Chapter 5
Nessa
“Why am I taking this class again?” I asked as I leaned against the pillow after glaring at the textbook.
Elise slowly slid down the back of the couch to lean her head on my shoulder. “I have no idea. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can’t we be full adults already and not in school anymore? Where we have jobs and lives where we’re worried about things other than homework.”
I held back a wince because I was afraid if things didn’t get better soon, this might be my last semester with them. I only had a couple of weeks before I could no longer get a refund if I dropped out. I wanted to make sure I didn’t end up in crippling debt with my dad losing the house, so that I could have a dream I wasn’t even sure I wanted anymore.
“If only Pacey and Mackenzie could get that time machine to work.”
Elise snorted. “I have a feeling Corinne would have been pushing us to finish our homework right now. That way, we could go out and enjoy ourselves.”
I smiled, no longer feeling the sharp pain I used to feel anytime someone mentioned our friend. Corinne had died nearly a year ago now, and I missed her every day. I still couldn’t quite believe that she was gone, but it wasn’t as if I could go back and change things. I’d learned that the hard way.
“She and Mackenzie would have been best friends because Mackenzie’s already done with her work and out on a date with Pacey.”
“That sounds wonderful. I wish I was on a date,” Elise grumbled, looking through her work.
“With Pacey?” I asked, teasing, and then winced as she gave me a look.
Considering I’d had a massive crush on him and things had gotten awkward between us, I probably shouldn’t have brought him up. Yet, here we were, even in his house. We were at the guys’ home because our neighbor was installing new windows, and the sound had been driving us batty. Dillon had handed over the keys, kissed Elise soundly on the mouth, and told us to get studying. I was only slightly jealous of the love in his eyes every time he looked at her.
There was something there—sheer happiness. And while I might be a little jealous, I didn’t care. They were right for each other. I wanted to find that, too.
“Are you okay?” Elise asked tentatively.
I rolled my eyes, trying to force some cheer into my voice. I didn’t love Pacey, but I was still embarrassed that I had fallen so hard. “I’m fine. I didn’t mean to bring him up, even though we are in his house. I’m over him,” I said, and it didn’t feel like a lie. I called that progress.
“Okay, if you say so.”
I growled and closed my textbook. There was no way I could focus. “I’m not like that anymore. I don’t know what I was thinking before when it came to him, but it’s not that anymore. It’s not some huge, overwhelming need to be with him. I was silly to even think it was.”
“There’s nothing silly about having a crush on a guy you respect.”
“It is a little silly when you mistake it for love and almost hurt some of the people you care about the most in the process.”
Elise shook her head. “You didn’t hurt them.”
“True. At least, I don’t think I did. It doesn’t matter. Mackenzie and Pacey are going strong. They’re freaking adorable, and I am slowly getting through school and figuring out my life. I don’t have time for guys.”
“I thought you had a date with Xander later tonight.” Elise raised a brow.
I shrugged. “Maybe I have time to try to date, but nothing too serious.”
“You don’t think Xander’s the one?”
I snorted. “He’s a nice guy, and maybe we can have some relaxed fun, but I’m not looking for forever. I don’t even know what I want for the rest of my life, let alone a forever with a guy.”
“Forever at our age can be a pretty long time. Of course, we all know that it sometimes doesn’t happen.” Her smile turned dreamy, and I knew she likely wasn’t even aware of the look on her face.
My heart ached, but I shook my head. “I’m not going to throw myself at anyone just because I’m afraid we’re all going to die super young like Corinne did.” I winced. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.”
“No, I get it. I don’t think I went to Dillon because we lost Corinne.”
“No, you pushed him away,” I countered, and she sighed.
“Oh, yes, there was that.”
“Dillon and I made it through those decisions and are better than ever for it. And you and Pacey are back to being friends.”
“Maybe not as close as we once were, but I can see that. He has so much going on in his life, and he needs time with Mackenzie. And, honestly? I’m still a little embarrassed about the way I acted.”
“You shouldn’t be. Everybody understands.”
“That doesn’t help the situation.” I snorted. “But, Elise? I’m over him.”
“Over who?” Tanner asked as he walked into the house, Miles behind him.
I rolled my eyes and did my best not to look at Miles. I didn’t know why; it was just so awkward. Every time I looked at him, I thought about that kiss. The one I wasn’t supposed to remember. Only I did. Oh, I remembered. However, I wouldn’t think about it too hard. If I did, things would get weird again. I’d already let them get strange between Pacey and me. And though we were working our way back to the way things had been, and I was responsible for my feelings, I wouldn’t fall for anyone else in this house. Even though I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes off his face, or not notice how his glasses kept slipping down his nose. I saw everything about him.
Damn it, what was wrong with me?
Elise answered. “It was me. I was just thinking about you and my crush and how I can’t ever stop thinking about you. Dillon and I were wondering what we were going to do about it, but we decided maybe it’s best if we don’t add you to our relationship,” she said dryly.
Tanner just grinned that wicked smile I knew melted others’ panties. Not mine, but I could see why some felt that way. “All you have to do is ask, babe. I’ll be there for you.”
“I hope Dillon never hears of this conversation.” Miles shook his head before sinking onto the chair beside me. “Hi, Nessa,” he said.
I gave him an awkward little wave. Oh, good, now I’d reached a new pinnacle of the awkwardness that was my life. “Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” Tanner replied as he slid onto the couch next to Elise. “What are we studying?”
“Horrible, horrible things that aren’t even for our majors.” She gestured toward the book in front of her and sighed.
“Apparently, we’re supposed to be well-rounded or some crap,” I added.
Miles just shook his head. “I get that, but I wish there were like home-ec classes for college.”
Tanner gave him a weird look, and I straightened.
“What? What do you mean?” I asked.
“I like taking a lot of the liberal arts classes that I wouldn’t normally have to. I learn a lot while in them. While my family taught me how to make a budget, change the oil in my car, and even deal with household items that normally wouldn’t be an issue, many people don’t have that. I think there should be home-ec for college. Hell, I think home-ec should still be required in high school. But now I’m being weird, so I’m just going to shut up.”
I shook my head. “Don’t shut up. That is smart. If I were learning something productive, that’d be great. Right now, I’m reading a book on history that I’m pretty sure is just an alternate version and not the truth because it doesn’t talk about the atrocities committed.”
Miles winced. “That’s the epitome of suck, and I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”
I shrugged. “It’s college. There were only so many options for this semester to fill that requirement. You would think I’d be happy with books. Not so much this time.”
“I think I took that class sophomore year.” Tanner leaned forward. “Dr. Peterman?”
“Yep. Asshole.”
“He is
, and he hates women,” Tanner said.
I sighed. “Oh, I know. Thankfully, the class isn’t graded on a curve with participation, or I would probably end up with a C just because he feels like it.”
“Only one more year of school.” Miles paused. “And then, all of our grad schools and everything else with that. However, one more year of this school.”
“Yay,” Elise added deadpan. “With that, I need to go. I told Dillon that I would meet him at the bar. I’ll finish up my work there.”
“He doing okay?” I asked.
Elise grinned. “He’s doing great. He has a paper due tomorrow, and one of his nieces has a cold so everybody’s working overtime trying to get both restaurants set up and everything. It’s a lot. And while his brothers are trying to push Dillon not to work as hard as he has been, it’s Dillon. Of course, he wants to help his family.”
“It’s nice that he has them,” I said honestly.
“I know. Dillon will finish his paper, and I’m going to drive him home after he closes. It’s just going to be a long day.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
Elise grinned at me. “I’m not going to need anything from you. You have a date.”
Tanner grinned at me as Miles leaned forward. “You have a date?” he asked. I did my best not to look deeper into his words. I had kissed him when I was drunk. He didn’t kiss me back. I didn’t need to think about him in any other way now.
“Yes, I do.”
“Going to get lucky?” Tanner asked.
I threw a crumpled-up piece of paper at him. “Gross.”
“If it’s gross, you’re not doing it right,” Tanner said.
“Whatever.” I shook my head as Tanner and Elise began packing up and heading out. Miles held his phone, staring at something, seemingly in his own world.
Tanner went up to his room, scowling at his phone as he did, and Elise headed towards Dillon’s. That left me on the couch, picking up my things as Miles scrolled through something on his cell.
“Nessa, I forgot I had something to show you.” Miles’ words pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Oh?” Why were things so awkward when it came to him?
“You were looking for that book on Jane Austen, right?”
“I’m always looking for books on Jane Austen,” I answered with a laugh.
“True, but there was a biography you wanted to read in paperback. The one that’s out of print?”
“Oh, yes! Why?”
“I think I found a copy. At least, I believe so. It’s in the library. Come on.”
He stood, and my heart raced, though I wasn’t sure if it was only about the book.
“You found it?”
“I think it came with the house. I was bored one day, looking through all the books. It might not be the same one, though. I left it where it was so I didn’t accidentally lose it in my room or something.”
“I would hate to have to search your room to find it if that were the case.”
I swallowed hard as both of us gave each other looks. I tried not to read too much into it.
“Here. I think I remember it over here.”
I stood next to him in the library as he slowly reached for the book. He was so close to me and smelled so good. I swallowed hard, attempting not to think about it. I tried not to look at him because I didn’t want him knowing that I was thinking about him or trying not to look at him.
What was wrong with me? The tension was palpable, and I swore I could hear every breath he took. I felt the warmth of his body next to mine.
My hair stood on end, and I wanted to reach out. To brush his skin and see what he felt like. But I didn’t.
I wasn’t going to lose my mind and fall for another guy in this house.
He finally cleared his throat. If it were any more awkward or steamier between us, his glasses would have fogged up—or I’d trip over myself.
“Here you go,” he said as he handed me the book. Our fingertips brushed, and I swallowed hard before I pulled back.
“This is it. Thank you.” I wanted to reach up and kiss his cheek like I would have any other day to say thank you because that’s who I was. But I didn’t.
Instead, I met his gaze, and my eyes moved to his lips. I stopped myself.
I had to.
Miles pulled away first, and I hated that I hadn’t. “I need to go work on my homework in my room. I need to focus.”
“Good. I have a date.”
“I remember.”
“Oh. Right.” I was annoyed that I’d even brought it up.
“With that guy. Xander? Things are going pretty well between the two of you?” he added, sticking his hands into his pockets.
I didn’t want to read too much into his words or tone. He didn’t like me like that. He hadn’t mentioned the kiss, and I hadn’t either. I just saw too much tension in everything we did these days.
“I don’t know about that,” I said honestly. “It’s just a date. Dinner. I need to eat.” Could I sound any lamer?
“Have fun, stay safe.”
“Always. And thank you for the book. Really, thank you.”
“Anything, Nessa.”
His gaze met mine again, and then he shrugged and walked away, leaving me standing there as if I were losing my mind.
And in a home I didn’t own, acting the fool.
I quickly put the book with my stuff, being careful not to hurt the pages. It was Pacey’s book. Or the house’s, anyway. I wasn’t sure how it had even gotten here. I would read it, though. Then, I would return it.
And do my best not to think about Miles the entire time.
I stuffed everything into my bag and headed back to my house. The neighbors were still banging on the windows, the installation taking forever. Our house was empty when I walked in. I quickly changed into tights and a dress that went to my knees and slid my feet into flats. It was a cute outfit, nothing sexy because I wasn’t going for seductive. We were going to a small restaurant that was similar to the diner we had been to before. Nothing fancy, just a night out. With a nice guy.
One who did absolutely nothing for me. But I wasn’t going to think about that.
I redid my makeup and told myself that this was for the best. I was trying to find time to relax, even though I couldn’t. I had to work the next day, and I had classes that would exhaust me, but I would still pretend that me taking time for myself like this was worth it.
Only I wasn’t sure that Xander was.
By the time I made it to the restaurant, Xander was already there, a Diet Coke and water at my place. He had ordered for me. While I appreciated it, it was a little weird. I didn’t always want Diet Coke, but I wouldn’t say anything. Xander was nice.
“Nessa,” he said as he stood and kissed my cheek. I smiled, holding back a cringe. I hadn’t enjoyed the kiss we’d shared before, and now that I thought about it, I hadn’t exactly enjoyed any of the time we’d been together, either. It had been a moment in time and could have been with anyone. I really needed to try harder.
“Hi.” I sat, and Xander smiled at me. I knew this would be the last date I would go on with him.
He just wasn’t for me. And, frankly, I had enough on my plate. I tried. I wasn’t even thinking about Pacey anymore. I was over him and had figured I’d set him on a pedestal in my mind when I hadn’t needed to.
Now, I needed to get over this thing with Miles. Once I did, I would be fine. I had way more important things to worry about than who I was going to date in my final year of school.
I pushed all worries from my mind and did my best to enjoy my date, even as I told myself I wouldn’t do this again.
Xander was likable, but he wasn’t for me.
I was starting to think nobody was. And maybe that was for the best.
Chapter 6
Miles
“We can do this. It’s just garlic, right?” Natalie asked, and I laughed.
“You say that, and yet I thought garlic was t
hat powdery stuff you sprinkle on things.”
“We shouldn’t say that around Dillon. He would never forgive us.”
I laughed and shook my head as Natalie did her best to peel the skin from the clove. We had YouTube up and cookbooks surrounding us as we tried our best to cook.
When the two of us realized we were the worst cooks of the group, we had decided to learn how to do the basics. If we’d had the time, we would have taken a class. But for now, the internet was teaching us, and we wouldn’t let Dillon or the others know that we had no idea what we were doing.
“How am I getting garlic everywhere? And I think I had a cut on my hand, and now the garlic juice is burning me. Why did we say we wanted to cook again?” Natalie asked, her voice slightly below panic level.
I winced before I took off my glasses and tried to rub my eyes with my forearm. “Why am I wearing my glasses when I know not to when cutting onions? The fumes are just getting trapped under there, and I’m dying.”
Natalie started to laugh, and I flipped her off.
“And they say you’re the nice one,” she teased.
“You’re supposed to be the nice one, too, yet still you mock my pain.” I went to the sink, took off my glasses, and tossed water on my face after washing my hands.
“We are the worst at this. We don’t even have the oven on yet.”
I froze. “Were we supposed to preheat it? I thought this was just a pan on the stove.”
“I don’t know. What do the instructions say?”
“I don’t know, either. You’re the one with the recipe,” I shot back.
She shook her head. “I thought you were the one who found this one.”
“No, that was you.” I paused. “Wait. What are we making?”
“A version of chicken cacciatore, but I don’t think we’re doing it right. I’m just glad we’re the only ones who’ll be eating it. Are you sure Dillon and Pacey said they were taking the girls out for a double date?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yes. And Nessa is at work, same with Tanner. So, it’s just us.” I paused. “Not that this is a date or anything.”
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