“Sweetheart, what have you gotten me into now?” I said jokingly.
* * * *
“We should do this more often. What are you going to order?”
I looked over and Richard’s eyes were beaming. A new zest for life had been released within him. I could see how much this case meant to him. How I loved this man! He only wanted to help me and I came very close to shutting him out. There was so much that I had to come clean with. Maybe, I was not giving Richard the credit he deserved. Perhaps once he found out about certain things in my past, he would understand and laugh them off. It was just that… my past! Although he might question me as to why I hid the fact. And what about Lexus? How would I explain her? I felt lost. But at that moment my love for Richard inspired me to disclose all. I wanted no more secrets between us. It suddenly hit me that I was on my third glass of Chardonnay. I would not divulge anything right now, just in case the wine might be dulling my ability to make a wise decision.
“The rack of lamb looks fabulous. What are you going to have?” I replied.
“Steak of course. I am a creature of habit and I do love my beef.”
“I don’t know how many times I’ve walked down Prince Street and never noticed that warehouse. What a great location for a research laboratory!”
“Richard, don’t you realize how close that is to our old condo?”
“I noticed! I’ll try to avoid that area, although rue Commune is the only direct access to the river front.”
“You know what… I bet if we walk by our old condo it might be what is needed to give us incentive to better our position. Visualization and dreams will make it all come true. I am a firm believer in that power,” I said.
We continued talking about the case and making plans for the future. It seemed strange how a street dweller living in a box might hold the key to our future. The staff started to clean up and I realized we had been in the restaurant for the better part of the evening. Exiting we hailed a cab. The wind was bitter and the cold felt like sharp razors digging into our thin layers of skin. How anyone could live in a box in these conditions was beyond me! I looked toward the sky and said a small thank you for our warm apartment and the love that we shared.
Tomorrow would be another day but tonight was reserved solely for us.
* * * *
The next morning I dropped Richard off at 13 Prince Street. He felt that he did not need an appointment. He would take his chances and hand in his resume to the receptionist. I told him I would meet up with him later. I kissed him goodbye and decided to drop by Lexus’.
“How are you today?”
“Adam, I have to get out of here. I am going crazy. There is nothing to do and that nitwit Peter won’t let me alone. What’s with him? Did he fall on his head or something?”
“Gritty, we have to keep you safe and besides, Peter is a good kid. Yes, he is simple but he means no harm. Maybe he is looking for a male influence or a father figure. Take it as a compliment and give the guy a break.” I could see the edginess in him, almost like he staged the conversation about Peter. He was a bundle of nerves. Lexus must have heard me coming in because within minutes there were two cups of coffee brought up to the room. “Thank you,” I said with a smile.
“Gritty did you tell him what you did last night?” The look he gave Lexus was one of hatred.
“No.”
“Well I will. He decided to go out to his old stomping grounds. He couldn’t stand these four walls another minute. I told him if he left, the door would be locked and he would not be allowed back in. We have a curfew and he has to abide by it like the other residents.”
“I respect that,” he interrupted. “You’ll never understand what it is like. And to have that half-ass twit following me around like that… was all I could take.”
I could feel the fire in Lexus’ face. She was fuming. She seemed to be taking his remarks about Peter very personally. I thought for sure she would hit him, but she composed herself and said, “So you think I don’t understand? I’ll have you know that this did not come easy to me. I had to kiss ass, literally, in order to have this place. Don’t tell me I don’t know what it is like. That is a copout. Gritty, I am only trying to help you. Get out if you can’t abide by the house rules. And if you so much as utter another disrespectful word about Peter, you are gone!” I had the distinct feeling that they were scripting this scene for me, not sure why but just instinct on my part.
“Now let’s work something out here,” I said getting tenser by the moment. He had to stay in the house. It was the only way that I could keep an eye on him.
Gritty must have sensed what I was thinking because he turned to Lexus and said, “Okay, I stepped out of line. I really do appreciate what you and Adam are doing for me. It won’t happen again. I promise.” Then the two of them looked at each other. They nodded in compliance but the tension was very intense. I could breathe freely again but I kept getting this feeling that there was more to their fight. They spoke with a sense of familiarity.
“How did you get back into the building?” I asked curiously, trying to make light of the subject.
“I rang the bell, that’s how.”
“Yes, he rang the bell and woke up all the residents. I had to let him in for fear of the police coming around. I don’t need that kind of shit.”
“Well all’s good now. Right?”
“This time, but it better be the last,” she answered with authority.
Gritty then looked at her and declared, “I can cook.”
“So what!”
“Lexus, don’t you get it? Gritty could cook for the residents. You could send him for supplies and he’d help out around the house. Wow, what a great idea!”
“Where did you learn to cook?” she asked.
“I was a cook in the Navy. Not a gourmet cook but I was good enough to serve a ship full of naval officers. I make a mean stew and can whip up fare for a lot of people.”
“Well it would seem that we have come to a compromise. Gritty will keep busy cooking and helping you with the kitchen chores and you will be able to relax and reap the benefits,” I said nodding as I spoke.
Before long they were both heading towards the kitchen and I was bidding my farewells.
I ran down the stairs without much thought. I could not wait to get back to the office and prepare my notes. I did not want to forget that this was still in fact a case. I was actually getting very excited.
As I opened the door to exit her building I ran right into him. My knees became weak.
“Adam, is that you? I have been searching for you. We have to talk. I asked Lexus where you were. She said you were not living in Montreal anymore, but I knew she was lying. She always covered for you.”
“Not here, not now! Give me a number and I will call you. I promise.”
“You won’t call. If you wanted to reach me, you would have found a way. I want to talk and now! You owe me an explanation!”
Fear engulfed me. The only thing to do was listen to what he had to say. I had to get rid of him. He could destroy my life and all that I had worked for. Richard must never know that he existed; he would not understand. My mind was racing with what-ifs.
My past… my horrible past was standing before me. It was suffocating me and I had to be exonerated and released from the shackles that linked me to that time … that person of recognition… the old me… the disgusting me that left no trace, only a maze of confusion for the ones that I left behind.
He was here; reckoning day had arrived, and I was the only one who could right this wrong. We walked to a small café, deep in the recesses of a dimly lit passageway under the city. How appropriate it seemed. The dimness of the room, hiding secrets, revealing stories of this city, stories that I was part of. It was the perfect setting for the scene that was about to unfold.
His eyes were pleading for
answers and I did the only decent thing that I could; I let him speak. He reached out for me, and my first instinct was to push him away. He looked pained, as if he was a wounded animal that had just been attacked. The years had been kind to him. His face was fuller and the lines of maturity defined his composure. He was hurting but I could see that he had control of the situation. He seemed taller as he stood over me while I physically shrunk with guilt. I was a coward and it minimized my frame. What could I ever say to make this right!
The time seemed to have stood still. We were here in the present, cradling the past in our arms. It was like a baby needing to be nurtured. It would starve if not attended to. The urgency was eminent in the depth of his eyes. The uncertainty of my future was being jeopardized by the situation. I could not walk away, not this time.
“Adam, you left without an explanation. What the hell did I do to deserve that? You left me with the brunt of everything. I paid a big price for your exit.”
“You did nothing. I felt ashamed and had to get away in order to start over again.” I could see his pain … although not physical but it was of equal intensity. I knew that I had to clear this up. I always trusted this man but everyone had a breaking point and he might decide his loyalty to me could be served better to others. He had all the ammunition; he could destroy me and my reputation but he seemed to be protecting me.
“I loved you. It was more than the work. We formed a bond and I truly thought that you felt the same way.”
“David I did! That was the trouble. What started out to be a mutual working relationship, ended up as a personal relationship! I felt pressured. Do you get what I am talking about? I was desperate for money. I wanted to better my practice and I did not mean to fall in love.”
“Yes, I do understand! But you should have explained that to me. You ran off without any forwarding address. Where have you been and what have you been doing? Lexus wouldn’t give me any information. Of course she was always loyal to you. I get that! Adam you owe me an explanation.”
“I was greedy. It was an easy way to make money. I always felt that with my education that I should continue my PI work. That was at the core of my decision to leave. Quick money is not always the answer… my dignity and reputation were at risk. I wanted a new start. I used some of the money along with my inheritance to expand and better my business. I only used some of the money; I needed it.”
“Wanted a new start! I’d say that was a little late in the scheme of things. Don’t you think?”
“I know. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you. It was just a business deal. That’s all!”
“Adam, we were making more money in a month than most people earn in a year. It was great. I cannot believe that you could do such a complete reversal. You seemed to enjoy your newly found riches.”
“The guilt took over! I was living a lie. Some days I would be at the office fighting for my clients in the name of justice. I was a respectable citizen working nine to five. And then other days I would be leading this double life, cheating the public. I ended up giving most of the money to charity. I did not keep it.”
“Now you are absolutely off the wall. Adam, I knew you were working on some cases. It was quite evident that they were taking up most of your time. Then all of a sudden you moved away. I went to your old apartment and you were not there. I heard you were involved with someone. Is that true? Please say it isn’t!”
“David, I did not want to live the life of an imposter. I loved you but met someone else. It wasn’t planned. I could not live a charade anymore.”
“What? Is he still in the picture? Is that why you left me?”
“Yes.”
“Does he know about us? Does he even care?”
“No. I didn’t find it necessary to tell him. I left you before I totally committed to him.”
He then looked at me accusingly and said, “Set him straight and then we can get on with life.”
“It’s not that easy!”
“Why?”
“Because I am married to him. Don’t you understand now?” The look on his face said it all. I knew somehow that moment would change my future. David was totally in charge of my life… and the way it would turn out. He had all the ammunition. I don’t think that there was anything that I could do to rectify this predicament that I had brought upon myself.
“Adam, I thought that I knew you. I burned the records that linked you to the business. Shit, I covered for you. I have never been more disappointed in someone as I am in you. You have hurt me beyond words. I am numb. Do you realize that I never stopped searching for you? What kind of a person does that to another?”
“David, I want you to know that I did love you. It was a matter of work and pleasure not mixing. I knew that if I quit the job, you automatically would not be in the picture anymore.”
“You should have at least given me that choice. How dare you rob me of that!”
“There is no excuse other than I was frightened. I didn’t know what you would do.”
“Don’t you see Adam that I could destroy you and your new little love nest? If people found out what you did and how you made your money; it would change your life completely. And bullshit! You did know what to do. You picked him!”
“Yes I know. I am basically at your mercy. I could beg you if that is what you want.”
“No, that’s not what I want. I won’t play your game. I don’t want to hurt you. I will give you what evidence I have and you can live with your own guilt. That is punishment enough. Now fuck off and get out of my face before I really hurt you. I fell in love with someone that I thought you were, not you. You are a cheater. I feel sorry for that husband of yours. If he only knew. Believe me Adam when I say that I will never stoop to your level. Your secret is safe with me. This has been the best learning experience of my life. I have finally seen how the other half lives, the shit half of the world. I have heard stories about people like you but never once thought that I would be a chapter in those books. I never want to see you again. I promise you will not hear from me. I deserve better.”
I believed him. He would not disclose anything. He was a better person than I was. I felt like shit as I walked away, away from my past… one that I was repulsed with.
* * * *
The next morning I arrived at Lexus’. She handed me a package that was delivered to her place. In it was the evidence that would release me from David. It was the proof to put me away for good; all the contracts signed with my name on them.
He kept true to his word. I felt more disgusted than ever with myself. I kept thinking about the past. It was 10 years ago. I couldn’t believe that David hadn’t moved on. I felt sick. Desperation and money don’t mix. I was young and wanted everything immediately and I needed quick funds to finance my private investigator business. Although I had already started the business, I felt it was half an attempt. I needed marketing tools to be a success and that came with a hefty price.
I had thought perhaps a part time job. I read the classifieds and there was this ad for an account manager and when I got to the building it was one of those rip off telemarketing companies, preying on innocent victims. Montreal was the leading city for telemarketing fraud mainly because the long distance connections were cheap. These scam companies were springing up all over town. It was an easy buck. I justified it by saying the people on the other end of the phone were idiots if they could be taken that easy but I knew better. I made thousands of dollars and there was only one catch. I met David.
I did not plan on getting involved emotionally, but it happened. What started out as working for a couple of weeks turned into a year! The more money I made, the longer I stayed. And it was during that time that I met Richard. He was the epitome of everything wholesome and good. I fell madly in love. The coward inside me could not tell David but the loyal side of me could not allow an affair. I had to pick between the two men, one
representing a questionable lifestyle and the other total goodness and everything right. I was frightened of what David might do. So I left. I later found out that the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) raided and shut down our place of business. David was fined heavily and I am not sure whether he served jail time or not. I assumed that he did because he surfaced years later.
I was not stupid enough to realize that there was evidence to link me to that company. It remained my secret and a thing of my past but when Lexus said he was looking for me, I started to panic. I would have to hope that this was definitely a thing of my past.
I quickly came to my senses only to realize that Lexus was standing before me.
“I feel like crap. When I left here the other day David was waiting for me. He was a lot more civil to me than I would have been to him. It’s over now.”
“Are you sure? He wouldn’t stop calling here. I got to the point I did not know what to say anymore. What’s in the envelope?”
“Evidence that could lock me up for a few years, proof of my illegal past!”
“Give it to me!”
“What the hell are you going to do with it?”
“I am going to destroy it; that’s what I am going to do with it. I also want you to remember all the good that you do. Adam that was your past. Leave it there, in the past where it belongs. You can’t change anything but you can learn from your mistakes. You have done so much to change people’s lives. How many clients have you worked free for? I would say that you have served more than your time.”
I reached out for a hug. Lexus always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. And that is why I loved this woman so much!
Chapter Five
Richard approached the desk with confidence. “Good morning.” The receptionist was a young girl who had trouble giving this handsome man her full attention. Half choking on her coffee she replied, “What can I do for you today?”
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