“I won’t force myself on you, Sam, if that’s what you’re afraid of. I don’t like how you tense up and look like you’re terrified of me. I respect you too much to do anything that would hurt you.” Where the chivalry came from, he had no idea, but he needed to leave before he allowed the lust to take over and take her right then and there in the living room.
Her soft, wet lips frowned as she stayed sitting on the sofa. “Oh.”
She almost sounded disappointed. What the hell was a guy to do? High road.
“I should leave.” He hesitated, willing her to ask him to stay. Chewing on her lip, she fidgeted and looked down at her entwined hands.
“You don’t have to go,” she whispered.
Fire burned in his chest, and he nearly went blind with lust. Damn if he wasn’t completely confused now. The woman sent him more conflicting messages than a politician on a campaign trail.
Cole rubbed his hands over his face and smiled sympathetically down at the blonde beauty who sat rigid on the cushy blue sofa. “I think I should before I do or say something that will make you uncomfortable. I can’t think of a single line to save my life, and you look so tempting sitting on the couch. If I don’t leave right now, I’m going to end up kissing you.” He tucked his hands in his back pockets of his jeans. “And I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop there.”
Sam nodded and stood. Slowly she walked to the front door, her arm skimming his as she reached past him to open the door. “Thank you,” she said shyly. “For the pizza. And movie. And…” Her dark, doe eyes lifted to meet his. She licked her lips and stood on her tiptoes. “Good night,” she whispered and kissed his cheek.
Hell. Those damn mixed signals again. He kept his hands tucked safely in his pockets and turned his head so he could brush his lips across hers. She didn’t gasp or pull away but stood frozen as he gently nibbled her lips.
Not wanting to push his luck, he stopped before he ended up swallowing her whole.
“Good night, Sam.”
Cole walked into the cold night with a burning in his chest and a sly grin on his face.
Yeah, he hooked her. He had no problem tossing himself as bait; the sexy, shiny trout was longing to take a bite. The look in her eyes mirrored his own. And they were smoking.
Chapter 9
On Saturday morning Cole showed up unannounced, with a mischievous grin on his face and ants in his pants.
“Do you have plans today?” He hopped from one foot to the next, peeking around her to look in the house.
“Noooo,” she said reluctantly.
“Perfect.” He pushed his way through the front door and hollered for Levi.
“What are you up to?” Sam hadn’t planned on company. She still had on her Mickey Mouse pajama pants, an extra-large hooded UCONN sweatshirt, and striped fuzzy socks. She hadn’t showered since coming in from plowing with Levi the night before, and she knew her hair looked like she’d stuck her finger in a light socket.
Which was what she had planned for the day, wiring.
Levi came bumbling down the stairs still in his Star Wars footed pajamas. “Hey, Mr. Tucker. Mommy made chocolate chip pancakes and sprayed whipped cream on my nose.”
“Awesome. Those are my favorite. Hey, kiddo. Do you feel like going sledding today? I know of a kick-a—”
Sam coughed and threw Cole a wicked look.
“Awesome hill. Think your mom will want to come too, or is she going to sit around all day in her PJs?”
Levi giggled. “We like to stay in our jammies when it’s snowing outside. Last night Mommy let me wear my jammies when we plow-ed people’s driveways. It was awesome. We went super-fast and the plow ran into a snow bank and went BAM!” He clapped his hands together and yelled louder.
His favorite part of plowing was seeing the snow fly over the plow and into a bank. Sam hoped she hadn’t given him whiplash from the jarring motion, but so far he seemed to thoroughly enjoy plowing. When she left the truck to shovel the walkways was when he turned restless, but he had his Nintendo DS and action figures to play with from the warmth and safety of the vehicle.
“Sledding? Now? It’s only…” She looked at the clock on the DVD player. “Nine-thirty.”
“The day is half over! It’s gorgeous outside. A fresh layer of snow, blue skies and temps above freezing. Can’t beat that. I know of the perfect hill. Top secret location so we won’t have to deal with a bunch of hill hoggers.”
Levi snorted. “Hill hoggers. That’s funny.”
Her son may be easily entertained, but Sam was not. “Cole, I have errands to run, grocery shopping, I haven’t showered yet—”
He walked toward her and she feared he would kiss her in front of Levi.
“Your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.” He took off his coat and draped it over the stair railing. “I really like the rolled-out-of-bed look, but if you want me to keep my hands to myself in front of the little guy, you’d better shower and dress. I’ll keep young Anakin busy.”
Cole turned around, ignoring her, and picked up a fallen action hero. “Bwa ha ha ha! I am Darth Vader, and I’ve come to suck your blood!” He rammed the Batman figure into an army man and rolled to the floor.
“That’s not what Batman says!” Levi reprimanded.
Sam smiled, shook her head in awe, and then climbed the stairs to her bedroom, leaving the two boys to play with their toys. While in the shower, she thought back to two nights ago and Cole’s sweet behavior, giving her the space she needed. She’d fretted for days whether he’d demand something more from her, something she wasn’t ready to give. But he surprised her by playing with her son and offering to bring them out sledding.
The man was a complete mystery to her, and she had to admit, he was adorable and more fun than she ever thought a grown man could be.
Maybe Cole Tucker was just what she needed.
* * * *
“This is top secret information, so you’ll need to pinky promise that you’ll never, ever show anyone the magical hill. Okay, big guy?” Cole turned around and faced Levi in the back seat holding out his right pinky.
Levi’s eyes grew large as he lifted his tiny hand. They made their oath, one miniscule little finger the size of a caterpillar against a calloused, strong one.
“What about Mommy? Doesn’t she have to pinky promise too?”
“It’s only fair.” Cole nodded and turned to face the freshly showered beauty to his right. She smelled fruity and flowery at the same time and looked so clean and innocent. Damn, but he wanted to lift her into his lap and kiss the hell out of her cupid mouth. Instead he offered his meaty pinky.
Sam rolled her eyes and held out her dainty finger. He hooked his pinky around hers and held it longer than necessary. “Now, repeat after me. I, Samantha Chase, promise to never, ever, under any circumstances, even if Darth Vader and his evil minions are attacking, to ever reveal the secret Tucker hill.”
“Levi didn’t have to say the oath,” Sam whined, and Cole fought back a grin.
“I trust him not to tell. You, though, you look like you’d sell my secret hill on eBay.”
Sam snorted, rolled her eyes once again and squeezed his pinky. “You’re an idiot.”
“Are you flirting with me? And in front of the little guy?” he whispered loudly and nodded toward Levi.
Sighing and mumbling the oath, she released her finger and opened the truck door. Sam unbuckled Levi and tugged on his hat and mittens while Cole went to the back of the truck to grab the giant snow tubes. Looking down on his favorite childhood hill, he wondered if it would be too steep for Levi. He’d been sledding here for over twenty years but looking at the hill from a four-year-old’s perspective made him think maybe this wasn’t the best of ideas.
He and his brothers and sister spent hours here growing up. In the winter they went sledding, in the summer they loved to roll down the hill and when they got older they rode their four-wheelers and snowmobiles through the field. I
t was only accessible through the tote roads off the back of the farm, and past the field was the lake, so no one else could access it without going for quite the hike through the woods.
“This is awesome!” Levi screamed. “Will you go down with me, Mr. Tucker?” he reached up his tiny mitten clad hand and put it inside Cole’s giant black-gloved one.
“If your mom says it’s okay. We can make a train. She can sit in the tube next to us.”
“He’s not going to be able to walk back up the hill,” Sam said.
Cole did wonder about that. He never remembered it being a problem when he was little, but he probably couldn’t remember back to when he was only four years old.
“I can pull him on the sled. Come on, Sam. Let’s have some fun.” Catching her off guard, he pushed her down on one of the snow tubes and shoved the tube down the hill. He smiled as she screamed the entire way down.
“We’re next kiddo. Think we can go farther than your mom?”
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Let’s go!”
Cole sat down in the tube and pulled Levi on to his lap. “Hold on tight.” He used his hands to shove off and then gripped them tightly around the precious cargo in his lap. The boy’s laughter made Cole feel proud and something deep in his gut burned. This wasn’t about trying to get into Sam’s pants. It was about trying to find a place in her life.
* * * *
Exhausted from laughing and trudging up the gigantic hill, Sam was ready to call it a day when she heard something that sounded like another vehicle. Two snowmobiles pulled to a stop next to Cole’s truck and the figures that sat on top of the machines waved.
“I thought this was your secret mountain,” Levi said.
“Yeah, it is, but sometimes I share it with my brothers. Since I’m so nice, I let Mason and Emma ride around on their snowmobiles out here.”
Sam hid her smile.
“Did they have to pinky promise not to tell anyone about the secret mountain too?”
Cole looked back at the innocent boy sitting on the tube as he strained to pull it up the hill. “Yeah, something like that.”
Once at the top, Emma and Mason took their helmets off and Emma came over to give Sam a hug.
“Hey there! I had no idea you’d be out here today. Perfect timing, huh?”
“Yeah, great,” Cole muttered.
Despite Cole’s new sour mood, Sam was happy to see Emma. She hadn’t talked with her since the night they went to the North Country.
“I’ve been wanting to plan another girls’ night out. Interested?”
“Another? I haven’t been on one yet,” Sam said knowing Emma set her up last time. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. It could have been a nice gesture on Emma’s part, or she could be the type of person to meddle, which seemed to run in their family. Right now, Sam didn’t need anyone else meddling in her life.
“Busted.” Emma laughed. “I guess Grandma Betsy is rubbing off on me.” She looped an arm around Sam’s shoulders and pulled her in for a private conversation. “But it looks like you don’t need any more help from us. Cole’s a good guy. He’s had a few hard knocks, but he’s honest and fun, and I must say, I’ve never seen him so gooey-eyed over a girl before.”
Apparently “gooey-eyed” was a compliment. Cole had Levi up on the other sled and laughed with Mason.
“And he’s in pretty deep with your son too.”
“Cole is really good with him. I think he likes having someone to play superheroes with.”
“Levi or Cole?”
“Cole.”
Emma laughed at that as well. “For sure. It looks like you’ll be busy tonight, but how about next weekend? No boys. Promise. You, me, Paige and anyone else you want to invite.”
“I, uh, don’t have any girlfriends.”
“Well, you do now,” she said as she pulled her helmet back on.
Levi ran over to Sam and pulled on her ski pants. “Mommy, can I go for a ride on Mason’s sled?”
“I think Mr. Tucker and Ms. Fulton are leaving now.”
“But he said I could.”
Mason walked shyly to her. He was the spitting image of his brother in every way except for his demeanor. Where Cole walked with confidence and a sureness of the world, Mason seemed more reserved.
“I’ll go really slow. Emma will follow behind on the other sled.”
Sam bit her lip. She’d never been on a snowmobile before and heard they were dangerous, but Mason seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t take chances. Levi would be safe with him.
“Okay, but not too fast.”
Levi did a fist pump in the air and ran back to give Mason a high-five. “She said I can go!”
Mason took off his helmet and placed it on Levi’s tiny head, making him look like a ridiculous cartoon character. Minutes later they were gone and Sam and Cole were left on the hill.
“You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?”
Sam rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Do you have a line for everything?”
“Nah, you just bring out the best in me. Let’s sit in the truck. I brought some hot chocolate.” They climbed into the truck and took off their hats and gloves and shared the thermos.
“Thank you. It’s perfect.”
They sat in silence sharing cocoa and staring out across the white landscape. “How did your husband die?”
Completely caught off-guard, Sam choked on the hot liquid and handed the thermos back to Cole. “I…wasn’t expecting…I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why is that?”
She’d spent enough with him by now to know Cole could be relentless. “I moved here to make a new life for myself. And for Levi.”
“Sure. I understand that. But making a new life doesn’t mean completely erasing your past. You told me he died nearly five years ago. Right before Levi was born. Is that right?”
Looking out the window, she willed Emma and Mason to come back quickly, putting an end to the interrogation.
“Come on, Sam. Talk to me. I’m not asking for your deepest, darkest secrets. Only the facts. I know he died. Did he have cancer? Some other disease?”
Sam pulled her hair out of her face and turned to face him. The burden she’d carried for nearly five years weighed so deep, and he was right. It wasn’t a secret.
“I was pregnant with Levi, a week overdue. We’d just returned home from my doctor’s appointment and they told me I hadn’t dilated, and they wanted to induce me in the next few days if I didn’t go into labor.” She didn’t know if Cole knew anything about pregnancy and birth but now was not the time for that lesson.
“I was in a foul mood and wanted some much needed alone time, so I asked Adam, my…husband, to take…” She tried to swallow, but her throat closed up. “To take Abigail away and go for a drive. Go out to eat. Do whatever, but give me an hour of peace and quiet at home. I hadn’t had that in over two years.
“So they left. An hour later, a police officer came to the door and told me he and Abigail were in an accident. They both died on impact. Killed by a drunk driver.”
Tears she thought she’d shed years ago spilled from her eyes. Cole tensed and turned his head away, closing his eyes and clenching his jaw. She sniffed and he slowly relaxed his body, bringing his sad gaze—normally full of mischief—back to her. He reached over and wiped a tear away with the pad of his thumb.
“Abigail was your daughter?”
Sam nodded. “She was only three,” she whispered.
She finished her story. The trauma had put her into labor, and she delivered Levi a few days later. Alone, with no husband and daughter. Cole swore and rubbed his hands across his face.
“God, Sam. I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Not the baggage you were looking for, huh?” she tried to tease.
Cole shook his head and wiped another stray tear that made its way down her cheek. He didn’t say anything and wrapped his arms around her pulling her close into a warm embrace. Her intentions were not t
o kiss, but to thank him, yet when she looked up into those gorgeous, warm, brown eyes, she caved.
He kissed her back, slowly, tentatively, and she held on to the front of his jacket with both hands. Sam struggled between pushing him away and pulling him in closer. Her salty tears mingled with the hot chocolate taste of his tongue and she craved more of him.
The sound of engines in the distance brought them back to the present and Cole pulled away. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I know you didn’t want to, but thank you.” He kissed her forehead and climbed out of the truck, giving them both time to pull themselves back together before the others came back.
*
Yup. She was ready to date. Telling Cole about Adam and Abigail removed the heavy weight bringing her down and blocking her from finding happiness. Keeping the past locked up wasn’t healthy. The death of her loved ones didn’t need to be a deep dark secret. Her terrible life-altering event could have been worse. She could have lost Levi as well. Cole was right though. She needed to move on. For the first few weeks of Levi’s life, she felt guilty loving him. As if loving him would take away the love she had for Abigail.
But it didn’t. Her love for her son and her love for her daughter were two very different experiences. Like her love for Adam and her…lust for Cole were two different types of love. Very different. She never had the passionate lust for Adam that she experienced with Cole. Instead, it was head-over-heels love-at-first-sight with Adam. And Cole? She liked him first. Then lusted. And the familiar flutter in her heart made her nervous about the next step.
Now she could carry on with new friendships, new relationships, and know she had a bright future ahead for her and Levi.
Slowly over the past few days Sam had started to loosen up and accept Cole’s good morning and good night kisses. And the kisses he stole during the work-day as well. The routine of dropping her son off at preschool and driving to Cole’s for work became fun and exciting. She looked forward to the brief conversations and the long kisses they shared while working. Sam parked in his driveway and lifted a heavy box from the back of the truck. She kicked Cole’s porch door with her foot and called out, “Hands are full! Can you let me in?”
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