by Jen Calonita
PAIGE
We are happy, but do you remember what was going on that day? I think Sara had broken Granddaddy's favorite vase and we had given her a major time-out so she was still mad at us. Samantha was coming down with the flu. I was fighting with Krystal over the company finances, and Dennis, you had that hostile takeover you were worried about. We were all so stressed, but we couldn't reschedule so we tried to grin and bear it.
DENNIS
Sara, you had such a pout. We couldn't get you to smile for anything! (laughs) I think I had to bribe you with money to get you to cheer up.
SARA
I remember that! And Sam was sneezing all over me and her nose was running and I kept complaining that she was dripping all over my Burberry dress.
SAMANTHA
I think I was doing it on purpose because I was mad at you for ruining my American Girl doll's hair that morning.
PAIGE
You girls were so cranky that day! (laughs) The whole family had issues, but we all managed to pull together and take a beautiful portrait. I love this picture so. It goes to show that the Buchanans really pull together when we need to. (The four of them gather together, arm-in-arm.) Nothing can stop this family, can it? It reminds me of that time we all had to pitch in at the Buchanan charity ball a month after you two were born. Do you remember that, Dennis?
DENNIS
How could I forget?
SAMANTHA
What happened?
DENNIS
(looks at his watch) We can make the pilot wait, can't we? We do own the jet.
PAIGE
I guess it couldn't hurt to stay a few minutes more. I'm really going to miss this place.
SAMANTHA
Me too.
SARA
Me three.
DENNIS
So let's stay just a few minutes more.
SARA
So that means we have time for that story. Please?
PAIGE
Okay. Well, your father and I were . . .
PAIGE continues to tell the story, ad-libbed, and the camera pulls away from the family. The CAMERA SPINS DOWN to focus on the portrait of the four of them. MUSIC UP: Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" FADE OUT.
THE END
Fifteen: Read It and Weep
This is it.
This is my last day on the set of Family Affair.
It feels like only yesterday that I walked through these studio doors for the first time. Okay, I don't really remember that day (I was only in pre-school!), but I know it happened. And now Family Affair is coming to the end and I feel ...
Okay.
Seriously. The world doesn't have to worry about me anymore. My family and friends were right. I have to believe in myself. Sure, I don't have a job lined up, but I'll get one. And if it's not as great as I would like after the mess I've made for myself, well, that's okay. Even Drew Barrymore had to climb back up the Hollywood food chain at one point. (Does anyone even remember that she made Poison Ivy? I think not.)
"How are you doing?" Nadine wants to know. She's still clinging to my left arm as we walk through the long hallway to my dressing room and then to hair and makeup for the last time. "You're shaking. Do you want some water?" Nadine is rambling. She's wearing her The Affair Isn't Ending, It's Just Beginning rhinestone-studded black tee that everyone in the cast and crew got as a gift from Melli last Friday. I've got mine on too. "Do you need to stop for a minute? Because it's okay if you're upset, you know. This is a big day and you can cry if you want. Do you need a paper bag? Do you feel like you're going to throw up?"
"Maybe you should eat something," Rodney suggests. He looks concerned too. "I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for this early so I got you chicken fingers and a bagel."
"Nadine! Rod!" I laugh. "I'm okay. I swear." I say this even though my legs are shaking. I can do this. I have to do this. I know that now. "I can handle the walk to hair and makeup. And I'm not hungry yet."
"Okay." Nadine and Rodney don't look convinced. This is what you get for going off the deep end. Serves me right, I guess. Hopefully they'll snap out of this over-protective routine as soon as the magazines stop running those "Kaitlin Burke at the Brink and Back" stories. Laney says they're rating really well. In a recent Hollywood Nation poll, 87% of the people polled said they felt sorry for me and knew I'd be okay.
The Family Affair hallways are quiet. It's only four AM so I guess they should be. The lights aren't even all on yet. The main switchboard at reception is silent. No one is going to be on set till at least seven. But I have something very important I have to do before we film our final scene.
As we pass the place where the cast portraits hang, I can barely make out my own in the low lighting. I wonder what they're going to do with them when we finish filming and a new show takes over our soundstage. I round the corner and I can see lights on in the hair and makeup room. Paul and Shelly are waiting for me.
"There's our girl," Paul sobs. He yanks my arm away from Nadine and pulls me in tight. He's a mess.
"I told him to get his crying out before I do your makeup," Shelly declares, even though her eyes look a little puffy as well. "He's a mess. I told him he's being ridiculous. It's not like we won't see you. We're doing your hair and makeup for the Avon event next weekend and your PYA press is just around the corner."
"If you want you can do my makeup for my SATs. Maybe some bronzer would help me concentrate," I joke. The test is this Saturday and you know what? I actually feel prepared. I haven't gone out at night in two weeks so I've had loads of time to study.
"Don't tease," he wails. His brown curls are tickling my nose as Paul buries his face in my shoulder. "I can't bear the thought of taming someone else's coarse strands every day. I finally have Kaitlin's hair right where I want it. I only want to do hers."
"Paul, could you try being less emotional?" Nadine asks. "Kaitlin really has to be on her game this morning and I don't want her getting extra upset."
"That's right." Paul lets go of me and wipes his eyes. "I didn't mean to freak you out."
I giggle. "You didn't. I'm okay," I tell them all. "Really. Giving that speech at the junket did wonders for my emotional well-being."
"Your quotes were perfect," Shelly says. She steers me to the makeup chair where Paul begins to comb out my frizzy hair and put it in rollers. Shelly gets on the other side of him and begins to work on my foundation. "I've never heard a celebrity be so honest before. And what you said was so true -- you're a teenager, and if the worst you do is shop and dance too much, that's not all that bad."
"I couldn't agree more," someone else chimes in. Paul and Shelly stop what they're doing and I turn my chair around.
"Melli!" I'm shocked. "What are you doing here?" She hasn't had hair and makeup yet so her pale face is bare and she's dressed casually in cropped Juicy terrycloth pants and a matching zip-up sweatshirt. Her Affair T-shirt peeks out from beneath.
"You didn't really think I'd let you do your FA special interview on your own, did you?" She asks with a huge smile.
"Melli, it's four AM! You shouldn't have gotten out of bed for this," I tell her, even though I'm incredibly touched. "I'm the one who has been putting this off for weeks and deserves to be exhausted, not you."
"Please, I'll be sleeping in for months after today," she says with a laugh. "I want to be here for you. I don't have to sit in on your interview. I know that would be weird, but I wanted to be ready, outside the door, in case you need anything. I should have been here for you a long time ago."
"Everyone needs to stop feeling sorry for me," I beg. "No one did this to me. I'm just lucky my flirtation with the dark side didn't affect the show. I'd hate if people were so focused on my mini breakdown that they forget about the real story -- our awesome show going off the air."
"Well for what it's worth, I think your quotes from the junket were great," Melli offers. "You sounded incredibly adult. I wish I'd had had your poise at that age."
"That's what I
told her," Shelly agrees.
"I've never been more proud of you, Kates," Nadine seconds. "You really overcame a lot of pressure these past few weeks. Any director would be lucky to work with you."
"This one sure is," Tom answers as he walks in behind the rest of us. He and Melli embrace. They're so tight. I don't know how they're going to handle not being together every day. "Are you ready to do this?" Tom asks me.
I take a deep breath and nod. Time to face the music. I hop out of my makeup chair. I know Paul and Shelly will have to touch me up after this anyway to get ready for the final scene. We're shooting it in the family living room, which has been dressed down to almost nothing except a few moving boxes. It's so weird to look at.
"Did you use waterproof mascara?" I semi-joke to Shelly.
"Are you kidding? I've been using it on all of you this week!" Shelly tells me.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Nadine asks.
I shake my head. "I think I have to do this by myself," I tell her and Melli. "Besides, you'll get to see this when they air it at the wrap party this weekend."
"Good luck," Nadine says.
Melli and I make our way to my dressing room, where I've decided to tape my film retrospective. In the background of the shot is the Buchanan family portrait, which the crew will have to take back to film our last scene later on today. The picture was what I wanted as my set memento. I also took my locker from school and a tile from Summerville Breads, but the family portrait is what I really wanted. I'm not sure where I'm going to put it ("That is not going up in our living room," Mom declared when I told her what I picked), but I knew I had to have it.
"Knock 'em dead, kiddo," Melli says. "I know you're ready."
"I am, Mel," I tell her. And this time I mean it.
When I finish, it's almost six AM. By now the set is in full-swing. I see Trevor walk by on his way to makeup, and Matty yawns at me as he heads to my dressing room. The hall outside my dressing room door is filled with crew members all in the same black Affair T-shirt. Even though it's a sad day, everyone is in a good mood. I'm so glad Tom and Melli didn't agree to let Celebrity Insider be on set for our last day. They felt, like I do, that today should be just about our TV family. That's probably for the best. I'd hate for Austin to see me cry any more than he has the last few weeks. And I've already shed a bunch of tears for the camera this morning. Those tears were real, and I'm sure the ones I let fall a few hours from now will be as well.
HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER FIFTEEN: How to cry for the camera. When we shoot scenes with several people, like the final one we're shooting today, they can take a long time to film. You need to get every person's angle, everyone's close-up, and rearrange the cameras and furniture a hundred times to get it done. A scene that takes two minutes on film can take six or seven hours to shoot. You wind up saying the same ten lines over and over for hours and each take has to be just as fresh and perfect as the take before. That's hard when you have to cry like a baby each and every time and make it look real. So how's it done? Some actors keep a raw onion nearby. Others stare at the sun without blinking, or stare straight ahead till their eyes begin to water. But for the rest of us, you really do have to think of something super sad. You know, like your dog dying or the worst moment of your life. For our group, crying should be a piece of cake. We really are saying goodbye to the "house" we've lived in ever since I can remember. I turn my Sidekick on and it buzzes to life. I stare at the screen. I have two new messages. At this hour? I scroll down. It's Austin.
WOOKIESRULE: Knock 'em dead today. I'll B thinking of U. I can't wait 2 C U tonight.
I smile. And the second one is from Lizzie.
POWERGIRL82: Hey U. Remember what my Sensei always says: At the end, you find the beginning. Not sure what that means, but sounds appropriate! LOL. Good luck today. I know ULL B great, Kates. Call me when U can. xoxo
It feels so good to see a text from Liz. I'm smiling as I walk onto the set after a hair and makeup touchup. Sky and Melli are standing together and . . . wait. It can't be.
"Are you all right?" I ask Sky.
"No," Sky bawls. "The show is ending, K! Over. Finished. Last day. No more dressing room. No more Pete from crafty! O.V.E.R." She wails.
I look at Melli. "She just realized this?"
Melli gives me a look as Sky sobs even harder. I put my arm around Sky. "It's going to be okay, Sky."
"Yeah, right," Sky whines. "It won't be the same thing. You won't be on my new show. Who am I going to make fun of?" Melli hands her a tissue. Sky blows her nose loudly.
"I'm sure you'll find someone new to loathe," I say hopefully.
"It won't be the same thing." Sky shakes her head. "It's hard finding someone as naïve as you to beat on."
For the final scene, we're all wearing jeans. (We're supposed to look like we've been packing. Yeah, right. What billionaire family actually packs?) Sky has on Citizen of Humanity jeans cuffed at her mid-calf and an olive tank top that makes her look thinner than she already is. I'm wearing Stitch jeans and a cute black Banana Republic top that hugs my chest and then flows to my mid-thigh. I've also got on a long string of beads that keep smacking my belly button when I walk.
Melli clears her throat. "In any case, I want to tell you both that I have loved working with you." Her eyes begin to well up. "You two are like daughters to me and I'm so proud of the fine women you've become."
Now I'm going to cry! "We've got you to partially thank for that," I remind her. The three of us are teary when Tom approaches. I'm not sure if he's going to laugh or cry himself.
"Hey, hey, now, let's save it for the cameras," he jokes, but I can tell he's a bit mushy himself. While only Spencer, Melli, Sky, and I are in the final scene, which is truly the final scene in the show (normally we almost never shoot in order), the rest of the cast has turned up to watch us film. Trevor, Hallie, Ava, Luke, Matty, and the others are all here. Nadine and Rodney and the rest of the crew are on the sidelines too. Even Matty is choked up. "Why don't you three take a breather while we light the scene and we'll call you when we're ready?" he tells us.
I walk over to Matty. "How are you holding up?" he asks.
"Okay," I tell him. "You?"
"I'm a little freaked out," he admits. "I know I have Scooby, but what if it bombs?"
"And you wondered why I was having panic attacks," I joke. "That's been my fear every day for months! Walking away from a hit is never going to be easy."
"You're going to have plenty of other hits," Matty says encouragingly.
"I hope so," I reply softly as I watch our stand-ins. Matty reaches over and squeezes my hand.
"If not, maybe I can get you a walk-on role on my show." He smirks. "After a few seasons, of course."
"Thanks a lot!" I tell him as I watch the scene wind up. One crew member is taping our marks on the floor so we know where to stand; another is filling the water bottles on the living room floor where the Buchanan clan is eating their last meal, picnic-style. Those bottles will be filled and refilled all day for continuity so that they always look filled the same no matter what angle we shoot the scene from. After what feels like an eternity, Tom calls for us.
The first few times we shoot the scene, it feels like any other. I mess up my lines and ask to go back and start over. Sky trips walking to the fireplace. Tom changes the lighting a few times. Spencer and Melli begin ad-libbing their lines more and more till Tom steers them back to the script. Four hours and a lunch break later (Crafty cooked us an extra-special feast of fried chicken and scalloped potatoes, a Buchanan favorite, for our last day, and the whole crew ate together. No one hid out in their dressing rooms for once.), we're finally ready for our last angle.
"This is it, people," Tom tells us. "Our last shot."
"Last looks!" someone yells. That means the crew has one last chance to correct anything before we shoot. Spencer, Melli, Sky, and I get into position.
"I can't believe it," Sky says under her breath. "This is it. This is really
it."
"I know." It hits me again and I'm shaking. Sky and I instinctively reach for each other's hand and squeeze tight.
"Quiet, please," Tom tells everyone. The set is rowdy today, but on Tom's command, everyone hushes and a chorus of "shush!" is the only thing heard. When it stops, Tom says, "And we're rolling."
The scene runs smoothly. It should. We've only said these lines twenty zillion times today. But when the actor playing the moving man removes the last box from the room, I feel my eyes overflow with tears. I look around. I'm not alone.
"I remember that!" Sky says in character. "And Sam was sneezing all over me and her nose was running and I kept complaining that she was dripping all over my Burberry dress." She laughs through her tears.
My turn. "I think I was doing it on purpose because I was mad at you for ruining my American Girl doll's hair that morning."
"You girls were so cranky that day," Melli says and laughs. She admires the family portrait hanging over the fireplace. "The whole family had issues, but we all managed to pull together and take a beautiful portrait." Spencer puts his arm around her. "I love this picture so. It goes to show that the Buchanans really pull together when we need to."
And even though it's not called for in the script -- we're supposed to link arms -- the four of us wind up in a tight embrace, all sniffling. Tom doesn't call cut though. He lets us keep going. You can hear us crying.
"Nothing can stop this family, can it?" Melli finally says. She wipes away her tears. "It reminds me of that time we all had to pitch in at the Buchanan charity ball a month after you two were born. Do you remember that, Dennis?"
Spencer laughs. "How could I forget?"
"What happened?" I ask.
Spencer looks at his watch. "We can make the pilot wait, can't we? We do own the jet."
"I guess it couldn't hurt to stay a few minutes more," Melli says. "I'm not ready to let go yet," she says, ad-libbing.
"Me either," I say softly, ad-libbing too.
"Same here," Sky sniffs.
"So let's stay," Spencer hesitates, "just a few minutes more."