Sam frowned at his sister and might have been surreptitiously looking her over for injuries as he grabbed Jack’s arm. They’d nearly arrived at the back door and Jack let his friend help him inside as Caroline led both horses away. Then he remembered that he didn’t live there anymore. “Should’ve gone to the bunkhouse,” he said.
His observation was lost as Ruth met them and began asking questions and fussing over him. She unnecessarily directed Sam to bring him to his old room. Jack let himself be guided to the bed. Caroline came in with a basin of water in one hand and a sewing box in the other.
“Sam,” she said, “I left the horses tied by the barn.”
“I’ll see to them. You got this?”
Jack didn’t like being referred to as some sort of chore. He liked even less the businesslike way Caroline walked up and yanked off his left boot. He feared what was likely to happen next.
She looked at him and bit her lower lip nervously. “Brace yourself,” she instructed. Then she put her hands on the other boot and gently wiggled it until it slipped off his foot. It still hurt but not as much as he’d been expecting. She pulled a pair of scissors from the sewing box and attacked the bottom of his trousers without waiting for permission. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m only going to sponge it off and then wait for the doctor.”
“Do I look worried?” He kind of thought he was doing a better job not letting the pain show.
“Yes.” Caroline stopped what she was doing and smiled up at him. “You look more afraid of me than you were of the horse and I have no plans to kick you.”
She also didn’t have plans to marry him and Jack thought that was worse but he didn’t say that. It felt like a bad idea to bring up a sensitive subject when she was examining a sensitive place on his leg.
“Looks like she got you only about an inch above the boot,” Caroline said. “The cut’s not very deep but I’ll be surprised if the doctor says the bone is intact. I’m sorry if this stings.” She used one hand to wring warm water from a rag and mopped up the drips on either side of his leg with a dry rag in the other hand. She winced as she worked as though she hated to cause pain. Her soft movements were soothing and Jack found himself almost hypnotized by her blonde braid as it swayed in front of her shoulder. She flicked it to the back as she straightened.
She appeared to scrutinize the room for other tasks and apparently found none because she pointed a finger at him and said, “Now you don’t move a muscle until the doctor gets here and then you only move the ones he gives you permission to move.” Then she gathered her things and left.
The wait for the doctor was excruciatingly long and excruciatingly dull. There was the dull pain in his leg and the dull shade of white that was the only thing he had to look at on the opposite wall and the dull feeling that Caroline wasn’t coming back. Though he enjoyed her excuses to visit the bunkhouse, they were brief and days apart. Being back in the house reminded him how much he’d been missing her.
Eventually the doctor did arrive. He pronounced a fracture, which he splinted. Then he prescribed a week of more dull time in bed after which time he threatened to return. When the doctor had left, Caroline declared that since Jack couldn’t move, she would get someone to bring his things back from the bunkhouse. She said it would make him more comfortable while he followed the doctor’s instructions and she said it with only a hint of gloating in her voice. It was as though she didn’t even consider the possibility that he could move right back out again as soon as he had healed.
The next few days passed with an alarming lack of usefulness. Caroline was fairly attentive. She brought him meals and books and occasionally asked if he needed anything. But she wouldn’t stay to talk and she wouldn’t give him anything useful to do. Jack couldn’t think of much he’d be able to do lying or even sitting in bed so it was possible she simply didn’t have any chores to offer him. But she wouldn’t even try to think of one. She kept insisting that the only thing he needed to do was rest.
Jack wasn’t tired. Except that he was tired of being stuck in bed and tired of a lovely woman flitting into his room just long enough to make him want her to stay. Sunday was the worst day yet. Caroline brought him breakfast looking all pretty for church. She was wearing a dress she’d made out of the yellow-flowered fabric he’d given her for Christmas and her hair was piled on top of her head. She plunked down a breakfast tray and left faster than usual.
Then the house was quiet for hours.
The kitchen was busy as soon as folks returned. Good smells began wafting up the stairs before Jack saw anyone. The men began popping up the stairs one at a time with full plates to “check on the cripple.” No one handed him a plate until Ruth showed up with chicken and dumplings. She collected the plate later. Only Caroline’s laugh visited Jack as it floated around the house below him. He knew that she was busy cooking and cleaning up but a small part of him wondered if she was avoiding him again.
By the time he did see Caroline it was fairly late in the evening and he was fairly desperate to get her to stick around.
~~ ~~
Caroline had been avoiding Jack. The look on his face when she walked in wearing her new dress had made her very uncomfortable. She figured it was only a matter of time before he proposed again. And they had been getting on so well. They had almost gotten over the fiasco of the first time he tried that.
The poor man must be near to crazy having to stay in bed though. Caroline just couldn’t bring herself to ignore him the rest of the day, especially since she felt responsible for the accident that hobbled him. She steadied her nerves and knocked on his door.
“Come in,” she heard through the wood.
He nearly dropped his book and sat up a bit more as she entered. He appeared entirely too happy to see her.
“I know you haven’t had much chance to work up an appetite today,” she said, “but we have some soup if you’re hungry.”
“I’d like some, please.”
She nodded and hurried back to the kitchen. Sam and Ruth had just started eating their supper. Caroline dished out soup for Jack and returned to his room. She handed him a napkin first and then the bowl.
He took it but didn’t eat. “How was church?” he asked.
“Fine.”
“Any news in town?”
“Not much,” Caroline said. “Doc said he plans to see you on Tuesday. He said even if he lets you out of bed, there would be limits on what you should do.”
“Figures,” Jack grumbled. “I never did like that man.” He gave her a quick wink that made her face warm.
“Do you need anything else?”
His face grew more serious. “I could use a bride.”
“I can’t.” Caroline turned away. It wasn’t fair to leave when he couldn’t follow her. She only took one slow step before he grabbed her hand anyway.
“Caroline, will you…”
She stood still and closed her eyes. His hand was warm and strong and…
“Will you help me understand?”
That wasn’t exactly the question she had expected. She turned back to him to show her confusion.
“I know you’d like children,” he said. “Every time you talk about Anna I see that you love her and she doesn’t even exist. Why is it wrong for you to want a child of your own?”
“It’s not wrong. I…” Maybe Jack didn’t know. Caroline assumed that her brother had filled him in on her history when she arrived. But he looked so confused she thought he must not know. “What do you know about my first marriage?” she asked.
“I know that you were barely seventeen when you married a man who didn’t deserve you. And that after around eight years he very stupidly got himself killed.”
Caroline didn’t think it very Christian to criticize a man’s death. But in the case of her late husband, it may have been a plain fact. The man had died after he got drunk and used a knife to pick a fight with two bigger men with bigger knives. She acknowledged Jack’s information with a n
od as she used her free hand to pull up a chair. He was still holding the other hand and she wasn’t in a hurry to make him let go.
“Since you have no children,” Jack went on, “I guessed that he never gave you any. That’s where I think… where I’m wondering if I might be wrong.”
She tried to gather a little strength. Her babies were even difficult to think about. “I think I always wanted to be a mother,” she said. “My ma swears I tried to take care of Sam when he was born and I was barely over a year old myself.”
Jack nodded to show she had his attention. She felt his grip tighten on her hand and his support was encouraging.
“I married as soon as I could because I wanted to get started on that dream. Pa’s treatment may have put a little rush in me but… That’s not…” She took a deep breath and plunged into the part that was relevant to her hesitation. “I’ve given birth to three babies and never heard one cry. The first two came too soon. They were so small.” She held out her hand as she remembered. “No bigger than my hand. I couldn’t do anything but hold them until I was sure they couldn’t feel it anymore. One of them though… I think she saw me. I swear there was recognition in her eyes and for that one moment… I was someone’s mother. And then she was gone.
“The last one, I carried longer.” Caroline blinked hard against her tears. She’d been weepy in front of Jack too much already. Why wasn’t she stronger when he was around? “I knew I was getting close to my time when George died. I wasn’t worried though because I knew… well, I knew he wouldn’t have been much help and I knew I was prepared to do whatever it took to care for my baby. The kicks were always strongest at night. I don’t know if I was too busy to feel him as much during the day or if he only liked the night. I’d lie in bed and feel him telling me he was a fighter. And then one night there were no kicks. I put my hand on my stomach and felt such stillness. It was a stillness that ripped my heart in two because I knew what it meant. It meant…”
Caroline used her fingers to push some of the wetness from her face but it was a losing battle. She had pulled free from Jack’s hand to use both hands and without intending to, her hand landed right back in his. “I carried that baby two more days before the labor pains started. When he came out he… I knew he would have looked just like my brother when he got older. I wanted to name him Sam but didn’t put anything on the marker since he wasn’t properly christened.”
This was more than she had meant to share. Caroline looked at Jack and saw him quickly wipe a tear from under his eye. She had never even seen a man cry before, let alone been the cause of it.
“I’m sure your soup is getting cold,” she said, standing hastily and shoving the chair back against the wall. “I’ll leave you to it and… goodnight.” She left the room before he could say anything and went straight to her own. She had no appetite and no desire for the others to see her tear-streaked face.
The bed, and especially the pillow, looked inviting. Caroline readied herself for bed and climbed under her patchwork quilt. Though she expected to bury her face in her pillow and finish a good cry, her tears seemed to have dried up. She felt… calmer. Jack would understand now. He would know that she wanted to marry him, she just couldn’t. She couldn’t let herself hope for children again.
Why, then, did thinking of Jack make her wonder if their babies would have her coloring or if they would sport dark hair and eyes like him? Why did she try to picture Jack teaching a young boy to throw a rope? How could her arms ache to hold a baby she wasn’t longing for?
Caroline managed a fitful night of sleep. She still woke clear-eyed and clear-headed. For the first time, she let her prayers for her brother’s child include a short plea that she might someday welcome one of her own. God already knew what she’d been refusing to admit. No matter how afraid she was, the fear could not kill the hope. It was solid and made even stronger by the understanding that she did not hope alone.
~~ ~~
Jack refused to wait for the doctor. He used a crutch to struggle down the stairs first thing Monday morning.
Ruth sighed at him as he entered the kitchen. Then she turned on her husband. “I told you it was a bad idea to give him that before the doctor said it was okay.”
“The man was near to driving himself mad staying in bed,” Sam said. “He was going to be up today with or without my help.”
“You’ll be glad to have me out of the house.”
Ruth set a plate of eggs and potatoes in front of him but continued to voice her disapproval with her expression.
Caroline was a bit softer as she handed him a cup of coffee. “Be careful not to put weight on that leg. If you reinjure yourself you’ll be back in bed.” She picked up her own cup and mumbled into it. “And I might not be above tying you to it next time.”
He ignored the extra comment and focused on his food and the fact that it was much easier to eat sitting at a table. He couldn’t ride so he’d spend most of the day in the barn doing things that would take him twice as long as before. And thinking about Caroline. Feeling guilty for pressing her for her hand. He’d needed time to convince himself they should be married and he could give her more time if she needed it. He knew it had been nearly a year since she lost her husband, which meant that’s how long since she lost the baby. Jack had determined to give her another year to heal before he broached the subject again.
It was going to be difficult.
Sam cleared out first and when Jack tried to follow, Caroline stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Wait,” she said. “Didn’t you notice how loose this button was when you put the shirt on? You’re gonna lose it if I don’t fix it.”
She left to fetch a needle and thread and Jack fingered the highest button on his shirt. That seemed to be the one she’d meant but it didn’t feel all that loose.
Caroline returned and leaned over his chair. She said nothing else as she went to work. Her hands brushed against his neck and under his chin and his eyes moved along her arms to her much smoother neck. Ruth had gone into the next room and it was so quiet he could hear Caroline breathing. He tried not to let his eyes follow that breath to filling her chest but he wasn’t entirely successful.
She was done with the button in a minute. That was enough time to shave a month or two from his commitment. Thanksgiving could be a very nice time to celebrate a wedding. Surely she’d be ready if he waited until November to ask.
“Jack?” Caroline was giving him a strange look.
“Yes?”
“I said you’re all set now. Are you having second thoughts about working today?”
He shook his head. Getting outside was a good idea. Caroline helped him into his coat and handed him his hat and crutch. “Come inside if you need to,” she said.
Trying to do chores on one leg was frustrating. But even when Jack couldn’t fool himself into thinking he was being particularly useful, just being active again was an improvement. It made the day go by much faster. He was soon back in the house for a hot supper. With peach cobbler for dessert.
Caroline smiled brightly when he requested a story in the evening. “Now that I think on it,” he said, “I don’t believe I’ve heard a story since Christmas.”
“Anna has gained a secret admirer since then,” Caroline informed him.
“Oh?”
“Yes.” Her eyes took on a faraway look. “One of the men at the Circle R has been sending her notes.”
“That doesn’t sound like a secret.”
Her eyes refocused and narrowed at Jack. “Anna doesn’t know who they’re from.”
“Of course not,” he said.
“Neither does a certain nefarious man who’s been nosing around.” Caroline smiled slyly. “This man noticed Anna after church one Sunday. Not that he’s a churchgoing man. He happened to be near the building as we were loading up the wagon after the service. And he followed to see where Anna lived.”
Ruth had some sort of sewing project on her lap and Jack noticed that her needle stop
ped moving almost as soon as Caroline started talking. He wasn’t the only one who had been in the mood for some entertainment.
“Now this man,” Caroline said, “once he finds that Anna lives here, he becomes obsessed with the ranch. He’s always skulking around trying to spy on her.” She rose from her chair only partway, as though she was crouching behind a bush or a large rock. “He watched Anna find a letter from her secret admirer by the big tree while she’s hanging up the wash. He can see that she’s eager to read the letter and that gives him an idea. He writes a note and leaves it in the same place. The note asks her to meet him by the road early the next morning.”
“But she doesn’t,” Jack interjected.
Caroline folded her arms. “I thought you wanted a story. It’s over if she doesn’t meet him.”
“I’m pretty sure we’ve taught Anna to be smarter than to sneak off to meet a man she doesn’t know.”
“She’s young and thinks she’s falling in love with him.”
“She’s falling for the nefarious, nonchurchgoing man she’s never met?” Jack’s tone was thoroughly incredulous.
“No.” Caroline sighed. “She’s falling for the man who’s been sending her romantic notes that dream of a life together. She doesn’t know this one is from the villain.”
Jack nodded that she could continue, not that he agreed that it made any sense. Her reasoning for why Anna couldn’t tell this note was different might be amusing but he’d rather let her get to the kidnapping. This was certainly headed towards a kidnapping.
“Anna walks out at the appointed time and a man is partially hidden behind a tree. At first, she believes her suitor is feeling a bit shy but an uneasy feeling settles in her stomach just as two of his friends run up to grab her. One covers her mouth so that she can’t scream and one binds her hands.” Caroline held her hands together as though they were held fast. “And another man rides up with extra horses, which they use to take Anna back to the secret hideout in the woods. This is when Jack wakes up. Even though Anna couldn’t scream, he can sense that something is amiss. When he discovers that Anna is gone, he gets Sam and the two of them track the outlaws to their hideout. There’s no time to waste since Anna is in danger. Sam creates a distraction by setting fire to some brush near the shack.”
A Quiet Life Page 21