I couldn’t think about my family right now, though. Couldn’t think about school or my roommates. I could only think about the girl who wasn’t here. The one I feared would never take me back.
Chapter 21
Nessa
* * *
“Excuse me?” I asked as I leaned against the back of the couch. My head ached, but it wasn’t from the stitches. Instead, I sat there, trying to comprehend exactly what my agent was telling me. “You have three offers, Nessa. And they’re good offers. Fantastic offers.”
Nothing computed at the moment. “How? I wasn’t expecting anything.”
“I know you weren’t. You never do, Nessa. You’re so talented. I saw that right away, and we have a lot more things to go over, but we have time to look over everything.”
“I don’t understand,” I whispered.
“This is the call, Nessa. The. Call. We’ll make decisions and talk it over, but you’re going to be okay. I promise you.”
We talked some more, and as my tears threatened, I knew I would look over everything later and talk with her about every single detail, but I couldn’t focus right now.”
All in the span of a week, I had broken up with Miles, realized I had fallen in love with him, been attacked, hurt, and watched someone be handcuffed and taken away. I had watched Miles get put into an ambulance. I had done the same. Now, it seemed I had a fucking deal for my trilogy.
I had sold my book. I would be okay.
The next semester would still be tough, but if I knew I had some income coming in, I could use my loan and the funds from the house for the next semester and know I had money coming in the next year. It would be tight, but there was a way now.
I had a future. One I would still work hard at and continue relying on things other than just my advance. I wouldn’t quit everything and pretend I was a full-time author. But I had options now.
Real options.
I could barely breathe.
My dad had gone to work since he couldn’t take any more time off. He had already taken off enough with Mom, and we were only just now catching up to that.
He was working way more hours than I was, trying to keep us afloat.
The house I had grown up in was filled with boxes as my dad had found a smaller home to live in. This one would be on the market in the next week, but I had still stayed this past week, healing and just trying to be.
The girls visited, as did the guys—at least Pacey and Dillon did.
Miles hadn’t come, nor had Tanner. Tanner had texted, saying that he was glad I was okay.
Technically, it had only been five days, but it felt like a full week. Miles had gotten home the day before as they had kept him for a few days because they had been worried about internal bleeding. The guys kept me up to date, but Miles had lost his phone in the accident. Mine had been taken away for evidence, and I had only recently gotten a new one, thanks to Natalie. I hadn’t wanted to rely on her or anyone, but she had said that I needed a phone. I would take it, even if I didn’t really like it.
I didn’t know if Miles had gotten a new one yet.
I wanted to call him, tell him I was sorry. Say that I loved him and wanted to figure things out.
When I got overwhelmed, I freaked out. And I had freaked out.
I had to continue telling myself that things would be okay. My dad and I couldn’t keep this house, but that was fine. The memories in it weren’t the easiest to deal with anyway.
We would make do.
Only I had hurt Miles because I hadn’t been able to handle it all.
The doorbell rang, and I frowned before I got up, gingerly stepping towards it because everything still hurt. I was one big bruise as if I were a dropped peach, but that’s what happened when you were dragged across cement and dirt, kicked, and punched. I tried not to think about the details, though I knew I’d have to talk to someone soon. But not now. Now, I needed to see who was at the door.
My heart sped up as I looked through the peephole. I tried to blink back the tears.
I undid the two locks and opened the door to see Miles standing there. One side of his face was a bruise, and he had a busted lip, but he simply looked at me. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to fall into his arms and tell him that I was sorry, that I never wanted to let go. He had his hands in his pockets, and he looked at me, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose. “Tanner dropped me off. I can’t drive yet.”
“Oh.” I didn’t have any other words, and I felt foolish.
He let out a hollow laugh. “I don’t know why I said that first. Hi, Nessa. Can I come in?”
I stepped back, and he walked through the door. I watched him move, trying to hold myself back from leaping into his arms. He had to hurt like I did, and me jumping on him probably wouldn’t be the best thing for either of us.
“I wanted to see you. I wanted to give you time, but I also wanted to see you. I wasn’t sure if you had your phone yet. I just got mine today, so it’s been a hell of a week.”
I swallowed hard. “I have my phone. Natalie got me one.”
“Me, too.” He laughed. “Apparently, she’s just giving out phones willy-nilly.”
“I think she needed something to do. When she’s stressed out, she tries to take care of everyone. When I’m stressed, I run away.” There. Now it was out there.
“I think I do the same thing, though I wasn’t even aware I did.”
I looked up at him.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry for pushing you away. For acting like I didn’t need you. For thinking you were the one thing that was too much. You weren’t, Miles. I’m sorry.”
“Hell.” He shook his head.
My stomach fell, and I nearly staggered back. “Oh,” I said.
“I came over here to tell you that I love you, Nessa. That no matter what happened, I wanted to try to work things out. That I would follow whatever path brought the two of us together, no matter what else we had going on in our lives. I fucking love you so much, Nessa. It may be too soon, but I don’t care. Honest to God, I don’t give a fuck. You’re it for me. Maybe you always have been, and it took me a while to see that. You’re it. I want to see you bloom. I want to see the author and the person you become. I want to be by your side as we figure out the mess that is our lives. I want to figure it all out together. I fucking love you so much, Nessa. So, I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”
Tears flowed freely down my cheeks, and I moved forward to cup his face, careful not to hurt his bruises. “I think I’m going to swoon, just like my heroine.”
“Really?” he asked, his voice breathy.
“I love you, too. That’s why I pushed you away when I did. I knew you’d always be there. And that was wrong. I got scared. I am scared. I’ll be better if I’m with you, though. I have so much to tell you, Miles. So much that I don’t know what I’m going to do about it. But no matter what, I don’t want to do it without you. I pushed you away because I was afraid that once you left, it would hurt even more. So, I tried to be the one who left first. And that was wrong.”
“I can go to school here. Or we can go together. We’ll find a way. It’s not either-or—all or nothing. There are ways to make this work.”
“I know that now. I didn’t want to think about it before. It was all too much. And maybe it still is, but I don’t want to do this without you.”
“Then don’t. You don’t ever have to.”
He brushed his lips against mine once more, and I nearly cried, almost fell to the floor in bliss. From a single kiss. I sank into him, being gentle with him. I could barely catch up.
“I sold my book,” I blurted.
He leaned back, his eyes wide. “Are you serious?
“Yes. I haven’t told anyone else. I wanted to tell you first.”
He smiled, the pride in his eyes staggering. “I’d say let’s drink some champagne to celebrate, but I don’t think either of us is allowed to drink right now.”
�
��Once we’re healed, we’ll celebrate. So many things are changing, and I know the normal Nessa routine would be to keep pushing you away, to shove everyone away. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be with you. I want to find out how we’re going to make this work. I want to make plans with you.”
“Good, because we are going to make those plans, damn it. You and me against the world.”
I kissed him again and knew he was right. Somehow, we’d make it work. It wasn’t all or nothing. It wasn’t this moment or all was lost.
Decisions needed to be made. Plans to take action on. And we would.
Together.
Chapter 22
Miles
* * *
Another weekend, another house party, and yet today felt a little different. I sat in an oversized winged-back chair in the corner, sipping my club soda and lime, pretending it was something more potent. I was allowed to drink, but I was doing my best not to yet. My headache lingered, bothering me every once in a while, but I was taking it easy. People milled around, and we seemed a bit quieter than we had even a year ago.
We were all heading into the final semester of our college careers, though some younger people were here, too. Most of us were all over twenty-one and old enough to know better than to indulge too much tonight. We were enjoying ourselves, and I just wanted to get inside my bedroom with a certain somebody and be.
“You are scowling over here,” Tanner stated as he came to my side, water in hand.
I snorted, ignoring the headache. “You’re not drinking tonight? And I’m not scowling.”
“You are, but I know who you’re looking for. And I have to work later, so water it is.”
“I swear I don’t know how you work so many hours a week and still get schoolwork done.”
“It’s a balance. But we’re making do. As always.”
“Anyway, Nessa should be out soon. I think she was in the kitchen with the girls.”
I frowned. “Natalie’s here, too, then? I didn’t know she would be here tonight. Nessa said she was busy.”
Tanner shrugged, frowning. “I don’t know. The other girls are in there. They count as the girls, too.”
I snorted. “True.”
“Anyway, I’m glad to see you up and about. Good job on passing all your classes.”
“Hey, and I still kept my 4.0.”
“Not everybody is as perfect and pretty as you, doll,” he teased, rolling his eyes. He lifted his water in cheers before heading out of the house. I shook my head.
The girls did indeed come out of the kitchen, and Elise went straight to Dillon. My roommate wrapped his arms around her waist, looking as if he’d won the lottery. Pacey stood in another corner, speaking to his friends, all of them laughing when Mackenzie joined them. He held out his arm, and she slipped under it, fitting to his side as if she had always been there. As if Pacey had been waiting for her forever. From the way he relaxed, I knew that was likely the case. They seemed so perfect for each other. Hell, things really had changed in a year.
The scent of honey and jasmine hit my nose, and I looked up as if I’d been waiting for her all night. And, hell, I had been. Nessa came up to me and gently sat on my lap. My cock ached, but I ignored it. There would be time for that later.
“Are you taking care of yourself?” Nessa asked as she kissed my cheek.
I leaned against her and sighed. “Yes, but I’d rather be taking care of you upstairs.”
“You’re fortunate you whispered that,” she said before kissing me.
Knowing that I didn’t want to give everybody a show, I didn’t linger, but I still enjoyed myself.
“You’re feeling good?” I asked, meeting her gaze.
“I am. I’m happy that we all had that party to celebrate my book yesterday. It was nice.” We’d had a roommate-only party to celebrate her book deal and would have another dinner with her dad later.
“Of course, we did. We’re proud of you.”
“It still doesn’t feel real. None of this feels real. And your mom was so gracious about it.”
I cringed. “Mom will want to read your books. I hope there’s no sex in them.”
“I’m not going to tell you if there’s sex in them or not,” she said and then laughed.
“It looks like you’re finally going to let me read them, then. Just saying.”
We’d had dinner with my parents and brother, Nessa bringing her father, as well. It had been awkward as hell at first until Nessa smiled and talked graphic novels with Aaron. The tension had eased immediately, and now it felt as if she and her dad had always been part of the family. Yes, my parents still needed time to change their ways, but I was ready to give them that. They were my parents and they loved me. And they were already in love with Nessa.
Both of us were waiting to hear about the University of Colorado for grad school, but we had high hopes. We’d tried for other schools, but Colorado was our top choice. I could still be in Aaron’s life, and Nessa wouldn’t have to leave her father.
Plus, we could be together.
We still had one more semester in undergrad and weren’t moving in together until after we graduated. Dillon and Pacey were planning the same with their girls. The six of us were on the same path—or at least thinking about our futures that way.
“What do you say we go upstairs?” I asked, my voice a growl.
“I think that’s a perfect idea.”
I kissed her again, and somebody cheered, but I ignored them.
“Stop it,” I growled as I flipped off the rest of the room.
Somebody laughed and yelled, “Get a room!”
I didn’t know who said that, but I grinned. “You’re right. I should.”
“Miles!” Nessa squealed as I lifted her into my arms. “You’re going to hurt yourself. You’re supposed to take it easy.”
“Oh, I’m sure I can.”
Nessa blushed, burying her head against my neck as I carried her upstairs to a chorus of cheers from everyone downstairs.
“I’m going to kill you,” she muttered.
“I love you, too.”
“You’re lucky I love you.” She sighed and relaxed into my hold as we made our way to my room.
“You’d better show me why you think it’s okay for us to go upstairs while everyone’s still down there.”
I closed my door behind us and locked it as I set her on her feet.
“I think that can be arranged.” I pressed my lips to hers and knew this was the first time of many.
I hadn’t expected Nessa to love me back. I hadn’t expected anything.
She was my first love, my first everything. And my next, and my next, and my next.
She was my present, my future, and I sure as hell wouldn’t take that for granted. Never again. So, I kissed her harder, and I breathed.
She was mine.
My next. My forever.
Consequences
Natalie
* * *
I had never been to this particular grocery store before, but it had a similar layout to most of them. I was on the other side of town, not because I needed to be here, but mostly because I didn’t want to run into a friend. I was forever running into someone from school or someone who knew my parents. And a lot of people knew my parents.
I swallowed hard as I took my little handheld basket filled with bread and sandwich meat and random cupcakes that I had found that looked good and did my best not to throw up.
This was fine. This was nothing.
This was just an evening that would be a little stressful. But I would get over it.
I walked down the aisle, looking at the boxes of things I had never paid attention to before, and stood and studied the vast array of products that seemed foreign to me.
Okay, then. How did I choose? How was I supposed to do this shopping? Should I have just done this online and waited for it to show up on my doorstep in a few days, even with overnight shipping? No, probably not. I could do this.
I was an adult. I had made other adult decisions. Now, here I was for this one.
I pulled out my phone and knew I couldn’t do this alone. Even though I might have tried, I couldn’t. I needed someone else, someone the others might not expect.
I pulled up Tanner’s contact info and began a text.
Me: We need to talk.
And then I put my phone back into my bag, picked up a pregnancy test, set it in my basket, and headed to the register.
I took a deep breath and told myself once again that everything would be okay. Even though, knowing my luck, it most definitely wouldn’t be anywhere near okay.
* * *
Next up in the ON MY OWN SERIES: My Bad Decisions
* * *
Want to read a special BONUS EPILOGUE featuring Nessa & Miles? CLICK HERE!
A Note from Carrie Ann Ryan
Thank you so much for reading MY NEXT PLAY!
I loved Miles and Nessa. They were messy and couldn’t figure out what they wanted until the realized they could want each other. I adore them!
Next up in the ON MY OWN series?
Natalie and Tanner are in for a surprise in My Bad Decisions!
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