. “I don’t know, Cam.”
“I hope you stay here. Surely Lord Humbridge will offer to buy up some land and settle here when he realizes what a wonderful little village it is.”
“Perhaps,” Bella said. “But it is not something that we discussed. He had already talked to Papa earlier yesterday before he took me to the Tree and asked me to be his wife.”
“That was a wonderful choice of settings for asking such a question.” Tyler said from across the table. “I do hope that I will propose marriage to my lady there, as well.”
“First you must find a lady,” Nick teased.
Tyler glared at him in mock anger. “I don’t see you dancing with anyone specific at the parties, brother. Perhaps you should prevent yourself from speaking until you have chosen a bride of your own?”
“Any woman would be glad to have me.” Nick boasted lightheartedly. “I am a formidable suitor and there have simply been no women who have caught my fancy yet. I am sure it will happen.”
“It better happen soon,” Tyler continued. “Or you will be considered not marriageable because you are old and gray.”
Nick shook his head while his family laughed. “I am a fine specimen, you can ask Father. I am the perfect seed from your loins, am I not, Father?” Nick’s grin was so wide; the family could tell he was kidding with them.
“I don’t know about perfect, my son,” the Duke replied. “But formidable, you definitely are, and handsome and smart.”
“Clever and attractive.” His mother supplied.
The family laughed when Nick’s cheeks colored a deep red. “I did not ask for such compliments, Mama, Father. I was only teasing…”
“The truth is the truth either way, my son.” His father replied.
Bella looked out the window and noticed that Joshua and Elena had left the garden. The trowel Joshua had stuck into the ground was still sitting there, its handle facing the sky, waiting for the gardener to return.
Bella stood up, pushing her chair back with her legs. “May I leave the table, Mama? Papa? I want to start my day.”
“Of course you may go, Bella,” her mother replied. “But be sure to come back in about an hour or two. We must start on your list, as we have many people to invite and messengers to send. The guests will want to know as far in advance as possible so they can make preparations.”
“Yes, Mama.” Bella lit out of the room like a butterfly, or perhaps because of matching speed, more like a hummingbird.
CHAPTER FOUR
BELLA AND JOSHUA
BELLA AND JOSHUA
The sun was shining bright in the sky when Bella stepped out of the house and turned to go toward the garden. She glanced over her shoulder toward the stables to make sure Joshua wasn’t down there before jogging lightly across the deck to get around the house. She gathered her long skirt in her fingers so that her feet wouldn’t get caught up in the fabric and quickly went down the stairs to make her way past the bushes that surrounded the garden.
There were clouds in the distance and she wondered if it might rain later that day. It was not rainy season, though in England, one could never tell when the heavens would drop more water to the earth. She hoped it would not rain. She had plans for the day and wanted to start it off right by speaking to her best friend in the world.
She looked around for him but he had not returned.
I hope he doesn’t bring Elena back to the garden, she thought. I don’t want to see her.
Joshua’s trowel remained where it was, sticking up from the dirt like a small spear. She bent over and picked it up, examining it as if it were made of gold. Joshua used this trowel daily, lifting the dirt around the plants, flowers, and bushes to keep the soil healthy and moist.
She gave a start when a man’s hand folded around hers and removed the trowel gently. She glanced over to see Joshua had returned and was grinning at her in a lovely way. Her heart skipped a beat and she chided herself silently for her hidden, forbidden feelings.
“What is a lovely young lady like you doing holding a thing like this?” Joshua said, gently. The tone of his voice did nothing to sway her emotions and she turned away from him so that he wouldn’t see what she was thinking on her face. She moved to the stone bench where Joshua and Elena had been seated earlier and plopped down, regretting it immediately when the hard surface contacted her delicate behind painfully. She winced.
“Are you all right?” Joshua was by her side immediately, concern in his voice.
Bella blushed and giggled in embarrassment. “Oh, of course, Joshua. I just sat down too quickly that’s all.” She was glad she had an excuse to blame for her blushing cheeks. She was sure the way she was feeling had to show. She didn’t want to embarrass him. If he knew what she was feeling, she was sure she would lose his friendship for good. He thought of her as his sister, or like a fragile duckling he had to take care of. Surely he would never think of her as the woman she had become.
“I worry about you, Bella,” Joshua said. “You are delicate and yet you stumble around like a lame horse sometimes. I fear you will break a limb or fall and hurt yourself.”
“I am very clumsy, aren’t I?” She dropped her eyes again, folding her hands in her lap. He sat down next to her, sending a wave of warmth through her body. When he placed one hand over hers, she struggled not to gasp audibly.
“No, no, Bella, I didn’t mean to insult you. Please forgive me.”
She looked up at him, meeting his blue eyes and noticing the flecks of green that swirled through them. When she smiled at him, he smiled back.
“I was not insulted, Joshua. I know you never mean me harm. I trust you just like I trust my brothers. It is all as it should be.” She hoped she said the right words to make him feel more comfortable, not knowing that her reference to being like a brother to her made his heart sad.
He lifted his hand after squeezing hers tightly. “I hear you are to be married. I must congratulate you. Lord Humbridge is a good man, very handsome. He will take care of you.”
She nodded. “Yes, he will. He has been a rock of salvation for me through this last year.”
“You have had many good times with him, haven’t you?” Joshua asked, genuinely caring.
“Yes. He protects me. I have met his family and they seem to love me quite a lot, almost as if it was destiny. Do you believe in destiny, Joshua?”
“I do and I don’t.” He stood up to begin working again but she grabbed his arm before he could move away from her.
“Don’t go back to work yet, Joshua. Sit and talk with me for a spell.”
Joshua glanced over his shoulder at the house, a doubtful look on his handsome face. “Are you certain? I don’t want your father to be upset with me.”
“No, he will not be upset. He knows that we are good friends. How many times have I come out here after breakfast to distract you and keep you from working? It has happened more than once.”
Joshua laughed, sitting back down and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Many more times than that, I would say. In fact, I would say you have come out here to ‘distract’ me, as you say, at least four times a week for the past seven or eight years.”
Bella joined him in his laughter. “I suppose I have. I like talking to you. You make me laugh.”
“I am glad you enjoy my company, Miss Bella.”
She had to chuckle at his reference to her. He only called her Miss Bella when he thought he needed to be formal. “Why do you call me Miss Bella, Joshua? You have not called me that in some time.”
Joshua shrugged. “I do not want to disrespect a young lady who is betrothed. You have become a woman and you deserve to be respected.”
“I was a young woman long ago. It is only now that I have taken a path that leads me into adulthood. I…” she leaned over and whispered conspiratorially. “I am a little scared. Should I be scared?”
Joshua thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. “I wouldn’t want to scare you with the facts about being an adult. But rest assured, you will be fine. You have many people keeping a close eye on your behalf. No one wants to see you harmed in any way. We won’t let you fall, Bella. We promise.”
“Are you planning to marry Elena?”
The question came out of the blue and surprised both Bella and Joshua. He blinked in confusion for a moment before he realized what she had asked.
“I…I don’t know.”
“Have you not asked her?”
He shook his head, not wanting to talk about Elena to Bella. The woman he loved sat directly in front of him and he couldn’t bear to admit that he might love another.
“Why have you not asked? It seems she is very much in love with you. I can see it in her face when she talks to you.”
“I… I am not ready for such a commitment.”
Bella tilted her head to the side. “But you have been of marrying age for a long time now. If you are not careful, you will end up a bachelor for all your life and that doesn’t sound very happy. That’s not what I would want for you. I want you to be happy.”
I will never be happy without you, he thought. Nevertheless, he could not say. It was inappropriate, no matter what her parents thought of commoners. Some of the commoners in Bainbridge were the Duke and Duchess’s best friends.
“I will be happy when you are happy, Bella. I don’t mind watching you blossom into a beautiful young woman. I wait anxiously for the day that you bring beautiful children into this world and I get to watch them grow into amiable adults. Perhaps you will name your son after me?” He winked and stuck out the very tip of his tongue. She giggled.
“I will name all my sons after you. Joshua the Second… Joshua the Third…”
They both laughed.
“When will Lord Humbridge arrive?”
“He will be gone a sennight. When he returns, Mama is planning a large arrival party. I want you to be there. Will you come?”
“I will definitely come, Miss Bella.”
“Stop it.” She slapped him lightly on the arm. “You don’t have to call me that. You never have to call me that. Just say my name.”
“All right, Bella. Forgive me.”
“All is forgiven.” She gave a little nod of her head, sending Joshua’s heart into a beating frenzy. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
“You can bring your Elena, as well. I know she is in the kitchen and will be helping to prepare the food courses for the evening, but there i
s no reason she cannot get finely dressed and come to the party with you. She can at least come for a few hours. Then she will taste food she has made herself.” Bella was trying to be gracious, but her tone of voice betrayed that she was not happy about any of it. She hoped he didn’t notice.
For his part, Joshua did not want to talk about Elena anyway, so he did indeed notice the change in her tone and look since she began talking about Elena. The fact that she called Elena “his” made his skin crawl. The woman was not “his”, much as she’d like to be.
He wondered if Bella approved of Elena as his woman. He was torn between going beyond the boundaries of his limitations and asking her outright, or just letting it ride out and not mentioning it at all.
“She makes her own food all the time,” he continued with the subject, smiling at Bella. “Who do you think prepares her food for her?”
Bella blinked at him in the gentlest way, sending him into yet another fit of heart palpitations. He wanted to grab her, press his lips against hers, and run his hands through her long, wavy locks. He resisted with all his might, waiting for her to answer. “Oh dear,” Bella said softly. “Does Cook not make food for her?”
Joshua chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m sure she does, but Elena also cooks, cleans, and puts together her own dinners. We don’t have servants.”
The Lady’s Dangerous Love Page 3