by Lulu Pratt
And then I’d gotten the call.
Looking at my reflection, my eyes still look a bit bloodshot, and my mascara has smeared a bit at the corners of my eyes. I make a quick movement to clean it up a bit, and think about the whole big, stupid mess.
I can still remember the way Dad’s voice sounded on the phone. “I know you were planning on coming in a couple of days, Lara, but I would appreciate it if you could get here maybe tomorrow.”
I’d gotten the time off work for the whole week, and helped Dad as much as I could. We’d had the funeral for Alexis on Wednesday, and then there was the long wait between then and Easter Sunday, with Dad and me dealing with visitors to the house, telephone calls and accepting pre-Easter feasts worth of food that he didn’t even have room for. It’s difficult to say whether people would have insisted so hard on bringing so much food if Mom was still around, but I have to think that at least a few of the people who came to see us might not have come twice if Mom was still around.
I touch up my powder a bit and dab at the color on my lips, something that wouldn’t look like I’m joyful at my older sister’s passing but also something that doesn’t make me look like a corpse myself, and then I make myself get out of the damn car finally. Sitting there won’t make Alexis’ death un-happen, and it won’t take away the obligation to listen to the reading of her will. It won’t mean that I don’t have to sit in some stuffy estate lawyer’s office with the man I used to love, and my father, who has never reconciled himself to everything that happened a few years before and how it tore apart our family.
I just have to get through this and hope that Alexis forgot to even think of me, the same way she hadn’t thought about me at all when she and Ethan hooked up.
I straighten my skirt and smooth my blouse as I walk to the entrance to the office, trying to remind myself that it’s stupid to dread seeing Ethan again. It makes a little more sense to dread being around Riley, my niece, who is just eighteen months old, but I’m mostly looking forward to being around the little girl who reminds me so much of my sister when she was younger, before things went so sour between us.
The receptionist is at her desk, and she looks up when I come in. “You father and Mr. Parks have already arrived. I’ll just walk you through to Mr. Gottlieb’s office,” she says, taking me in for a moment. I nod and let her escort me through the reception area and down a little hallway.
I’ve known I have to attend this appointment for days, and I’ve been dreading it, not because I’m worried that my sister might have made some gesture to try to win me over from beyond the grave, but because I’m afraid that she decided to do something petty in her will, like specifically say that I’m not entitled to any keepsake from her estate or some final rebuke just because I’d spurned her. The fact that I’d shut her out of my life for damned good reasons would, of course, never have entered her mind.
My dad looks like he mostly has it together when Mr. Gottlieb’s receptionist lets me into the little office, decorated all in beige and green and blue. It’s supposed to be soothing, but somehow, it’s just all the more irritating because I know I’m supposed to feel soothed. Dad’s dressed in a suit, one of three that he owns, and I’m glad I dressed up a little bit, in spite of the fact that this isn’t really a formal meeting of any kind.
Ethan on the other hand is in a dress shirt and tie, along with some khakis. I guess he feels like being a single dad now makes the dress code more relaxed for him. Riley, my niece, the only thing that brought me back into the family, is in a cute little dress in a blue shade that brings out the brightness of her eyes. Her dark hair is down to her shoulders. Ethan hasn’t bothered to do anything cute with it the way that Alexis would have. My eighteen-month-old niece has already taken off her black shoes and is standing at her father’s knees in a pair of lace-topped white socks, asking him when they’ll go find Mommy.
“Ah, Ms. Hampstead,” Mr. Gottlieb says, calling my attention away from my sister’s daughter, my beloved niece. “Now that you’re here, I believe we can start.”
“Yes, please do,” I say, looking around quickly for a seat. “I’m sorry if I’ve delayed you.”
“Not at all,” Gottlieb says, taking something out of his desk. It looks like a binder, and I wonder just how long my sister’s last will and testament even is, and what her estate could even amount to. She was older than me, and as far as I knew, she and Ethan hadn’t exactly struck it rich in the couple of years since their marriage. The only seat open to me is right between my father and my ex-boyfriend, and I sit down in it, resigning myself to the fact that it’s going to be awkward and uncomfortable and unpleasant for the next hour.
Once we’re all settled in, Mr. Gottlieb starts to read through the will with plenty of hemming and hawing about legal matters, and for the most part I tune out, getting Riley to come over to me. It isn’t hard, but it’s much harder to get her to stop babbling about her mommy, and sit in my lap and play with the big pendant on my necklace.
Apparently, Alexis and Ethan invested in life insurance, which will cover enough for the funeral, as well as some security for Riley’s upbringing for a few years, and they had opened a college investment account for their daughter. I’d never really thought of my sister as being the kind of person to think ahead like that, but apparently she was.
“Now,” Mr. Gottlieb said, coming to the end of the document. “This part I believe will be a bit complicated. Mrs. Parks states in the end of her will, regarding the disposition of her daughter, Riley Hampstead Parks, that she wishes for custody to be shared between Mr. Parks and Ms. Hampstead.”
“What?” I stare at the estate lawyer as if he’s grown a second pair of hands. My father also makes a noise as it seems this is news to him too.
“I’ll quote the directive itself,” he says. “‘Because I can see how much my sister, Lara Jane Hampstead, loves my daughter, Riley, and because I know that Riley will need a mother in the event of my passing, and I can’t think of anyone who would do the job better, I wish for my sister, Lara Jane Hampstead, to be a mother to my daughter, sharing custody of Riley with my husband, Ethan James Parks.”
I’d been worried that Alexis was going to spite me somehow in her will. Certainly, we’d had enough arguments since she’d taken up with my ex-boyfriend where she’d gone low with her blows, but here she’d actually decided that I should be the one to help raise her daughter in her absence.
“That can’t be…” Dad sounds torn between anger and confusion and when I look over at him, I see he’s been crying a little bit while we’ve been listening. I wish I’d heard whatever it was she’d bequeathed or said to him in her will, but it could have been anything.
“For them to share custody…”
“It’s just a custodial arrangement. There are no real conditions,” Mr. Gottlieb says. “She wants for Ms. Hampstead to take an active role in helping to raise her daughter, and noted that this should stand even if Mr. Parks is ever re-married. The two of them are to work out the details amongst themselves, with court a final recourse if they cannot agree on equitable division of custody and/or visitation. You are, of course, under no obligation to do this. The will is not binding on you.”
All I can do is stare at the old, worn-down looking estate lawyer.
Chapter Two
ETHAN
I watch Lara react to the news, and I can’t help but feel I probably should have said something to her before the reading of the will. But I’ve been in shock ever since the accident and to be honest all I can think about is Riley. I can’t believe, I still can’t make myself believe, that my wife is actually dead. That my daughter, our daughter, is going to grow up without even knowing Alexis. She’s already too young to have any real, strong memories of her mother. She can’t even understand the fact that her mother is dead.
“That’s… I don’t even know how that’s going to work. But I want Riley to grow up with a mother,” Lara says, shaking her head. Alexis and I talked about the provision
in her will when we’d made the wills less than three months before. We had decided to tell Lara about it during Easter, if things seemed to still be so good with Lara and Riley, however, we never got the chance and here we are.
“Ms. Parks left it at the discretion of the two of you,” our, my wife’s and my, estate lawyer says.
“I am willing to give this request a try for Riley’s sake,” Lara says.
When Alexis and I had talked about what she wanted, Alexis had assumed that it would bring Lara and me back together, at least a little bit, and that it would be best for Riley. She hadn’t wanted to put any conditions on it. As I sit there in the lawyer’s office, I can imagine her, clear as day, saying to me, “Just think, Ethan, this could be what brings the family back together.”
“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Nathan, my father-in-law, says. “How are they supposed to divide custody of her between them?”
“I believe Mrs. Parks wanted this provision not only to ensure that Riley would have a nurturing mother figure in her life, but also…” Gottlieb clears his throat, “to somewhat ‘mend the breach’ so to speak, between various members of the family.”
“Lara, are you actually okay with this?” Nathan has made it clear to me more than once in the week since we lost Alexis that he’s not okay with me. He wasn’t okay with me in the first place, certainly not once Lara abandoned the family because Alexis and I got together, and now, with his wife gone and his daughter so recently passed, I have to give him some credit for how well he’s holding together, even if that means he’s directing all his anger at me.
“I think now is not the best time to discuss this,” Lara says, looking at Riley. “I think we should have a conversation about it before I go back home.” She’s keeping her voice as light as possible, but I can see the stress in her face, in her eyes.
Riley fusses, and I reach for her. My daughter is the only person I can focus on at the moment. Although I knew of Alexis’ provision in her will, I never thought that it would come to pass and that I would have to face raising Riley without her.
“If there are no further questions?” Gottlieb has probably seen a dozen families just as dysfunctional as ours, but I have to think it doesn’t get any easier, especially so soon after the funeral.
We had to rush things because the accident happened so close to Easter. I’m still aching over half my body from the crash, and I’ve been checking Riley hourly to make sure she didn’t get injured in some way that didn’t come up immediately. It’ll be weeks before I can get over the fact that of the three of us, I was only a little injured, some whiplash, a few cuts and bruises, nothing that had needed more than a few stitches, and Riley was absolutely fine, but Alexis only managed to live six hours before her body finally just gave out.
I close my eyes and press my forehead to my little daughter’s neck. It’s impossible to think of a world where my wife is just… gone. It’s impossible to think of a life without her. We didn’t have the easiest of marriages, but Riley made it all worthwhile and Alexis was a good mom and a good friend.
“You both have some time still before you have to go back to your parents?”
I nod in response to Nathan’s question.
My parents want to see Riley again before we head back to the next town over, where the house is. It’s not too bad of a drive, but it’s enough of one that we won’t be seeing my parents, or Alexis’ dad, more often than maybe once a week. And who knows when Lara, who lives about an hour and a half away by car, will be able to take care of Riley? How am I going to work with no one at home to watch my little girl? I shake off the questions humming in my head.
“I told the office I would be back in on Wednesday,” Lara says. “They understand.”
“I’m going back into town Thursday night,” I tell them. “I need to be there on Friday, but I don’t have care set up for Riley…” I shrug. It’s not worth getting into the argument with Nathan yet again about caring for Riley with Alexis no longer there to do it. We’ll figure it out, one way or another.
“I’d love it if the two of you would stay in the house for the rest of the time you’re in town,” Nathan says. “Family should be close together at a time like this.”
I want to point out to him that I’m staying with family, my family, but I know what he means. He’s obviously hurting like I am, and sometime I might be able to have a beer with him and ask him how you manage to get through losing your wife. But not yet. It’s not exactly the way I wanted to bond with my father-in-law.
“I can check out of the hotel,” Lara says. She’d booked the hotel for Easter weekend when we were all planning to be together for it. Even though Riley had brought her back into the family, she hadn’t been comfortable staying in her parents’ house with me and Alexis being there so much. Even if she loved my little girl, she still couldn’t deal with me or her sister.
“I’ll stay a couple of nights,” I say. “My parents wanted to have a big dinner before I head back, though.”
“That’s fine, I understand,” Nathan says. “Maybe this way the two of you can work out a provisional schedule for Riley, too.”
I don’t know if that’s going to happen. Lara has been avoiding me even more than usual in the week we’ve both been in town. But unless we’re going to throw out the will and she’s going to leave me alone with Riley, we’re going to have to do something.
Chapter Three
LARA
As soon as Ethan and Riley leave, Dad corners me, right outside of the lawyer’s office building.
“Lara, you can’t be okay with this,” he says.
“What do you mean?” I’m still trying to work my mind around the fact that Alexis wants me to somehow co-parent with the man who I hate most in the world.
“You can’t be okay with sharing custody of Riley with Ethan,” Dad says.
“That’s what Alexis wanted,” I point out.
“But he killed her,” Dad says.
“He didn’t kill her. They were in a car accident. It could have just as easily been Ethan who died, or Riley, or all of them,” I counter.
“He was driving,” Dad insists.
“It’s beyond the point now,” I tell him.
“It’s entirely the point,” Dad says.
I shake my head. “It’s not the point, the point is that Alexis wanted both of us to raise Riley,” I say.
“But he shouldn’t be involved, not after he caused the accident that killed her. You should take the matter up with the courts,” Dad says.
I shake my head. “Dad, this isn’t something I’m going to go to court over.”
“Why not? You love Riley, and in spite of the way that you cut her out of your life, I know you loved Alexis. You should be taking care of your niece. You should be raising her.”
“First of all, I don’t even know how I’m going to manage joint custody with Ethan. Second of all, that isn’t what Alexis wants. She put it in her will that Ethan and I will share the responsibility of raising Riley,” I say. My heart’s still pounding in my chest from the news that Alexis wanted me to act as her daughter’s mother, even if Ethan goes on to marry someone else.
I have a permanent place in my niece’s life, according to my sister’s will.
“It’s not fair,” Dad says.
I sigh. “It’s not about whether or not it’s fair,” I point out.
“He broke your heart, and then broke our family apart, and then…” Dad shakes his head.
I know he’s hurting, it hasn’t even been a full year since Mom died, and now he’s lost Alexis too.
“Let me and Ethan at least try to work this out first,” I tell him.
“You don’t want to have anything to do with him. You didn’t even want to have anything to do with your sister after…” Dad counters.
I want to just leave him right where he stands, but I care about my father. I know he’s in pain. Even though I’ve kept Alexis out of my life for a couple of years already, even I’m i
n pain. I’ve spent more time than I would have thought possible over the past week trying to decide whether I was being an idiot all along, whether I’d been partly to blame for Alexis not being in my life anymore. If I was the one being a stubborn fool or if I was in the right to cut her out when she started dating Ethan.
“Dad, you said you wanted us both to stay at the house for the next few days, until we need to head back home,” I say.
“I want Riley staying with us,” Dad says. “I want the family together.”
“I know,” I say.
I sigh and all I can think of is the fact that it’s going to be an endless few days with Ethan and me under the same roof. Why did I agree to that?
“But just think about what I said,” Dad tells me.
“I’m not even going to consider it,” I say. If the courts are going to side with anyone, it will be Ethan. He’s Riley’s father, he’s not abusive or neglectful, he’s a recent widower. There’s no reason for a court to decide to give Riley to me, even if I wanted full custody of her, which I don’t think would be the best idea.
I get my keys out of my purse and get into my car before Dad can come up with something else to say to me about why I should have full custody of Riley.
It’s more than I can take, right after finding out that my estranged sister wanted me to be a mother to her daughter. I can barely even make it real to me that my sister is dead, much less that I’m going to be Riley’s new mother. I’m going to have to deal with Ethan for the rest of my life.
By the time I arrive at the hotel I’ve been staying at, I’m already having second thoughts about checking out early and spending time under the same roof as my ex-boyfriend. “This is a nightmare,” I mutter to myself, even as I’m re-packing my suitcase and getting everything together to check out.
The front desk knows that I’m in town for only a short period of time, so nobody makes much of a fuss about me checking out early. In less than twenty minutes from the time that I left the lawyer’s office, I’m heading back out to my car with my suitcase.