by D'Ann Burrow
Her boots thudded against the hardwood floor as she crossed the room and stood directly opposite me. “Can’t you?”
Aunt Loretta knew?
She knew.
How? In that moment, my world was rocked on its side. I swallowed and took a step back, afraid of my aunt for the first time in my life. The unspoken message hidden in my aunt’s request left her chilled to the core. I shook my head and stepped back in retreat to escape the intensity of my aunt’s stare.
“But I can’t.”
My pulse raced and pounded in my head. My mom's voice echoed through me, warning me that telling someone what I could do would break rule number one. And I never broke The Rules, especially this one.
Loretta huffed in annoyance and leaned closer to me. “Can’t and won’t are two very different things, child.”
I looked between my aunt and my almost-boyfriend as I remembered that night when I was seven. I could still clearly picture the look of absolute terror filling my mother’s face as she shooed me through the main hallway and off to my bedroom before my father’s coworkers realized that I just told them that I knew where a missing girl in London could be found.
Mom had dragged me through the foyer and carried me up the stairs, making up some nonsense about Paddington bear just being make believe and telling me not to be silly. When she slammed my bedroom door shut and plopped me on the bed, the intensity on her face terrified me. I knew I'd done something wrong, but I didn't have a clue what it was. She knelt on the floor in front of me, and I couldn't decide which was shaking more—her voice or her hands. As she just told me one thing. She gave me one rule.
Never, ever tell.
Not anyone. Not my father. Not Scarlett. And not Loretta.
That night, Mom made me promise. And I always kept my promises.
But Loretta already knew. I didn't have time to think about how long she'd known or how she found out.
Addy was in trouble.
I took one last glance at Loretta's face. Her eyes locked with mine for a moment, and then she gave a quick nod.
I knew what I had to do. For the first time in my life, I needed to break a rule.
I straightened my shoulders, the weight of what I was about to do threatening to bring me to my knees. My hands shook, but not as badly as Tanner's were right now. “I’ll help you. Which way do you think she went?”
Confusion was evident on Tanner’s face. I could plainly see that he didn’t understand the significance of my question. His eyes flicked between me and Loretta, obviously trying to comprehend our cryptic exchange.
"Tanner, do you think you know which way she might have gone? I can help you. Just trust me."
After a moment’s silence, the look in his eyes showing he thought one of us was insane, he answered. “Christian wasn’t sure.”
"You two go on now. Go find your sister." As Loretta urged us to get moving before I'd even had a chance to concentrate.
It didn't help me focus when Tanner hit the screen door at a run and almost knocked it off its hinges. “I’m going to kill him if something happens to her."
I sped over the gravel driveway, vainly trying to keep up with him. He didn't know what I could do. I just needed a minute to connect with her.
Desperation seeped from every pore of his body as he stopped abruptly and punched the side of the already battered truck. “What if—”
Catching up with him, I grabbed hold of his arm and forced him to face me. “It won’t.” I placed one finger on his lips. I took a deep breath and prayed for Mom's forgiveness. “We’ll find her. I promise.”
I closed my eyes and thought of Addy. The world surrounding me faded to gray.
Instead of the chickens clucking in the yard, in the distance water gushed and gurgled. Pine trees enveloped me. My bubblegum pink tennis shoes skidded over moss-covered rocks buried in mud. Drips of water mixed with soggy pine needles pelting my cheeks.
"Water. A lot of it." My voice didn't sound like my own as I refused to look away from Addy's world.
"What are you talking about?"
I searched the surrounding area, frustrated I didn't know the town well enough for even a faint landmark to tell me where Addy was. I had to look harder. "And a bridge. A red covered bridge. Some of the shingles on the roof are missing."
"Kennedy?” His words sounded like he was using a static-filled phone line.
A feral cat perched on a rotted log on the edge of the overflowing stream and leapt toward a flat stone mostly submerged beneath the water. Without a second’s hesitation, the little girl followed. With eyes fixed on the kitten, she squared her shoulders and jumped. "She's chasing a cat."
Just as Addy's foot connected with the weathered rock, something went wrong. Maybe the stone had never been secure in the first place. Perhaps the force of the flooded stream was too much for it. Whatever the cause, the outcome was still the same.
The scene before me slowed and advanced frame by frame.
Addy’s foot connected with the rock.
The stone pitched to the side.
Without even a second to gulp a breath, Addy’s blonde curls disappeared beneath the surface of the quickly flowing water.
“Oh my God!” My knees buckled in a combination of fear at the scene that had passed through my mind and the energy I’d expended to create the connection.
Tanner caught me before I hit the ground. “Kennedy?”
“I know where she is. But I don't know. We have to go. I'll explain on the way.”
“What?” Tanner’s face was a blur. “Where?”
“Do you have a creek close to your house?”
"Little Bear Creek. But she never goes out there. She's afraid of the water."
"Not today she isn't." I shoved him toward the driver’s side door as I squinted and rubbed her eyes. The world gradually came into focus, and Tanner still wasn’t moving. “Go!”
He just stood still, staring at me in confusion.
“Damn it, Tanner. You have to trust me.” My patience ran out as I jumped into the passenger’s side of the truck. “Your sister’s going to drown if we don’t get out there. I promise I'll explain later. Just do it."
"I'd trust her, boy.” I'd never been so happy to see Loretta in my life. She must have followed us outside. Now she was waving us toward the road while she started moving toward her car.
Tanner gave each of us last doubtful glance as he started the truck. “You sure about the creek?”
“Yeah.” I massaged my temples and took a deep breath, fighting an unexpected wave of nausea. “Now go.”
The truck’s tires spun and raised a white cloud of dust as he pressed the gas pedal dangerously close to the floor and fishtailed down the narrow path. Peeling out of the driveway, he narrowly avoided Loretta's neighbor, Mr. Hampton, putting down the street on his decrepit green tractor, drawing the old farmer’s ire. He raised a fist and glared at the cab of the truck. If my vision were completely back to normal, I was certain I would have been surprised by the words I could read on his lips.
The truck bounced down the road, spending over half the trip airborne. Tanner stayed silent. Every few seconds, he’d give a sideways glance in my direction—never voicing the questions in his eyes. The truck flew through the streets—first a right turn, then a left, over the rickety wooden bridge, past the abandoned slave cemetery and down the logging path to the creek. “Addy couldn’t have gone this far.”
"Trust me.” My eyes stayed fixed on the clearing next to the rushing water. Even from this distance, I could see the white-tinged waves as the creek spilled its banks after the flooding.
The truck bottomed out with a thud of finality.
Tanner pressed the accelerator to the floor but was only rewarded by rear wheels spinning in the thick, black mud.
“Damn! I’m going to have to call someone to tow us out.” A flicker of red moved in the distance. “Addy’s wearing a red shirt.”
I didn't waste any time. I already knew what
Addy was wearing. I'd seen her as she fell into the creek. Throwing open the door, I jumped out of the car without waiting for Tanner.
Her mouth open in a silent scream, Addy was doing her best to fight against the water. Still, it wasn't enough. Her dripping hair meant she'd gone under at least once.
"Addy!" Tanner's scream distracted his little sister just at the wrong time. She didn't duck below the downed pine tree hanging over the creek, and it knocked her beneath the water.
She didn't come back up.
As I kicked off my shoes, I wasn't in Texas anymore. I was back on the beach, and Grant decided to play one of his test-the-lifeguard games. A dummy bobbed in the current, and it was my job to go in after it.
But this time it wasn't a game.
The little girl flailing in the churning water was real.
If I couldn't get her out, she'd drown.
Behind me, I could hear Tanner screaming his sister's name. He was trying to follow me. That would be a mistake. "Stay put. I can't get two of you out."
I plunged in feet-first. The speed of the current and the freezing water took my breath away for an instant. I didn't have a clue how Addy managed to keep afloat as long as she had.
The water was flowing quickly, tugging at me like undertow trying to carry me out to sea. My leg struck something sharp and wooden. I tried not to think of what might be waiting below the surface.
I scanned the churning waters, begging fate to let me see Addy's red shirt, but I only saw the murky greens, browns and hints of gray found this deep in the woods. I had to go under for her.
God, it was even colder now.
And muddy.
I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. How was I going to find Addy? Panic caught me like a vise.
I surfaced, sputtering, coughing up who knows what. The speeding water desperately tried to pull me under too.
Calm down. Just like getting caught in a riptide. Relax. Swim with the current. You can do this.
I repeated the mantra that had helped me save a three-year-old last summer. Of course, the water was crystal clear, and I had a buoy and support from my fellow lifeguards.
I'd never forgive myself if Addy drowned.
Sucking in as much air as my lungs could hold, I dove back into the water, ignoring the waterfall less than 100 feet away.
Murky. Dark. Tangles of branches cut into my legs and tugged at my hair. I swam faster, reaching out for anything that might be cloth.
I came up for air, quickly scanning the surface, and caught the faintest glimpse of blonde hair halfway between where I was and the waterfall.
Diving again, I swam through the water as if I were racing with Ellie. Kick, stroke, kick, stroke. Breathe.
The roar of the falls echoed through the water, filling my ears. For the first time, I was honestly afraid I was about to let someone die. Stretching as far as my fingertips could reach, I almost couldn't believe it when I brushed against cloth. I closed the distance between myself and Addy, preparing for a fight. Drowning victims had an annoying habit of almost taking a lifeguard down with them.
Addy didn't protest—no clawing at my face or pushing against my arms. Instead, she was completely still. Too still. Unconscious. Wrapping my arm around the little girl’s limp waist, I swam diagonally toward the shore.
“Kennedy! How'd you do that?” Tanner lay flat on his belly less than three feet ahead.
"Lifeguard. Remember?" Using my last ounce of strength, I propelled myself blindly toward him. “Take her.”
I wanted to collapse against the bank of the creek, but one look at the beyond helpless expression on Tanner's face told me my job wasn't finished yet. Using the strength I didn't know I still possessed, I climbed out of the water on shaky legs. Coughing through the muck I'd managed to swallow, I managed to croak out instructions to Tanner. "Go get help."
“Is she gonna be okay?” Tanner was a statue next to us.
“I’m trying.” I slid two fingers along the hollow of Addy’s throat. Nothing. "But she's not going to make it if you don't get an ambulance."
That made him start moving. I couldn't think about him right now or the conversation I knew was waiting. Addy was my entire world.
Interlocking my fingers, I placed my hands on the center of Addy’s chest and let my instincts take control.
Chest compressions. Check the airway. Breathe. Repeat.
I don’t know how long I'd been working when I heard the scream of a siren in the distance.
I was still cold when I got out of the shower. I’d exhausted all the hot water in the house. Scarlett was likely going to kill me, but I couldn’t shake the chill. The mirror was blanketed beneath a heavy sheet of condensation, but the rawness lingered deep inside.
Maybe I’d just stayed under too long. Or perhaps I’d swallowed too much water. I’d probably wake up in the morning with pneumonia. I wouldn’t be able to go to school, but that wasn’t much of a loss.
I’d seen the way Tanner looked at me when they were loading Addy into the back of the ambulance. He wasn’t looking at me with gratitude for saving his sister. His eyes were wide, like a kid who saw a shark’s fin approaching the beach or an actor before taking the stage for the very first time.
He’d finally seen the real me. And he was afraid.
The doorbell chimed, and I came back to reality. I wasn’t in the woods next to the creek. I was standing in the bathroom, fighting to get warm.
Footsteps clomped up the stairs. Fingers knocked against the closed door. “Kennedy? You have a visitor.”
“I’m kind of wet right now.” I could only think of one person who’d be coming by to see me, and I knew I wasn’t ready to see him.
“I think he’ll wait.”
Sadly, Loretta was right. Even though I’d taken twice the time I normally spent drying off and getting dressed for school, when I crept down the stairs, he was sitting in the living room. He raised his head, and I kept walking. I could already tell this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have where Scarlett could hear.
Once we were safely outside, I took a seat on the porch swing. Instead of coming to sit next to me, he settled on a rusty metal rocking chair. Neither of us spoke. I’m not sure if either of us knew what to say.
The chickens cackled sleepily in the lawn, pleased that the rain had finally stopped. A coyote howled somewhere in the distance. The neighbor’s dog tried vainly to whine back in reply.
“What was that back there? How did you know where she was?” His questions sounded rehearsed. I wondered how long it had taken him to get up the nerve to come here to ask me.
I could tell him a story. I’d been trying to figure out a way to explain without really explaining, but I knew that would make things worse. No one’s that good a guesser. Telling him anything less than the truth would only make things worse.
“I can find people.” The words sounded silly, even to me.
“I don’t understand.”
I shrugged, scuffing my shoe along the uneven boards of the porch. Peeling paint cracked and blew away in the faint breeze. I wished I could fly away too. Fly away to someplace where I didn’t have to feel the weight of Tanner’s stare, knowing no words could really help him understand something that I’d never been able to fully comprehend. “Neither do I.”
“But you’re the one who did that thing.”
He made it sound dirty. Wrong. “That thing is the reason your sister’s alive right now.”
“I know.” He rocketed to his feet, storming to the bannister, stopping in almost the exact spot where Scarlett had been the day I arrived. “It still doesn’t change anything.”
“Trust me, no one hates this more than I do.”
“I don’t hate what you can do.” His words choked in his throat. “I hate that you almost didn’t do it.”
I shook my head, panic rising in my chest. He didn’t understand. Of course, he couldn’t. I’d never told him why I couldn’t just find anyone that I wanted to. He didn�
��t know the price I could pay…the price I was already paying.
I fought back a shiver, the cold still seeping deep into my bones. “It’s not that simple.”
“Why not? You almost let my sister drown.”
So did his brother, but this wasn’t the time to have that argument. I couldn’t believe we were arguing at all. Less than three hours ago, I was spitting out muddy water with Addy in my arms. “It’s a rule. My mom made me promise. I’m not supposed to do it. And I’m not supposed to tell.”
“It’s a rule?” His indignation hung heavy in the air.
“Yes.” My answer sounded weak, even to me. “I kind of keep a list.”
“Fuck your list.”
I stepped back in shock, the weight of his anger choking me more than the water in the creek had just minutes before.
“You could have saved her.” He spat the accusation in my direction.
“I did.”
“I’m not talking about Addy.” Cold seeped so deeply into my bones, I thought I’d freeze in place. “You could have saved Alex’s cousin. Damn it, Kennedy, Kasey died.”
“I didn’t know.” The excuse seemed weak, even to my ears.
“Yeah, you did.” He spun around, and I almost thought he was going to knock the whole railing off the porch. His cheeks flushed as red as they would have been if he’d been at practice all day. “Let me give you a new rule to add to your list—be honest.”
With those words, he turned away from me and stomped off the porch. He didn’t stop when the chickens surrounded him. He didn’t stop when Loretta flicked on the porch light or as she came to stand next to me on the porch. Nothing slowed him down until he was in his truck.
I’m not sure if I ever saw anyone fly down the driveway that quickly, not even when we were racing to save Addy. The tires kicked up a spray of gravel and dust, despite the recent floods.
I stayed outside on the porch, watching the haze drift in the wind. Eventually, Loretta saw me shivering and went inside to get a blanket. When she came back onto the porch, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she just tucked it around me before going back inside.