"She told me that she agreed with me, but deep down inside, she really wanted a baby. I thought I was a pretty good listener and that we were communicating well, but I missed how lonely and depressed she had become after quitting school.
"So she decided to stop taking her birth control without telling me. Well, I'm sure you can guess what happened: we got pregnant.
"She was so excited for the baby, and after the initial shock wore off, I was as well, even though it made me a lot more stressed. The baby was born just as I was starting my last year of school. He was perfect.
"We named him Tyson, and I had no idea how much love and joy my son would bring into my life. Having him around helped us to strengthen our relationship and renew our friendship again.
"All of a sudden we had this tiny little human who needed us for everything. It brought our focus to something other than ourselves and each other’s failures. Our church life seemed to be strengthened as well.
"I finished my last year of school, graduated, and we were trying to decide what we wanted to do with our lives. She had no interest in getting her college degree. Both of us had a dream of owning our own business, and we decided that it was the right time to give it a shot if we were going to do it.
"So, we took out a business loan and opened a restaurant. It was a diner. We served breakfast throughout the day, and other classic all-American dishes. It was exciting in the beginning and stressful at the same time, but we were very hopeful that we could make it work.
"It was a lot more work than what we anticipated, and the cash flow wasn't what we were hoping for. I knew that I needed to support my little family, so I made the decision to work more shifts in the restaurant myself, so that I wouldn't have to pay employees.
"Jocelyn was supportive in the beginning, but she had a hard time with me being away from home so much. I put in long hours at that restaurant, some days I opened it at six o'clock in the morning and I wouldn't leave until after closing, around ten at night. She spent her days caring for Tyson and taking care of our home. I tried to make sure that I was home for at least lunch or dinner every day, and I did the best I could to take time off so that we could have family activities together.
"The diner was closed on Sunday, so that was our family day. We went to church together and spent time with just us. But it wasn't enough to nurture our relationship the way that it needed to be.
"Jocelyn was telling me that she was unsatisfied with our relationship because she felt like I was never around, and it was hard because she was dealing with depression and anxiety attacks at the same time. I didn’t realize that she had been dealing with a form of post-partum depression for months. I knew that she was unhappy a lot, but I was gone so much I figured it was because of my work schedule. I knew that my family was way more important than the business, so I started trying to take more time off so that we could spend more time together.
"We worked on the business for two years, and had our ups and downs during those years. Most of the time, I was very hopeful that we were going to get it figured out, but she was only looking at what we didn't have. I was a glass half-full type of guy, and she was a glass half-empty type of girl.
"One day, I was at work, and we planned to make a family trip to the swimming pool that afternoon. Tyson was three years old; he was just getting big enough where we could really start to play with him... and he loved the swimming pool.
"I was supposed to be home in time for us to leave by one o'clock that afternoon. The day was going well at the restaurant, until I found out that my lunchtime shift manager was sick and wasn't going to show up. I knew that I couldn't back out of my plans, so I talked to Jocelyn to see if we could push the swimming pool activity back to three o'clock. She was a little irritated that I was going to be late, but she agreed and said that three o'clock would be fine.
"I worked through the lunch rush, and the restaurant was quite busy that day. Around two o'clock, my cell phone started ringing; it was Jocelyn. I was busy at the moment, so I planned to call her back a few minutes later. But the cell phone kept ringing, and after she called back the third time in a row, I knew that I'd better pick up the phone.
"When I picked up the phone I could hear Jocelyn sobbing on the other end, I could barely make out what she was saying. She was telling me something about an accident that had happened, and that Tyson was being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
"My heart stopped, I didn't know what to do. I told her that I'd meet her at the hospital, and I immediately dropped everything and rushed over there as fast as I could."
I reached over and grabbed Patrick’s hand. I tried to hold back the tears that were forming. My heart broke to know that he had gone through such a horrible experience. Even as he tried to be strong while telling me his story, I could see the emotion in his eyes and could tell that he had forever been changed by these events. I said a silent prayer that God would continue to give him strength and comfort.
"But it was too late. There was no saving Tyson; too much damage had occurred. Jocelyn told me that she'd been working on a project inside the house, and without her knowing, Tyson had sneaked out the front door and gone outside. He was riding his tricycle and not paying attention to where he was going. Apparently the tricycle went rolling out of the driveway, just as a car was passing by. The driver tried to swerve to miss him, but both Tyson and the tricycle were run over.
"I was devastated. My life had come crashing down on me. The doctors told us that there was nothing they could have done, that he had severe head injuries and internal bleeding.
"The next little while was a blur; I don't remember much that happened over the next few weeks. I did the best that I could to keep up with the restaurant, but spent a lot of time at home with Jocelyn as we mourned our loss.
"Tyson's death caused Jocelyn to go into even deeper depression, and I did everything I could to help her. We went to different specialists, and tried different depression medications, but nothing worked."
He stopped for a few moments while he collected his thoughts. I continued to hold his hand and tried to give him some of my strength by squeezing his hand.
"The hardest thing about the situation was the fact that Jocelyn blamed me for Tyson's death. She told me that if I wouldn't have been late for our pool outing, then we wouldn't have even been home at the time of the accident, so he wouldn't have been hit by that car."
He looked at our hands and then met my eyes.
"Logically, I knew in my mind that it was just an accident, but there were so many ways that the story could be spun to blame responsibility. I could be held responsible because I had changed the plans last minute. Jocelyn could be held responsible because she didn't hear Tyson sneaking out of the house. The driver of the car could've been held responsible because they were the ones who hit him...
"I knew deep in my heart that it was just an accident. As hard as it was to admit, accidents happen. Yes, there were things that could've been done to prevent the situation, but we can't live our lives wondering 'what if' all the time."
He took a deep breath and disengaged our hands to run his fingers through his hair. Sitting up straight, he continued.
"Because I was so distracted by trying to help Jocelyn and save my marriage, I neglected my responsibilities at the restaurant. The business was not doing well, and I didn't have the energy or time to put into it. One day, I was approached by a stranger, who wanted to buy the business. It seemed like the perfect opportunity, especially because of the fact that I needed the cash to help pay for Jocelyn’s medical bills. We didn’t have health insurance, so her doctors’ bills and medications had started to really add up; on top of the already staggering bill for the ambulance and emergency room visit because of Tyson's accident. I also needed the money to get caught up on the bills from the funeral. Things were going downhill really fast and I had been so out of touch, I wasn’t even aware that things were as bad as they were.
"So I sold the restaurant, us
ed the cash to get caught up on our finances, and started looking for full-time work. Looking back, selling the restaurant was a miracle. A stranger came in, unsolicited, paid top dollar for a dying diner and gave me the financial means to not only pay off all of our debts, but to have a small balance to live off of for several months while I looked for other work."
I gave him a small smile and suggested, "Maybe the stranger was a gift from God to help you after all you had suffered. Maybe God didn’t want to see you also have to go through bankruptcy, you had already been through enough at that point."
"Maybe…Through this whole experience, Jocelyn grew more and more distant, to the point where she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Her depression was so severe that she didn't want to leave the house, she didn't take care of herself, and she had no motivation to do anything. All she did was lay around the house all day and watch TV.
"I tried everything I could think of to help her. I finally took my mom’s advice and asked one of Jocelyn’s friends for help and she started coming over each day to make sure she ate something and she helped with the housework and laundry. I don’t know what might have happened if my mom hadn’t made that suggestion."
"I’m glad you had somebody to help you through that time of your life." I told him as I took his hand again and gave it a little squeeze. I didn’t usually make the first move when it came to hand holding and such, but his story really pulled at my heart strings and I hurt knowing that he had been through such a tremendous loss.
"I knew Jocelyn was going through a lot, and that she was hurting over the loss of our son, so I gave her a lot of latitude, and did everything in my power to let her know that she was loved. I told her that I would stay by her side through thick and thin, and that I wasn't giving up on the marriage covenants that I had made to her. When we got married, we promise to stay together through good times and bad times, and I was giving it one hundred percent. It didn’t seem to make any difference to her. She had completely cut me off from all communication. Most days, I couldn’t even get her to look at me directly when I spoke to her.
"To make matters even worse, because of the slow economy, I was having a hard time finding a full-time job. In the area where we were living, the best that I could do was working as a pizza delivery driver. I took the job, because something was better than nothing. So during the day, I submitted resumes and went to interviews, and during the evening, I delivered pepperoni and cheese to get by.
"One night, I came home from a ten-hour shift to find the house dark. When I went inside, I found that Jocelyn was gone and that she had taken all of her clothes from the closet and dresser. I found a note sitting on the kitchen counter, and she told me that she didn't want to be in our marriage anymore and that she was leaving. She told me she would contact me to discuss getting the divorce proceedings started.
"I tried to talk her out of it when she called. I promised her anything and everything I thought that she wanted. But when we talked, she told me that it was just too hard to be around me, because every time she saw me, she was reminded of Tyson. She said that she needed a fresh start, a new life to start over with. She had been seeing a counselor who had told her that she would probably never be able to look at me without thoughts of Tyson and his senseless death being present.
"I tried to convince her that we needed to see a counselor together so we could work through these feelings she was having. I offered to contact one of the leaders at the church and she adamantly refused to have any part of that. She not only blamed me for Tyson’s death, but also God for allowing it to happen. She said that she was done with religion and believing in God, because she believed that God had let her down.
"I felt completely empty inside. I lost my son, I lost my wife, and I lost my business. I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided that I should leave California as well, so I moved in with my parents in Salt Lake City for a month as I was trying to decide what to do next.
"My parents were very supportive, and that month was completely focused on turning to God to discover what he wanted me to do with my life. I had lost everything, and I knew that the only way forward was to trust in God completely. It was a lot of work, but I knew that the only way I could make it through my trials was by learning to trust in God and what He had in store for me.
"Through prayer, scripture study, and fasting, I learned that I could either let these experiences make me a bitter person, or that I could choose to understand that everything happens for a reason. I knew that my life was in God's hands, so I decided to move forward with the attitude of learning from my experiences and becoming a better person.
"I felt like it would be a good thing to go back to school to get an advanced degree, because then I would be qualified for more jobs that were available in the job market. I ran into Sean over the Fourth of July and he told me how great USU was and that he and his roommates were going to have an open bedroom starting this fall and it was mine if I wanted it. After checking out their master’s degree programs and applying to the graduate studies program, I started looking for a job in Logan. I made the move on faith, feeling like it was the right decision to make, and here I am."
We were both silent for a moment as I thought about all of the things that Patrick had just told me. He had been through so much, and was handling the situation so well. No wonder he was nervous about dating, it would be a scary thing to get back into the dating scene after an experience like that. He had dealt with some many complex things in such a short timeframe; my situation with Keaton paled in comparison.
"Wow, I don't know what to say. You've been through so much, and I totally understand why you want to take things slow. I'm sorry for your loss, I wish there was something I could say or do to help."
"There's nothing anybody can do in this type of a situation. The only thing I know how to do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and take things a day at a time. I'm officially divorced, as of a month ago. The divorce went through quickly, because we didn't have many assets to divide and neither one of us contested the other’s request.
"Part of me longs for the companionship of a woman in my life, especially as I haven't had a good relationship for several years now because things were so up and down with Jocelyn and I. But it scares me to spend time with another woman. You're the only woman that I've dated since the divorce. In fact, this is the first time I've been interested in another woman in a long time."
"Now I understand why things were so off and on, especially right when we first met. One minute you seemed interested, and the next minute you seemed like you were scared out of your mind. Don't worry, Patrick, I understand that you need to do what's best for yourself, especially because you’re still trying to get back on your feet."
"Thanks Shara, I appreciate your understanding. Yes, I may seem confident on the outside, but I am scared little puppy on the inside. The truth is, I'm a good actor." Patrick laughed to try to lighten the mood. He smiled, "You’re such a sweet girl, and I can't help but think that God helped us to meet at this time for a reason."
"I've wondered the same thing, because we seem to get along so well. It’s been a long time since I've met a guy who has so many similar interests and likes."
Hearing him talk about the possibility of our relationship made me uncomfortable, especially because of the fact that he had just poured out his heart to me. I knew that I couldn't let him know about the bet. If he ever found out, it would crush him... especially because this was the first relationship that he had ventured into since his divorce.
There was a little voice in my head screaming that I should run away fast, especially before things got any more serious between the two of us. My own commitment issues were kicking in, I knew that I would end up hurting him if he became even more attached to our relationship.
On the other hand, there was a part of me that longed to comfort him. I wanted to be there to listen to him as he talked through his thoughts, his worries, and his pain. I
wanted to be the person who could show him that love was possible, even after going through a hard experience like he did.
"I went through a pretty bad breakup as well, but it wasn't nearly as traumatic as the experiences that you’ve had. I was engaged to the guy, and we called it off a few weeks before our wedding date. But, I can tell you that story another night. You look tired, and it's getting late."
"Yeah, I am tired. It's emotionally draining to tell that story. This is the first time I've shared that much detail with anyone outside of my family. Thanks for listening."
"No problem, I’m honored that you felt comfortable enough to tell me. Don't be stressed about us, because we can take it just a day at a time and see how things go. I'm not in any rush to settle into a committed relationship, especially because I'm trying to finish my MBA right now. I really like the thought of just hanging out and getting to know one another better."
"Thanks for understanding." Patrick reached over and held my hand for just a moment, and we sat in the car in silence.
"It's getting late; I better walk you to your door." Patrick got out of the car and walked around to open my door. He kept his hand on my lower back as we walked up the sidewalk. One we got to the front door he gave me a hug and told me goodnight and turned around and went back to his car.
As I lay in my bed that night, my prayers were all for Patrick and even Jocelyn. I just couldn’t even imagine the pain they must have both gone through and were still trying to deal with. I prayed for strength and comfort and peace for Patrick. I asked God to continue to guide Patrick on the path He wanted him to take. I prayed that somehow Jocelyn would find peace and joy again and that God would bring the right people into her life to help her overcome this crisis.
The Boyfriend Bet (LDS Fiction) Page 9