Howliday Inn

by James Howe

  “Well, I felt like running for the window then and there, but I was determined to see it through. What did he mean by ‘the one? Who was he after and why? I purred even more loudly. ‘Hey, you’re real friendly, aren’t you?’ he said. And then, reflecting back on his problems, he added, If only I’d heard the rest of that phone conversation.’ He paused a minute and then looked me squarely in the eyes, as if he’d heard me asking him to explain.

  “‘See, Chester, it’s like this. I heard Doc saying to somebody on the phone that they shouldn’t worry, that he knew how valuable they were and he’d take good care of them. But I never heard who he was talking about. I figured once I knew, I’d kidnap whoever it was, see? Make a mint, blackmail or something. You know? But how am I going to make a penny if I can’t figure out who it is I’m supposed to kidnap?’ Well, naturally, I knew right away who he was talking about.”

  “You did?” I asked.

  “You did?” Taxi echoed. “Who was it?”

  “And how did you know?”

  “The thing about criminals is, no matter how smart they are, they’re always just a little bit dumb. And that’s where they get tripped up. Harrison hadn’t even noticed that Greenbriar had said ‘them.’ So, obviously, he was talking about more than one animal. And since I knew that Howard and Heather were purebred wire-haired dachshunds (with the possibility of having been crossbred with werewolves, of course, which would only increase their value), I knew that they were the ones he was after.

  “Later that afternoon, when Harrison was busy putting food into the dinner bowls, I made a run for the window, hoping to get out and warn Howard and Heather. Unfortunately, it wasn’t open wide enough so I got stuck halfway through. Harrison pulled me back in and closed the window.

  “‘Nice try,’ he said to me, ‘but you aren’t going anywhere.’ It was then that I had the inspiration to scratch out the message on the bottom of your food dish, Harold. I could only hope that you would be having one of your rare fits of intelligence when you ate dinner that night.

  “Anyway, after he fed everyone, he put me back inside the cage and went home.”

  “But when . . .”

  “I’m getting to it,” Chester said. “He came back later that evening in a state of great agitation. I’ve got to find the answer,’ he said. He pulled out all the files and started to look through them. I went into my purring number again, hoping he’d take me out of my cage so I could read over his shoulder. It worked. ‘Just don’t try to go anywhere this time,’ he said. He needn’t have worried. I was much more interested in finding out what more I could from the files. When he got to Heather’s, there it was in nice, bold print: ‘PREGNANT, DUE TO DELIVER SOON.’ I looked at Harrison. How could he miss it? I thought.

  “Then the phone rang. It was Jill, calling to remind him about the very thing we’d just read in the file. ‘Yeah, I know she’s going to give birth soon, Jill,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry, it’s a natural thing. Happens all the time.’ Then she said something that stopped him dead in his tracks. He just stood there, his mouth hanging open. When at last he spoke, he said, ‘Yeah, yeah. I heard you. Valuable. Of course, I know they’re valuable. Don’t worry. They’ll be fine. Just fine.’ He hung up the phone and ran for the door. That’s it!’ he cried. ‘It’s them! And all those little puppies in the bargain. I’ll make a fortune selling them off!’ He was so excited he ran out of the door without noticing what had become of me. Naturally, I was fast on his heels.”

  “And that’s when you woke me,” I said. It was more a statement than a question.

  “That’s when I tried to wake you,” he answered. “It wasn’t so easy.”

  Taxi looked dumbfounded. “He was going to sell Howard’s and Heather’s babies?” he uttered. “But what about them? What was he going to do with Howard and Heather?”

  Chester shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe sell them, too. Maybe keep them locked up somewhere. Or perhaps, once he’d made his money selling the kids, dispose of the evidence.”

  “Wow,” Taxi said, “that Harrison isn’t such a nice guy.”

  “You can say that again,” I concurred.

  “Wow, that Harrison isn’t such a—”

  “Chester,” I went on, “there are still some things I don’t understand.”

  “For instance?”

  “Well, for instance, what about Max and Georgette? If they didn’t murder Louise, why were they planning to escape? Weren’t they going to run away together?”

  To my surprise, it was Taxi who answered. “If you hadn’t been so busy suspecting everyone, Harold, you could have figured that one out a long time ago. They were planning to go look for Louise and bring her back. Max was convinced she’d run away because of him. Georgette felt terrible, too, so she suggested they go look for her together.”

  “You mean there was nothing between them?”

  “No, of course not,” Taxi said.

  “Georgette is a bit of a flirt, that’s all,” Chester added, as if it had never been his idea in the first place that she and Max had murdered Louise.

  So Harrison took Louise,” I said softly, letting it sink in. “But how? You said you never saw anybody cross the compound that night.”

  “That’s right,” replied Chester. “That was what had me stumped. Then you said something that made it all fall into place. And that’s when I knew Harrison was the culprit. Do you remember? You said that whoever did it would have gotten very wet.”

  “Yes, I remember saying that,” I said, “but I don’t see what that has to do with—”

  “It made me think of the towels Harrison and Jill had used to dry us off.”

  “So?” I asked. “I still don’t see—”

  “Harrison wrapped Louise in a towel right while she was eating dinner and took her inside with him. No one saw her disappear. All they would have seen if they’d bothered to look was Harrison carrying a used towel into the office. And because it was already dark, no one even knew Louise was gone until the morning.”

  “And he made sure that her door and the gate were left open. Hmm, pretty clever,” I admitted. “He really made it look as if Louise had escaped. And that it was all Jill’s fault. I was even beginning to think it was her.”

  “Sure. And do you remember that day they were cleaning the storage shed?” Chester asked. Taxi and I nodded. “Well, Harrison remembered, too. And he remembered that Jill had dropped some garbage inside the compound. He was able to use that later when he told her he’d found a container of rat poison near my bungalow. Just as he wanted her to, she believed she’d dropped it. And that her carelessness had resulted in my death.”

  There was a long moment of silence as Taxi and I tried to take in everything Chester had told us. It was an incredible story. Even more incredible when I thought how close I’d come to never seeing Chester again.

  I looked at Chester and then up at the blue sky above. The storm was over, I told myself, and everyone was safe at last.

  [ TWELVE ]

  Howie

  AT THAT MOMENT, I was attacked from behind.

  Thump!

  I felt the blow between my shoulder blades. “Help!” I cried out as I went sprawling onto my belly.

  “No mercy!” the voice above bellowed. “The game is up. Your days are numbered. Resist, and you’ll walk the plank!” I recognized the voice. Lyle had dropped by to say hello.

  “Get him off of me!” I hissed at Chester, thinking he might know how to communicate cat-to-cat.

  “Agent 11½D!” Chester shouted. “Release your captive!”

  I felt Lyle’s claws loosen. “Why?” he asked.

  “You have the wrong dog,” Chester shot back.

  “Oh,” Lyle muttered softly. He jumped off my back onto the ground before me. Calmly, he looked into my eyes. “Sorry about that,” was all he said. And then he strolled off as if nothing had happened.

  “There goes a great all-American twit,” Chester said in tribute as he watched Lyle walk off. He
shook his head sadly. “What a shame he has to be a cat.”

  “Now, I wouldn’t have been surprised to find out Lyle was the murderer,” Taxi commented. “I wouldn’t put anything past him.”

  Chester shook his head again and sighed. “Lyle’s had a rough life,” he said. “You want some excitement ? Read his file!” .

  “I think we’ve had enough excitement around here,” I said to Chester. “And I think we can be grateful for one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That with everything that’s happened, no real harm has come to anyone.”

  I looked up and saw Max coming toward us. On his right was Louise. On his left, Georgette.

  “Right!” he blurted as he came to a halt before us. “Just came over to see how you were doing, Chester. Must have been pretty tough for you, behind bars.”

  “I’ve been through tougher,” Chester replied with typical modesty.

  “It was a nightmare,” Louise said dramatically. “I shall always forget my days and nights at the Chateau of Bow-Wow. How my heart it will ache when I am thinking of everything that has happened here. But, alors, in the end, everything is fine and we all live happily ever—oh, what is that word?”

  “After?” Georgette offered.

  Louise turned to Georgette and smiled sweetly. “Thank you, Camille.”

  Georgette started to correct Louise, then stopped herself. “You’re welcome, sugar,” she said instead.

  Max smiled. “These gals have become great friends,” he said happily. “Louise knows my heart belongs to her and her alone. And she knows that without Georgette, I never would have figured out how to break out of here and find her.”

  Georgette blushed. “Thank goodness Dr. Greenbriar and Jill came along when they did and heard our barking. By the way,” she added, lowering her voice, “you can’t imagine what a dump that Harrison lives in.”

  “Please!” Louise interjected. “I do not wish to be speaking of it. It was simply—” She pursed her lips as if searching for just the right word. abdominal!” she proclaimed at last.

  Well, it was close to the right word.

  “Jogging?” Max suggested. I started to crawl away.

  “No jogging Max,” Georgette replied. “How about Rip-the-Rag?”

  “I have gotten it!” Louise announced. “Let us play Knock-Each-Other-Down!”

  “Good!” Max snorted. “You fellows want to join us?”

  “Maybe another time,” Chester said. “Tennis elbow.”

  “Harold?” Max asked, turning to me.

  “Uh, no thanks,” I replied. “Coward cramps.”

  “I’ll play,” Taxi said brightly.

  “Right! Let’s go then.”

  Chester and I watched as the four of them hurried off into the distance to play Knock-Each-Other-Down. Before they had gotten too far, Louise ran back and whispered in my ear.

  “Barry’s been hitting the sauce again,” she uttered. “I didn’t want to tell you in front of the others. You have no idea what it’s doing to Marcia. She’s making a fool of herself over Ron. And all because of you, Todd.” Todd? “It’s no good, can’t you see? How many times do I have to tell you? No, no, don’t say anything. Just remember: when this nightmare is over, I’ll still have Mike. All you’ll have is a pocketful of memories and lint.” She sobbed and ran off to join the others.

  I turned to Chester. “You know what I said before?”

  “What’s that, Harold?”

  “About no harm coming to anyone?”

  “Mm-hmmm.”

  “Forget it. I only hope there’s a cure for daytime television.”

  Howard howled in the distance. “Kids are great!” he called out, with a wink in our direction.

  “Harold?”

  “Yes, Chester?”

  “This place is a loony bin.”

  “Yes, I know, Chester.”

  “I want to go home, Harold. I don’t know how much more I can take of Lyle and Louise and Taxi and that crazy werewolf.”

  “Wait a minute, Chester,” I said, “do you still believe Howard and Heather are werewolves? They’ve probably been acting strangely because they were nervous about having their babies.”

  “Werewolves can’t get nervous about having babies?”

  I had to admit the thought hadn’t occurred to me.

  “Uh-uh,” he went on. “Nothing will convince me that they couldn’t be part dachshund and part werewolf. Stranger things have happened.” Howard let out another howl. “Besides, just listen to that. If that isn’t the call of a werewolf, nothing is. No, I just want to get out of here. That’s all I care about. Get me home, where I’ll never have to listen to that terrible sound again.”

  I was about to answer him when the gate flew open and Toby and Pete bounded into Chateau Bow-Wow. As soon as he saw me, Toby came running in my direction.

  “Harold!” he cried, throwing his arms around my neck. Boy, was I happy to see him! I started drooling like crazy.

  “Chester!” Toby squealed, as he swooped the cat up off the ground and hugged him. Chester showed how overjoyed he was by not having a fit.

  “Hey, guys,” Pete said coolly.

  “Boy, did we have a neat vacation,” Toby said excitedly. “Wait’ll I tell you about it.”

  “Yeah,” Pete joined in. “Dad lost our travelers’ checks and everything. Just like on TV.”

  “Yeah, and then we had a flat tire, and Dad had forgotten to put the spare back in the car before we left home, so we had to sit in the rain until the tow truck came.”

  “And then we were on this picnic and Dad fell out of the tree and now he’s wearing this cast, see—”

  “Yeah, and it’s real neat, Harold. I wrote my name on it and everything.”

  “Me, too!”

  “Anyway,” Toby said, “sorry you had to be stuck here the whole time. I’ll bet it was real dull.”

  Chester and I exchanged knowing glances.

  “But now we’re going home, boy. Come on, let’s get your things.”

  What things? I wondered. I didn’t remember having packed a toothbrush.

  “Wait a minute,” Pete said, “let’s go ask Dad about you-know-what first.”

  “Oh, yeah, I forgot,” Toby replied, dropping Chester to the ground. “We’ll be back, you guys. Oh, here, Harold, here’s a chocolate cupcake I brought for you. With cream in the center.” And off they ran. The cupcake was a little smushed, which made sense since Toby had been carrying it in his back pocket. But it tasted delicious, especially after seven days of chocolate deprivation. That Toby was really a good kid.

  A few minutes later, Dr. Greenbriar and Jill came out of the office door. I felt the blood pumping through my veins as they approached.

  “I think the judge handled it very well,” Dr Greenbriar was saying, “don’t you?”

  “Mm-hmm,” Jill replied. “It might set Harrison straight after all. Even if he doesn’t continue, a year of college can’t hurt anybody.”

  “Pretty smart sentence, all right,” the doctor said, smiling. “But what I liked best was the job he came up with for Harrison. To pay for school.”

  Jill smiled now, too. “Yes. Working at the zoo. I think that should suit Harrison just fine.”

  They laughed at the thought. I didn’t think it was so funny. What if he tried to steal an elephant?

  “Well, you boys are going home,” Jill said, leaning toward us. “You must be glad about that, aren’t you?”

  “Bet your boots, sweetheart,” Chester uttered under his breath.

  We walked toward the gate, and we never looked back. We were going home at last.

  MR. MONROE stood by the end of the station wagon, waving his good arm in our direction.

  “Hey, Harold! How ya doin’, Chester?” he called out.

  Mrs. Monroe cooed her greetings, and then Pete and Toby came running over to us. I noticed that Toby was carrying something small in his arms.

  “Harold! Chester! Wait’ll
you see the surprise we have for you,” he sang out. I looked up and saw that he was carrying a little brown puppy. Chester’s eyes went berserk. “Guess what!” Toby continued. “There were puppies born here a few days ago and one of them was the . . . uh . . . what’d ya callit . . .”

  “The runt of the litter,” Jill said helpfully.

  “Yeah, right. And we’re getting to keep him. ’Course, he has to stay with his mom for a while. But then we get to bring him home to live with us. Dad said we could, right, Pete?”

  “Right,” Pete chimed in. “And / got to name him.”

  “Yeah, but it’s a good name anyway.”

  “Yeah, see,” Pete went on, “the puppy’s father’s name is Howard. So I named the puppy Howie.”

  Chester and I stared at Howie. He looked into my eyes, then into Chester’s. And then, lifting his head slightly, he let out a tiny, tiny howl.

  “aah-oooooooooo.”

  “Gee, that’s neat,” Toby said.

  “Yeah, neat,” echoed Pete.

  I turned to Chester and commented, “Before you know it, he’s going to sound just like his mom and dad.”

  But Chester didn’t hear me. He’d fainted dead away.

  [ EPILOGUE ]

  CHATEAU Bow-Wow was an adventure, and I suppose in some ways, Mr. Monroe was right: adventure is good for the soul. But what I like best about adventures is that they come to an end.

  It’s fall now, and I’m glad to be home. Fall means long walks in the woods with Mr. Monroe and Pete, late-night snacks of roasted chestnuts and pumpkin pies with Toby, and rolling in the leaves with Howie. Oh yes, Howie is living with us now. And since it’s his first fall, there’s a lot I have to teach him.

  Of course, Chester is sharing in his education. Right now, he’s teaching him how to meditate. Even as I write, I can hear them in the living room.

  “Ommmmm. . .”

  “Omm-ooooooooooooooooo. . .”

  “No, you dumb dog. Ommmmmm. . .”