by Hadley Quinn
Offering another smile, she walked away for the front door. Obviously she wasn’t desperate for help, but I couldn’t help but agree with my brother on this one. She was beautiful.
And most likely taken. Her husband or boyfriend was probably inside placing furniture all by himself and unpacking box after box.
I could read the signs of dismissal pretty well, so I offered a polite goodbye and a wave as I headed back to my house.
***
I came across Clare again two days later. I’d just returned home from work, and as I was driving past her house, I saw her standing by her garage with the door rolled up. I noticed the stacks of boxes that filled the space and snidely smirked that her husband/boyfriend had not been as dutiful as I’d originally assumed.
She bent over to cut open a box and I almost hit a parked car.
I managed to pull my truck into my driveway unscathed, but it got me thinking… Maybe she didn’t have a man around. I hadn’t seen one yet, and it was probably stupid of me to make that assumption. Apparently when she blew me off, my ego was quick to jump in and make things better.
Deciding to say hi again, I wandered down to her house. I used the sidewalk this time, and just as I was about to her home, a toddler came waddling across the lawn for the street. I scooped her up just as Clare came running down the driveway to do the same. I am first to admit that kids are not my forte. I can get along with the older ones—like teenagers, especially—but the little ones?
I don’t know what to do with them.
This kid was no exception. The second I picked her up she started squirming and squealing, arching backward to a point that I almost dropped her. That would have been super cool. Save a kid from running into the street only to drop her on her head because I can’t hold onto her.
“Oh my gosh, thank you,” Clare exhaled a breath of air as she took the kid from me and cradled her to her chest. “I can’t keep up with the mobility sometimes,” she smiled as she turned away. “Thank you again,” she called over her shoulder, heading for the garage.
What was I supposed to say? I wanted to follow her to see if there was anything I could do to help, but again she seemed to have dismissed me. Then I noticed the sure signs of a man in her life when my eyes traveled over some of the items that were spilling out of the box she’d opened. Men’s boots, chest waders, and a fishing vest. Okay, they could have belonged to Clare, but I seriously doubted it. Those boots had to have been about a size twelve.
Just as I was about to turn for my house, that kid came wobbling down the driveway again. I knelt down to block her way with my arms out to my sides, but that didn’t deter her. Her awkward steps side-stepped past me and I had to jump up and grab her again.
And she screamed. No such luck winning this toddler instantly.
“How are you so quick to evade your mom?” I asked her, just as Clare came rushing down the driveway again. This lady needed to cage this kid or something.
“Okay, guess I’m not getting anything done with the garage open,” Clare sighed as she took the little girl from my arms. “Thank you again. They’re just too curious right now.”
As soon as she mentioned “they,” I saw another pair of feet running out of the garage toward us. She looked exactly like the one in Clare’s arms and I was beginning to feel like an ass for judging her parenting skills.
Especially when I noticed a playpen in the garage and Clare added, “The second I turn my back, they climb out.”
“You have identical twins,” I stated stupidly, looking them both over as Clare picked up the second one. And once they were together, I noticed they were wearing the same outfit but different colors.
“This is Mia,” she announced, slightly lifting the twin that I’d just detoured. “And this is Sadie, the first escapee you stopped.”
I could try my hardest at that moment to find something that would differentiate the two, but I would fail. They looked exactly alike. Brown hair in stubby little pigtails, with big blue eyes and matching dimples. I could memorize who was wearing yellow and who was wearing orange, but that wouldn’t help me if I ever saw them again.
“Well hello, beautiful girls.” I smiled, even though I was being given the stink-eye by both of them. Neighbor Matt was apparently on their shit list already.
“They aren’t very comfortable with strangers,” Clare said quietly as one of them buried her face against her mom’s neck. Clare softly cleared her throat and added, “Well, I should get them inside and tackle the garage another day.”
“I’m sure you already have enough help, but if you need me, I’m just four houses down,” I pointed. “I’m good at grunt labor. Just give me a command.”
She offered a tiny smile again but I noticed she had dark circles under her eyes today. These twins must give her hell. I wondered what their dad did to help out or if he was just one of those types that goes to work everyday to bring home a paycheck, and expects the woman to take care of the house and kids.
“I’m fine, we’ve got it covered,” she answered. “But thank you. I appreciate the offer.”
“Anytime,” I nodded. “Have your husband stop by sometime. If he likes fishing, I know of some great places around here.” I motioned to the box that was in the garage, but all she did was turn to stare at it for a moment. “Uh, anyway, take care,” I added as I angled for my house.
When she didn’t reply, I turned and walked away.
3
“Well that’s a bummer,” Trent shook his head as he took a jump shot over me. I didn’t even bother to try for a block and just rebounded his miss. “Sucks for you. Neighborhood hottie and she’s unavailable.”
I barely shrugged. “No skin off my back. I’m not looking anyway.”
My brother came to a complete stop and gave me a look. “Well you should be. And if what’s-her-name down the street is off limits, time to look elsewhere.”
“Her name is Clare. And no, I don’t need to be ‘looking.’ I’m perfectly fine on my own.”
“You’re not on your own,” Trent scoffed. “You’re stuck in your former life, pining for someone that’s not coming back to you. And fuck, man, I wish you would realize that Aubrey leaving you was the best thing for you.”
My instinct was to fight him. I hated any time he opened his damn mouth to give me his opinions. But deep down I knew he was right, and no matter how much it killed me to agree with him, Aubrey walking out had been good for me. It wasn’t for the same reason Trent felt it was good for me, but it was necessary for me to take a step back and reevaluate my life. I’d convinced myself it was the best thing to do for my relationship with her and I just needed to wait it out a bit longer.
My brother had been staring at me for several seconds, obviously waiting for my reaction. Finally he scoffed and shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re still giving her the benefit of the doubt.”
Yeah, we could read each other pretty well after twenty-six years together. I was two years older than him, but it had really never seemed that way. We took care of each other growing up, like equals, and when Mom was working two diner shifts a day, we’d made due however we could. By the time we were eight and ten, she left us home alone quite a lot, and even though we probably could have been turned over to child protective services if anyone had found out, Trent and I knew how much she cared about us, how hard she worked to make ends meet.
“Did you ever find those journals that Mom mentioned before she died?” I asked out of the blue.
Trent scowled at me. “Way to change the subject. And no, I still haven’t come across anything like that.”
I barely nodded, my mind still slightly on my past as we continued to shoot hoops at the gym. Our mom had died three years ago. Trent and I had long been working our own jobs by then, doing what we could to take care of her so she didn’t have to work two jobs anymore. But that stubborn woman continued to work her ass off until the day she died. She was, in fact, walking home from a second restaurant shift when s
he suffered a heart attack and died right there on the sidewalk. Forty-four years old and her heart had already worn out.
Life seemed so unpredictable and unfair sometimes.
By the time I got home it was almost ten p.m. It had turned into a standard engagement with my brother three times a week: hard session at the gym after work and about an hour of hoops or the batting cages.
As I drove past Clare’s house on my way home, I noticed her garage door wide open again. The rest of her house looked dark, but the open garage with all those boxes exposed to the neighborhood was an invitation to thieves. I knew of one little shit down the road that had helped himself to a couple of neighbors’ houses—including an amplifier and a bass guitar in my garage—although the police couldn’t prove it.
I parked my truck at home and walked down to Clare’s. I would have just shut her garage for her but I didn’t feel comfortable walking in there to push the button. I lightly rapped on her front door, hoping I wasn’t bothering her or waking anyone up. I was actually expecting the man of the house to open the door at such a late hour, but the porch light flipped on and then Clare opened the door a few seconds later.
“Hi, Matt,” she greeted softly. “Is something wrong?”
“Uh, yeah maybe. Just your garage door. It’s open. Um, I didn’t want to bug you, but there’s a kid in the neighborhood that likes to help himself to anything he can…”
She was already slipping through the front door, just to see what I was referring to. “Oh shoot,” she sighed. “Well thank you, I appreciate you telling me.” She was wearing slim-fitting sweats and a thin tank top, but her arms were crossed over her chest. I could only assume why and smiled to myself.
“You’re welcome,” was all I said.
She gave me a tiny smile—it was always a tiny smile, like she was afraid to show anything more than that—and stepped into the garage to shut the door. I only glanced back once after I walked away—when she was about to press the button—and no I could not help but notice a set of perky nipples poking through her pink tank top.
And I also couldn’t help the fact that I liked what I saw.
***
My guitar just sat there, collecting dust and silently cursing me day after day. As much as I considered picking it up now and then, I just wouldn’t do it. I was afraid of how it would make me feel, and I was especially afraid if those feelings were ones that made me want to break things and hate everything around me. I feel like I’m beyond that type of heartbreak, though. I mean…I hope I am. Sometimes memories of my time with Aubrey resurface and I want to write a song. We’d had some really good times, lots of laughs, and a lot of great sex—but maybe that was only at the beginning. Either way, I must have just been totally blind to anything unpleasant going on; maybe I had the tendency to just ignore certain things so I didn’t have to deal with them.
I wasn’t quite sure. I’m still a bit baffled that she and I had such differing views of our relationship. My brother had once mentioned that it was almost like she just wanted me around to get a rise out of her parents. I didn’t want to believe him at the time, and we had some choice words between us, but looking back… The way she would cuddle up to me when her parents were around; the way she’d smile whenever her father would criticize our “mediocre” lifestyle. Sometimes she’d state how extremely happy she was to have that life with me, but maybe while she was fooling her father, she was fooling me at the same time.
Anything she did, she still had her father wrapped around her finger, and every once in a while, I wonder if Trent was right and I was just too blind to see it.
A movement outside caught my eye. I stepped up to my front window and peeked out the shades, just as Clare went jogging by, pushing a double stroller with her girls. I’m not sure why, but I moved myself to the front porch, lit a cigarette, and sat down on one of the Adirondack chairs.
I hated smoking, but it was a habit that I’d started six years ago when I was around a bunch of late-night musicians, and when Aubrey left, it seemed to get worse. She and I had actually met while I was smoking outside of a restaurant near Berkeley. She asked me for a cigarette, lit up right next to me, and we started talking. I soon found out she didn’t actually smoke but had a major exam coming up the next day and she was nervous. I pulled the cigarette out of her fingers and laughed, telling her she didn’t need a nasty habit like that, and then I asked her out. I told her if she did well on her exam, I’d take her anywhere she wanted for dinner.
And that was the start of us never getting enough of each other. I’d wait for her to be done with classes if I wasn’t working, and we’d sometimes hide out in her apartment and have sex until she needed to get to her next one. Her father didn’t like me right off the bat—he claimed it was because I was five years older than her, which was a crock—but Aubrey always said he’d warm up to me. We spent almost all of our spare time together and then she eventually moved into my house. I knew that didn’t please her dad, but she always assured me that she loved me and that nobody—including her father—could ever change that.
Well…some fuckwad in Florida changed that.
I groaned out loud and tried not to think about the empty seat next to me that would normally be occupied by her, but the moment I saw the potted white orchid sitting on the little table in the sun, it was hard not to. I’d gotten her that before her birthday and she loved it. Well, at least she pretended she did. Who knows anymore?
“You just like to make me miserable, don’t you?” I asked, talking to the plant.
I treated it like a fucking pet since she’d been gone. It felt like the only thing I could physically tend to that was a part of her. It didn’t require much watering, but I considered orchids to be dainty and fragile. Aubrey had always kept them in the bathroom window and could never keep one alive longer than a few months.
Call it dumb, but I took it as a sign that she was coming back and would be impressed that I’d kept her orchid all this time. I didn’t want anything to happen to that thing and I would protect it with my life. Since it was spring, I put it out on the front porch where the sun hit the most. I’d literally done everything I could for that fucking plant, just so it would be there when she came back.
I’m not sure how much time had passed, but my eyes focused on Clare and her twins when she came jogging by again. She noticed me sitting on the porch as she approached the front of my house. She waved but didn’t speak, but then slowed to a walk.
“It’s hot out today,” she exhaled heavily. “I thought it would cool off in the evening more than it has.”
“Nah, it’s been a warm week here,” I answered. Lafayette was just northeast of San Francisco, but the past two weeks had been near record temperatures for May.
“I’m used to a bit of a breeze from the bay.”
“Where’d you move from?” I knew the area very well and preferred specifics when talking about cities.
“San Mateo,” she replied.
I nodded as I stood. Leaning against the porch railing on my forearms I asked, “And what brought you over here?”
She didn’t answer at first, and when one of the twins squawked and squirmed, she reached down to sit her in the seat she’d almost maneuvered out of. “No, Sadie, you stay in your seat,” she told her sternly. “We’re almost home, sweetie.” She removed another toy from the pocket of the stroller and strapped it to the bar in front of both girls.
They were immediately interested and began tugging on it.
“Um, just needed a change of scenery,” Clare finally shrugged.
Again she offered that tiny little smile, but it never really seemed genuine. I couldn’t tell if she was just uncomfortable talking to me or if there was something else going on, but my brother pulled his Jeep up to my house just then and parked on the street. As he got out, he eyed Clare for a second and then told her hi. He was just going to come up to my porch, but I stepped down to introduce them.
“Hey, this is Clare,” I motioned
to her. “Clare, this is my brother Trent.”
Trent gave her a nod and a classic hey-how-you-doin’ smile. That smile made me laugh almost every time, but tonight I was a bit confused by how fake it seemed to be.
He stepped up to the porch and disappeared into my house.
Clare began walking again and said, “I’ll see you later, Matt. Dinner and bath time for these two.”
“Have a good night,” I called after her. I went inside and found my brother raiding the refrigerator. “That was rude.”
4
Trent gave me a frown and pulled out some leftover chicken. “What was rude?”
“You barely acknowledged her, you asshole. If I were her¸ I’d think you were a total dick.”
He shrugged. “Good. I’m not trying to impress her anyway. She’s got a pair of kids? You never mentioned that.” Trent started eating the chicken right from the dish.
“So what?” I scoffed, realizing I truly hadn’t mentioned it to him. I’d only told him that I assumed she was married. “That doesn’t mean you have to be rude to her.”
“How was I rude?” he grunted. “Because I wasn’t super charming and all that? If she’s married with kids, what’s the point? And seriously, why are you being such a prick?”
He actually had a point. He hadn’t really said or done anything impolite, but for some reason, I’d been sensitive to his interaction with Clare. Or lack of, I guess.
Sighing, I headed for the front room and flipped on the television. Trent was here to watch the Giants game with me so I preferred to keep things friendly and let it all slide. It probably wasn’t a good thing to talk about with him anyway, but after he’d ordered pizza and two more of our buddies came over, he brought up Clare in between popping open another bottle of beer.
“So tell me why you got all touchy and shit about my interaction with her,” he said.