“I bet you’re kissing,” Harry says, outside my room.
“Go away,” I shout.
From behind the door there are retching noises. “Bleurgh, you are. I can hear you.”
“Harry, shut up and leave us alone.” I leap up, slam the door shut and return to the bed.
“Do you want to put on some music?” I ask.
“No, I want to know what’s wrong,” Danny replies.
“You sure? I downloaded this great new album yesterday and—”
“Suzy, I don’t want to listen to music. I want to know what’s up. Spill.”
“I told you,” I say, trying to sound cheerful. “I’m fine.”
“So you often flip out in the middle of coffee shops, do you?” Danny replies, sarcastically. “You didn’t look fine earlier.”
I blink in surprise. Danny’s usually so easy-going.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“I don’t understand where all that stuff came from.” Danny gazes at me intently.
I shift uneasily. “I’m not sure. I guess it was just the way you were acting, making out like nobody else could ever fancy me.”
Danny gazes at the floor for a moment, then leans back on his elbows. “I didn’t mean nobody would want to go out with you,” he says sadly.
“I know,” I say. “I was being mad. It just… bugged me you weren’t jealous. Like you didn’t care or something.”
“How do you know I wasn’t jealous?”
“Were you?” I’m genuinely surprised.
“Well, only about this much.” Danny holds his thumb and index finger a tiny distance apart. “But it still counts, right?”
“I guess,” I admit, trying not to feel too disappointed. “I wasn’t trying to impress Zach, though,” I add.
It’s only a teeny-weeny fib, so it doesn’t really matter.
“Course you weren’t. Why would you when you’ve got a boyfriend as amazing as me?” Danny grins, and squishes me in a huge hug.
“Exactly. So can we forget about this now?” I plead, my voice muffled against Danny’s shoulder.
“Forget about what?”
“Dunno,” I say, smiling to myself. Phewey.
I must have been totally insane to think I had feelings for someone else. Danny’s the only guy that I want. The whole Zach thing was a blip. Nothing more. Talk about a relief.
Danny clambers off the bed and I try not to feel too gutted as he grabs my iPod and starts scrolling through the songs until he finds one he likes.
Er, hello, what about the kissing and making up? Shouldn’t that be happening round about now? I swallow down my frustration.
“Hey, you got your ticket for the party,” Danny says, spotting the blue piece of paper lying on my desk.
“Yeah, Dad finally gave me the money. It should be a laugh,” I say. And actually, I mean it. It’ll be fun to go out for the night with my friends, even if the party is going to be the lamest thing ever.
There was a bit of a hoo-ha when it emerged that our year wouldn’t be allowed at the senior prom, so the party is a budget compromise, just for us. The PTA is way too tight to hire a nightclub, so it’s going to be held in the gym, probably with naff streamers and cheesy music, just like the ones we had at infant school.
Now Danny and I have got everything sorted out, we’ll have a great time, I tell myself. For the first time in days, I feel properly happy and lean over to give Danny a kiss. If he’s not going to make a move, I flipping will.
“I told you to keep this door open,” Dad says, bursting in. Danny and I leap apart, and I don’t know which of the three of us is more embarrassed.
Dad turns crimson and starts coughing and spluttering. “What’s going on in here? What did I say to you? Get down, er, get yourselves, ahem, downstairs. Right now,” he blusters, then in his hurry to leave, walks into the doorframe.
Danny and I crease up laughing.
“So are you sure everything’s all right with you and Danny?” Millie asks for the millionth time as we wait on the hockey field. Miss Lewis has picked Kara and Jade as captains and now they’re choosing their teams. Surprise, surprise, neither Millie or I have been picked yet.
“Yes,” I tell her, yet again. I’ve already had to send Millie about twenty texts to tell her we’re okay, and sit through an in-depth conversation in registration this morning going over everything. Millie needs a lot of reassurance as she’s stressing so much about what she did, but it’s starting to get a bit annoying.
“I’ll have Lucy,” Jade says.
“And I’ll take Kate,” Kara says, quick as a flash.
Ugh, I hate waiting to be picked. I’m never chosen until right at the very end. I’ll be left with the three other non-sporting pariahs: Rachel (science nerd), Claire (severely asthmatic) and April the Goth (doesn’t believe in team sports and refuses to participate in anything apart from looking moody). Happens every time.
“I promise, Mill, everything’s fine,” I say, shivering as it starts to drizzle with rain.
“Phew. Because I was really worried there for a minute, you know. It would be too, too freaky if you guys broke up. I’d have felt terrible if—”
“I’ll have Millie,” Jade says, interrupting us.
“See ya, fingers crossed you’re on our team,” Millie says, as she goes over to join the huddle surrounding Jade.
As I predicted, now it’s just me and the other three rejects.
Kara sighs heavily. “I guess I’ll have… Suzy.”
Once the teams are sorted and the bibs are handed out, I’m relieved to see I’m playing right half. This is a billion times better than being goalie, which wheezy Claire’s stuck with, because then she doesn’t have to run around. She looks terrified, and I genuinely feel for her. Last time I was goalkeeper I spent the whole match leaping out of the way of the ball. It properly hurts when it whacks you.
My relief at the position I’ve been given only lasts until I see who I’m marking.
Jade.
“So. Suzy. I heard what happened in the park,” she whispers, bashing her hockey stick into the ground and smiling wolfishly.
My heart stops. Oh God.
“Hmmm?” I say, as if I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“With Zach and the dog? Zach couldn’t stop talking about it. Or you, for that matter.”
What’s Zach been saying? Although I’ve seen him around school today, I’ve been so mortified I’ve cunningly managed to avoid contact by running away whenever I’ve seen him coming. Subtle, no? I was totally relieved to see he’s walking, which made me feel a bit better about things. He’s not crippled for life after all.
The whistle blows, and Jade dashes off, leaving me trailing along after her. It’s literally only about a minute before she scores (turns out Claire ducks from the balls as well).
“Suzy, you need to mark Jade, for God’s sake,” Kara yells. “Don’t just waft around pathetically, expecting her to wait for you.”
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
We return to our original positions and wait as Miss Lewis goes to sort out Claire’s protective padding and offer what seems to be a motivational speech.
“I think Zach really likes you,” Jade says, while we wait.
Huh? Did she just say what I thought she said? After what I did to him, is she for real?
“You what?”
“Zach. I think he really likes you,” Jade repeats.
A warm fluttery glow starts to spread through me. “I’ve got a boyfriend,” I say, trying to feign cool.
“So?” Jade says. “Doesn’t stop someone else fancying you, does it?”
I shrug.
I can hardly believe it.
Zach likes me.
Zach likes me!
Someone other than my boyfriend does think I’m worth going out with. Someone super-hot, at that. Shows how wrong Danny was.
But as I think of Danny, the happy excitement is replaced with queasiness and I come down to earth
with a bump. The Zach thing was meant to be a blip, I remind myself firmly.
I have to stop thinking about Zach. In fact, from now on I’ll be completely indifferent if I see Zach, or hear his name mentioned. Won’t feel a thing.
“Hey,” Jade says. “Are you going red?”
“No,” I mumble, starting to blush. I stare down at the grass.
“You are. You like Zach, don’t you?”
“I don’t. I told you, I’m going out with Danny.”
“So?”
“Shut up, Jade,” I say. “I don’t like Zach. Leave it.”
“Whatever,” smirks Jade, and as the whistle finally blows, she whacks at my shin with her stick.
Oh dear God and mother of all that’s holy. It’s pain like I’ve never felt before. My eyes are watering, and I’m still hopping up and down on the spot howling as Jade tackles Kara, gains control of the ball then weaves her way up the field, and scores again.
“Suzy!” Kara says furiously. “What the hell are you doing, you idiot? I told you to mark her.”
As the game continues, even the pain in my leg can’t distract me from thinking about Zach. No matter how hard I try to focus on Danny, Zach keeps shoving him out of the way.
Many goals and much more abuse from Kara later, the whistle blows and the lesson is finally over. Miss Lewis gives the captains the jobs of collecting up the bibs, and as Kara and Jade walk past, I hear Kara say to Jade, “He’s never going to go for you.”
“We’ll see,” Jade retorts, angrily throwing the bibs into the box. “It’s only been a couple of weeks.”
My ears prick up, but I can’t hear any more.
Oooh, I’d love to know who they were talking about. Has Jade, she of the I-can-get-anyone-I-want smugness, actually got boy trouble?
What a lovely, lovely thought.
CHAPTER NINE
This is a nightmare.
Exactly what do you do when you appear to fancy someone who isn’t your boyfriend, he seems to like you back, there’s absolutely nobody in the world you can talk to about it and your head is on the verge of exploding trying to process it all?
You go along to the canteen for lunch and pretend like nothing’s happening, of course.
Well, that’s what I’m doing, anyway.
I spot Danny ahead, waiting for me like he does every lunchtime. We don’t share any classes this year, so it’s the only time we see each other.
My breath catches in my throat at the sight of him. What if he knows something’s wrong? Maybe he’ll be able to tell. And then what will I say?
Just compose yourself, Suze. Get it together. He hasn’t even noticed you yet, he’s talking away to someone.
Hey, it’s Jade he’s chatting to. I didn’t realise they were on speaking terms. She’s standing reeeeally close to him as well, but that’s probably because of the crush of people fighting to get through the doors. And now she’s walking off at top speed.
“Hi.” Danny grins when I get nearer, pushing himself up from the Year Nine poetry display he’s leaned against. A group of girls from the year below bundle past and one girl gets shoved by her friend into Danny.
“Ohmigod, I’m so sorry,” she mutters, turning scarlet as her friends screech with laughter.
As they scuttle off, still giggling, several of them turn to stare at my boyfriend with weird dreamy expressions.
Girls can be so strange sometimes. How old are they anyway, five?
“Hiya,” I say. “Was that Jade you were talking to just now?”
“Um, yeah.”
“How come?”
“No reason,” Danny says. He’s kind of flushed. It is boiling in here. “We’re doing a project together in art and she wanted to talk to me about it, that’s all.”
“Oh. That’s weird. I’ve just had PE with her and she didn’t say anything about it.”
“Nothing to say, that’s why.” Danny prods me gently towards the canteen. “C’mon, shift it, Puttock, I’m starving. Mills and Jamie are saving us seats.”
The dining room’s buzzing with people everywhere and the deafening sound of chairs constantly being scraped across lino. I wrinkle up my nose as the stink of grease and disinfectant assaults my nostrils. No matter what’s on the menu, the smell’s always the same.
“There they are.” Danny points. Millie and Jamie are leering at unsuspecting passers-by with carrot-stick fangs.
“What do you two look like?” I ask, when we reach them.
“I vant to suck your blooood,” Jamie replies.
“Not vith those teeth, you don’t,” I tell him, rummaging in my bag for a drink. “I think you vant to see a dentist.”
“We’re heading round Jamie’s after school,” Millie says. One of her fangs falls out and orange dribble rolls down her chin.
“Sounds good,” I say, twisting open a bottle of water and chugging it down thirstily. “Meet you by the lockers later, then?”
Millie nods, and sticks in a new fang.
“What have you got for lunch?” Danny asks me. “I’ve got a tuna mayo sarnie, wanna swap?” He waves it in front of my face.
Vom. There is nothing I hate in the world more than tuna, and Danny knows it. In my opinion, fish is the food of the devil.
“No way.” I gag at the smell, pushing his hand away. “I ate my sandwiches earlier, I was starving. I’m going to go and get something else. Anybody want anything?”
“Can you get me a flapjack?” Jamie asks.
“Ooh yeah, get me one while you’re there,” Millie adds. “And a banana.”
“And me,” Danny says. “Can I get a carton of milk, as well?”
“Everyone’s going to think I’m a right chubster ordering all that stuff,” I grumble. I leave to a chorus of piggy grunts.
Grabbing a tray, I join the back of a queue that’s way too long for the stuff they try to pass off as food in our canteen. Ironic really, considering the healthy-eating posters plastered all over the walls. You take your life in your hands every time you eat anything cooked here. Salmonella? E-coli? All in a day’s work for our dinner ladies.
“Oi.” Someone prods me gently on the arm. When I see who it is I nearly drop my tray in alarm.
“Wow, what a reaction,” Zach says.
“Yeah, well, you made me jump,” I splutter.
Zach eyes me appraisingly. “So. I’ve finally tracked you down. Are you going to tell me why you’ve been legging it every time I’ve come anywhere remotely near you the last couple of days?”
Oh nads. He noticed? I suppose the textbooks I sent flying when I was hiding from him in the French room might have been a bit of a giveaway.
“I… I haven’t,” I say.
“Really? Doesn’t seem that way to me.”
I stare at him guiltily.
“I’m guessing it’s because of what happened in the park?” Zach says.
All of a sudden I find a blob of black chewing gum on the floor terribly interesting. I scuff at it with the toe of my shoe. “Um, yeah. About that. I’m really sorry.”
“I’m not going to lie, it has been a bit of a nightmare,” he says, hitching up his trouser leg to show me the bandage on his ankle. “I won’t be able to play football for ages.”
I wince. “I’m really, really sorry.”
“Well, dropping that lead could have happened to anyone,” Zach says. “That’s one strong dog.”
“Yeah, but… I feel awful. Really, really bad,” I say, trying to ease my guilty conscience. Because dropping the lead wasn’t exactly the accident Zach thinks it was. My hair has a lot to answer for. “Did I say I was sorry?”
“You did. But if you’re as sorry as you claim, you’ll want to make it up to me,” Zach says.
My cheeks start to burn and I clear my throat loudly. We shuffle along as the line moves. I glance over at Danny, but my friends are busy trying to balance spoons on the end of their noses.
“Er, make it up to you?” I echo, dumbly. “How?”
&nbs
p; “I’ll think of something,” Zach says, winking cheekily. “But you can start by not avoiding me any more.”
“I—”
“What do you want?” a dinner lady interrupts, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.
Barf. Why do I bother with this place? More to the point, I hadn’t even noticed we’d reached the front of the queue. What did I want again?
My brain is utterly scrambled, and I’m sure the reason is the person standing only millimetres away from me. What did my friends want, again?
I grab a jacket potato with cheese, two bananas, a flapjack and an orange juice. It’s only when I’ve paid that I realise I’ve got my order completely wrong. “Oh no, that’s not what I wanted. Can I change these?”
“Nope. Who’s next?” says the cashier.
Zach grabs his tray of dry-looking lasagne with some shrivelled carrots on the side. “Where do you want to sit?” he asks. “It’s packed in here.”
“Er, I’m actually already sitting with my friends,” I say, awkwardly. “I’d ask you over, but there’s no spare chairs and—”
“Whatever,” Zach says, shrugging. “Guess I’ll see you around.”
As he walks away I feel a small twinge of disappointment. And I realise it’s because there’s a part of me that wishes I was going with him instead of back to my mates.
Outside the school gates, I can see Danny and Jamie waiting for me and Mill. They’re taking turns to give each other dead legs and are hopping around yelling with pain. God, they look like they’re really hurting each other, the crazy fools. Even if I live to be a hundred, I don’t think I’ll ever understand boys.
“Hi,” Millie and I greet them. Jamie wraps his arms round Millie and they start kissing.
“Hi, Suze,” Danny says, waving at me goofily.
No kisses for me, then.
When I compare Danny and I to Millie and Jamie… well, there is no comparison. It’s like we’re still thirteen, and stuck in some kind of freakish time warp.
Danny could at least try and make me feel special.
Sure, he doesn’t know what’s been going on inside my head, but he’s sure as heck not helping me get over it.
“Come on, guys, let’s get going,” Jamie says, eventually prising his face away from Millie’s.
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