by Bree Wolf
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Charlotte asked, slowly stepping around the settee. “Should I fetch your mother or−"
“No!” Victoria shook her head, wiping tears off her cheeks. A hint of anger came to her eyes when still more spilled forth. “This is ridiculous.”
“What is?” Charlotte asked, unable to walk away. It was clear that Victoria had retreated here to be alone, and yet, she hadn’t gone to her bedchamber. Maybe a part of her knew that she needed something else more than solitude. “Is something wrong?”
Meeting Charlotte’s eyes, Victoria drew in a shaky breath, her lip quivering. “I wouldn’t … I … I can’t … There …” Then she took another deep breath and shook her head, forcing a smile on her face. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
How often had she said that herself? Charlotte wondered. When people had asked? Even when Kenneth had asked? And how many had believed her? All of them? Except for Kenneth, of course. Had people truly believed her to be all right? Or had they merely thought it none of their business? Or worse, had they simply not cared?
Stepping up to her sister-in-law, Charlotte raised her chin, her eyes soft as they sought the other woman’s gaze. “I know what it is like,” she whispered, curling her fingers into the fabric of her dress as they began to tremble, “to feel as though one is drowning. Right there, in front of everyone, for all the world to see, and to not have anyone notice.”
At her words, Victoria slowly lifted her head, and her eyes narrowed as she gazed at Charlotte, surprise and confusion evident on her face.
Charlotte could not say what exactly convinced her sister-in-law that she was trustworthy. Her words alone? The tone in her voice? The look in her eyes? The mere fact that she had not walked away? It didn’t matter.
Hands clasped together, Victoria nodded, a hint of relief in her eyes. “I don’t know where to begin,” she mumbled, glancing out the window and around the room, anywhere but at Charlotte.
“Anywhere.” Walking up to the window, Charlotte gazed at the beautiful garden as powdery snowflakes danced through the air and landed on the lawn, the hedges, bare tree branches as well as evergreens. It was a stunning sight, and yet, completely at odds with the heavy emotions that hung in the air.
Keeping her gaze focused outside, Charlotte hoped that Victoria would feel comfortable enough to share her pain if she didn’t think herself the object of scrutiny.
A desperate chuckle escaped her sister-in-law as she began to pace. “When you hear what it is, you’ll think me a fool for being so upset.” Her skirts rustled as she marched up and down the Persian rug. “After all, it’s nothing. Nothing that thousands of women do not handle every day without breaking down.”
“How do you know?” Charlotte asked, keeping her back turned. “Do you not also hide your pain when you go outside? Do you not think it possible that other women would consider you to be one to handle it well?”
Stopping in the middle of the room, Victoria drew in a deep breath. “I hadn’t thought of it like that. Do you truly believe that to be possible?”
“I do, yes.”
Returning to her pacing, Victoria cleared her throat. “I suppose you could be right. However, it is a terrifying thought indeed. All those women, all those lives, it’s just …” Again, she drew in a deep breath as though gathering courage to speak of something she had barely admitted to herself.
Then she stopped in her tracks. “I … I … do not care for my husband,” she whispered as though the thought alone would bring about his wrath. “I know it is awful to speak like that. He is, after all, my husband, and I owe him respect and loyalty, but I … I wish I didn’t have to return to his house.” Instantly, she clasped her hands over her mouth, shocked at the words she had spoken, torn between confiding in another soul and the notion that it would be a betrayal of her vows.
“Your brother told me that your father … insisted on the marriage,” Charlotte said, hoping to ease Victoria into confiding in her. Oh, how much she would love to be able to do the same!
“He did,” Victoria said, pacing up and down the room once more. “He is from a suitable family of great fortune. My father … he … It was simply a marriage of convenience. Nothing out of the ordinary. Not for any of them. Especially not my father.”
“But for you.”
“Yes.”
“And for your brother,” Charlotte added, “because he loves you and places your happiness above worldly gains.”
Victoria sighed, and Charlotte knew that she was smiling. “He does. He truly does,” she whispered, a hint of awe in her voice. “All my life, he’s been true and honest, taking care of me at the expense of his own wishes.” She took a deep breath and stepped up to the window, coming to stand next to Charlotte. “And when Father suggested he travel the continent, I could see that he wished to go. I told him I would be fine and I would love nothing more but to hear of his adventures.”
“You couldn’t have known what your father had in mind,” Charlotte counselled, knowing that rational thought had very little effect on guilt and regret.
“I know that. I’ve told myself so countless times,” she confirmed, shaking her head, “but it doesn’t help. And neither does it help Sebastian. He blames himself for what happened … because he wasn’t there. Seeing him so tortured, it … it breaks my heart. I weep for him as much as I weep for myself.” Silent tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do. For a little while, I thought that soon I would simply wake up and feel like a wife, that it would take time to settle into a new life, a new position.” She shook her head. “I don’t believe so any longer. I don’t think I’ll ever feel as though I belong.” A sob suddenly tore from her throat, “There are days that I feel as though I cannot go on like this for it is too painful. I don’t know what to do.” Burying her face in her hands, Victoria wept.
As the young woman’s pain echoed within her own heart, Charlotte drew her into her arms and let her cry, reminded of the simple kindness her own mother-in-law had bestowed on her a few days ago.
When Victoria’s sobs quietened, Charlotte drew her to the settee and had her sit down. “Will you tell me of your husband?”
Instantly, Victoria’s head snapped up, eyes wide.
“Your mother as well as your brother simply refer to him as that man,” Charlotte explained. “They call him the devil and a man without honour. What do you call him?”
Victoria swallowed, eyes resting on her hands curled up in her lap. “I call him my husband for that is what he is. However, he often reminds me of my father just as I find myself reminded of my mother in the ways I handle being his wife.” Sniffling, Victoria dabbed a handkerchief to her eyes and then to her nose. “He does not care for me, nor does he pretend he does.” Taking a deep breath, Victoria lifted her eyes and met Charlotte’s. “He is only interested in increasing his fortune and lifting his social standing. I suppose that is why he chose to wed the daughter of an earl with a large dowry. To him, I’m an accessory, a trophy, something to be paraded around the room.”
Watching her sister-in-law, Charlotte noticed with pleasure that her voice had grown stronger with each word leaving her lips. In the beginning, she’d seemed defeated, but now, it was clear that there was still some fight left in her. If only, she had something to fight for. Short of her husband’s death, there was no legal way for her to be free of him.
“What frightens me most is the thought that one day I’ll be like my mother,” Victoria continued, lips pressed together defiantly as she shook her head. “I assure you I do not mean to belittle her. I know that life has dealt her as harshly as it has dealt me.” She took a deep breath. “These past ten years we’ve been very close, and she’s been a real mother to me. However, I also remember the days when she barely saw me, when she walked the halls like a ghost, withdrawn from the world, only living inside her own head, locked in her own misery. The days when I only had my brother. What if I become like her? What if I cannot l
ove my own children?” Her voice broke as new tears streamed down her cheeks.
Covering Victoria’s clenched hands with her own, Charlotte sighed. “It is a dark fear indeed. But maybe your mother’s example can be your warning, your reminder to help you avoid the same fate.”
“I’m not certain I’ll be strong enough,” Victoria confided, her teeth chattering as fear ran rampant in her body. “Without Sebastian, I would never even have known what it was to love someone and be loved in return. I don’t know how he did it. After all, he had no one growing up.”
“I think you taught him,” Charlotte whispered, remembering her mother-in-law’s words.
“Me? But how? I−"
“He took one look at you,” Charlotte said, “and he loved you. The same way parents fall in love with their children … if they haven’t closed off their hearts. You saved him the same way that he saved you. You simply loved each other.”
A soft smile came to Victoria’s face. “I miss him,” she whispered, longing ringing in her voice. “He always says that I’m his sunshine, but he is mine as well. In a strange way, his love makes me suffer even more now because I know that it can be different. Because of him, I expect more of the world. I wish for more, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to accept my fate.” Lifting her head, Victoria met Charlotte’s eyes. “Will my life be a constant struggle?”
Charlotte sighed. “Dreams are beautiful, and sometimes they even come true. At least, for a few people. I suppose that most find themselves thrust into a harsher reality than they ever expected.”
Holding her gaze, Victoria nodded, her eyes thoughtful. “You truly understand, do you not?” she whispered as though to herself. “What I speak of is something you’ve felt yourself. I do not need to explain how I feel for you already know.”
Charlotte took a deep breath. “Once I had dreams as well,” she admitted, once again feeling compelled to speak truthfully considering the trust Victoria had bestowed on her, “but they were shattered. I lost everything: my family, my … reputation, my … my dearest friend … as well as my life. But none of that even compares to losing oneself. If you cannot be who you are, then all is truly lost.”
“You lost yourself?” Victoria asked, her watchful eyes taking in every little detail of Charlotte’s face as she spoke of the darkest moments of her life. “Like my mother?”
“Worse,” Charlotte admitted, feeling her hands begin to tremble. “I became someone I … I did things that …” Inhaling deeply through her nose, Charlotte gritted her teeth together as her emotions threatened to overpower her.
“It’s all right,” Victoria whispered, gently laying a hand on Charlotte’s. “You don’t need to tell me. I’m simply grateful that you’re here.” A sad smile came to her lips. “It feels good to speak to someone who can understand.”
“It does,” Charlotte agreed, feeling a sudden kinship to her new sister-in-law. Never would she have thought to find herself wanting to love again. And here she was surrounded by a new family she didn’t deserve.
“And then you met my brother?” Victoria inquired, her eyes lingering on Charlotte’s face.
“I did.”
“It wasn’t a love match as my mother believes, was it?”
With an apologetic look in her eyes, Charlotte shook her head. “I’m afraid it was not.” She could only hope that Victoria would not hold it against her considering that she had begged her brother to find a woman he could love.
“But he cares for you.”
Charlotte’s eyes narrowed as she met Victoria’s knowing gaze.
“He does. I can see it. And you like him as well.”
Dropping her gaze, Charlotte took a deep breath.
“But you’re afraid,” Victoria whispered, obviously sharing her brother’s ability to read Charlotte like an open book. “Afraid of what happened and what might happen again.”
Closing her eyes, Charlotte nodded. She did like him, didn’t she? She’d tried not to, but … she did. If everyone could see it, it had to be true, didn’t it?
“Is it wrong of me to still dream of a man who loves me?” Victoria whispered. When Charlotte opened her eyes, she found her sister-in-law reduced to tears once again. “I know I shouldn’t. It isn’t right, but … I cannot help it.” She shook her head. “I must be a truly awful person to speak so.”
“Not at all. We all deserve love, do we not?” Nodding to Victoria, she wondered if that was even true. Did she, Charlotte, deserve to be loved after all she had done? “Maybe one day your fate will take you somewhere else, to a new life, with a man who loves you.”
Did Sebastian love her? Charlotte wondered. Certainly not. But he cared about her. Had Victoria’s dream already come true for her?
Chapter Twenty – Set on the Same Path
After searching half the house and finding neither his wife nor his sister, Sebastian headed down the large staircase in the front hall and caught sight of his father as he headed toward his study. However, as the earl turned into the corridor, he stopped, then stumbled a few steps forward before leaning heavily against the wall.
“It would seem your evil deeds are finally catching up with you,” Sebastian said, a large smile on his face, as he walked up to his father.
Spinning around−at least as fast as he could considering his condition−his father glared at him, his breath coming in ragged gasps. “Say what you will, but one day you will be grateful for what I’ve done for you.”
Shaking his head, Sebastian laughed without humour. “For me? You must be deluded, dear Father.”
“Without my foresight and diligence regarding furthering our family’s standing,” his father wheezed, right hand clutched to his chest as though that would ease his breathing, “the estate and title would not have the reputation and fortune attached to it that they do now.” A coughing fit shook his massive frame, and his head turned dark red. “Even next generations will profit greatly from this. Whether you like it or not, you will inherit my title as will your son after you.”
Savouring the moment, Sebastian took a step closer, eyes trained on his father, a malicious smirk on his face.
In answer, his father’s eyes narrowed and the wheezing sound of his laboured breathing increased as he regarded his son with suspicion … as well as a hint of fear.
Surprised, and yet, delighted, Sebastian leaned forward and whispered, “There will be no son, at least not a legitimate one.”
“Nonsense!” his father snapped, his fingers curling into the front of his shirt. “Whether your wife is from a suitable family or not does not matter. You’re married, and any child born to her will be yours and, therefore, legitimate.”
“You’re not listening, Father,” Sebastian said in a honey-sweet voice that barely managed to veil the underlying malice. “My wife and I agree not to have children.” His father’s eyes widened, and his face turned ash white. “So, you see. There will be no son, no one to inherit the title. With my death, the title will pass outside the immediate family to some distant relative, and then, dear Father, everything you’ve done will have been for nothing.”
For a long moment, his father simply stood before him, staring at him as though he was a ghost, a spectre, something incorporeal and from a different realm. Then instead of raging and voicing his anger, his father simply turned around and stumbled down the corridor.
Watching his father’s receding form, Sebastian smiled when the door closed behind the man, who had never in all honesty cared for him, knowing the turmoil currently raging within his father’s heart−if indeed he possessed one.
The smile still playing on his lips, Sebastian turned to walk away, but stopped in his tracks before he had taken more than a single step.
For right there, in front of him, a disappointed look in her luminous eyes, stood his sister. “How could you?” she asked, and the smile slid off Sebastian’s face. “How could you intentionally hurt him like this?”
Confused, he stepped forward, meeting hi
s sister’s eyes, trying to understand what had upset her. “Why would you ask me this? After everything he’s done to you, do you truly feel compassion for him?”
Shaking her head, Victoria lifted her hands and gently placed them on his chest, her clear blue eyes looking up into his. “This is not about Father. It never was.” She swallowed, then took a deep breath before continuing. “Sebastian, you know that I love you dearly. You’re kind and caring and compassionate, and you know how to love.” The blue in her eyes darkened. “But just now, I couldn’t see the brother I’ve always known. What I saw frightened me.”
Shocked by her words, and yet, confused about their meaning, Sebastian frowned at her. “I don’t understand. I could never forgive him for what he did to you, and I thought that neither could you. Why−?”
“Because this is not about Father,” she reminded him. “What I just saw was not the man who cared for me all my life, but a stranger set on the same path as Father.”
Sebastian swallowed as the blood in his veins turned to ice.
“All I saw was a man consumed by revenge,” she whispered, pain in her voice, “but that is not who you are. You may be his son, but never have I seen even a single spark of his character in you. Never. Why now? Why would you allow Father to alter who you are? Do not give him that power over you, for he does not deserve it.” She took a deep breath, and a single tear ran down her cheeks. “Unlike myself, you are married to a kind woman, a woman capable of love. She, too, has suffered hardship, and if you would only look at her more closely instead of setting your sights on destroying our father, then you would see that her heart aches for someone like you.” Her hands slid off his chest and grasped his, squeezing them gently. “Don’t waste your life, Sebastian. For if you continue down this path, you’ll end up like Father, a gentleman of good standing and fortune, but ultimately alone and unloved. Do you truly want this? Is this the future you desire?” As she shook her head, her auburn curls danced on her shoulders. “I do not believe it is, and, therefore, I implore you to think about what you’re doing. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a choice. Do not throw yours away so lightly for I promise the day will come that you’ll regret what you’ve done.” After giving his hands another gentle squeeze, Victoria released them, then took a step back. “Think about it, dear Brother, for I love you too much to watch you continue down this path.” Then she turned away and left him standing in the hall.