I Am A Killer

by A Sick Frog

  “Wifey, this bathrobe’s too thick, it’s not very comfortable wearing it, want me to help you take it off?” Yin Xu Dong suggested naughtily.

  “Enh.”

  At hearing that, Yin Xu Dong happily took off Zhuo Xiao Xuan’s bathrobe and dumped it on the floor. When he looked at her again after that, his lips would help but spasm. She was actually wearing another layer of clothes under the bathrobes! A feeling of defeat immediately awashed him.

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan: “Switch off the lights.”

  When he saw the crimson flushing her bare cheeks under the dim light, it felt as though something was clawing at his heart. And so, he pounced at her, hugging her as he rained kisses.

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan grabbed his hand that was sneaking under her shirt, saying firmly: “Switch it off.”

  And so, Yin Xu Dong unwillingly got up to switch off the lights before pouncing on her again, before resuming his sprinkle of love…

  Chapter 70 - Side Story 2

  * * *

  Yin Xu Dong held his game controller as he sprawled on a bolster in the large living room. He stared at the screen intently as his fingers jumped across the controller that controlled the character on the screen; he was definitely not losing this time!

  When his rival character on the screen suddenly stopped moving, he looked at the tiny figure beside him in suspicion. The tiny figure that had been sitting cross-legged previously on the sofa had long thrown his controller aside, making a dash for the door instead.

  The door opened and a person with a pretty silhouette walked in. The tiny figure immediately pounced on her, “Mummy!”

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan kicked off her shoes and walked over barefooted to carry the little figure, asking blandly: “Gaming with your dad again?”

  “Enh! It’s not fun playing with daddy, he keeps losing. Mummy play with me instead.” The little figure hugged Zhuo Xiao Xuan by her neck and pecked her cheeks, complaining, aggrieved, at his father’s lack of gaming skills.

  When Yin Xu Dong who had ran to the kitchen to cut some fruits heard that, he immediately imploded, and shouted: “Stinky brat! You looking down on me?! That was me deliberately letting you win, else you’d have died so many times!” Not only did the kid look like her majesty his wifey, even his character and ability were as valiant as her majesty. It’s just that having a three-year-old brat beating him when they gamed all the time was especially embarrassing for him.

  What was strange was that their son looked like how her majesty his wifey did now—after she’d gone through the cosmetics surgery—instead of how she’d originally appeared. In fact, their son’s face was close to a replica of his mother’s; he’d even inherited the poker face from his mother. Just imagine a lil’ kid walking around with a blank expression on his face all day long; perhaps that’s why his wifey favoured him.

  Yin Xu Dong walked out the kitchen and placed a plate of cut fruits in front of Zhuo Xiao Xuan, saying eagerly: “Wifey, have some fruits.”

  Zhou Xiao Xuan picked up one and sent it into her son’s mouth. Yin Xu Dong sat watching them, so salty his eyes reddened. Sob sob, his wifey’s never fed him before! As Yin Xu Dong sobbed sorrowfully in his head as he picked up a fruit and placed it into Zhuo Xiao Xuan’s mouth, “Wifey, ahh?”

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan slanted him a gaze, saying blandly: “Being mushy is not romantic.”

  “…yes, wifey.”

  “Ah! mommy’s back, why didn’t you guys call me when you were eating fruits!” A five-year-old girl dashed out from the room and stood with her hands on her hips, shouting as she pointed, “You! You! You’re stealing mommy away on your own again!”

  “Sit and eat the fruits.” Zhuo Xiao Xuan instructed her daughter that had a fuse as short as Yin Xu Dong.

  Xiao Le pouted, but when faced against her stern mother, everyone in the family would listen to her words. Though she liked mommy a lot, whenever mommy’s eyes squinted slightly, she would be very frightened. At times like these, only her di di Xiao Tian would still dare to sprawl himself on mommy, while her daddy, her and that stupid dog would retreat back into their sofa silently.

  * 弟弟 = di di; little brother

  Why was it that only her di di was the special one? This had her feeling extremely unsatisfied. Mommy rarely hugged her; she wanted to her hugged the moment mommy gets back from work as well! Hence whenever she saw her di di glueing himself to mommy, she would be so jealous her eyes turn red, and she would, along with daddy, glare at him.

  “Xiao Le, come here to daddy.” Yin Xu Dong waved at his pouting daughter.

  Xiao Le didn’t move. When she saw that her daddy continued waving his paws like a fortune cat, she inched with great reluctance over to him, muttering softly: “But I want to be with mommy.”

  Yin Xu Dong was sobbed mentally, speechless. His wifey was always cold to people so it made sense she’d ignore him occasionally, but why was it that both his kids too preferred his wifey over him?!

  Yin Xu Dong inhaled deeply, relaxing his expression as he spoke gently to his daughter: “Xiao Le, have you heard of the saying that the daughter’s father was the daughter’s lover from her previous life? So, daughters would always be more close to their fathers.”

  Yin Xu Dong had only intended that his words would make his daughter become closer to him. Who knew the speaker paid no heed but the listener heard it well; his words had Zhuo Xiao Xuan lifting her daughter over and placing her beside her son, and then she proceeded to tell her to stay put and not move.

  Xiao Le minced her lips at Yin Xu Dong, saying: “Why’s my taste for guys to bad in my previous life I don’t understand why I’d ever like you?!”

  Yin Xu Dong was rendered completely speechless. A hand over his damaged heart, he collapsed on the ground, not getting up.

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan sitting on the side lowered her head to look at her daughter, her voice flat: “Oh, so you’re saying I have a bad taste since I like your father?”

  Xiao Le lipped her lips and shrunk her head. Her silence was returned with a look of disdain from Xiao Tian.

  At her words, Yin Xu Dong revived. He popped up immediately, hugged Zhuo Xiao Xuan from behind, propped his head on her shoulder and turned his head to steal a few pecks. “Hehe, I knew wifey loves me the most.”

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan was gaming with her son, so she asked Yin Xu Dong as she multitasked: “You got off of work early today?”

  “I’m on leave today. Your husband’s beside himself with things to finish when I’m at the hospital, so I told the director that if he didn’t give me two days’ worth of leave, I might just accidentally cut the wrong part during a surgery, and that may potentially cost a life. After that, he agreed and let me take two days off.”

  “Need me to give him a visit and have him not to squeeze you dry of your worth?” Zhuo Xiao Xuan controlled her character on the screen. With a kick and a punch, the screen was greeted with the words game over!

  Yin Xu Dong wiped his non-existent perspiration, “I’m good I’m good, I’ll talk to him about it.” Her definition of “paying him a visit” probably consisted of catching him off guard in the middle of the night, then covering his head with a sack and gracing him with a splay of kicks and punches, before saying: “You will die if you increase his salary; you will also die if you let him OT!”

  “Wifey, I’m on leave for one more day, should we bring our kids out to play?” He was terribly busy at the hospital every day. Though his wifey no longer seemed to be sent out for missions—she was transferred to another department—she was also beyond busy herself. It’s getting to him how both of them barely had time to spend time with their kids and leaving them at home alone.

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan swept a glance at the two carrot-heads whose eyes evidently lit up at the idea. “You two want to go?”

  “Enh enh!” The two carrot-heads nodded their heads furiously. It was a rare opportunity!

  “Alright, you guys decide where you want to go then.” Zhuo Xiao Xuan nodded her head. After which, she stood a
nd walked over to the balcony, gesturing for Yin Xu Dong to follow. She turned around to look at the two carrot-heads that were discussing away with fervent passion, before saying to Yin Xu Dong softly: “I’ll need to head out tonight for a bit. I’ll probably be back late, find an excuse for my leave for the kids.”

  “Ah? Are you going back to finish tomorrow’s work? Let’s forget about the trip if it’s too tiring, we can always go another time.”

  “Don’t worry, it’s not tiring; work’s relatively easy. I’m leaving then.” After saying that, Zhuo Xiao Xuan left.

  Xiao Le slanted her head as she asked Yin Xu Dong: “Daddy, where did mommy go?”

  “Mommy? She went to get some soya sauce*… Have you guys decided where you want to go yet?”

  * 去打酱油了 = went to get some soya sauce; went to finish her business

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan was back before dawn broke the next day. After taking a quick shower, she sat down on the carpet in the master bedroom and meditated instead of sleeping.

  wanted her to get some rest and they head out a little later for their trip. However, when he saw her sitting down and meditating without another word, he went back to sleep on the bed; he’d long figured out her temper over the years with her.

  Just as the day brightened, Xiao Le pulled the yawning Xiao Tian over to knock on their door. Zhuo Xiao Xuan stood to open the door for them.

  “Mommy, daddy, let’s go!” Xiao Le hopped onto the bed excitedly to pull of Yin Xu Dong’s covers.

  Yin Xu Dong grabbed the clock by the bedside table blearily groaning when he saw the time. The kids were too hype, just look at the time! He hugged his daughter that had been tugging on his hair, begging: “Our dear Xiao Le, the amusement park’s not open so early in the morning!”

  “Then let’s go to the Underwater World Park!”

  “It’s closed as well.”

  “Animal World?”

  “Also closed.”

  “Humph why do the animals like to sleep in like daddy?” Xiao Le was unhappy.

  “Exactly, exactly, so can you let daddy sleep a little bit more? Daddy promise you that we’ll definitely bring you guys over before the place opens.”

  “Oh~” Xiao Le hadn’t wanted to let her daddy go so easily. However, she accidentally met gazes with her mommy. At that, she immediately shrunk her head, climbed down from the bed and ran over to Zhuo Xiao Xuan’s leg, hugging her thighs as she smiled up, beaming, at her, “So did mommy manage to get your soya sauce?”

  “Zhuo Xiao Xuan: “…”

  Xiao Xuan yawned as he rubbed his eyes. He walked past her and headed back to his room to catch a little more sleep, muttering: “Idiot…”

  When it was time to head out, the family of four wore the same shirt design out. Yin Xu Dong looked at Zhuo Xiao Xuan who was hugging Xiao Tian. The people with poker faces upon feeling his gaze turned to look at him at the same time, asking: “Why?”

  “Nothing. You guys are just really adorable!” The pair of expressionless people was spamming his moe button so badly.

  When they reached the amusement park, Xiao Le held Zhuo Xiao Xuan’s hand while tugging the slightly reluctant Xiao Tian in her other hand. As for their daddy, he was sent out to queue to get the tickets.

  “Mommy mommy, I want this one later, and that one, I want to play that one too, and the one there…” Xiao Le chartered on beside Zhuo Xiao Xuan as she pointed continuously.

  “Enh, as long as you don’t vomit like the other kids, you can play everything.” Zhuo Xiao Xuan glanced at the kids who were retching non-stop after having come down from the Pirate Ship ride.

  Xiao Le looked at them in disdain before patting her chest, “I’m not so useless!”

  In the end, after their first station—the roller coaster—Zhuo Xiao Xuan carried the unruffled Xiao Tian and stood by the side as she watched Yin Xu Dong holding Xiao Le, who was looking terrible, while she vomited away, and asked: “You still want to play?”

  “Ugh… I wanna.. vomit…: Xiao Le said as she vomited.

  Yin Xu Dong urged her in concern: “Let’s play something else, those are too violent.”

  As for the rest of the entertainments, she——

  “Ah! Ah! Ah!” The entire haunted house reverberated with Xiao Le’s cries.

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan held Xiao Tian’s hands as they followed behind. Upon no longer being able to withstand her screams, she walked over and handed Xiao Tian’s hand to Yin Xu Dong while she carried Xiao Le. Wiping away her tears from fear, she said: “What’s there to be scared about? All those things are fake! Look at your di di, he’s not scared even though he’s younger than you.”

  Xiao Le hugged Zhuo Xiao Xuan’s neck tightly, sobbing: “Sob sob, I get scared easily, mommy doesn’t like me… sob sob…”

  Yin Xu Dong reached to pat her head, “Foolish girl, what are you talking about liking and disliking, both of you are my children. Mommy likes the both of you, no? Mommy majesty?”

  Zhuo Xiao Xuan nodded her head, exasperated. “Yes. If I didn’t like you, why would I be still carrying you? I’d have long kicked you noisy kid out the house.”

  “…”

  “That ghost hand is controlled with a remote control by the person over there. Oh, and this brain that’s flying around is hung by someone above. And the one there…” Zhuo Xiao Xuan pointed out all the flaws of the haunted house as she walked down the road with Xiao Le.

  The employees cried in their hearts: “The fvck! What the hell are you even doing here?! Hurry just go! If you’re still not going to go, the pissed manager’s gonna start cutting out pay! It’s not easy earning money nowadays!”

  After an entire day of entertainment, the two carrot-heads knocked off the moment they sat on the car. Yin Xu Dong drove on, turning his head slightly to say to Zhuo Xiao Xuan in the backseat: “It’s been a long day and you didn’t manage to sleep last night, so get some rest.”

  “Enh.” Zhuo Xiao Xuan propped her two kids who were both sprawled all over up.

  Yin Xu Dong looked at the rearview mirror at the pair of adorable children and his wife, his heart melting into a puddle of warmth. What more else was there he needed with his wife and children by his side?

  Glossary

  * * *

  CHARACTERS

  NAME 名字 RELATIONSHIP

  Qin Ke Xuan 秦可宣 Main character; a transmigrated killer

  Yin Xu Dong 殷旭东 MC’s neighbour and childhood friend/playmate

  Qin Shu Hua 秦树华 MC’s father

  Jiang Hui Lin 姜惠林 MC’s step-mother; Qin Peng Cheng’s biological mother

  Qin Peng Cheng 秦鹏程 MC’s step-little brother

  Wen Mei Xia 温美霞 MC’s biological mother

  An Ye You Ming 暗夜幽冥 MC’s codename in the organisation

  Leopard 豹 MC’s organisation-assigned comrade; Leopard is his codename

  Wolf 狼 MC’s organisation-assigned comrade; Wolf is his codename

  Jackal 豺 MC’s organisation-assigned comrade; Jackal is his codename

  Zhou Lin 周林 The dark organisation’s boss

  Chang Jiang Lin 常江林 Company commander of war preparation Troop Company 32 on duty in Chinese People’s Liberation Army, military district City B; the person who recruited Qin Ke Xuan into the military

  Xu Le Le 许乐乐 Qin Ke Xuan’s second identity in the MI6

  RELATIONSHIP TERMINOLOGIES

  PINYIN 关系 MEANING

  ge 哥 older brother

  jie 姐 older sister

  di 弟 younger brother

  mei 妹 younger sister

  xiao 小 prefix attached in front of nicknames (illustrates endearment/closeness of relationship or age/status difference)

  shu 叔 uncle; addressed by a younger person to an (acquainted or non-acquainted) elder man (usually around their father’s age); the recipient of this address need not be biologically related to the person addressing

  lao 老 ole; prefix attached

  lao shi 老�
�� teacher

  tong xue 同学 (for both acquainted and non-acquainted) schoolmates/classmates (often addressed to students in school by other students or teachers); may also be used jokingly/teasingly as a suffix when used outside school context

  zi 子 suffix attached to names (works similarly to how ‘xiao’ is a prefix)

  CULTIVATION TERMINOLOGIES

  ENGLISH 名词 REMARKS

  Qing Gong 轻功 –

  Inner Gong 内功 –

  the way of the Inner Gong 内功心法 –

  Qi 气 –

  Dan Tian 丹田 –

  Possessed by the Evils 走火入魔 T/N: someone please suggest a nicer sounding phrase for this ;´Д`

  SKILLS

  ENGLISH 技能 REMARKS

  Sunflower Dian Xue Hand 葵花点穴手 –

  Xiao Li Flying Daggers 小李飞刀 what Yin Xu Dong calls it

  Concealed Weapon Hurl 小李飞刀 actual name

  Acupuncture 点穴 –

  ONOMATOPOEIA

  PINYIN 拟声词 MEANING

  qie 切 scoffing or dismissive interjection (works the same way as ‘pssh’/’yeah right’)

  WORDS

  ENGLISH/PINYIN 字词/俗语/谚语 MEANING

  stick gold on your own face 给自己脸上贴金 to exaggerate/blow up your own value/worth

  eat a bear’s heart and leopard’s gall 吃熊心豹胆 gained courage

  (tiao zi) 条子 police/cops

  ladyboy (ren yao) 人妖 guy pretending to be a girl

  smiling tiger (xiao mian hu) 笑面虎 an outwardly kind but inwardly cruel/sly person

  (shuang) 爽 a word that expresses one feeling invigorated/rejuvenated/very superbly awesome