by M. M. Crow
I snuggle deeper into him and he does the breathing technic with me that Thorpe showed us yesterday.
“Thorpe has asked a doctor to come talk to you about what you experienced. He and I both feel that you need to do this and I’ll be with you the whole time.” He says as he looks at me.
“Do you really wants to hear what happened to me.”
“I don’t want to know baby I need to know so that I can help you heal. Then we can move on to the next phase of our lives together.” He says and I know that he means it.
“It doesn’t matter what you say my love. I love you baby and nothing will ever change that.” He says as he has his arms wrapped around me to give me the support he knows I need.
“I’m worried that you’ll not want me sexually again because I’m not longer just yours.”
He grabs my face and he tells me “You are and will always be only mine. What was done to you will never change that. You don’t need to ever have those thoughts about me not want you because that’s the furthest thing from the truth.”
“You’re my forever girl always and forever baby.” He says then lightly kisses my lips.
Dr. Armstrong comes in and talks to me for about an hour and a half. I tell her everything that happened from the moment I was kidnaped until I was found under the porch by Dean. I cried and so did Dean. I tell her how I feel that I’m feeling all these different emotions and I don’t feel my spark anymore. She tells me that it’s normal to feel all these things.
“I’m scared when I wake up and in those first thirty seconds I think I’m back in that cabin and this is the dream. I knew I was going to die. I knew I was never going to see my babies grow up and get married and have children of their own. I knew I was never going to marry Dean or see my best friend find her one and only. I knew I would never see my dad again and tell him that I was proud to be his daughter, or see my papaw and mamaw again tell them that I always dreamed of having grandparents like them. I had come to terms with never getting those things and now how do I except that I’m alive and I’ll get all those thing now. How do I forget the revelation I had knowing I was going to die? How can I go back to having everything in the world be right again? I was beaten by my mother to the point of most of the damage that was done was by her. Pete raped me knowing that I was his own brother’s daughter and he did it wanting my daddy to know he did that. How do I look at my mamaw and tell her that he defiled me? Or the fact that he has wanted to fuck me since I was sixteen? The only reason he didn’t do it then is because Dean moved in next door to me. He told me that he watched Dean and I make love my first time through the window. He’s the one that put Ali up to breaking us up and he was going to make me his until he found out I was pregnant. Then he didn’t have access to me any longer. Pete told me he was going to destroy my insides and that he and I would have the knowledge of knowing he would be the last man in me. How do I move on from these things?”
“It’ll take time and you have to remember that you survived and you came out victories. You have a choice you can be a victim or you can be a survivor but it’s up to you which one you want to become.” She says to me.
“I don’t want to be a victim.”
“It’ll take work and it won’t happen overnight but I’ll help you get to a place where you’re okay. Then you’ll get to a place where you can put this experience away and be able to move forward with your life. I’ll be coming to your home for an hour session three days a week until you’re mobile. Then we can meet at my office or we can continue the home visits.” She responds.
“At this point I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere for a couple of months. I don’t want to put any added stress on my baby.”
“I understand Lyric. I’ll see you Monday at 11 at your house.” She tells me as she is getting her things and leaving my room.
After she leaves Dean looks at me with his eyes still red from the tears he shed.
“You’re the strongest person I know baby. I’m the proudest man in the world to have you be my woman.” He tells me.
He kisses me and snuggles his face into the crook of my neck and breathes me in. I whisper to him that I love him.
Chapter 36
Lyric
I had to stay in the hospital for a week after I woke up. I’ve been home for almost a month and I’m going fucking stir crazy. I want to get the fuck out of this house and off this fucking couch. I’ve been stuck on this fucking thing or in my fucking bed and I’m so ready to be done with this shit. I take a deep breath and tell myself it won’t be that much longer and I’ll be able to move around without pain. I know I’m grouchy and I need to remember that I’m really not annoyed with anyone. I’m just healing and can’t do anything but rest for another two days. I’ll go to the doctor and they’ll release me from bed rest. I swear I’ve read twenty books and I’ve done a couple of dozen word searches and I can now see the end of the tunnel.
I’m laying here thinking about the last month. I think about the second day I was home and the twins had just gone to bed. Dean and dad where hanging out on the couch with me and I decide that I really need to know who killed Ali and Pete. I clear my throat and I tell them I have some questions I need to ask.
“Who killed Pete and Ali and how did you find me so quickly? Dean looks at dad and they both look at me.
“Pete killed Ali. She was found by some hunters a month later. Pete was dead when we got there. From the autopsy report it stated that when you kneed him in the nose a piece of his bone lodged into his brain.” Dad tells me.
“I killed him?” I ask with a dumbfounded look on my face.
“It was self-defense and you won’t be charged with any crimes.” Dean says to me as they both look at me to watch my reaction.
I laugh and have to grab my sides and the pillow’s being crushed to my chest trying to absorb some of the pain I’ve caused myself. They both jump up ready to take some kind of action and I wheeze out that I’m fine.
“I was jealous of the person that killed Pete because I wanted to be the one that caused his death. Now that I know that I’m in fact the one that killed him I have no regrets and I don’t have any feelings about it anyway. I don’t have any feelings about Ali being dead either. I feel that they got what they deserved.”
Dean and dad look at me and shake their heads as to say they understand.
“There’s more we need to tell you. Marley helped them by getting the supplies and offering you up to them. She overheard you and Jess talking about going to the bookstore and she knew you would be alone.” Dean says to me.
My anger sparks and I want to fucking murder her. Dean puts his hand on my good leg.
“She was arrested that night. She was sentenced to twenty-five years for her part in the kidnaping. She signed her parental rights to the baby over to Stick.”
“At least the baby will have a chance at a normal life without that vindictive cunt whore around.” I say to them both.
“I’m glad I never have to see her cunt ass face again.” I say to the both of them after I release my pent up breath.
They both laugh at my words and I give them a smile.
I come back from my memory and I start to read my kindle. I feel the baby as it kicks me and realize that I’m seventeen weeks and feeling the baby not just fluttering is amazing. I yell for Dean to get down here because I want him to feel our baby move in me. He come rushing down the hall with that damn gun.
“What is it? Are you okay?”
“Put the gun on the mantel and come here. Sit down next to me for a minute honey.” I say to him as I’m shaking my head.
He sits and has the what the fuck look on his face.
“What’s wrong babe?” He says to me again.
“Everything’s fine; better than fine actually.”
I lift my shirt and put his hand on my stomach.
“Baby, it’s time to show daddy the trick you just did for momma.”
Just as I finish talking to the baby kick
s Deans hand. I smile so big and I look at Dean. He looks at me and then at my stomach and I shake my head confirming that the baby did just kick. He moves his hand and gets off the couch. He get on his knees and puts both hands to my stomach; then he brings his face down level with my stomach and starts to talk to our baby.
“I knew that you were going to be strong just like your momma. I love you very much and you’ll always be protected.” He says to my stomach with such fierce protection, pride, and love.
The baby kicks and moves a little bit more and then goes back to sleep. He takes his hands away from my stomach and brings them to my face. He kisses me hard but lovingly at the same time.
“I love you baby. You’re amazing and I thank the powers that be every day for you.” He says to me as he puts his forehead against mine.
“I love you too honey. You’ve gotta stop running around this house with your gun. Please go lock it up before the twins get home.” I say as I smack him in the shoulder.
“I’ll probably never stop running to you with a gun when you scream but I’ll be more mindful. I know that nobody can get in here without the sensors going off.” He laughs.
He kisses my lips and gets up to take care of the gun and I settle back into my book.
“Are you excited to get your clearance from the Doc tomorrow? He asks as he picks me up to take me to bed.
“I’m fucking thrilled to be getting off of complete bed rest. I know that he’ll be putting me on light duty and that means I won’t be able to be on the go. I’ll be able to get out of the house and go visit people instead of being stuck in the bed or couch all the time and I’ll be able to help make dinner and walk outside and be able to walk around in general without being scolded by everyone.”
“I love you even when your being a grumpy ass.” He says with a laugh and kisses the side of my face.
“It’s all fun and games until I’m able to get to you.”
“You won’t be doing any chasing until our little one comes into the world baby.” He laughs.
I huff because I know he’s right.
“I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’m happy that I continued to see Dr. Armstrong. I think she deserves an award or something because the problems she helps people get through are some of the worst things a human can experience. I think she’s a special person to be able to do something like that. I can feel my spark and I don’t feel that void as much anymore.” I say to Dean as we are on our way to Dr. Atkins Office.
“You’re right about Dr. Armstrong babe. She’s a different type of person and there aren’t too many people like her in this world and we got lucky finding her.” He says to me.
“I’m happy that you’ve been making progress. I can see the light coming back into your eyes again baby. That makes me a happy man.” He says as he takes my hand into his.
“We should invite her to a cookout we have planned in two weeks?” I say with a smile on my face.
“I’ll talk to Zeus but I don’t see it being a problem.”
I smile at him and I look out of the trucks window.
“Where is my Yukon?” I ask because normally we would be taking my car and not his big truck.
“I got rid of it babe!” He says to me sheepishly.
“You better start explaining?” I say with a scowl.
“I got rid of that fucking thing a couple of days after you were found. I don’t want you driving the fucking thing after being kidnaped in it. I ordered you a new Terrain Denali and I ordered an Arcadia Denali for myself. I’ve gotta have something to drive when we go out as a family baby. I’m keeping my truck for work but I wanted something I knew would be safe to have my world in.”
“I love you honey; Thanks for thinking about us in your decisions.”
He looks at me quickly and tells me that he’ll always think of us first. I tell him I still want to go to Denny Ray’s in the truck though and he laughs and tells me that he can arrange that. I smile and I know that we’ll be good.
“You’re healing well Lyric. You’ll be sore and feel bruised for a couple more weeks but you can get up and around some. You won’t be able to go back to doing everything you were doing before. You can’t drive for another month but other than that you’re doing great.” Dr. Atkins says to me.
“Will the baby will be okay with me getting up and moving around?”
“You’re both out of danger but you need to listen to your body and rest. If you start to cramp or start to spot you need to lay down and call me or your Gynecologist.” He says to both Dean and myself.
Dean shakes his hand and I tell him Thanks for everything. Dean grabs my hand and we walk out of his office knowing that everything’s getting back to where it should be. Dean lifts me back into the truck and instead of taking me home he takes me to an over look in the mountains. He gets out of the truck and comes around and opens my door and lifts me out of my seat. He puts me on my feet and we walk slowly to the edge. He stands behind me with his hands on my stomach and his chest against my back.
“I used to come here and look out at this place and think that this is heaven on earth. I thought that until I was back inside you baby. I knew that you were my heaven on earth. I lost you once and I got my second chance. I thought I lost you again. The thought of losing you about killed me baby.”
He moves us away from the edge and moves to where he’s facing me.
“I brought you to this heaven so that you could see what I considered the closest place to being with you was. I don’t ever want to be without you again. I love you and our children more than anything on this earth. I feel like you all are my heart living outside of my body.”
I have tears running down my face because I understand exactly what it is he’s trying to explain. He then removes something from his pocket and gets down on one knee.
“Will you do me the honor and privilege of being my wife for eternity?”
“Nothing or no one will ever keep me away from you again. Of course I’ll marry you. A million trillion times yes honey.” I say with so much love in my heart for him.
He gets off of his knee and grabs my face and kisses me like I’m his first drink of water in years. He kissed me like this once before and that’s the first time he kissed me after finding us again.
“I’m the happiest bastard in the fucking world right now.” He says to me with tears and love in his eyes.
He puts the ring on my finger and this is the first time I actually look at it. It’s perfect and totally me.
“This ring belonged to my grandmother. It was put in Nic’s safety deposit box for safe keeping. I asked her to get it out the morning I came to your house the first time. I wanted to wait for the perfect time and then I thought I lost my chance. I didn’t want to propose while you were in the hospital so I decided that today would be the best way to close one chapter of our lives and the opening of another.”
“It’s perfect honey and you’re perfect for me. I knew you were it for me when I was sixteen and you haven’t disappointed me.” I say as I kiss him.
“I’m happy that I haven’t disappointed you.” He says with a smirk.
My face gets red and he comes up to me with a smile and laughter in his eyes.
“I knew what you were talking about baby. I just wanted to see you blush for me.”
Chapter 37
Titan
I’ve already asked for the help of my brothers, their old ladies, Jess, Ellie, and Nic. The brothers have been working on the clubhouse grounds getting everything ready. The women have bought all the party supplies in Harlan County I swear and they’ve made a couple of trips to Lexington. Ellie’s hired the Photographer and told Stone to get Ordained. Jess took my woman’s measurements telling her she was going to buy her some maternity clothes in Lexington. Nic’s been busy getting the rings made that I had drawn up. The sweet butts have been cleaning and planning the meal. I think I’ve got everything in order at least I hope like hell I do. Zeus’s just as nervou
s as I am and that makes me feel a bit better. I asked Nic to get the wedding book, the engraved mason jars, and non-alcoholic juice for the main table. The old ladies have picked up streamers, table clothes, napkins, silverware, plates, little bells, bubbles, flowers, mirrors, battery operated candles, an arch, mason jars, and those little beads you put in water and food coloring. Ellie’s having the cake being made and she took Jazz to get a dress and shoes and Jamie a new pair of jeans and white button up shirt and a pair of biker boots. The brothers have also gotten new jeans and the same white button up shirts. Jess has my woman’s dress and also her shoes. I asked her to get her to get white converse. My woman has no idea that she’ll be getting married tomorrow. I don’t know how we have managed to keep her out of the loop it’s a fucking miracle though. I plan on waking up early and going to the clubhouse to help with the last minute stuff. The twins are spending the weekend with Captain and Ellie. Jess and Nic will be coming over to do girly shit with my woman in the morning. They’ve already planned to get Mani and Pedi’s and they told Lyric that since she’s not been out of the house for months; they want to get her hair and make-up done also. She complained but they told her they would do it with her. Jess told her that she picked the most amazing dress for her but it’s a surprise and she can’t see it until right before the party.