There was a tug in her chest as she quietly slipped under the covers, knowing she would be spending the rest of her life without him.
In ten short days she would walk away, again. Gone from Tom’s life for ever. She would never be there to cover his back.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
DANA AND STU were eating breakfast with Bonny and the boys when Tom and Sara entered the kitchen.
‘Morning, guys,’ Tom greeted them cheerfully. ‘I can tell it’s going to be a great day.’
‘Morning to you two,’ Stu said, swallowing a mouthful of porridge and ignoring the change to sleeping arrangements. ‘There’s plenty of this on the stove. Unless you’d prefer cold cereal.’
‘No. Porridge is lovely,’ Sara said, climbing to her feet and getting two bowls from the kitchen dresser. Tom followed behind, taking two spoons from the drawer. They smiled at each other when they realised what they had done. It was like old times.
‘Church is at—’ Dana cut her words short when she saw the arrival of a huge delivery truck in the driveway. ‘What on earth is that?’
Bonny ran to the window to look out as Stu and Dana crossed to open the door.
A uniformed man climbed down from the truck, its side emblazoned with the impressive logo of a large department store in Melbourne.
‘I have a delivery for Henry, Phillip and Bonny Anderson,’ the driver announced, as he neared the open door. ‘I need a signature before I can get the parcel from the truck.’
‘There’s something for me too?’ Bonny screamed excitedly, and hobbled to the door. ‘But it’s not my birthday or anything.’
Sara shot Tom a puzzled look and then leant over to him. ‘You got the boys the bears, didn’t you?’ she whispered in his ear.
He nodded and smiled as he looked straight ahead. ‘And one for Bonny.’
Bonny was bursting with excitement. ‘Mummy, can I go out and help?’
Dana ruffled her daughter’s mass of auburn curls. ‘I don’t think the gentleman will need too much help, sweetheart.’
The young man coughed. ‘Don’t believe it. I could do with some help but definitely adult size for this delivery.’
Stu and Tom followed him outside. It was only a matter of minutes before three chocolate brown, six-foot teddy bears with rotund tummies marched their way down the ramp from the truck.
Sara smiled at the sight of the first two with their checked bow-ties and then the third with a string of pale pink pearls around its enormous neck. The men were all struggling to keep their balance as they carried the trio inside.
Bonny was ecstatic and the boys’ little faces lit up and they started gurgling at the sight of their huge furry presents.
‘But I’m not being christened,’ Bonny said, as she hugged the bear now sitting on the floor. She stood possessively beside it, running her fingers over the monstrous pearls.
‘It’s a get-well present from Aunty Sara and me.’
‘You shouldn’t have,’ Stu and Dana said in unison.
‘I’m glad they did!’ Bonny said.
* * *
The morning went well. Dana’s parents arrived at the same time as Stu’s mother and father. The church service was at one o’clock and afterwards everyone came back to the house. Adrian had offered to stay behind to put out the food and see to any last-minute preparations. Dana had organised more than enough food and Stu had seen to the alcohol, so there was no shortage in that department.
‘Didn’t the boys behave beautifully for the minister?’ Sara said, as she offered the plate of sandwiches to Dana’s parents. ‘Not even a whimper.’
‘It was wonderful. I had tears in my eyes the moment I saw Bonny walk into the church and they stayed with me for the entire service.’
‘You’re too sentimental,’ her husband told her. ‘I knew our Bonny would pull through. She’s a fighter, that’s what she is.’
Sara smiled and moved on around the room with the sandwiches and then with the dips and other finger food. Finally, she carried platters of cakes and before too long it was coffee. At around five o’clock the guests started to leave.
Henry and Phillip were fast asleep, unaware of all the fuss for them. Two huge bears sat in the corner of the room, watching over them.
‘I almost forgot,’ Sara said, carrying a present into the room. ‘Tom and I wanted the boys to have something to keep for when they are older.’
Dana unwrapped the parcel with its layers of noisy tissue paper. She gasped. ‘They’re absolutely beautiful.’ Lying in her lap were the two ornate silver picture frames. The family members all gathered around to admire them while Sara started to clean up.
It was about nine o’clock when the mess was under control. They had all picked on the delicious leftovers and were quite full.
‘I hate to ruin a nice evening,’ Tom said, as he climbed to his feet from the comfortable chair by the pot-belly stove, ‘but I’m afraid Sara and I have to head back to Melbourne.’
Tom didn’t want to risk anything happening and he was afraid one more night together might cause him to cross the line. He knew Sara had covered him during the night. There had been no need to open his eyes. The warmth in her touch had radiated through his body as she’d pulled the covers gently over him.
It had taken every ounce of his strength not to reach up and pull her into his arms and make love to her. He didn’t trust himself. He needed to head back to Melbourne where the boundaries were more defined. Being here with old friends made it even more difficult to remember that he and Sara would soon be divorced.
It would be unfair to both of them, he reasoned, for anything to happen. Sara would be leaving for Texas soon and he would once again be alone with his work.
* * *
Sara had made an appointment to see the local general practitioner the next day after work, so she didn’t mind heading back early. The tiredness wasn’t subsiding so she thought it would be great to have some tests to confirm whether her anaemia had returned.
* * *
The next day’s patients were straightforward consultations and she left on time to get through the Melbourne peak-hour traffic to the doctor’s rooms. She felt great after the two days away but still thought it was prudent to have bloodwork done to rule out anything more serious.
The doctor was a lovely older man and after Sara explained her symptoms he agreed they should do a routine blood test as well as checking her blood pressure and vitals.
‘Mrs...I mean, Dr Fielding,’ he began, as he undid the blood-pressure sleeve on her arm and folded it back into the pouch on his desk. ‘Just run by me your symptoms again.’
‘Tired, mostly, and a better appetite than usual. I was up one night recently eating at two in the morning.’
‘This may seem obvious but you couldn’t by any chance be pregnant could you?’
Pregnant? Sara froze. Of course not. She’d only had sex once in the last eighteen months—the night she’d spent with Tom just over six weeks ago—but they’d been careful.
‘Definitely not.’
The doctor eyed her with some degree of doubt. ‘So you’ve not had sex recently?’
‘Yes, once more than six weeks ago, in fact, almost seven now, but it was safe, we took precautions. I can’t be pregnant.’
‘My dear, you’re a medical specialist. You know as well as I do that the only one hundred per cent safe sex is no sex.’
Sara was incensed by what he’d said. But it wasn’t his tone, it was the fact she knew he was speaking the truth.
Could she actually be pregnant? No, it’s not possible, she told herself.
‘But there’s been no nausea. Nothing. I’m eating well. I think it’s more likely my haemoglobin has dropped a little. I’ve had it happen in the past.’
‘Well,
I will definitely test for that,’ he replied as he completed the pathology request form. ‘Is your period late?’
‘Maybe a couple of weeks but that’s not unusual, I’m not always regular when I’m under stress. I’m moving to live in the US and it’s been quite a busy time. As I said, my only complaint is being tired,’ Sara said matter-of-factly, not completely sure of who she was trying to convince.
‘Not everyone suffers from nausea. Some women go through the entire pregnancy without ever feeling sick, some only feel tired and have an increased appetite, so what if we go ahead and do a simple urine test to rule out pregnancy anyway?’
Sara was unimpressed with the idea. Part of her was suddenly very scared of the result. Part of her already knew the answer. But reluctantly she agreed.
He handed her a specimen jar and walked her to the door. ‘The bathroom is the second on the left. Take your time.’
Sara sighed as she walked to the bathroom at the end of the corridor. It was the most nerve-racking walk she had made in her life. Her head was spinning as she thought back to that night. She knew they’d been careful, there had been wrappers on the floor to prove it. She couldn’t be pregnant. Could she?
Sara already knew the answer. Of course she could. She and Tom made love and now she was taking a pregnancy test.
* * *
Sara returned to the consulting room with the sample. The doctor inserted the indicator strip into the jar and they both watched the strip.
It changed colour. It was very clearly blue. There was no doubting it.
Sara’s head collapsed into her hands. ‘How could this happen?’
The doctor turned and looked in earnest at Sara. ‘A baby is not the end of the world, you know, but to make doubly sure I will request the qualitative HCG blood pregnancy test.’
Sara knew that was merely a formality. The strip result was very clear and this type of test was close to ninety-seven per cent accurate.
She was pregnant with Tom’s baby.
‘We have a pathology unit on hand in the practice to take your blood sample so you can have it done now and the result will come back tomorrow, but as you are already ten days late and with this positive urine analysis I think we can be quite positive that you are indeed pregnant. Although by your reaction I assume this is not something you are going to celebrate,’ the doctor said with a sombre tone in his voice. ‘There are options. You don’t have to proceed with the pregnancy.’
Sara shook her head. ‘No,’ she answered. ‘It’s not how I had planned for it to happen but I will be having this baby.’ She already loved her unborn child. It had been instantaneous. She loved the child because she loved its father. She knew that, no matter what happened, no matter how Tom reacted to this child, to his child, she would love it for ever and completely.
After the blood test was done, Sara left the consulting rooms in shock. Her heart was beating so fast she could barely breathe. A baby? It was a dream come true and terrifying at the same time.
How would she tell Tom? She knew he would be as shocked as her but, unlike her, he wouldn’t find any joy in the news at all. Her heart began to beat a little faster and her stomach churned low with anticipation and dread. She knew she needed to tell him. She owed it to him. She paused her racing thoughts and realised it was perhaps not to him but more to the memory of what they had shared. And to finally make a stand. To stop hiding things from each other, no matter the consequences, and no matter what the state of their relationship. It might not be welcome news but he needed to be told the truth.
She also knew she needed time to adjust to the news. A few hours, a day, whatever it took to absorb the enormity of her situation. Her life would never be the same again. And Tom’s life would be changed for ever when she told him. Wish as she might for Tom to be overjoyed at her news, there was really no question mark hanging over his reaction. He had made it clear he did not want a child under any circumstances, ever. He was adamant that he would never change his mind.
Sara was so confused. Her thoughts about the pregnancy, her new job in the US and, of course, Tom threatened to overwhelm her on the short trip home. There was so much to consider. Not just her feelings or Tom’s, but this child had rights too. The right to know his or her father. Sara pulled into the driveway with her heart still racing.
Her mind was spinning with clashing thoughts as she climbed from the car. She suddenly felt quite faint.
* * *
‘Sara, wake up,’ Tom urged as he stroked her face with a damp hand towel.
Sara’s eyes flickered open. She realised she was in her bed.
‘What happened?’ she asked.
‘You tell me. I was inside and heard a thud and went outside to find you collapsed beside the car,’ he told her, with his voice filled with concern. ‘Are you okay now?’ He carefully placed the hand towel on her forehead.
Sara stared at Tom in silence. The reason she’d fainted was not something she intended to share with Tom right now. She needed a little more time. It would only complicate his life and nothing positive would come from it, so she needed to plan how to break the news. She needed to let him know she would be okay no matter what his decision was. Sara knew he would see her pregnancy in a very different light from her.
She reached up for the hand towel, pulled it from her forehead and dropped it onto the bed as she sat up.
‘I’m fine,’ she replied. ‘I did a lot of running around and probably didn’t drink enough water. You know me, I have the world’s lowest blood pressure on the best of days.’
Tom didn’t know what to think but accepted her explanation. ‘I’ll get you a glass of water.’
‘How did I get in here?’ she called out. ‘I thought you said I passed out by the car.’
Tom reappeared with tall glass of water. ‘I carried you inside.’ His face was completely serious as he handed her the water to drink. ‘You should have a check-up, what with being so tired and now this. You need to get to the bottom of it. I appreciate you’ve always had low blood pressure, you function on a level that would have most people lying flat out in bed, but please get yourself looked at.’
Sara could see that the concern on his face and in his voice was genuine. But the real reason for her fainting would be too much for Tom to handle so abruptly. They had only just sorted through their complicated past and finally established a relationship free from blame or resentment. An announcement of her pregnancy, she suspected, would probably create both.
She would tell him about the baby. But now definitely wasn’t the time.
* * *
Sara worked at the practice for the next two days, keeping busy and keeping her distance from Tom. It wasn’t hard as his workload had increased steadily with the new student intake.
Sara lay in bed that night thinking about what could have been and the reality of what the pregnancy would mean in her life. She made plans in her mind. She would travel to Paris before she returned to Adelaide to live. When she returned, she would buy a small place in the eastern suburbs of Adelaide to be near to her family. She would work in the hospital or private practice and when she began to show she could say the baby was a result of a holiday romance. A fling with a handsome medico she’d met abroad.
Well, part of it was true at least. Tom was a handsome medico and they had shared a fling. It just hadn’t happened in Paris this time.
* * *
It was about eight o’clock on Friday night when Sara realised she didn’t have any milk. She was still exhausted and didn’t want to drive to the grocery store so she thought she would ask Tom if she could borrow some. Warm milk before bed helped her to sleep through the night. She looked out into the drive but there was no sign of his car. Remembering the door between the houses, she found the key in the drawer and unlocked it from her side. She could replace the milk tomorrow.
Sara opened the door and stepped inside Tom’s house, reaching for the light switch as she did so.
Immediately, she froze, her gaze falling upon all their old possessions. Everything they’d lived amongst as a married couple. Everything she’d assumed he’d discarded.
The chintz sofa and two matching armchairs. The Persian rug, another honeymoon purchase. The oval card table that was the centrepiece of his living room, an extravagant purchase that had been too lovely to leave in the antique shop in Ballarat on a weekend they’d spent in the country. Sara spun round in shock, her heart racing as she struggled to take in the whole room. Above the fireplace was the beautifully framed triptych print that Stu and Dana had given them for a wedding present, The Pioneer by Frederick McCubbin.
Sara roamed dumbfounded through the rest of the house and she found that nothing was missing. When her emotions got the better of her she collapsed into the soft depths of one of the armchairs. She picked up a small hand-painted vase from the tray mobile. Tears blurred her vision as she studied the delicate piece in her hand.
Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that Tom would be so sentimental.
Being in the house was like stepping back in time.
Sara hadn’t taken her belongings when she’d left. She’d thought it would have been too hard to live with pieces of furniture or ornaments that she and Tom had picked out together. Seeing it all now, she knew she had been right. The tears that had pricked at her eyes now flowed freely. It was a strange combination of sadness and regret. And unexpectedly a quiet happiness at being alone with the precious pieces that meant so very much to her and Tom. But, then, she realised, she wasn’t alone. She was carrying their child.
* * *
Tom was mortified when he unlocked the door and found Sara sitting in the armchair, her head on her hand, as he walked inside.
Embarrassment fuelled his defence. ‘What are you doing here?’
Back in Her Husband's Arms Page 14