by Jillian Dodd
“I’m pretty sure you passed that trait on to me.” I let out a chuckle and then get serious again. “I think you should be a little more attuned to Mom’s needs.”
“Vale,” he says, his eyes big and his face looking downright scandalized.
“Ohmigawd, Dad. That’s not at all what I meant. I just meant, do you make her feel valued? Is she happy?”
“I think you might have misjudged your mother. Just because her life isn’t what you imagined yours to be like doesn’t mean she’s not happy. I know you think I’m the one who controls things but not when it comes to her. I have a lot of bravado, sure, but your mother has always ruled the roost. And I’d do anything to keep her happy. Mostly. The only time I didn’t was when it had to do with you. But when you never came back and never even called, it hurt her a lot. She understands when you love stubborn people like us, you have to let them do their own thing—even if you disagree with how they do it.” His hand tightens around mine. “If you didn’t understand earlier today, I want you to know now, Vale. I was afraid if you didn’t have your mother and me to rely on, you’d lose yourself in the world. I should have known better. You’ve always been the strongest-willed of all our kids. And I am very proud of the woman you’ve become.”
“If you had said that when I got here, the weekend would have been a lot more fun,” I say with a chuckle.
He nods toward the corner of the dance floor, where Sophie is happily monopolizing Carter’s attention. And the sight of her sparkly pink shoes on top of his so they can dance together is enough to make my heart ache.
“I like him a lot,” he says.
And suddenly, it all feels like too much.
Being here with Carter. Feeling the way I do about him. Hearing my father praise my fake fiancé.
I excuse myself, pretending to need the bathroom, but what I really need is a moment to myself.
Or else today’s meltdown won’t be the last time one of us Martin girls is in tears.
Always been yours.
Carter
Sophie sticks out her bottom lip. “I wanna dance with you again.”
“Actually”—I crouch down, so we’re face-to-face—“I was hoping I could dance with your aunt Vale.”
“Come on, you.” Brooke picks up her daughter, balancing her on one hip. “You’ve taken up enough of Carter’s time.”
“I loved every minute of it.” I wink at Sophie, who manages a tiny smile in the midst of her disappointment.
But I need to go find Vale.
The girl who has my heart.
I search the dance floor but don’t find her, so I step outside the tent.
“Hey, if you’re looking for my sister,” Blake says, “she’s down in the gazebo, talking to Trent.”
“Trent? Is he well enough to be here?”
“Apparently. He wanted to talk to her before she left town.”
I make my way past the barn, needing to know what’s happening out there.
I enter the gardens, and as I’m going down the main path, I find Trent being pushed in a wheelchair. By whom I assume is his mother.
“Hey,” I say to him. “How are you feeling?”
“Still pretty sore, but I wanted to at least come and congratulate AJ and Lakelyn.”
“That’s nice of you. Are they in the gazebo?” I ask even though I know they are not.
“No, I was chatting with Vale. I heard she and her father made amends. I figured it was time we did the same. Put the past behind us.”
And my heart goes out to him again. I know that girl isn’t easy to forget.
“Did it go okay?”
He nods. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll see you later.”
His mother continues their trek to the barn, and I move farther toward my destination. Toward her.
I find her sitting on the railing of the gazebo, dangling her feet over the edge, swinging them back and forth.
I wish I could get a picture of her right now. I wish there were a camera in existence that could capture her beauty. Sitting there, surrounded by the glow of flickering lanterns. Her hair swept up, her face tilted back so she can look at the stars. And I can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking about.
When she looks down at the ring on her left hand—my ring—I know.
“This seat taken?” I ask her.
“Of course not. Sit. Sorry, you startled me. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t hear you coming.”
“I saw Trent. Looks like he’s on the mend.”
“Physically, yes. And hopefully emotionally too. I hurt a lot of people when I just upped and left.”
“We haven’t really gotten to talk about New Year’s Eve. I think I need to tell you everything.” I pick up her hand. “Obviously, this is the ring I had designed for you. The ring I had in my pocket the night I was going to propose. My flight was delayed due to weather. Traffic was horrible. I made it there just before midnight. When I found you, the ball hadn’t dropped yet. But there you were, kissing another man. After that, proposing really didn’t seem appropriate.”
“Why didn’t you confront me? Or tell me when I called you a few days after? If it were me, I would have been pissed and wanted you to know it.”
“Because I felt like nothing you could say would matter. That you had already given me your answer.”
“But you kept the ring?”
“Kind of had to. It was custom. Eventually, I’ll have it stripped apart to sell the diamonds, but”—I lower my head, my voice tightening—“I just haven’t yet.” I let out a sardonic chuckle. “And now, we know why. So we could pretend to be engaged.”
“Is that what you want?” she asks.
“To pretend to be engaged?”
“Yes.”
“No. It’s not what I want. I’ve wanted you to be mine since the night we met. But you seemed … elusive. So, I just let you do your thing. I was afraid I would push you away if I acted too serious. Chloe set me straight about that.”
“She did?”
“She told me to stop asking the coach to put me in if he feels like it. You’re the coach in this scenario.”
“I figured.”
“It made me realize that was how I treated us. I was so glad to be with you whenever you wanted to be with me that I didn’t want to rock the boat by coming out and saying I wanted more.”
She sighs. “So long as we’re being honest … I don’t know how I would’ve reacted then. If you had proposed. I mean, I would’ve been swept up by it, and had I accepted, I would’ve meant it. But …”
“You would’ve had second thoughts.”
“I had—have issues to process. Baggage to unpack. It’s all so mixed up.” She shakes her head, and I notice her hand trembling in mine. “I’m all so mixed up.”
“We’re older than AJ and Lakelyn. We’ve got separate careers and lives, and for us to work, we’d have to figure out how to combine them. I’m not telling you what happened to make you feel guilty or to pressure you in any way. I simply want you to know how I feel. It’s why I couldn’t give up the ring.”
The DJ in the wedding tent plays a sweet, slow song, the sound drifting toward us.
“Can I have this dance? I’m pretty sure it’s tradition for the maid of honor and the best man to have at least one dance.”
She rolls her eyes but laughs. “Can’t break tradition, can we?”
We dance slowly and then make our way back to the reception tent. We don’t want to miss the cutting of the cake.
No sooner are we on the dance floor and back in each other’s arms than AJ breaks through the crowd with his father.
“I’m convinced,” Mr. Barnett says.
I met him when we were getting ready for the wedding today, but we haven’t spoken a word about anything else.
“Convinced?” I look at AJ for answers.
“That I should sign with you,” AJ explains with a grin. “Dad talked to Mr. Martin, and everyone is in agreement.”
I shake h
is dad’s hand. “It will be a pleasure representing your son, Mr. Barnett.” Then, I turn to AJ. “We’re going to have to hustle to get everything ready for the draft. When do you leave for your honeymoon?”
“We want to get settled in our new city first.”
“Thank goodness. I wouldn’t have wanted to go on your honeymoon with you,” I tease.
“Congratulations,” Vale murmurs.
I’m not sure if she’s talking to me or to the Barnetts. I just know she slips away while AJ’s dad hammers me with questions.
Strange how I feel like I lost an opportunity, even while in the midst of gaining a client. I should be happy, but I’m not.
I want more. I want her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Fairy-tale life.
Carter
We don’t talk further about our relationship. About the past or the future the rest of the night. We just enjoy dancing and having fun at the wedding.
When the last guest has left, we make our way up to her bedroom.
And it just happens.
Slowly peeling her clothes off, one piece at a time. Lowering her to the bed so I can worship every inch of her body. Taking my time with her.
She falls forward, her hair like a waterfall all around me, covering my mouth with hers and moaning into it.
There’s something between us tonight that has never been there before.
And I’m not sure I like it because it feels like she’s saying good-bye to me.
Like it’s our last time.
When she moves off me, she closes her eyes and is quiet.
I think she’s gone to sleep, but then she rolls over and whispers, “I didn’t think you wanted a relationship, Carter. I’d heard about you and your brothers—players on and off the field.”
“And I heard you were dating some rich guy while you were dating me. Were you in love with him?” I ask, wanting the truth.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “We met at a resort where I was doing a shoot, and it started off innocently enough with a drink. He said I made him feel crazy and asked if I would fly with him to Paris in his private plane. After checking with my agent, who confirmed that he was who he’d said he was and not like a serial killer, I said yes. He had a pied-à-terre overlooking the Eiffel Tower, and it was so luxurious. He took me on a shopping spree, bought me a diamond necklace. I got caught up in it. When I say it now, I feel so dumb, but even though I’ve earned a lot of money, I’ve saved most of it because I’m just some girl from Iowa who an agent happened to see in a local swimsuit ad. Next thing I knew, I was in catalogs, designer ads, and on magazine covers. Even so, his lifestyle seemed so over the top, you know?”
“So, you want a rich guy?”
“I can take care of myself, so it wasn’t about the money. It was more that it all seemed … well, like a fairy tale.”
“Is that what you want?”
“All I’ve ever known is what I don’t want.”
“What’s that?”
“No white picket fences. No kids. No going home to live on the family farm.”
“What’s wrong with kids and the farm? I’ve actually had a pretty good time here.”
“Well, until this weekend, I would have said everything. But being here with my sisters and Blake. Even my parents. I see things in a new light.” She smirks. “And they love you.”
“I’m a lovable guy,” I joke. “Trustworthy, loyal, dedicated to bringing families together in times of crises.”
“I know you’re only kidding, but there’s a lot of truth to what you’re saying.”
I reach over and gently brush a strand of hair off of her face. “You want to hear about loyalty? How serious I’ve been about us all this time? I didn’t date or sleep with anyone else during the time we seemed like we were getting closer. Or since my failed New Year’s Eve proposal.”
“Really?” she asks.
“Really. And I have some advice for you. If you want a fairy-tale life, choose a guy you love because of who he is—his morals, ethics, values, and the butterflies he puts in your stomach whenever he’s around. I was in love with you when I planned to propose and still am, but I’ve never been second string, Vale. And I won’t be yours. So, while I’d love to see you when we get back home, I’m done being your booty call. I want more.”
And I find this ironic because I have been on the receiving end of this kind of ultimatum before.
“Like, you want to date or something?”
“No, Vale, I want to marry you. I also really want kids. So, that might be a deal-breaker for us.”
She sighs. “I want kids too. I just—”
“I get it. Your relationship with your family has been complicated.”
“And I haven’t had a chance to sort all my feelings out.”
“You have time.” I take her chin, gently moving her head so she’s looking me in the eye. “Not forever though. I’m not going to pressure you. I know what I want, and I can’t live in between. I’m serious about this. About us. So, go home. Think about it. Sort those feelings out. And let me know.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
“I think you need to figure out what you want rather than what you don’t want.”
Won’t breathe a word.
Vale
It’s barely dawn when I tiptoe down the stairs. After agreeing to sign with Carter last night, AJ is determined to fly back to LA with us. Lakelyn has to get back to school and study for finals. I was told we’d be leaving early.
Not this early, but before-noon early.
As expected, I find my mother in the kitchen, humming to herself as she prepares breakfast. It’ll be another full kitchen this morning.
“How do you do it all?” I ask her.
She jumps, startled, and laughs softly when she finds me standing in the doorway. “Do what, honey? There’s coffee if you want it.”
Want it? It’s a necessity at this point. I’m exhausted even though I couldn’t sleep.
“How do you throw parties three nights in a row and then get up before dawn to make sure everyone’s fed? I need three days in bed just to recover from last night, and I didn’t really do anything.”
She chuckles. “I don’t know. It’s what I do. I wouldn’t want life any other way.”
I take a seat at the island and help her cut up some fruit. “You really mean that?”
“Of course I do. Honey, it’s days like yesterday that make everything worth it. All the working and the saving, the trials of raising kids—yes, it can be hard,” she adds when my eyes go wide.
“Are you happy?”
“Is that what this is about?” She turns to me, mixing bowl under one arm. “Yes, I’m happy. If I wasn’t happy, something would need to change. I like things the way they are. Having a full house with your sisters and brother and the babies nearby. It fills me up inside, being surrounded by people I love.”
I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I’m not a part of that anymore.
“And now that you’re settling down, I hope you come out to visit more often. I’ve missed you. Things don’t feel the same without you here.”
“Daddy said the same thing,” I admit, looking down at the strawberries I’m cutting the tops off of, avoiding her eyes.
“Well then, you know it must be true. He’s not big on showing emotion.”
“How do you two manage staying together? You’re so different.”
“We balance each other out, I suppose. Like you and Carter. He’s so even-keeled.”
I can’t take it anymore. I lay the knife on the cutting board and cover my face with my hands. “Oh, Mom. It’s all so messed up.”
She has me in a hug before I can draw another breath. “Honey, what’s the matter? Did you have a fight?”
“We’re not really engaged,” I blurt out.
She sucks in a breath but doesn’t let go of me. If anything, she squeezes tighter.
And that unconditional love makes it all fa
ll out of my mouth at once. How I held him at arm’s length, how he planned to propose. “This is the ring he had made for me. He was going to ask me to marry him, but I was already upset because I thought he’d stood me up. I would’ve said yes, but you know—and this is the worst part—I probably would’ve changed my mind.”
“If you love him and want to marry him, why would you do that?”
“Because I don’t know what I actually want. Only what I don’t want—or thought I didn’t want. That’s why everything’s such a mess because I don’t know anything anymore. This weekend flipped my perceptions on a lot of things.”
“Vale, honey, why did you pretend to be engaged?”
I pull away, brushing my hair off my face. “Because I knew you’d try to set me up with Trent. And Daddy did just what I had known he would do. Told me it was time to come home. I figured I’d avoid all that if I was already engaged.”
“You should know your father better than that by now.”
“Please, don’t tell him about this,” I beg. “I’m serious. You’re the only person who can know.”
“I won’t breathe a word of it. You can trust me.” She tucks my hair behind my ears with a sigh. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ve always known exactly what you want.”
“See, that’s the thing. I haven’t. I’ve only known what I don’t want. Is there something broken in me?”
“No, my beauty. You’re perfect the way you are.” She pulls me in for another hug. “Now, wash your face before anyone else comes down and finds you crying. And stop being so hard on yourself.”
Before she lets go though, she hits me with one of those patented Mom looks. “Do you love him?”
“I do. That much I know. But that isn’t enough, or everyone who ever fell in love would get married right away. I don’t know if we want the same things. Part of me wonders if I’m even good enough for him. You’ve seen him in action this weekend. He’s incredible.”