by SK Wee
“His body will be released soon and I assume that Purton’s Funeral Home will take care of the arrangements. Maybe you could help Marsha deal with that, Fee.” It seemed like I had too much contact with Mark Purton in the last year, but he was so easy to work with and I wouldn’t mind helping Marsha with the arrangements.
“Marsha, I think we should call Mom and let her know, and then if you like I can go talk to Mark and get things started.”
“That’s fine.” Marsha sounded defeated, not at all like the woman in charge she usually portrayed. “I don’t feel very well. I should lie down. Will you see if Mom will come over?” I did just that. I called Mom and she sped right over to be with Marsha. Cal left to begin working on his paperwork just as Logan showed up. My mother gave me a questioning look and I decided I should introduce Logan to at least part of my family. I didn’t know if he was going to be a permanent part of my life, but I knew I wanted him to be part of our child’s life, thus he would need to know my family.
Unfortunately, I had no idea on how to answer any of the forthcoming questions. I didn’t think he wanted everyone to know he worked for the FBI, so I let him explain his occupation. He kept his original cover as a part-time cook and bartender but added that he had a degree in business and was in-between jobs at the moment. Thus, my mother now believed I met him at the Landing and yes, I told her that Logan was the father of her impending grandchild. Whether she was happy or not about that, I couldn’t tell. Logan did not put on any other airs than what I considered natural. He came off as somewhat dangerous and volatile.
Since I volunteered to talk with Mark at the funeral home, Logan gave me a ride over there. I knew all the pamphlets that I would be bringing back and picked them out of the stacks while I waited for him to show up.
“Hello, Fee.” I glanced up at Mark as he entered the room, I immediately thought he looked haunted. I couldn’t help but wonder why.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Though he attempted to give me a reassuring smile, it did nothing to dispel his melancholy.
“Sorry, it’s not a good day, I guess. Are you here to help your sister?”
“Yes, I am. I thought maybe you had heard about Travis already. Did his parents call you?” Not for the first time, I had to wonder how someone could perform his duties day in and day out. It had to be a depressing occupation.
“Yes, they called and so did the hospital. They won’t be done with . . . with . . . oh Fee, I don’t know what to do.” Mark sat down in the chair next to mine and put his head in his hands. After a few seconds, he lifted his head with a deep sigh. “Travis was here last night. He left about midnight and I thought he would be going straight home. I don’t know who else to talk to about this. I’m so ashamed.”
“What are you talking about?” I was completely confused. “Did he come here often?” It suddenly dawned on me that Mark might be the ‘other woman’ Marsha thought he was seeing.
“He came around once or twice a week.” Mark started to sob and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
“Tell me about it.” I realized Mark needed to get something off his chest. He was in serious pain. “When did this start? I’m not here to judge you.”
“Thanks, for that. You were always the most level-headed of the family.” Mark blew his nose and sat back in his chair. “It was actually during Lizzie’s wake. He was fed up with all the sad faces and came out here to vent. We talked for a while and he wanted to get some fresh air. I brought him out to the back stoop where we stood and talked. I felt drawn to him and he flirted outrageously with me. No one had ever spoken that way to me, and I really didn’t know how to handle it.” Mark stopped to pour us each a cup of coffee. I knew Logan was patiently waiting outside for me, but I felt like I needed to hear this, I needed to understand both Travis and Mark.
“The next day he stopped by at lunchtime and asked if he could drop by after work. I should have said no, but I was feeling so lost and alone. The one I truly wanted wouldn’t even look my way. I just felt like I needed someone. He brought wine and some porn movies. He said they were just for fun. I had never seen nor imagined anything like what we watched in those films. But soon we were duplicating or at least trying to duplicate some the action. Fee, I’ve known I was gay since high school and I’ve never taken a partner, never experimented, I never thought that I would actually have sex, so I did enjoy his company even though he was not the man I wanted, but it felt good to have someone.”
“Did he know you were in love with someone else? Did you discuss these things?”
“Yes, he knew I wasn’t in love with him, but I don’t think he loved me either. He experienced a failed relationship while he was in college. I believe that was why he dropped out even though he had a full-ride football scholarship.”
We had often wondered why Travis had left college. I had assumed he was needed at the Feed Mill, but his father still ran the business. My mind went back to when Mark was a frequent guest at our farm years earlier. “You mentioned you knew what your sexual preferences were since high school. I know how close you and my brother, Karl, were when you were younger. I often wondered why you were suddenly missing from his life. Did this have anything to do with it? I know how hard-nosed Karl can be about his convictions.”
Mark looked at me with such sadness, I felt like taking my question back. It was obvious that he didn’t want to think about the past.
“Karl was everything to me.” He wore a melancholy smile as he continued. “We did everything together and by freshman year of high school, I already knew that I was in love with him. He seemed just as happy to be with me. Remember when we used to make our forts up in the loft of the barn? We would do that nearly every weekend when the weather was nice. One night, we were playing around in our fort and as we lay down in our makeshift bedrolls, we started talking about the upcoming dance. I told him that I wished we could just go together and he laughed and hugged me for being silly, but I shocked him by kissing him. His eyes became round as saucers, but then he grinned at me. We kissed some more and soon began fondling each other. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but it felt so good and so very right that we continued. The next morning, he was up earlier than I, but I could see his stiff back as he stood looking out the window across the fields. He turned to me when I approached and told me to never look at him again, never talk, and never, ever touch him again.”
“Oh, Mark, that’s terrible. He can be so very rigid.”
“I seldom saw him through the years. When he arrived for Lizzie’s wake, I had hoped for something that resembled kindness, but he still looked upon me with bitter coldness. His eyes were frozen shards of ice that chilled me to the bone. This was just prior to Travis’ attempts at flirtation. I realize now that I was trying to fill a deep void within myself.”
“I am so very sorry. I had no idea about any of this.” I knew I had to get going and hoped Mark felt at least a little less burdened by our discussion. “I need to get these over to Marsha but if you need to talk, just give me a call.” When I got back out to the car, Logan was getting ready to come inside to see what was taking so long. I really didn’t want to explain about Mark’s confessions. I needed to think everything through, and I wondered if these surprising details were at all related to the death of Travis.
As soon as Logan pulled onto the road, I decided to try to put some of the pieces together. “Could you give me any details about what you found out at the Feed Mill? I’m trying real hard to come to terms with these events and nothing seems to fit.” We were on our way back to the Landing when I decided that maybe we could pool our information. I didn’t think Mark had anything to do with Travis’ death, but the fact that he just left Mark’s might play into some sort of motive.
“Mmm . . . nothing that I want to talk about yet. It was a pretty gruesome scene. I would say that whoever killed the young man, wanted him to suffer and suffer he did. Are you sure you would like details? I never took you as being bloodthirsty.�
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“That I’m not, but just tell me this, if you knew Travis was gay, would anything you saw make more sense?” I didn’t want to spill more than I had to. It may not have a single thing to do with why he was killed.
“He was gay? Hmm . . . someone very upset about that could have caused some of his injuries, yes. Part of his anatomy, his male anatomy, was removed and I believe he was still alive when that occurred. So, yes, I think you need to talk to Cal if you know something.” I didn’t want to bring all this into the open, but finding a murderer should be my goal and Cal would certainly not bring these allegations up unless they were related to the case.
When we got back to the Landing, it was already dark out and Tara was waiting on the last of the diners. I ran upstairs to call Mark. I wanted him to know that some of the information he gave me might help solve the case. He sounded so sad when I told him what Logan had disclosed about his male parts. It seemed likely that his sexual preference may have played a role in his death. Mark allowed use of whatever knowledge I had that might help. He offered to talk to Cal personally if necessary.
Of course, Tara wanted to know every detail about every little thing. There was little that I could tell and Logan didn’t offer any more than what he had already said. We would have to wait for Cal. I had already called him and told him that we needed to talk. He was just finishing up in town and then would be out.
By the time he got there, Tara had all but kicked out the last two customers and Alan who tended bar had left for the night. Tara poured a glass of wine for herself. It had been one hell of a long day, filled with incredible sex and then a whole lot of sadness. I could hardly remember the sex part anymore, though I kept trying.
Cal looked even worse than the rest of us. I hated to contemplate what he had been required to examine at the crime scene. Just the thought of the torture that Travis went through turned my stomach. I told Cal about everything Mark told me with the exception of his revelations about my brother, Karl. I really couldn’t see a reason to bring that up at all. Ancient history.
“I’ll need to talk to Mark in the morning,” Cal said as he slouched back in his chair. He was definitely worn out and needed rest. “I wonder what sort of relationship he had in college that caused him to quit and return here. Have you ever heard anything, Fee?”
“No, I don’t think he ever talked about it. His parents seemed okay with him quitting and working at the Feed Mill. He wasn’t back very long before he and Marsha announced their engagement so I had always assumed that they had something going while he was at school but it sounds like he had a different sort of relationship there.”
“This could very well be a hate crime. If someone was extremely angry with him about his sexual preferences, then they certainly got their revenge. I’ll probably have to talk to Marsha also and see if she knew. I am not looking forward to any of this.”
“If you want, I will speak with Marsha. I know that I shouldn’t be involved, but Mark chose me to make his confession to, thus I am already entangled in this.” I thought that this information coming from me might be easier on Marsha. She was not going to like having any of this made public.
“Let’s discuss it in the morning. I’m so tired I can hardly put two thoughts together.” Cal looked over at Tara, and I was wondering if she was going to have him stay overnight. “I have to get back to my apartment, but I’ll call you in the morning, Fee.” Cal got up from the table and Tara walked with him to the door.
“Logan, you’re welcome to stay the night. I promise to let you sleep at least a little while.” I smiled at him and his eyes were twinkling with what, amusement, desire?
“Why don’t you grab a change of clothes and come home with me. I need to check on some things, and I truly would like that lack of sleep thing.” I didn’t like leaving Tara home all alone with a murderer on the loose, but I couldn’t seem to say no to Logan’s offer either. I wouldn’t be far away and we could come back first thing in the morning.
Chapter Sixteen
Mark
After speaking with Fee, I felt much better. I still felt overwhelming guilt about what happened to Travis, but at least I had taken the first step by speaking to someone. For so many years I felt like I was all alone with my secrets. My parents never learned that their only son was gay. They were like Karl and the whole Collins clan, they believed that it was sinful and against the will of God to prefer men over women.
When we were young, I too believed in all the Bible's teachings, but now I felt that God still loved me and loved who I was, and the fact was, I was a gay man. A gay man that would soon be ostracized by the whole community of Tombora Springs. I knew that there were few citizens of our small town that would have anything to do with me after they found out the truth, but I was so tired of hiding who I truly was. If I needed to leave the town, leave the state, well at least I could say that I faced the truth, faced the facts.
It was easy to hide in my work, I had been doing so for many years. Many older ladies would ask why I never found a wife and I would always say the right one hadn’t come along yet. When Travis approached me and invited himself over, I knew I would be undone. He was wild and sexy and extremely hard to resist. I had never met anyone like him before. He loved to cuddle, but he also loved the more intense, almost painful parts to our relationship. I knew I didn’t love him but I certainly wanted him, and I believed he felt the same way about me.
Travis often talked about his marriage and how disastrous it had turned out to be. He didn’t mind becoming a father, but he hated living a lie with Marsha. At first, he tried to placate her, but he was starting to hate her and everything she stood for. When he left my place sometimes very late at night, he would always have a look of dread on his face. He hated going home to her and I felt sorry for him. I never cared for Marsha, the only one in the family that I could ever talk to was Fee, well, since Karl kicked me out of his life.
Karl and I were inseparable from the time we were in second grade up until our Junior year in high school when he broke my heart. We spent all of our free time together—every weekend, holiday, and all of our summer vacations. I loved spending time at their farm during the summer months. They always put me to work but I loved the farm and the fields. As long as we were together, I was happy. That fateful night, when we finally began to explore our love and lust for each other, I really believed that he felt the same as I did. We lay in each other’s arms the whole night through and I felt his heart beat next to mine. I felt his love surrounding me and was truly shocked when he kicked me to the curb.
Immediately following our ‘break-up,’ he started seeing Ruth. I noticed them together at various functions and knew he was trying to move on without me. I decided to try very hard to disappear from his life. I quit going to church, knowing that it was hard not to run into each other there. I didn’t go to any school dances or outings and made sure that I wouldn’t have any classes with him. Karl and Ruth remained an item, and I heard rumors that they would be getting married soon after graduation. What was remarkable about Ruth was that she looked very masculine, I don’t know if that was what drew him to her or not, but I still believe that Karl, at one time, loved me.
When I saw him at Lizzie’s wake, it was our first meeting in over five years. I spent a restless night before the wake knowing that he would certainly be there. My dream was that he would at least look upon me as a friend. A little kindness would have been wonderful, but no, the distaste he felt for me came through loud and clear. For such an avowed Christian, that seemed like hypocrisy to me. When Travis approached me, I was still suffering from the cold shoulder of Karl. Travis made me feel wanted and alive. It’s no wonder I fell into his web. I knew it was wrong to be with him, not just because I didn’t love him, but because he was married—married to one of the sisters of the man I truly loved. I haven’t figured out why I still carry a torch for the inflexible, rigid Karl. I still dream of our wonder years and how he made me feel back then.
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sp; There was no going back, I knew the sheriff’s department would be coming to question me, and I made up my mind already that I would be completely forthcoming. I was through with the hiding, through with the lies. When I saw Calvin Wagner walk through the door, I took a deep breath and welcomed him into my office.
After we went through everything I had already told Fee, Cal wanted further information about Travis’ past relationship. I tried to recall any little tidbit of information that I could, hoping it would lead to his killer. “He did say once that it was a very tricky situation. When I asked what he meant about that, he said something about dealing with a set of twins. So I’m not sure if he was dating one twin or both. Maybe he confused one for the other. He never said what exactly happened, but he did mention that remaining at the school after that was impossible. It sounded like too many people found out about it and didn’t approve, especially his football teammates.”
Cal was writing down some notes as I spoke. When he finished he flipped to an empty page and looked back up at me. “When he left here did he say he was going straight home or was there somewhere else he wanted to go? Do you remember? It seems strange that he left here for home and ended up at the Feed Mill, which isn’t even in the direction of his home.”
“I’m trying to remember his exact words. I know he hated going back home when he left here. He wasn’t getting along with Marsha at all and they fought about nearly everything. I don’t think he said anything about going anywhere else though. I wish I could help you more.” I had an appointment with Travis’ parents in a few minutes and I didn’t want them to see the sheriff’s deputy here. Cal took the hint and got up from his chair.
“Thank you for your information, Mark. I believe they’ll release the body soon. Are you going to be okay with all this?” I was surprised by his question, very few people actually ever thought about the job I needed to do and when it was somebody you knew and in this case, someone I was intimate with, the job became quite painful.