I shrug.
“Honestly, I don’t know why I bother,” the librarian says, sighing heavily. She moves away from her computer to bash away at a calculator. “The fine will be five pounds and twenty-four pence.”
I stare at her, horrified. “What? You’re kidding. I don’t have that much.”
“Then you should bring your books back when they’re due.”
I fumble around in my purse and locate two pound coins and a load of silver. There goes that new magazine I was going to buy. “That’s all I’ve got,” I say.
Painfully the librarian counts all the cash out, and fixes me with a steely gaze. “You’re two pounds short. I’ll let you off the twenty-four pence.”
“Cheers,” I say sarcastically, sticking my head back in my bag and returning with a coin that’s seen better days. It’s a bit green now, with something mouldy stuck to it. The librarian flinches in disgust when I pass it to her.
“And the rest?” she says.
“I haven’t got it,” I tell her.
“Here you go,” someone says behind me. Danny reaches past and drops a coin into the librarian’s outstretched hand.
“Huh?” I’m so shocked my mouth falls open. I only realise when my saliva dries up and I almost start choking.
“I’ve been looking for you. We need to talk,” Danny says.
Oh, so now he wants to speak to me.
“I thought you’d already said everything,” I tell him, injecting as much ice into my voice as I can manage.
The librarian is hardly even bothering to hide the fact she’s ear-wigging, so Danny steers me over to the bookshelves.
“Don’t you think we should try and sort this out?” he says.
“You didn’t want to know earlier.”
“Suzy… don’t be like that.”
“I’m just struggling to understand why you get to call the shots when you’re the one who got off with someone else,” I hiss.
The librarian has followed us over to the shelves, where she’s making a terrible job of pretending to categorise the books. Her ears are flapping so hard I’m surprised she hasn’t taken off.
“I didn’t…” Danny protests.
“I saw you!” I say, a little louder than I meant to.
Everyone in the library turns around to gawp. The librarian shushes in our direction, but I know she doesn’t really mean it. She’s enjoying this more than an episode of Corrie.
“I’m not doing this here.” Danny drags me out into the corridor.
“Get off!” I yank my arm away from Danny’s grasp. “Don’t touch me, you two-timing git.”
“Why won’t you listen? Jade kissed me,” Danny says crossly. “Anyway, you can talk, you were about to get off with Zach.”
“That’s so not true,” I snap.
“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid,” Danny says.
“Why not? You were the one who got off with the school slapper, weren’t you? And there’s nothing going on with Zach and me.”
“Sure,” Danny says.
“There isn’t. I was about to go inside when I saw you.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“It’s true!” I yell in exasperation. “And stop shifting this onto me. How exactly do you have a one-way kiss?”
“It was a… mistake.”
I snort. “Did she slip and her mouth fell on yours or something?”
“Look, Jade likes me.” Danny stops when he sees my expression of stunned amazement. “What? Why’s that so unbelievable?”
“I… er…”
Actually, I don’t know why I find that so strange. I suppose Danny’s never seemed like Jade’s type. This is the boy who named his hamster Chewbacca and applied for Junior Mastermind five years in a row (specialist subject: the original Star Wars trilogy).
He’s just… Danny.
I mean, I can’t see Jade settling down to watch sci-fi movies when there are clothes to buy and parties to be at instead.
“You really don’t believe me, do you?” Danny says. He rubs the back of his neck and frowns. “You don’t think someone like Jade would fancy me.”
“That’s not true, it’s just—”
“Suzy, I know things haven’t been right with us lately,” Danny mumbles, refusing to meet my eye and playing with a drawing pin on the noticeboard.
Hearing him speak that out loud is like being kicked in the chest. All of a sudden I can’t breathe properly. This is not a conversation I want to be having in the middle of a school corridor. Or anywhere, in fact.
“Don’t say that,” I protest.
“Why not? It’s true, isn’t it? You’ve been all weird and snappy.”
“I’m not—”
“Yeah, you are,” Danny interrupts, his face tight with tension. There’s no sign of the friendly, happy Danny I’m used to. “I’m not psychic, Suzy. Lately it seems like I’m supposed to know what you’re thinking, but you’ve stopped talking to me. It’s like I don’t know you any more.”
I swallow. Hard.
What’s happening here? I was the one who was having problems with Danny. I never once thought he might have a problem with me.
Oh God. Are we breaking up?
We can’t. I don’t know if this is what I want, and my head’s all messed up. Everything’s moving too fast. I need time to think.
“Danny, I—”
“Hiya, Suzy,” a voice calls.
I groan inwardly when I see Zach emerging from the library. Could his timing be any worse?
“How’s it going?” he says, oblivious to the tension crackling in the air. He flings his arm casually over my shoulder. “Saturday was a good laugh, wasn’t it?”
Danny’s gaze darts from Zach to me and his eyes narrow.
“Am I interrupting something?” Zach asks.
I’m frozen to the floor, too stunned to move.
“Yes,” Danny says shortly.
“Oh right. Sorry,” Zach says. “Catch up with you later, Suze…” he adds meaningfully as he wanders off.
“Are you still going to tell me there’s nothing going on with you two?” Danny snaps.
“No, you’re wrong, honestly,” I say, starting to panic. “Danny, I—”
“I’d almost come round to believing you. How dumb am I?” Danny says.
“I’m telling you the truth,” I plead. “You’re being ridiculous!”
“I’m not,” Danny says, sounding wobbly and unfamiliar. As he bends to pick up his bag, I notice his hands are shaking.
“Danny, please. Don’t go. Can’t we talk about this?”
“No,” Danny says, his voice cracking. “And by the way, we’re over.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
It’s official. Being dumped is poo.
Exactly when am I going to start feeling better? It’s been days, and I still feel as though my heart’s been ripped out, trampled on, then whizzed in a blender for good measure. And I have no estimated date of recovery.
So much for wondering if it would be exciting to be single and what I was missing out on having been with Danny for so long. Turns out, nada.
Far from being a whirlwind of non-stop flirtation and excitement, it’s just boring and lonely. And the whole flippin’ world seems to know Danny and I have split. Everywhere I go, people in school are whispering and pointing at me. It seems the Danny/Suzy/Jade love triangle is even hotter gossip than the news that Abi Parker in Year Eleven has got through to the quarter-finals of some reality TV talent show with her dancing ferrets. Talk about humiliating. Everyone knows that Danny dumped me for Jade.
It’s been ages since the bell went and Millie’s waiting for me. I summon the energy to speed up a little and squeeze past some irritatingly shouty kids in the year below, who are blocking the stairs with their PE kits and violin cases.
Millie’s been amazing since Danny and I broke up, making sure I’m okay, feeding me vast quantities of chocolate and handing me tissues whenever I start blubbing.
Which has b
een often.
Because it’s hard not to think about Danny pretty much twenty-four hours a day. And I feel sick about what nearly happened with Zach and me, and how I was so utterly stupid. But that always disappears in a flash when I realise what Danny did was much, much worse. Then I get so angry, I can feel it bubbling throughout my body.
All right, so perhaps I was a teensy-weensy bit at fault, and I hadn’t been the best girlfriend over the last few weeks we were together, but at least I didn’t swap saliva with anyone else.
Not that he seems to care, though.
If he sees me in school, he just stares straight through me. It’s like I don’t exist.
And as much as I don’t want to admit it, it makes me really, really miserable.
Because I miss hanging out with him. I miss my mates, and our group of four. Everything’s fallen apart, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Or if it’s even fixable.
Millie smiles when I finally join her. “Hey, Suze.” She offers me the bag of jelly babies she’s munching her way through.
I shake my head and gesture towards the double doors. “You want to go and sit out somewhere?”
“Sure,” Millie agrees, and we head towards the netball courts. Miracle of miracles the sun’s actually shining and almost warm, so we find a dry bit of path to sit on.
“How’re you doing?” Millie asks cautiously, loosening her tie.
“Same old,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.
“Oh, mate,” she sympathises. “I don’t know what to say. This is pants.”
“That’s the understatement of the year.”
We sit in silence for a while, watching the netball practice, and then I realise I’m going to have to ask the question that’s been eating away at me. I can’t torture myself any more.
“So, um, how’s Danny?” I ask, trying to sound casual. The more evil part of me wants to hear he’s utterly consumed by misery and devastated beyond belief.
“Um, okay, I guess,” Millie mumbles.
He’s okay? My life’s falling apart. How can he be okay?
“Has he, um, said anything about me?”
“Not really,” Millie says, uncomfortably. “I think he’s trying to focus on other stuff.”
Oh. Right. Not planning a way to win me back, then.
Well, I didn’t want to be won back anyway. Perhaps I should try his tactic and focus on other stuff too.
“Do you fancy coming over on Friday night?” I ask. “Mum and Dad are going to watch some magician Amber and Mark want to book for their wedding, so we could have a girlie night at mine.”
“Friday? Oh… I, er, can’t.” Millie shifts uneasily and pulls some sunglasses out of her bag.
“How come? Are you with Jamie?”
“I’m free on Saturday night, let’s do it then instead.”
“But my parents are out on Friday. What are you doing?”
“Nothing. I’d just rather go out on Saturday, that’s all.”
Millie’s the world’s worst liar. But why’s she fibbing to me? Unless…
Suddenly I feel all wibbly as I realise what’s going on. My fingers pluck angrily at a blade of grass. “You’re doing something with Jamie and Danny aren’t you?”
Millie doesn’t answer and offers me a jelly baby.
I shake my head. “You are, aren’t you?”
“Um, yeah,” Millie says guiltily. “Sorry.”
I try not to look bothered. “Oh. Well, no worries. What are you up to?”
Millie wriggles. “Um… nothing special. Are you sure you don’t want a sweet?”
I push the bag away. “Why does it look like you’re lying, Mil?”
Millie stays quiet.
“Millie?”
“Um. Okay. Right. Um. You know how Danny entered that competition for those tickets for The Drifting?”
I nod slowly. An icy dread is slowly seeping through me. Surely he can’t have?
“Well, he kind of… won,” Millie continues, leaning forwards to hug her knees and refusing to meet my eye. “Danny’s got tickets for the concert on Friday. He’s taking Jamie and me with him to London. I’m sorry.”
Is this for real?
“You what?” I splutter. “You’re going to see The Drifting? Without… without me?”
“Suzy, please don’t. I feel terrible, but Danny made me promise not to tell you. And this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see Nate Devlin in the flesh. I’d never be able to afford to go normally. I’m so, so, so, so, super sorry I didn’t say anything, but what was I supposed to do?”
I’m so angry I can’t speak. This is outrageous! How could my friends do this to me?
“I can’t believe Danny didn’t say anything,” I mutter, squinting crossly in the sun.
“You’re not exactly with Danny now,” Millie says awkwardly.
“Yeah, but… but… I love The Drifting! This is so unfair. Danny only got into them in the first place after I gave him the album for his birthday last year.”
“I know.”
“Anyway, wasn’t the prize for four tickets plus one for a guardian?” I remember. “So if there’s just three of you going, isn’t there a spare ticket?” I know it’s pathetic, practically begging to go along, but this is The Drifting we’re talking about. The Drifting, who I’ve loved since forever.
“Suzy, please don’t drop me in the middle of this,” Millie says. “It wasn’t my ticket to give away…”
“He’s given the ticket away?” I pounce on the snippet of information. “Who to?”
Millie physically flinches.
“Who’s Danny given the ticket to?” I repeat.
“Um…”
“Millie,” I say warningly.
“Oh rats. I really didn’t want to have to tell you this. It’s, um, well, it’s Jade.” Millie says the last part so quietly I’m not sure I hear her right.
“He gave the ticket to Jade?” I screech. Half the netball team stops playing and crane their necks in our direction, trying to see what’s going on.
“What are you looking at?” I snap.
“Suzy, don’t be like this…”
“But don’t you think that’s low?” I demand. I’m so mad I could actually pop.
Millie swallows hard. “It’s not the best, but he’s allowed to give the ticket to whoever he wants.”
“Don’t think I’m impressed with you, either. You’re supposed to be my best friend,” I say. “I can’t believe you’re going to see The Drifting with Jade, of all people.”
“Look, Suze, I know this is tough, but don’t forget that Danny’s my friend too,” Millie says. She picks at her neon green nail varnish. “Not to mention he’s my boyfriend’s best mate. I know it totally sucks for you, but I can’t take sides. And Jamie and me did try to help you sort it out.”
That is so not the point.
“I suppose at least this proves I was right,” I say bitterly as I fiddle with my bag strap and try not to cry. “He was lying all along. Danny did fancy Jade.”
“Suzy, I’m really, really, really sorry,” Millie says. I can tell she’s feeling bad. Well, good. She should. “We’ll do something great on Saturday to make up for it, okay?”
Exactly what’s going to make up for The Drifting, though? Seeing them would be the best thing in the world. Hanging out at the shopping centre or going to see a movie isn’t even going to come close to matching it. I’ve never been to a gig before, and I’m The Drifting’s biggest fan ever.
And then there’s the idea of Danny going with Jade. I’d never have thought she was his type.
This is too, too horrible.
“What does he see in her?” I ask, swallowing hard past the lump in my throat.
“See in who?”
“What does Danny see in Jade?”
Millie’s taken aback. “Um. I’m not sure. I think she’s the one who’s made all the moves, to be honest.”
“Really?” I say, in disbelief. “But what does
Jade see in Danny?”
“Suzy, I can’t believe you’re even asking me that,” Millie says, sounding shocked. “I know you wouldn’t automatically put the two of them together, but Danny’s a great guy. He’s kind, he’s a laugh, and he’s just nice to hang out with. Plus, he’s really cute.”
I guess I knew that. Sort of. I mean, I always had lots of fun with him. I just didn’t think Jade would.
“C’mon, that’s the bell. We’d better go.” Millie gathers up her things and pulls me to my feet.
Although Millie threads her arm through mine, I feel a horrible mix of hurt and anger and sadness.
My boyfriend’s dumped me for the school bitch.
My best friends don’t want to hang out with me.
And now I’ve missed the chance to see my best-ever-favourite band in the whole wide world.
Sucks to be me, all right.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I’ve hardly slept since I heard Millie’s news and so have been up for hours. But then I’ve had a lot to get done this morning, and don’t think I’ve ever achieved as much by 8 a.m. before. For a girl who stays in bed until the last possible millisecond, especially on a school day, this is a pretty big deal.
I’m still completely gutted that I’m missing out on the concert. I mean, this is not just any band we’re talking about here. It’s The Drifting.
The Drifting, who I’ve dreamed about seeing play live practically since I was born. The Drifting, whose albums I listen to constantly on my iPod, and in my bedroom, and force my parents to play in the car.
In fact, to say I’m gutted would be the understatement of the century. But during my night of raging insomnia, I had time to do a lot of thinking, and I realised I have two choices: I can either curl myself into a tiny ball, refuse to get out of bed, and sulk for weeks – or I can get revenge.
After much deliberation, I went with revenge. The sulking in bed was tempting, but not entirely practical. Plus Mum would never let me get away with it.
So… I decided I’m going to get Zach to be my boyfriend. That’ll show Danny. He’s not the only one that can start seeing someone new within five seconds of us breaking up. And I’m sure Zach will have loads of cool things for us to do together. Okay, so nothing like the Drifting concert, but fun, jealousy-inducing stuff nonetheless.
Me Suzy P Page 11