The Earth fell away from me at an alarming rate, and I just let it. I can’t say that I was thinking clearly. The energy coursing through me could not be denied.
And it happened quickly. My sense of time wasn’t very accurate, but I am told it was eight minutes and forty-three seconds. At the end of that I was feeling more myself, feeling more rational.
I looked around me and saw darkness and stars. I looked below and the circle of the Earth was clearly discernible. I could see the blues of the oceans, the browns of the continents, shrouded here and there by clouds. I could make out the United States and Arizona. I saw clouds gathering off the Pacific making their way towards Arizona—that storm that General Markus had promised.
And I was still moving. The sense of movement was subtle (I was a long ways away from any point of reference), but I knew I was moving. I looked down at my neutrino form; no, I wasn’t thrusting. I must have broken free of the gravity well and was coasting away from the planet.
The thought looped through my head for a few moments: I have broken free of the gravity well. I was an astronaut without a spaceship. Free of the gravity well, an astronaut without a spaceship!
It was a glorious feeling. Well, it was for the precious moments that it lasted. I then wondered, how the hell am I going to get back? This test had called for me to go up into the mesosphere, not to break free of Mother Earth.
Now I have been Neutrinoman long enough to gauge my energy levels, to know how much I have left in me, but back then my sense of such things wasn’t all that refined. And I panicked a bit. Okay, well, I panicked a lot.
Have you ever been snorkeling? Did you ever have the experience when you are swimming along, following a beautiful tropical fish in clear warm waters, when you look down and you are suddenly in deep and murky waters?
For me, being in relatively shallow waters felt perfectly safe. I could swim all day with a mask, a snorkel, and a set of fins. But when I accidently found myself in deeper waters, thirty or forty feet; when the bottom became murky and distant; when everyone else was a long ways away; that is when I got to feel the true vastness and power of the ocean.
Well, this felt like that, except several orders of magnitude more intense.
So yeah, I freaked out.
Just like those times snorkeling, I turned back home and gave it everything I had.
Like I said, I was a long ways up. Colonel Williams later told me I was about 350 miles up. So my first efforts didn’t seem to yield any results, the Earth kept receding. So I applied more power, the Earth stopped moving away, but wasn’t getting bigger. I applied more and more power, until the Earth started visibly moving towards me.
And I didn’t aim very well. I had a general sense of where things were; it was kind of like looking at the satellite view on Google maps, except not as clean and with the clouds and atmosphere. So, I did head roughly towards the southern part of Nevada.
After much effort, the Earth started to move towards me in a way that was pleasant, but soon that rate became alarming. I stopped thrusting, but the world kept coming at me faster and faster. I think this was mostly perception (my point of reference being closer and closer) and gravity pulling me back.
At the same time my rate of descent started to terrify me, I felt exhaustion hit me. I didn’t have much neutrino time left.
As I rocketed towards the Earth, not sure of exactly where I was, Las Vegas saved me. It is the biggest thing in the area: a sprawling city nestled in the desert with Lake Mead to the east looking something like a great blue dragon with its wings outstretched, the tip of one wing pointing towards the city.
From there I was able to spot the distinct white oval of Groom Lake to the northwest. So, I adjusted my course and tried to slow my rate of descent. But I didn’t have much in me. My priority was to retain my neutrino form, without which I would die on impact.
And I did slow myself, but not nearly enough. I was several thousand feet above the lake when lightning started stabbing up from below and hitting me.
I had to smile: Lightningirl. I took everything she was pumping into me and used it to slow me down.
As it was, I landed hard. No, “landed” is not the right word. I “impacted.” So right at the end, when it was clear that my rate of descent was dangerous, I veered to the north several hundred yards and plowed into the salt and minerals of the dry lake bed.
I passed out, I think only briefly, and came to in the middle of a crater about ten feet deep. I was back to my human form and quite naked. I was embarrassed but alive. And, I must admit, that my embarrassment was tempered by the memory of seeing the Earth whole and round below me. That same Earth that was under attack.
Chapter 12
The Risk is Too Much
Fall 2004, Area 51, Nevada
It was Lightningirl that rescued me out of my crater. I am sure military personnel would have gotten there eventually, after they had checked for radiation and donned the proper gear. Lightningirl, fortunately, didn’t need to do any of that.
“What’s a nice guy like you doing in a crater like this?” she said from the rim.
I covered myself, flushing red, and said, “Zap me… please.”
“Okay, but don’t say you didn’t ask for it.” She really let it rip, a large bolt of lightning extending from her right hand and hitting me in the chest. I was knocked back onto the side of the crater, gasping for breath. This wasn’t the baby tap she had given me up in the Verde Valley; this was a huge amount of energy. I relaxed into it, as I was slowly learning to do, and the searing agony of it faded back into intense pain.
On the plus side, it didn’t take long, and soon I was back in my neutrino form and had flown out of the crater and stood beside her. Her left hand was extended back to the towers and electricity was arcing from them to her from several hundred yards away. I didn’t know she could draw power from that far.
“Thank you,” I said.
She nodded and continued to zap me as we walked back to the circle of metal towers.
~~~
Training continued for the rest of the day, in the same vein. Licia got better at modulating the energy she was “zapping” me with so I could better absorb it. I got better at receiving that energy, and by the end of the day I could receive a full power bolt with only minor discomfort. “Charging” also sped up from an hour to about ten minutes.
I also got better at reentry; that crater was the only one I made that day. I can’t say that I got comfortable out there in the void, but I did learn to tolerate it and to judge my speed better.
We also practiced “aiming” me. Space, you know, is a big place, and when I went for the meteor I needed to be headed in the right direction. So, they deployed fighter jets, and had them circling at three different altitudes (F-16 Falcons at 40,000 feet, F-22 Raptors at 65,000 feet, and SR-71 Blackbirds at 85,000 feet). At each altitude there would be two jets, and my job was to thread between them in as straight a line as I could and hold that course once I left the atmosphere behind.
This didn’t prove to work all that well. It got me headed in the right direction, but if I was even a degree or two off, I might not see the meteor.
~~~
We had our final briefing before the plane took us back to Palo Verde. We couldn’t conduct the mission from Area 51; we needed all the power we could get, and I needed the radiation.
The “charging” that Lightningirl can do for me with electricity is effective, but it is not quite the same as being exposed to the radiation that changed me.
The lightning boost is a bit like a caffeine buzz. It comes on strong and can go just as quickly. I needed the real thing. I needed serious radiation.
After the briefing, the chaos still swirled around us as military personnel and scientists went about their jobs, but it was one of the rare moments that Licia and I were alone. We were sitting at the big conference table, watching the “time to impact” display. Something had been gnawing at me, bothering me. I wish there had
been more time to consider my words before I said them, but there wasn’t. Licia would be “zapping” back to Arizona, and once we got back to Palo Verde I would go directly into reactor number three.
“Big day tomorrow,” I began. Lame.
She looked at me, her eyes focusing, one eyebrow rising. “Umm hmm,” she said with a small nod of her head.
I searched my mind for a diplomatic way to say what I wanted to say but couldn’t come up with it, so I just blurted it out. “I don’t want you to go up tomorrow.”
“What?” she asked as if she hadn’t heard me.
“Tomorrow. I don’t want you to go up.”
Her eyes searched my face and her brow crinkled. “I don’t understand. You saw the weather forecast; there is going to be a giant thunderstorm. You are going to need all that power.”
I nodded, she was right. “I know. I know. It’s just…”
“What, Nik? Just spit it out.”
I sighed and looked down at my hands. “If you go up, and I don’t come back… Well, how will you get down? You can’t fly.”
The look she gave me then was danger. I didn’t know that look then like I do now, but it was a signal, clear as a bell, that I should course correct immediately or suffer the consequences.
“It’s a thunderstorm, I’m Lightningirl,” she said, her tone icy. “I’ll just ride a bolt down. Besides, they scrapped the plan of me going all the way up with you; I’ll just be up there with the clouds, it’s not a big deal.”
“You’ve never done that, you don’t know what will happen.”
“What are you saying? I am trying to understand, but it is starting to sound like you don’t need me. That you can save the world on your own.”
“No… No… I…” I rubbed my face. I was exhausted, tired to the bone; the last few days had taken everything I had.
“Then what?” She was standing, her fists on her hips, the danger in her eyes now evident even to a dolt like me.
“The risk is too much.”
“Too much?” she asked, her voice rising, drawing looks from the people still in the room. “Too much? You fail, we all die. The whole planet dies. And you’re telling me that the edge I might give you, however small, is not worth having? That I should sit on the sidelines like some weak woman in need of a strong man’s protection so I don’t get hurt?” Sparks were starting to form on her extremities, and several strands of her hair rose up with sparks dancing on the ends.
“Please. I am not saying this right. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
She snorted and said, “Too late.” She turned on her heel and left.
Chapter 13
The Face of a Goddess
Fall 2004, Area 51 and
Palo Verde Nuclear Generating Station, Arizona
Jennifer laughed at me when I told her what had happened. Not a gentle chuckle, but a full-on belly laugh with tears running down her cheeks. It hurt and confused me. She must have seen the look on my face.
We were in the little infirmary at Area 51. Jennifer was examining me before we headed back to Palo Verde. I think I told her about what had happened to avoid having an uncomfortable conversation about trying to save the world and the intense pressure I was under. Mission accomplished, we had veered into a very distracting, and entirely uncomfortable, alternate topic.
“Nik, Nik, Nik,” she said, shaking her head, ripping open the Velcro blood pressure cuff. The noise almost made me jump.
“What?” I asked.
“You just told someone, who is arguably the most powerful woman on the planet, that you don’t need her help. That the last forty-eight hours of training and bonding wasn’t necessary. That all she learned about you as a kind and sensitive man was dead wrong.” She descended into another fit of laughter.
When her laughter ended and she really looked at me again, I was staring at her. I was devastated, and I am sure it showed. “I just want to keep her safe,” I said, quiet as a mouse.
Jennifer nodded, her voice gentle. “I know, and she’ll figure that out, but it may take some time.”
“I want us to both make it through this, but…” I couldn’t continue.
She looked at me, her face serious, all traces of mirth erased. “You don’t think you’re coming back, do you?”
And there we were, into the topic that was my biggest worry. I got laughed at for no good reason. I shook my head, looking at my hands; I couldn’t meet her eyes.
“And if you aren’t going to make it, you don’t think she’ll survive getting back to the ground.”
I didn’t answer, letting my silence confirm her words. The thought had been trapped in my head for the last few days—it was strange to have it loose. I was afraid it was going to damage something, like a teenager driving his own car for the first time.
I know, I know, not the most logical point of view, but Licia was becoming precious to me and instinctively I wanted to protect her, logical or not.
“You need her, Nik. You can’t do this without her. She has to go up with you. If you don’t take care of that thing, we all die.”
~~~
The plane landed at Luke Air Force Base, and from there we took a helicopter back to Palo Verde Nuclear Generating Station.
Jennifer led me right to the reactor. I thanked her for her help, and she told me to get some rest. I closed the heavy metal door behind me, the resounding clang sounding final in some strange way.
I took my clothes off, put the robe on, took the cooler full of cheese they had left, and made my way into the core of the reactor. They had it cranked, I could tell. The warmth felt good, like the sun on your face after being inside too long. It cleared my mood somewhat.
There was a cot setup for me. I was to sleep in here tonight, and absorb all the radiation I could.
I didn’t think there was any chance I would be able to sleep, but minutes after loading up on cheese and lying down, I was out. The last few days had been taxing, more taxing than I would have thought possible.
~~~
Palo Verde, and everything within two miles of it, was on lockdown. The official story was there had been a credible terrorist threat on the nuclear power station. It was a cover for what we were about to do. This was in the early days, us q-morphs were not publicly acknowledged yet (by the government, at least).
We were set up in a field behind the plant, right next to the metal towers that distributed the electricity. The plant was running hot, and Lightningirl would have access to every single joule of it. We would end up blacking out much of Arizona and Southern California, but it was a small price to pay.
I walked from reactor number three to the site. Everyone gave me a wide berth. I was a bright yellow. So bright, I am told, that they couldn’t look at me directly. I had never been this fully “charged” before. I felt powerful and dangerous. I worried that I couldn’t keep all this energy held in.
When I got to the site, I only had eyes for Lightningirl. At a safe distance were the techs and the scientists and the brass, all huddled behind their clear shielding. But in the center of it all, huge bolts of electricity arcing from the metal towers to her outstretched hands, was Lightningirl.
She was magnificent. Her entire form crackled and popped with electricity. Her hair, snapping tendrils of energy, waved behind her head forming a nimbus halo.
She was terrifying. I may have been too bright to look at, but she was too brilliant to look away from. She looked like one of the old goddesses come alive: Shakti, Medusa, Kali, Aphrodite. She looked like she could kill you with one glance.
I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to plead for forgiveness, to admit my stupidity, to bow to her beauty and power. But I didn’t… thank God. There was a job to do and that was all that mattered.
Realizing that I had stopped and had been staring at her for some time, I moved over to the launch area. It was nothing more than a loose circle marked with ammo cans about ten yards from Lightningirl.
The signal was given and the godd
ess in front of me turned her gaze, her attention, her power to me. The bolts of lightning stabbed out from her right hand and hit me in the chest.
It was a huge amount of energy, much more than she had managed at Area 51. And, seeing the nuclear power plant behind her, it was easy to tell why. She had enough electricity to power four million homes available to her and was pumping all she could into me.
I imagined that the goddess in front of me was angry, that I had done something unforgiveable, that this was punishment. And, I probably wasn’t far off.
The energy poured into me, and I did not resist. It was painful but bearable. My increased base of neutronic energy allowed me to accept much more electrical energy than I had before.
This went on for some minutes, I don’t really know how long, until a flash came from the assembled brass telling us to proceed to the next phase.
She moved into the circle. I smiled, but I am not sure how clear it was to her. My form was pulsing with a bright yellow glow around it; it is possible she couldn’t even see my face.
“Ready?” I asked.
She nodded once, sharply, and put her hands around my shoulders and stepped onto my feet as I put my arms around her waist.
Another flash from the brass and I took us up. I used the smallest trickle of power. Fortunately, I realized that in my overpowered state, doing this normally would get us both into orbit before we knew it.
We eased up into the sky and headed towards the leaden clouds above us. In the distance I could hear the rumble of thunder and caught the stabbing flash of lightning over the desert to the west.
When we entered the clouds, everything went dim and it was as if we were alone, as if there was no one else in the world. I was still carrying us upwards, but the sense of motion was lost to the grey. It was like we were two dancers slowly turning on some smoky dance floor.
“I’m…” I started, but found I had to swallow. “I’m so sorry.”
Neutrinoman & Lightningirl: A Love Story, Season 1 (Episodes 1 - 3) Page 6