Dillon growled. “Xander is just like Sanders. Slick. He’s probably able to get away with anything.”
“As much as I hate Sanders, I don’t see him doing what Xander did,” Pacey growled.
I nodded tightly. “True, but Xander is that slick kind of guy.”
Dillon cleared his throat. “If I remember right, his dad’s a big-time lawyer.”
I looked at Dillon. “You know Xander?”
“Not beyond a couple of classes. I vaguely remember him saying something along those lines, though.”
“Crap,” I growled.
“We’ll do what we can. Nessa is safe at the house. The doors are locked,” Pacey added.
Tanner nodded. “Yes, I changed them, mainly because the door was about to fall off anyway. The landlord didn’t mind. Though, of course, they didn’t. I was doing the work for them for free.”
“Is there anything else we can do to keep them safe?” I asked, worry gnawing at my gut.
“Unless they let us put in a security system I can’t afford, I’m not sure,” Tanner said.
“If it’s the money, I can handle that,” Pacey growled. “Our house has better security, but it’s not like we can move all four girls in here.” Pacey paused. “Well, we could, but then our girlfriends would be living with us, and that might be a little weird.”
I narrowed my eyes. “And what about the other girls?”
“If all else fails, they can share Sanders’ old room.”
Nessa could stay in mine, but I didn’t say that. Nor would I even think that again. Because that was wrong. So wrong.
“The point is moot,” I said, shaking my head. “The girls aren’t going to want to live here, and that’s not the point anyway.”
“No, the point is we need to do whatever we can to make sure they feel safe.”
“Sometimes, I don’t know how the hell we make it through these things,” Dillon grumbled before he drank the last of his coffee.
“I don’t know, either.” Pacey looked blankly at the kitchen window, his shoulders drooping.
I looked over at Tanner. “Thank you for taking care of the locks.”
“I’m just glad I did it. I don’t want to think…no, I’m not going to think about what might have happened if I hadn’t,” Tanner grumbled.
“If the authorities don’t, we’ll do what we can to make sure Xander stays away from her,” Pacey said, nodding tightly.
“I’m going over there to help with her stats homework. I’ll talk to her.”
Pacey gave me a look, and I shrugged. “We’re friends.” Just because I wanted more didn’t mean anything.
“None of the girls are alone. Ever,” Pacey said.
Tanner barked out a laugh, and I glared at him.
“What?” I asked.
“Yes, because us doing our best to rally around them and force them never to be alone and always be taken care of will go over so well with these women. Two of you are dating them. You should know better than that.”
Pacey shrugged. “I’ll still do what I can to protect them.”
I sighed. “We all will. Now, I need to head over.”
“I’m sure all of us will go at some point to check on them,” Dillon said with a shrug. “It’s what we do.”
I nodded. “I know. I wish I could’ve been the one to hit him.” I shook my head. “You should’ve seen Nessa. She was magnificent.” The guys gave me a look, and I knew I had probably said too much.
I nodded and then headed out, grabbing my books. I was decent at statistics and had taken the same class that she was in, so I should be of some help. Honestly, I just wanted to spend time with her—even if that was probably a mistake.
I walked the distance to their house so I didn’t have to park on the street, and it helped me burn off some of my energy. I was too wired when it came to Nessa, especially with what had happened in her driveway. It was all just a little too much, and I hated that I hadn’t been able to do anything but growl and do my best to protect her. She’d defended herself, and I had slept on their damn couch. The lumpy thing had given me a crick in the neck, but when Natalie had come home the next morning after spending the night at her parents’ house, her eyes had gone wide. I had left before Nessa could explain to everyone what had happened.
Still, I had been there. Sleeping under the same roof as Nessa. Even though she had slept in my bed before, I hadn’t been there with her. She’d been drunk, had kissed me, and I’d walked away, leaving her in my room. An event she didn’t remember, and one I told myself to forget.
I knocked on the door. Nessa opened it after a moment, looking through the chain. “Hey,” she said quickly before closing the door again, undoing the chain, and opening the door for me.
“Hey there,” I said, feeling awkward.
“I’d ask how you are, but you’re the one who had to sleep on that couch. I can guess.”
I shrugged as I set my bag down on the coffee table. “I didn’t mind. I just didn’t want you to be alone.”
Nessa looked at me and bit her lip. “I’m glad you were here. Even though I kind of resented it at the time.”
My eyebrows winged up. “Why would you resent it?”
“I hated that I couldn’t do it all on my own. And I don’t like becoming a statistic. The cops said they would talk to him. But, apparently, his dad is a lawyer and already on it.”
“That’s what we figured,” I grumbled.
She narrowed her eyes. “We?”
I sat down on the couch and rolled my neck. “The guys. Of course, we talked about it, Nessa. I’m honestly surprised they didn’t come here with me, stomping and following me around.”
She snorted. “They’ll probably be here in like thirty minutes.”
I shook my head. “No, they know I’m here.”
“Ah, so you guys are going to rotate?”
“Maybe. I’ll have you know it’s better than the alternative.”
She narrowed her eyes and then sighed. “They want us to all move in there, don’t they?”
“Yes. You and Natalie could share Sanders’ old room.”
“Oh, that’s nice. We lose our house and are safe with the big, bad men who will protect us from everything. And, suddenly, the guys are living with their girlfriends. That’s a big step. But, sure, the sad little single girls can share the smallest room in the house.”
“I think Tanner’s room is the smallest.”
She laughed. “Great, that’s so helpful.”
“Just making conversation.”
“I hate this conversation.”
“That guy attacked you,” I said. “I fucking hated that.”
“I don’t know what we’re supposed to do. How am I supposed to pretend like it didn’t happen? But I’m going to try. I have work, school, and my life.”
“Did you tell your dad?” I asked softly.
She shook her head, and I cursed. “Don’t curse at me. I don’t know how to tell him that I was attacked. We reported it. The girls know. The guys know. Dad doesn’t need to know right now. He has enough on his plate.”
Something in her tone worried me. “What do you mean by that?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I searched her face before nodding, then pulled out my textbook. “Let’s get through some statistics, and then maybe you can show me how to cook something,” I said, trying to relieve the tension.
She smiled up at me. “I can do that.”
I sat next to her on the couch and felt her heat. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I was doing. I should stay away from her. Yes, I wanted to protect her. Yes, I wanted her to be okay. But being next to her? Being next to the girl I’d had a crush on for over a year now, the one I kept thinking about, even though she wasn’t for me? That was masochistic.
I couldn’t hold back. Yet, I couldn’t stay away.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she whispered.
I swallowed
hard. “What?”
“He didn’t hurt me, Miles. Not really. I’m fine.” She rubbed her arm.
I narrowed my eyes. “Did he hurt you for real?”
“No. No bruises. I thought he might leave one on my arm, but nothing formed.”
“I wish I could just punch him and make things better, but I know violence doesn’t solve things.”
“I don’t know, kneeing him in the balls was kind of nice.”
I snorted. “Kind of sad I wasn’t the one to do that.”
“I’m just glad I could take care of myself.”
“You could. You did. It was pretty damn amazing.”
“Thanks,” she whispered, and her gaze went to my mouth. At least, I thought it did.
“There’s something you should know,” she said after a moment.
I looked down at her. “What?” I asked, my voice soft, barely above a whisper.
“I remember.”
I blinked and looked at her. “What do you remember?”
“I remember the kiss. I remember acting like an idiot and drinking too much. I remember how sweet you were, how you took care of me. But I remember the kiss, Miles. And I want to apologize.”
My heart raced, and I tried to keep up. She remembered? After all this time, she remembered. And she hadn’t said a thing.
I shook my head. “You remember us kissing.”
“I remember me kissing you and practically forcing myself on you.” She shuddered.
I reached out and gripped her hand. She looked down at it, and I swallowed hard. “You didn’t force me to kiss you. I didn’t kiss you. You were drunk, and I wasn’t about to do anything to hurt you. I remember, too. I wanted to kiss you. Damn it, Nessa, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time. So don’t fucking apologize.”
Her eyes widened, and I hated that I had probably said too much.
“You wanted to kiss me? For a long time? I don’t understand.”
“Forget I said anything. Let’s worry about school and classes and all of that. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, you should. You should talk to me. I thought you didn’t want to talk about it because you regretted it.”
“Hell, no. I didn’t regret it. I don’t. Other than the fact that you were hurting and drunk, and I was trying to put you to bed when you kissed me. I thought you didn’t remember it, and I didn’t want to bring it up because that would have been awkward as fuck. Probably as awkward as it is right now.”
She stood up and began to pace. I stood, as well, not wanting to sit when she was standing.
“You wanted to kiss me.”
“Nessa, every time I’m near you, I want to kiss you. Only you never wanted me. We both know who you wanted.”
She looked at me then, and I stuffed my hands into my pockets. If I didn’t, I knew I would want to reach out and touch her. And I shouldn’t. I knew damn well that I shouldn’t.
“I don’t want Pacey. Not anymore. It was just a crush that got twisted in my head. I kept making a fool of myself because of it. Pacey’s still my friend and he always will be, but I didn’t love him like I thought I did. And that’s on me. I kissed you. Maybe because I was drinking and thinking about you and anything but what I should have been thinking of. But I only regret that I was stupid about it. I didn’t hate it, Miles. And the problem is, I keep thinking about you, too. And I shouldn’t.”
“You keep thinking about me, too,” I repeated.
“Of course, I do. You’re sweet, and you’re nice, and…stop looking at me like that,” Nessa warned. I shrugged.
“There’s that nice thing again.”
“No, you are a good guy. Not just a nice guy. Xander was the nice guy, who ended up being a douche. You are not that guy.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t appreciate you comparing me to him.”
“I’m sorry. I won’t.”
“It’s fine,” I whispered.
“Yes, I had a crush on Pacey, thinking that I wanted more. The reality is, we are much better as friends. And I see how he is with Mackenzie. They’re just perfect, you know? They’re fated and all of that. Like one of the romances I love to read.”
“They are pretty amazing together,” I whispered.
“He was never for me. It took me a long time to realize that and get my head out of my ass. Yes, I had a crush on Pacey. But that’s over. It’s just that every time I look at you, I remember that kiss and how much I liked it, even though I shouldn’t remember it. I’m done hiding the fact that I did.”
“You liked it.”
“You keep repeating everything that I say.”
I laughed then. “Of course, I am. I have no idea what’s going on,” I whispered.
“I don’t know, either,” she whispered back.
“Okay, then. So, we both remember and liked the kiss. I keep thinking about you, and you keep thinking about me.” I had no idea if I was still dreaming or if I’d suddenly woken up in a new reality, but this didn’t feel real. It couldn’t be real.
“There’s so much going on in my life, Miles. I don’t want to risk our friendship for something that will probably blow up in our faces.”
I took a step forward and swallowed hard. “I get it.” I paused. “Still…”
She reached out and put her hand on my chest. I reached for her, as well, running my fingers down her arm. “Still,” she echoed, then she went onto her tiptoes and brushed her lips across mine.
I was so much taller than her that I had to hunch slightly so she could press her lips to mine. I kissed her softly, needing her taste but going slow. After all, the incident with Xander had only been the night before, and we had just been talking about Pacey. There were so many reasons not to do this, but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to.
I kissed her again and then pulled away, my breath coming in pants even though it had been a gentle kiss.
“I’ve been thinking about that for a long time,” I whispered.
“Me, too. But, Miles, we only have a year left of school, and then we’re all moving away. Things are changing, and there’s so much going on in our lives. I can’t do a relationship. I thought I could at least pretend to date somebody to get over Pacey, but that wasn’t the case. I’m already over him.”
I nodded. “I know. At the end of the year, we both move away. We’ll always be friends, but things will change.” I didn’t know why that hurt so much to say, but I had to put it out there.
“I like kissing you,” she said softly, and I smiled.
“I like kissing you, too.” I leaned down and kissed her again. “Just for this year. Or for however long it lasts. Because I can’t stop thinking about you, Nessa. And I’m tired of pretending.”
She looked up at me then. “Friendship first. Always. Even if this is a mistake.”
“Friendship first. Always.” Then I leaned down and kissed her again, wondering when exactly I would wake up from this dream.
Chapter 9
Nessa
* * *
I let out a breath and closed my computer. I was still waiting on news about a few grants and for some letters of recommendation. It was as if I had to pretend that I was still going through with my grad school plans, even if I felt like I was behind. However, none of that was what I was working on at the moment.
While I bit my lip and tapped my foot, I waited on emails from my agent. I hadn’t told anybody that I had written a trilogy. An actual trilogy that I was excited about. I knew that if I got the first book picked up as it was being shopped, the second and third would probably have to be entirely reworked—if not discarded. But the books had poured out of me, and I had taken nearly my entire college career to get them to the point where I was ready. Somehow, through my persistence and sheer luck, I’d landed an agent. And now, we were shopping my work.
I’d known I wanted to be a writer from a young age. My mother had dreamed that I would write a book, and I had finished the first one right before she passed. She had been my fi
rst beta reader and probably my harshest critic. Tough love because she had wanted me to succeed, even when she said she loved it.
I just hoped the rest of the world embraced it. It was my dream, even though I knew that I would have to get a big-girl job and not just work at a bookstore. What English professor wasn’t working on a book in their spare time? It was a given. First, though, I needed to get into grad school and possibly even work on my doctorates before starting anything else.
Only, now, I didn’t even know if I would be able to finish this semester. I sighed and nearly jolted out of my chair at my small desk in my bedroom when someone knocked on the door.
Elise spoke through the door. “Nessa? There are flowers for you. Are they from Miles? I know you have a date tonight.”
I got out of my chair and rolled my shoulders back, stretching since I had been sitting too long. A nervous smile played on my face as I thought over her words. I did have a date with Miles tonight. An actual date, though one where we knew there was no future because we were both moving on with whatever lives we picked and were chosen for after this year. I still couldn’t believe I had kissed him or that he had kissed me. I would probably make another mistake at some point, but at least I would go into it face-forward. It was relaxing to be around Miles, even though parts of me were never relaxed around him.
I opened the door and frowned. “Flowers?” I asked as I looked at the bouquet of yellow wildflowers in Elise’s hands.
“There’s no note, but I assume they’re from Miles.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. Don’t you think he would have them in his hand when he shows up in a little bit?” I asked, confused and a little worried. I didn’t know why, but something felt off.
Elise scrunched her nose. “You don’t think they’re from...” Her voice trailed off, and her eyes widened.
“No. I mean, they couldn’t be. Xander wouldn’t send me flowers.” Those yellow flowers from the bookshop filled my mind, but my dad had signed the card for those. These didn’t have a note. It was really weird.
“I don’t know. I’ll ask Miles. Or, I don’t know. What should I do?”
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