I saw some jeeps approaching with military personnel and could hear sirens in the distance.
“Can you handle more?” she asked.
I nodded, struggling to my feet, wondering what the hurry was, if there was another attack coming. The bolt hit me square in the chest and I stumbled back until I was pressed against the dump truck, right where their energy weapon had fired. I took the electricity and used it to change to my neutrino form. I could handle the energy better then and sighed in relief.
The soldiers and scientists were keeping their distance. Looking at Lightningirl, it was no wonder. She was upset, and something was driving her, but I couldn’t tell what.
Williams was shouting at us, but I couldn’t make him out over the crackling of the lightning. Lightningirl walked up to me, still firing the bolt into me, until we were standing only inches apart.
“Can you fly?” she shouted.
She was pouring the energy into me and I was coming back to myself. I nodded. She grabbed me, pulling me closer and stepping on my feet. The electricity from Palo Verde was still pouring into her and into me. “Get me out of here,” she shouted into my ear.
I looked around, no one was close, only the corpse of Kothlan. I didn’t know exactly what was going on with her, but I knew she needed me. And that was, really, all I needed to know.
I took off slowly and was glad to see people step back even farther. The electricity from Palo Verde continuing to pump into us until we were several hundred yards high.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked her once we were up about 1,000 feet.
“I don’t care,” she whispered, holding me much tighter than she needed to. “Just take me away.”
I took one last look at the scene below. Police and fire had arrived. There were people all over the place examining the bodies of the aliens lying prone on the ground or in the back of their vehicles. I saw Ben, the other guards, and the soldiers. I flashed back to Yellowstone and the first alien that I had killed.
I held her tight and carefully flew us north.
~~~
I was glad to get the earth back under my feet. I had flown us to that area in Central Arizona between Phoenix and the Verde Valley. Beautiful high desert, rolling hills, deep canyons. It was isolated, and the last time we had been here she had told me we couldn’t be together.
I felt that parting, that pain as we stood there. She was still holding me. I had picked this spot because, at this point, I knew it well, because it was isolated, and because it was right next to high-tension power lines.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.
I could feel her head shake in answer. She wasn’t okay, and I had complete empathy for what she was feeling. This wasn’t the movies—it’s not an easy thing to take a life, even the life of an enemy. Especially not the first time.
I took my neutrino reaction down to a minimum and found her doing the same with her electrical reaction. I pushed away so I could see her face. What I saw shocked me.
Her face was hard and sad, but there was such a need there, such an intense need I didn’t know what to do. I doubted that I could ever meet a need that strong.
She stepped back until our bodies stopped interacting and let go of her q-morph form. “Do you want me?” she asked. She stood there naked, looking beautiful and vulnerable and cold.
Did I want her? Was there a more unnecessary question ever asked in the history of mankind? Of course I wanted her. I was desperate to hold her, to touch her. I would have been happy to have ignored the cold and the rocks, to let go of my neutrino form go and make love to her right then and there.
But I didn’t.
“I do,” I said slowly. “But not like this. Not when you’re…”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she slowly nodded. She wiped them off, sniffed, and then her face hardened again. “You’re a good man, Nik,” she said. And then with a crack and a flash she was gone. I saw her flash of energy going north.
I stood there in shock for a few minutes before flying back to Palo Verde alone.
Chapter 25
Let’s Be a Mess Together
Late Winter 2005, Flagstaff, Arizona
I checked my phone, the cell reception was good. I looked down at the dirt trail, remnants of snow and mud from the last snow storm still present. The scenery was stunning. Mount Elden sat large not far away to the north and the east. The San Francisco Peaks loomed to the north, two tall peaks covered in snow. I was walking the trails of Buffalo Park which sat high on a mesa on the north end of Flagstaff.
The air was crisp and cool and a group of clouds were stuck on the Peaks.
“Hi,” I said. The phone had rung for a long time before she picked up. It had been five days since the Battle of Palo Verde.
“Hi,” she answered.
“Williams said that you are out, no more Lightningirl for you. Is that true?” I asked. Maybe not the most graceful way to get the conversation rolling, but I wasn’t about to ask her how she was doing. I knew she wasn’t doing well.
“Yeah,” she said. “I can’t do this ‘saving the world’ thing, Nik. I’m just not wired for it.”
“I understand,” I said.
“Thanks.” An awkward silence filled up the space between us. I was beginning to think the call had dropped when she said, “Listen, Nik. About the other day, I—”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“I just wanted to thank you for being such a gentleman. I was in a bad place.”
“Yeah,” I said, that damn silence filling up the space between us again. I had something to say, but the fear I felt was holding me back. This was the kind of moment you only really get one chance at.
“Well… I… I should probably be going,” she said quietly.
I took a deep breath and pushed back the doubts babbling in my head. I kicked at the dirt trail and looked at the craggy face of Mount Elden, ponderosa pine trees sticking up from its steep slope, snow still on the ground. I had something to say and I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t get it out.
“Look,” I began, “I don’t care if you are Lightningirl or not, if you ever use your powers again or not. I don’t care about that. What I care about is you. What I want is to be with you. I know what you are going through is so hard. I am, and have been, going through the same thing. I…” I trailed off, losing my nerve. I wanted to bare my soul, my pain, all of it. I wanted to give her everything, but it was so hard. Speaking things like this, drawing difficult emotions up, is healthy, but painful.
“Go on,” she said so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.
“I see that alien, that first one from Yellowstone, whenever I close my eyes. I see that gaping hole in his chest that my neutrino bolt made. I see the unnatural way his limbs rest on the ground. I see his open eyes and the blue of his irises. I smell his charred flesh. I don’t seem to be able to get that smell out of my nose.
“I understand, Licia. I understand what you are going through. I am going through it too. If anyone in this world understands what you are experiencing, I do. And you know what? I don’t care. Wait… Sorry…” I was scrambling, afraid I had blown it. “I do care that you are hurting, I do. But, it is not relevant to what I want.”
“And what do you want?” she asked.
I was surprised that she had to ask. But, maybe she wanted to hear it again. “You know how I feel about you. But let me make it absolutely clear. I am crazy about you. I can’t stop thinking about you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I love you.” I took a deep breath and said, “Licia Lopez, will you be my girlfriend?”
After I said it, I panicked. I wanted to throw the phone down and run away. “Be my girlfriend,” what the hell was I thinking? Were we in third grade or something?
I listened closely, not wanting to miss a thing. I heard the rustle of clothing and then a sniff. I heard a slow shuddering intake of breath. “Yes,” she said with a sniff. She was crying. “Yes, Ni
k Nichols, I will be your girlfriend.”
Tears were running down my cheeks. “Oh, thank God,” I blurted.
I heard her sniff and laugh. “But I’m such a mess, you know,” she said.
“Me too,” I said. “Let’s be a mess together.”
“Okay, how soon can you get here?” she asked.
“Where is here?” I asked.
“I’m at home, in Flag. At my new place, it’s south of town just a bit. I can text you the address.”
“Well,” I said with a smile, “I can be there in about ten minutes then.”
“Ten?” she asked. “It might be better if you drive and not fly in as Neutrinoman. That could cause some attention.”
“No, Licia. I’m in Flagstaff. I can drive to where you are in ten minutes or so. Flag is not that big.”
“What? Wait… you… you planned this?” she sputtered.
“No, no, it wasn’t like that,” I said, talking quickly. “I finally got clear of Palo Verde and started driving. I was thinking of you and it wasn’t until I was here that I got up the nerve to call. I didn’t—”
Her laughter cut off my little scramble. “It’s okay, Nik,” she said. “It’s okay if you planned it. Or if you didn’t.”
“Oh,” was all I could say. I still didn’t have a bead on her sense of humor. “Good.”
“I just texted you my address. Give me an hour, though. I’m a mess. I need a shower and some time to get myself together.”
I spent the next forty-five minutes walking the trails of Buffalo Park. It was a long forty-five minutes.
Interlude 5
Be My Girlfriend
Summer 2025, Casita de Soledad, Central Arizona
“‘Be my girlfriend,’” Licia said with a chuckle. “You were so cute.”
“Hey!” I said, getting up from my lounge chair in the sun and pulling the papers away from her where she sat on the patio. “If you’re going to make fun, you don’t have to read.”
She pulled the papers back. “I’m not making fun, and you were so cute.”
I flopped back down on the lounge chair with a sigh.
“You know,” she began, “I don’t understand the heterosexual male’s distaste for the word ‘cute.’ What’s wrong with it?”
“Puppies are cute,” I said.
“And girls love puppies. They want to touch them and hold them and kiss them. What’s wrong with that?”
I gave her the “you already know the answer to that” look.
“Oh,” she said. “It’s about sex, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
“You want the girl to say you are handsome or strong or virile. A mighty stud. Right? You want the compliment to be one step away from getting in bed?”
“Something like that,” I said.
Her laughter rang out over the high desert. It was clear and bright. And while I was glad she was having a good laugh, I wasn’t happy that it was at my expense. “I’m sorry,” she began, “let me rephrase. ‘Be my girlfriend,’ that’s such a studly thing to say, so hot, so virile, so… so…” she dissolved back into laughter.
I sighed and stared at her. She was digging in hard, and I had enough perspective to let her. What I had written, what I had dictated from her, what she had just read was hard stuff. I figured she was due. But I can’t say I was at all enjoying this.
When her laughter died out, I asked, “For future reference, what would have been a better question in that situation?”
She got serious for a moment her eyes searching mine. “Honey, ‘be my girlfriend’ was the exact right thing to say.”
“It was?” I asked.
“Yes, it was. Anything more would have been too much. Anything less would not have been enough. It was the perfect thing to say. I’m just saying it was cute.”
“Oh,” I said, still confused.
She chuckled and said, “You know, that little pout on your face right now is kinda cute.”
“Hey!” I said rising, and given how little I was wearing I made sure my posture was good.
“Calm down, my big stud-muffin,” she said, holding her hand up. “The thing you need to realize is that cute is good. Cute may not be one step away from getting in bed, but it is only two steps away.”
“Two steps?” I asked, making a show of taking two deliberate steps towards her.
“Two steps,” she agreed with a smile so hot it could melt an iceberg.
Chapter 26
Taking it Slow
Late Winter 2005, Flagstaff, Arizona
I am debating what to share with you next, how much to write. I am calling these missives a “love story” because it is. But there is a limit, that we are fast approaching, to what is appropriate to share. I want to be honest, give you a good taste of what this was like, but not too much.
After a quick stop at the store, I arrived at Licia’s door with flowers, wine, and chocolate. It may have been a bit old fashioned, or overkill, but it seemed like the right thing to do.
She opened the door with a thin smile, her hair wet and her face drawn. I was so happy to see her, but at the same time my heart ached to see her so sad.
“Thank you,” she said, taking the gifts and ushering me in.
I rubbed my sweating palms on my jeans and took my jacket off. It was winter in Flagstaff, which means it was cold out there.
Her house was small and rustic, nestled on a little cul-de-sac in a development south of town that bordered forest service. Her backyard was a piece of the largest ponderosa pine forest on the continent. The house was small and quaint, very nice. There was a couch in the living room and a bunch of boxes. She hadn’t been here long.
“Do the neighbors know who you are?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Not yet. I am actually afraid to unpack. I am afraid one of them will recognize me and the news crews will be camped outside.”
I looked around again. The curtains were drawn and not many boxes were unpacked. Not only was she dealing with the trauma of the alien deaths, but with being outed with me by Diane Madison.
“Would you like some tea?” she asked, looking nervous.
“Sure,” I answered. It was all painfully awkward.
She made us tea and had me sit on the brown couch while she sat on a chair from the dining room table.
I took a sip of the hot tea and burned my tongue. “You know,” I began, “we can take this slow.”
She cracked a small smile. “Well, you did say you wanted to be a mess together.”
“I did at that,” I agreed.
“But,” she said, “slow is good.”
I don’t know what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it. I can tell you I wasn’t expecting some slow-motion coming together of the romantic comedy couple that have finally admitted they care for each other. I wasn’t expecting her to jump right into my arms either. But I certainly wasn’t expecting this level of awkward silence and pregnant pauses.
We knew how to interact as q-morphs fighting for the survival of the world. And we had had a nice couple of dates before this “aliens trying to kill us all” thing had gotten serious. But now, things were no longer simple. We were both traumatized, both unsure of the future and our places in it.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I finally asked.
She nodded, biting her lip, and said, “Yeah, but not here.”
~~~
“That’s where highway 89A is,” she said, pointing to a fold in the land some miles distant. We had gone out her back door and hiked through the pine trees for several miles to get to this place. “And not much farther is Oak Creek Canyon.”
I took a deep breath. It was beautiful. Deep canyons in a pine tree forest with a sprinkling of small oak trees, patches of snow in the shadiest spots, cold clean air. We were standing on the edge of a deep cut in the land that sloped down before us. “Nice backyard,” I said.
She grabbed my arm and leaned her head on my shoulder. It was just a small, affectionate gesture, but
it thrilled me. It was something a girlfriend might do.
“We’re going to be okay,” I said quietly. I said it to Licia, but I said it to the forest too, and the sky, and the land. It felt still and sacred out here. It felt like if I said things the right way they would have depth and meaning.
“Promise?” she asked quietly.
“I promise,” I said, putting my hand on hers as it clutched my bicep.
We stood there for a long time. I could occasionally hear the cars moving along 89A to the south and the west or on I-17 to the east, but otherwise it was silent.
I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to break the spell. For in that moment we were okay, just two people falling in love. Our past trauma wasn’t relevant in that moment and our future uncertainty was not on our minds. It was Licia and me and the ponderosa pine forest of Flagstaff, Arizona.
It was a blessed point of balance.
It became a touchstone for me. We would come out here often in the coming weeks while we “took it slow,” and I would find myself coming out here in my mind when things got stressful (and as you know they got very stressful).
But right then, that moment, everything was fine.
Epilogue
Summer 2025, Casita de Soledad, Central Arizona
I know that some of you want more details. You want me to describe those days where we “took it slow” and what happened when we weren’t taking it so slow any more. I know some of you want specifics, salacious details. But, sorry, those won’t be forthcoming.
I get it, I really do. Two q-morphs whose bodies interact when they come close—what is the sex like? I understand the curiosity, but I will not be satisfying it. I’ve been married for so long for a reason—there are some lines you don’t cross. If you are really curious I suggest you troll the net for some fictional stories of that encounter. I have been told there are many.
But I will leave you with something that I believe is true. The most important ingredient in “making love” is “love.” And we were in love. So use your imagination.
~~~
Licia and I stood on a flat patch of high desert next to our little greenhouse. She pointed to the pile of building materials and then to a twenty-by-fifteen-foot plot of ground she had cleared of plants and rocks. “So?” she asked.
Neutrinoman & Lightningirl: A Love Story, Season 1 (Episodes 1 - 3) Page 29