by T. Isilwath
“We are the Principle People. We are Cherokee. And we are still here.” Both she and Elisi gave murmurs of agreement, although she couldn’t say that she agreed with everything he said. Thankfully, he wasn’t always the angry, young Indian. It was just that Thanksgiving was his day to dredge out all the anger and pain he held inside, and she let him vent.
She could point out that more and more Anglos were becoming more aware of the plight of the Native Peoples, but he already knew that. He knew that the Whites responsible for the Trail of Tears had been dead for centuries, and he knew that much of the prejudice that was still prevalent came from in-grown hatred and ignorance. He also knew that crimes had been committed on both sides, and neither was completely blameless.
All too soon, Elisi would calmly remind him that the past was not his burden to bear nor was it becoming of him to be so angry. Hate would beget hate, and anger would beget anger, and the only way to see it through was to love and forgive, but never forget.
In previous years, she would even more calmly remind him that he was marrying a woman who was half Anglo herself, but this year she kept silent because she knew that it probably wasn’t true any longer. The sadness threatened to take her again, and she shoved it away. Today was not a day for self-recrimination and regret.
“Let us eat,” Elisi announced, and they broke hands.
“Ahhhhh,” Michael sighed, eagerly reaching for the plate of meat, all of his earlier rage and vitriol forgotten.
She chuckled as the food was passed and the brewed iced tea was poured.
They ate happily, speaking a little between bites. The conversation was animated, and it was obvious that Michael was going out of his way to make her smile. All too soon the meal was over, and she and Elisi were washing dishes while Michael dried. Once they were finished, they retired to the living room where Joanna watched a pre-game show about the teams playing in the NFL that day. Michael sat next to her and put a loose arm around her shoulders.
“So I hear the Steelers are big contenders for another Super Bowl,” she commented.
Michael snorted. “They’re doing okay. I like the Patriots for it this year.”
“Again? I was hoping Seattle would win their second.”
“I don’t think they’re even in the running,” he commented, taking a sip from his iced tea glass.
She frowned and watched the pre-game line-up until she got bored, then she excused herself and went to sit outside on Elisi’s back stoop. Michael followed shortly thereafter.
“You don’t like to be inside,” he stated, sitting next to her.
She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “The walls are too close.” He sighed and leaned back on his elbows, his body a picture of physical ease, but she could see the slight tension in his cheek.
“You always were a little claustrophobic.”
“It’s worse now. They kept me in small rooms when I was in Yokosuka and Fort Bragg. I didn’t get out much and, when I did, I was usually confined in other ways. I’m just enjoying being able to breathe freely. Don’t worry. It’ll pass.”
He nodded and looked up at the sky. “The weather man was predicting snow. I think he’s right,” he commented, obviously changing the subject.
She took a deep sniff. “Smells like it.”
Somehow the prospect of snow both excited and saddened her. She looked at Michael and once again wondered what she was doing.
‘What is that old song? Torn between two lovers. Feeling like a fool. Loving both of them is breaking all the rules.’
“So Sings in Winter will have her snowfall. Will you and Elisi be out in it tomorrow when you go shopping?” he teased.
She smiled. “You know full well that tomorrow is Buy Nothing Day: our silent protest to the gross commercialism of a holy day.” He grinned. “And it saves money,” he pointed out.
She frowned. “Not that I have much of that.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got plenty,” Michael said happily.
She blinked at him. Michael was a laborer and didn’t make much money even in the busy season. Most of the bills were paid out of her funds and scholarships. In fact, she’d been surprised to hear that he’d been able to keep up with the rent for their apartment in Cullowhee.
“You do? How?”
He let himself lay back on the stoop with his arms behind his head. “It’s amazing how much money you can save when you don’t eat, don’t sleep, and work multiple extra shifts just so you can keep your mind off the fact that the woman you love is lost, and you have to wait for someone to find her,” he replied.
She said nothing, and, after a moment, he rolled to his side and faced her.
“But… I’ve saved up so much that I’m planning a trip for us. Just a weekend getaway for two.”
“A weekend getaway? To where?” she asked, surprised.
He gave her a wicked smile that was all mischief. “I’m working on it. It’ll be a surprise, but I think you’ll like it.”
“When will we go?”
“Dunno yet. Depends on if I can get a reservation in the place I want. Next weekend, maybe. We’ll see. Definitely before Christmas.” Chills ran up her spine, and she was suddenly afraid that Michael would spend all of his saved money on a trip that would be their last.
“Michael…” she began, but he cut her off.
“Don’t worry, Jo-Jo. I did a lot of thinking while you were… gone, and I decided that it’s time for me to grow up, stop messing around, and start being a man who’s worthy of you. I’m going to be your husband, and that means I need to get my act together.”
His words upset her because she had never seen him as the slacker he was implying he had been. “Michael… you’ve never been irresponsible…”
“I know that. But I was letting you support me, and that’s not going to happen anymore. Things are going to change. Everything is going to change.
Our lives are going to be so much better. You’ll see,” he said passionately, his eyes bright.
She didn’t have the heart to crush his dream so she stayed silent and merely offered him a gentle smile.
“That sounds wonderful. Now if I could only get you to put your dirty socks in the laundry, everything would be perfect,” she teased.
“Hey! I’ve been washing my own clothes for months, thank you very much. I’ve even learned how to get out set-in stains.” She mock gasped. “You did? Wonders will never cease!” He grinned the wicked grin again. “I just gave them to Elisi.” She slapped him on the arm. “You!”
He laughed a deep, throaty laugh that had her laughing as well, and she just shook her head. Michael was so wonderful, and they were so suited to each other.
She didn’t know how she was ever going to leave him.
That night she dreamed of Akihiro and thought she felt him near. She woke in the early hours, convinced that someone was in the room with her, only to find that she had been correct. But the person there wasn’t her fox; it was Michael. He was sitting in a folding chair he had placed near the foot of the bed, watching her sleep.
“Michael?” she whispered into the darkness.
“Shhh. It’s okay. It’s just me,” he assured her.
“What’s going on? Elisi…”
“Elisi is sleeping, but I couldn’t sleep so I came in here.” She sat up, pushing her hair back and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, coming over to sit on the bed.
“I’m okay. I wasn’t as tired today, so that’s a good thing.” He nodded. “Yeah, that is good. I noticed that you were more with it today instead of having that glazed look you’ve been wearing recently.” She shook her head. “I always have that look on Thanksgiving. It’s all the food.”
He chuckled. “We always put on a spread, don’t we? Elisi must have packed up five dinner packages for the neighbors.”
“The hen you snared this year was delicious.”
“Thank you,” he replied, bowing slightly and making her
giggle.
“It was really good to be home,” she said seriously.
He looked at her and his face was drawn into a deep frown.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Sometimes I’m afraid this is all a dream, and you’re not really back at all, and I need to see you to convince myself that you’re real.” She smiled. “You have no idea how often I feel that way too. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up back in that wilderness, and all of this will have been a dream, or I’m dead and this is the afterlife.”
“If you’re dead, I’m dead here with you.”
She frowned, remembering all the prayers she had made back in the sacred grove. “I kept praying that I’d meet you again, that we’d find each other in the next life. When I sang my Death Song, I really thought it was the end.” He touched her face with the back of his hand. His eyes were soft and gentle. “I would have found you. I’ll always find you, my love.” She choked back tears and nodded. “I know. Elisi said you’d made some enemies in the military because you were calling so much.” He chuckled. “I think they stopped answering when they saw my number on caller i.d., so I’d go out and get a pre-paid disposable phone and call from that just so someone would answer.”
She laughed. “That sounds just like you.”
He shrugged. “I was doing everything in my power to make sure they knew I wasn’t going to let them rest until they found you.”
“They probably found me just so you would stop pestering them,” she joked.
“Hey, whatever worked. When they told me you’d been found, I almost flew to Japan, but then they told me that you had to be in quarantine for three weeks. Then I found out that you were sick with NKHS, and I was so worried for you. How’d you get that anyway? I thought only the Type 2s got that.” Now it was her turn to shrug. “Apparently not. The doctors think it was brought on by an infected spider bite,” she explained. ‘A really big spider…’
He nodded. “I’m glad that you’re going to be okay.”
“I’ll feel better after they see what they can do to fix my eyes,” she said.
“They will. Don’t worry. I’m sure that you’re going to be just fine.”
“I wish I could be so certain,” she admitted.
He smiled. “You should be. The worst is over now. You’re home.”
“That’s true. This truly was a real Thanksgiving.” He nodded, looking away, and she saw his shoulders slump a little bit.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I never said how thankful I am to have you back,” he answered, his voice husky. “I missed you so much.”
She swallowed hard. “I missed you too.”
He reached up and took a lock of her hair in his fingers, caressing it.
“I… I don’t have words to tell you how I felt. It was like… like the best part of me was missing, and I felt so helpless because there was nothing I could do. I never want to feel that helpless ever again.” She stroked his arm comfortingly. “I know. I felt helpless too. I didn’t know how to get back. I had no way of contacting anyone…” He nodded and she felt him trembling. His pain called to her, and she wrapped her arms around him as he buried his face in her neck.
“I love you,” he whispered harshly, hugging her tightly and pulling her close.
Tears brimmed her eyes. “I love you too,” she replied, meaning it.
He shuddered and she knew he was crying. Her own tears started to fall.
“May I stay here with you?” he asked, his voice desperate. “Just to hold you? I don’t want to let you out of my sight.”
Her response was non-verbal as she drew him down to the mattress.
Chapter Thirty-One
The weekend passed. On Tuesday Michael drove her to her first follow-up appointment at Cherokee Indian Hospital. She also met with Doctor Hoy, her primary care physician who had been managing her diabetes since she arrived in North Carolina. The appointment went well, although there were deep concerns about the state of her eyes. Her appointment at Duke University wasn’t for another week, and everyone was anxious to see what could be done to stop the retinal bleeding that was still going on.
Tuesday passed into Wednesday, and Wednesday into Thursday, and there still had been no word from Akihiro. She jumped every time the phone rang.
She ran every time there was a knock at the door. She searched the faces of the people she met, peered into the cars passing on the road, watched at the window so she could see the street, but there was nothing, not even a hint that he was alive. By the time Thursday arrived, she was convinced that he was dead, and the grief she felt was almost overwhelming.
To make matters worse, her grief had an edge of relief to it that drove her crazy. She wasn’t happy that Akihiro was dead, but if he hadn’t survived then the choice of who she would stay with was already made. She would have no reason to leave Michael, and that knowledge did bring a small measure of comfort. But it never lasted long because then she would get angry with herself for being relieved, and she would accuse herself of being glad Akihiro wasn’t there, which would then make her think about him and worry about what had happened, and she would grieve all over again. The whole situation was a vicious cycle that made her very poor company.
Poor Michael was at a loss. She knew he could tell that there was something horribly wrong, but she couldn’t tell him what was going on. He circled around her and hovered anxiously until she got angry at him and snapped. It was the same dance they had danced eleven years ago when she was still deep in her grieving process, and it stood to reason that she was repeating the pattern. Only this time Michael had no idea who she was mourning so deeply.
On Thursday he came to her and told her that their weekend away would begin that Friday, and she should pack some nice clothes, especially Long Person, for where they were going. She really didn’t feel up to going anywhere for a weekend, let alone somewhere unknown with Michael, but it was obvious that he had put a great deal of time and effort into the trip, and she couldn’t turn him down.
So the following morning she packed a couple of sets of clothes and Long Person in a gym bag, and was ready by the time Michael got back from work around 3pm. He saw her bag when he came through the door of her grandmother’s house and grinned.
“Give me twenty minutes to shower and change, then we’ll get out of here,” he told her, giving her a kiss.
“Okay, but you still haven’t told me where we are going.”
“I know. It’s a surprise,” he answered with a wink.
She sighed and shook her head, but he was not deterred.
“Twenty minutes,” he said, heading for the bathroom.
She went into the kitchen and sat down at the table to wait. Elisi was there fussing over a pot of beans simmering on the stove.
“Michael just got back,” she told her grandmother.
Elisi nodded. “So I heard.”
“He’s going to shower and change, and then we’re going to go. We’ll be back on Sunday.”
Her grandmother added salt and gave the beans a stir. “So he has told me.”
“Did he tell you where we are going?”
Elisi gave her a wry smile. “He did.”
She looked at her expectantly, but her grandmother merely chuckled. “I have been sworn to secrecy.”
She pouted. “Is it somewhere I’m going to like? He wants me to bring Long Person.”
Elisi paused and she knew the old woman was carefully considering her words. The delay did nothing to assuage her misgivings.
“I think yes. I think you will like where he is taking you,” Elisi finally answered.
“I’m just not up to a lot of excitement, and I still get tired so easily.”
“He knows. He worries for you.”
“He’s Michael. He always worries for me,” she countered, perhaps a little more peevishly than she had intended.
“Yes, but now he worries more. You should do what you can to ease his fears.”
; She held back a snort. How could she ease his fears when she was overwhelmed with her own?
“I know,” she reluctantly agreed.
She spent the rest of the time helping Elisi chop vegetables and take bread from the oven until Michael appeared in the kitchen doorway, freshly washed and shaved. He was dressed in a white, collared shirt that was open at the neck, revealing his fox bone choker. She noticed Elisi giving him an odd look, but the woman dropped her eyes before she could question it.
“Ready to go?” Michael asked.
She rolled her eyes and put down the dish rag she was using to dry her hands. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
He laughed and took a step forward to kiss her on the temple. “Payback for all the times I had to wait for you,” he teased.
“As if you don’t take two hours to get into your regalia,” she jibed back.
“Who? Me?” he asked innocently. He kissed Elisi on the cheek and hugged her. “Goodbye, old woman. We’ll see you on Sunday.”
“Be safe, Child.”
She hugged and kissed her grandmother too. “Bye, Elisi. See you Sunday.”
“Goodbye, Granddaughter. I hope you enjoy yourself.”
Michael put an arm around her. “Of course she will. She’s with me.”
“Enjoying is not the same as finding trouble,” Elisi replied wryly.
Michael chuckled and pulled gently on her shoulder, urging her out of the kitchen. She allowed him to guide her out to his truck, and he picked up her bag along the way.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?” she asked as she got into the passenger seat.
“Nope.”
She gave a long-suffering sigh, but he just laughed and turned on the truck.
Shortly thereafter, they were merging onto Route 19 heading east.
She had some idea where they were going when they got onto Route 74, and then merged onto I-40 towards Asheville. Asheville was a nice town, very quaint and charming, but expensive and eclectic. They only went there on very special occasions, and they’d never stayed there overnight. If Michael was taking her to Asheville for an entire weekend, then he really had saved up a great deal of money.