Alyssa didn’t comment and looked at her mother with concern. “Why are you dating him, Mom? You have us. You don’t need a guy.”
“That’s probably true,” Fiona said matter-of-factly, knowing instantly what her daughter was worried about. They were jealous of her time, and didn’t want to share her with anyone else. Her solitude and availability suited them, and there was no one for them to compete with. “But you and your brother are both in college. He’s in New York and only comes home for school vacations, and you’re busy and now you have John. It’s nice for me to have a little fun too. I’m not going anywhere, and you’re always going to be my first priority,” she reassured her. “But this might be nice for me. If it isn’t, I’ll stop. We’re not serious about this, and we’re going to keep it light. Okay?” She smiled at her, and Alyssa nodded, but now she wanted to take a look at the guy. Her mother hadn’t had a date in years, and she couldn’t understand why that had changed. She had no idea that her aunt had been urging her mother to get out and date. And she wasn’t at all sure she liked it. It was different for her dad, they hardly ever saw him, but their mother was always around in the evenings and on weekends and free for them, and she didn’t want anything to be different now. But her mother seemed sensible about it, and not all romantic and wound up.
Alyssa lay by the pool until her mother was ready. Fiona had put on shorts and a T-shirt, and she hadn’t gotten all dressed up. She wasn’t wearing makeup, and her hair was down. She was wearing flip-flops and looked totally relaxed and like herself when the doorbell rang. Alyssa liked the fact that she hadn’t gotten all dolled up for her date, which she would have considered a sign that her mother was now out of her mind, like John’s father. And she was pleasantly surprised when Logan walked in. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, was clean shaven, and had dark hair. He looked intelligent, attractive, and relaxed, and he was wearing flip-flops too, and he had brought French bread, cheese, and wine for them. He seemed happy to see Fiona, and treated Alyssa like an interesting adult and talked to her about more than school. And when they all sat down at the table by the pool, he treated her mother more like a casual friend than a date, although it was obvious that he liked and respected her. Alyssa couldn’t find anything she didn’t like about him, and when she helped her mother clear the table, she whispered to her in the kitchen.
“He’s cool, Mom … he’s hot!” She giggled.
“Which is he?” Fiona laughed at her. “Cool or hot? Don’t confuse me.”
“Both. He’s nice, and I think he likes you.” And this time she seemed pleased. She approved.
“I thought he’d be perfect for Aunt Jill,” she said with a tinge of regret.
“He’s too young for her. She’d look silly with him. He’s just right for you.”
“So you like him?” Fiona checked the polls again, and Alyssa laughed.
“A lot.” She left a little while later, and Logan complimented her on her daughter, as they lay in bathing suits by the pool.
“She’s a really bright kid, just like you.” He smiled at her and then looked worried for a minute. “Did I pass muster?” He knew how important her children were to her, and he could see how protective Alyssa was of her mother.
“With flying colors. You are both ‘hot’ and ‘cool.’ I think that’s high praise from that age group.” He looked relieved, and then turned on his side to look at her.
“I really like you, Fiona. I feel so comfortable with you.”
And she was enjoying being with him too. Nothing exciting happened that afternoon. They just lay in the sun and talked. They ate the rest of the cheese and wine for an early dinner, and then he drove back to the city. And he kissed her before he left, on the lips this time, with more fervor than the day before, but not too much. She didn’t feel as though he was crawling all over her, or desperate to get her into bed. Everything was happening at a comfortable pace for her. She had only just agreed to date him, so he wasn’t rushing anything, and they were savoring each moment together. And they had agreed to go out the following weekend, which worked well for her, she had a busy week ahead.
He sent her a text when he got home, thanking her for a great day. And she did the same when she answered him. And so far it was an even exchange, which was exactly what she wanted. She wanted a partner and a friend, not someone who would push her around, and she didn’t want to push him around either. Logan seemed like an even match. She was very pleased. And she couldn’t wait to tell Jillian about it when she got home.
On Monday morning, Marshall did all he planned to, in order of importance, as soon as he got to the office. It had been a long, unpleasant, stressful weekend, and he was happy to take refuge at work. He hadn’t heard from Liz or his children since he left Tahoe, but he didn’t expect to. He had told Liz to find a lawyer. He wanted to get the divorce moving soon, and she needed to decide what she wanted to do about the house, if she wanted to keep it or sell it. He was amenable either way, and he was going to buy a new house for him and Ashley, possibly in the city, which might be fun for her, or maybe in Hillsborough, where the girls could have horses. The peninsula would be easier for him. And he was going to leave Marin County to Liz, so they didn’t run into her. He had already thought of everything.
His first call of the day was to Connie Feinberg to tell her he had “taken care of business” over the weekend, just as she had wanted.
“Liz and I are getting a divorce,” he told her simply.
“I’m sorry to hear it, Marshall.” She sounded sad, far more than he did. She was a little shocked at his callous tone when he made the announcement. “And I’m sorry if the board pressed that decision. We would have been fine either way. We just didn’t want you vulnerable to another scandal, which would eventually involve UPI. But I’m sure this is a heartbreak for all of you, if this is how it worked out.”
“The kids will get over it,” he said matter-of-factly, “and Liz and I need to move on. The other situation would never have happened if our marriage was still viable. And I stuck with it much too long. It was time to clean this up. The board was right. I’m calling my attorney this morning. I’d like to file as soon as possible, which means that Ashley and I could get married by February. If there’s any stall on the money issues, we can bifurcate that from the divorce so nothing gets slowed down.” He was moving ahead at full speed. Connie had scared him.
“We’re not asking you to rush this,” Connie said, feeling responsible, and sorry for his soon-to-be-ex-wife. “Once you tell people you’re separated and getting divorced, the rest is up to you, and you can be seen with or involved with anyone you want. I’m sure there will be some comment at some point about your young daughters, but these things happen in today’s world. The order of how people do things seems to have changed, and it’s not nearly as shocking as it would have been twenty or thirty years ago. As soon as people hear about it, they’ll forget. At least we hope so. And thank you for dealing with this so quickly.” She had spoken to him exactly a week ago, and she hadn’t expected him to move so fast, but she was glad he had. “Is Liz okay?” She sounded worried, but Marshall seemed very relaxed. Once he had made the decision, particularly after he saw Ashley, it was done. After years of indecision and inertia, when Connie lowered the boom on him, he had moved faster than the speed of sound.
“She’ll be fine,” he said about Liz. “I’m planning to take good care of her.” He meant financially, which Connie instantly understood. But Connie knew that there was more than that involved. A fifty-year-old woman had just lost a twenty-seven-year marriage, her status, her job, her purpose in life, and the man she loved. Connie was sure that Liz felt she had lost everything, and couldn’t imagine a life without Marshall. She hoped he was aware of it too. It didn’t sound like he was, but it was none of Connie’s business now. He had done as she had asked. Her involvement stopped there. She thanked him again before they hung up.
His next call was to his attorney, to tell him he was getting divor
ced. He told him he wanted to move quickly, and to bifurcate the financial matters if necessary, and he was prepared to be generous with Liz, within reason. He wanted to give Liz their houses, both Ross and Lake Tahoe, and a handsome settlement, commensurate with his fortune and his income. His attorney told him that there were charts to calculate that, but Marshall said he was prepared to go beyond that. He wanted Liz comfortable and secure for life, so his children would have nothing to reproach him for. And he told the attorney that he wanted to get married in six months, as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce, so he wanted it filed immediately, if possible that week. They could serve Liz the papers through her attorney. And when he said he wanted to get married quickly, his lawyer wondered if there was an impending baby involved. That was usually the case when men were as definite and moved as fast as Marshall was doing now.
“Is there a baby on the way here?” the lawyer asked him cautiously, not wanting to offend him, but he thought he should know.
“Yes, two,” Marshall admitted with a grin. “They’re seven years old.” He had had a lawyer in L.A. draft his last will, so his local lawyer didn’t know about the provisions for Ashley and the girls, which would have stunned everyone at the reading of his will if he had died.
The attorney promised to take care of everything as quickly as possible. And Marshall called a real estate agent after that. He told her he was looking for a large house and property in Hillsborough, or possibly in the city. He described what he wanted, and the amount he had in mind to spend. The agent said she had several possibilities and would be in touch with him in a few days.
And then he called Ashley, in the same businesslike tone. He told her he’d been busy.
“I told Liz this weekend,” he said, and there was silence at the other end. She hadn’t spoken to him since he left L.A., and she’d been wrestling with her own thoughts for days. She had decided not to see Geoff the day before, or until she knew what she wanted. It didn’t feel right to be spending time with him right now. They couldn’t seem to just do it as a friendship, without being attracted to each other, and she had too much on her mind. She wasn’t comparing the two men, she was trying to search her heart. And she only wanted to think about Marshall right now. Geoff was much too appealing, and after not seeing him for eighteen years, too much about him was unknown, and would take time to find out. All he could be right now was distracting, and when she talked to him the night before, he said he understood. He was willing to do whatever she wanted. They knew they cared about each other. For now, that was enough.
“How did she take it?” Ashley asked him finally about Liz. She had waited eight years for that moment, and now she felt sorry for her, and guilty.
“Badly,” Marshall said matter-of-factly. “I expected that. She never suspected, although maybe she should have.” But he had been careful not to leave a trail for all these years. “I told her about you and the girls. I was totally honest with her, and the children.”
“How were they?” Ashley asked, sounding far more devastated than he seemed to be. She really felt like a homewrecker now. She was responsible for destroying four lives, and he was her partner in crime.
“They’re taking their cues from their mother. I’m being treated like Public Enemy Number One. I think they’ll all calm down in time. Except maybe Liz. I’m not sure she’ll get over it.” Ashley wondered if she would have, and what kind of condition she’d be in now, if he had broken up with her the previous Wednesday as he intended. He had known someone was going to get hurt. Either Ashley or Liz. And he had decided it would be Liz. But it could just as easily have been her, at the flip of a coin. If it hadn’t been so fabulous in bed the week before, she might have been the one crying now. And it could still happen to her, if she ever became a risk to his career. She had no illusions about it now.
“I spoke to my attorney this morning. We’ll be filing the divorce this week. And I called a real estate agent about a house for us. Hillsborough would work well for me, but I think it would be nice for you and the girls too, and I told her we’d look at some things in the city. We’re going to need a rental house too, until the house we buy is ready. As soon as the divorce is filed, I think you should move up here, so the girls can start the school year here. I’ll get you some names of schools to call, and I’m going to put the house in Malibu on the market.” He had made all the decisions without her, and Ashley felt as though she were being swept away on a torrent of river rapids with no control over her own life. That was how it worked with men like Marshall. They made decisions and they moved fast once the decisions were made. She felt as though she were part of a business deal, and she was shocked about her Malibu house.
“Can’t we keep my house down here? I love it,” she said sadly.
“You don’t need it anymore. You’ll be living with me,” he said calmly.
“We could spend a weekend here once in a while, for old times’ sake.” She had had some of the happiest times of her life there, and the saddest. And she had been living there when the twins were born. It was full of memories for her. But she had him now, and a whole new life. She tried to feel happy and excited about it, but all she felt was scared. This was how he did business and lived his life. She had never seen it that clearly before. And he hadn’t told her once that he loved her since he called. She didn’t dare complain about it. He had just left his wife for her, finally, after eight years, and maybe in his mind that was proof enough. And she suddenly found herself wondering what he’d be doing now in L.A. without her when she was in San Francisco as his wife. She wondered if one day she’d be in the same situation as Liz.
They talked for a few more minutes, but he had told her everything he had to say, and he told her he’d see her on Wednesday night.
“Marshall …,” she said hesitantly before they hung up. “Thank you … for everything you’re doing.” It seemed too little to say for four lives he had turned upside down for her, and the wife he had given up. “I hope I’ll make you happy,” she said with tears in her eyes.
“You will,” he said coolly. He seemed to have no doubt and no regrets. Once he knew what was at stake, he had made his move. Ashley knew that it was just the way he was. Everything was a business decision for him in the end, and she had never been that for him before, till now. The board of UPI putting his job on the line had put her on his radar screen in a real way. Her heart, and their two little girls, had never been enough to do that. But she had nothing to reproach him for now. He was all about making decisions. And suddenly it was all moving very quickly. Almost too quickly for her.
“I love you,” she said softly, wishing he were there so she could look into his eyes and better understand who he was and what he felt for her. She needed to know now.
“So do I,” he answered, and was in a hurry to hang up. He was late for a meeting. And Ashley sat on the deck afterward for a long time, still holding her cell phone in her hand, wishing she could reach out and touch him. She felt as though she had lost him in the last few days, even though she finally had him. Everything was moving so fast, her head was spinning, and she longed for the days when she was sure he loved her. She wasn’t sure he loved anyone right now. He loved his job. And anyone who interfered with that would be destroyed. She felt lost when she walked into the house, and was glad she was seeing her therapist that afternoon.
Bonnie called her that night, and Ashley didn’t pick up. Geoff called the next day, and his message said he was worried about her, but she didn’t return his call. It was Tuesday, and on Wednesday night Marshall would be there, to talk and make plans, and make love to her. A real estate company had already e-mailed her about putting her house on the market. Marshall had had his secretary e-mail her the names of schools for Kezia and Kendall, but she hadn’t contacted them yet. Ashley felt like she was swimming underwater. She was awake all Tuesday night, and Geoff called her three times, but she couldn’t talk to him now. She realized how wrong she had been to see him and then to kiss him.
She had to abandon everything now, for Marshall. He had left his wife for her, and she owed him her loyalty, her life, and her future. She was going to be his wife, just as she had wanted to be. And maybe it didn’t matter how she’d won the prize, whether the board of UPI had handed it to her, or he did. She had waited eight years for this moment. And as the sun came up on Wednesday morning, she lay on the deck thinking about the man she was going to marry. She had climbed Everest and survived it. The air at the summit was so thin she could hardly breathe, but Marshall was there with her. They had done it. Finally.
Chapter 22
Ashley took Kendall and Kezia to day camp on Wednesday morning as she always did. And she felt different this time. She was one of them now, all the mothers who had husbands and children. She was going to be married to an important man who had loved her enough to leave his wife and make her respectable at last. No one was going to feel sorry for her now, or be shocked by her, or whisper behind her back and say she was the girlfriend of a married man who only spent two nights a week with her. She had lived through all that for him and survived it. It was worth it now. When she got back to the house after she dropped the girls off, Marshall texted her that he was in town, and she started to shake violently. She wondered if something was seriously wrong with her. She sat down on the deck and put her head between her legs. And when she stood up again, she was still dizzy. And all she knew suddenly was that she had to see him. She needed to see him, and look into his eyes and know he loved her. She couldn’t guess at it anymore, or hope he did, or wonder if it was true, or trust anyone else’s judgment or even her own. She needed to see it.
She felt like she was in a trance as she got in her car and drove downtown to the building where his offices were. She left her car parked on the street in front of a hydrant. And she rode up to the offices where she hadn’t been in the eight years since she’d worked there. She was wearing a flowered summer dress and sandals, and she walked into the reception area of the UPI offices with a dazed look. She remembered where his office had been, and wondered if it was still in the same place, and she walked down the hall feeling like a ghost until she found it. No one noticed or paid attention to her, and then she saw him through an open door, sitting at his desk. He was on the phone leaning back in his chair in his enormous corner office. It was the same one he’d had when she was a receptionist there. And now she was the mother of his children and going to be his wife.
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