by Jacobs, Anna
Jo was standing a few yards away, studying the building, looking as tense as Beth felt.
The two women stared at one another for a few seconds then Beth walked towards the pair, her eyes drawn to the rosy-faced little boy. He’d been waving his arms around but suddenly grew shy and leaned back in his buggy, hiding behind a scruffy purple plush elephant.
‘This is Mikey,’ Jo said. ‘Say hello to your grandma, darling. Remember I told you Kaleel has a grandma and so do you.’
He continued to hide his face.
Beth’s voice came out thick with tears. ‘He’s beautiful.’
‘Better not try to kiss him or anything till he stops hiding behind Huffilump. Mikey’s a bit shy with strangers because he doesn’t meet many.’
The air seemed so charged with emotion that Beth said the first thing that came into her head. ‘I’m nervous. This is so important I don’t want anything to spoil it.’
Jo patted her arm. ‘That’s all right. I’m nervous too.’
‘Why are we standing outside like a pair of idiots? Come and be nervous inside.’
They went up in the lift in complete silence. Mikey kept peeping at his mother for reassurance, and Huffilump was still very much in evidence.
When they got to the flat, Jo paused. ‘The door’s a different colour.’
‘I’ve decorated inside as well, but your room’s exactly as you left it. If there’s anything you want, it’ll probably still be there.’
Jo gaped at her. ‘You didn’t get rid of my things?’
‘No. I couldn’t. I kept hoping you’d come back.’
‘Oh, Mum.’ Her face crumpled and a tear ran down her cheek. ‘I wanted to come back sometimes, but not till I’d achieved something. Dad would have been so . . . He’d have gloated about being right that I’d never amount to anything.’
‘He was upset when you ran away. He’ll want to know you’re all right. I can’t understand why he hasn’t replied to your emails.’
‘If I’d known he’d emigrated, I might have come to see you sooner, Mum. I couldn’t face his scorn. He always made me feel such a loser.’
Beth didn’t contradict her. Shane had been a bit like that, sharp with people who didn’t meet his exacting standards. It had been one of the reasons they split up. One day she’d just had enough of his scorn.
‘How can you be a loser with a beautiful child like this?’
Jo wiped away the tear with the back of one hand and gave a wobbly laugh. ‘The only success of my life, Mikey.’
‘Well, he’s a gorgeous boy. I’d guess you’ve grown up, too. That’s an achievement as well.’
Jo’s face softened and she nodded. ‘You’re right. Mikey needs me, you see, so I have to be sensible. But I’m happy to look after him because I love him to pieces.’
She hesitated, then added, ‘If I hadn’t had Ghita to help out, I’d have been lost at first. She was in hospital at the same time as me and we got friendly because neither of us had any visitors. Afterwards I had nowhere to go, so she took me back to her flat and looked after me. I think I’d have died without her – or Social Services would have taken Mikey from me, which would have been nearly as bad. I was pretty depressed at the time, you see. Everything seemed – too much.’
‘I’d have helped you.’
‘I know that now. I didn’t then.’
Beth swallowed that pain, didn’t allow herself to protest, didn’t dare. ‘Ghita sounds a lovely person.’
‘She is. You must come and meet her. Wait till you see her Kaleel and my Mikey playing together.’
The little boy started making noises and wriggling to get out of his buggy.
‘All right if I let him run loose? Better check first if there’s anything in reach that he can break.’
They had a quick look round and both women dived for dishes and an ornament that had belonged to Beth’s grandmother.
‘I’ve got some food, just stuff I picked up at the shops. I’m out of practice at cooking, with only me to care for and working irregular hours. You two will stay for a meal?’
Jo nodded. ‘Yes. And you know what? It’s not as hard as I’d expected.’
‘What isn’t?’
‘Coming back here. Can I look at my old room?’
‘Yes. Do you want me to keep an eye on Mikey and give you a few minutes on your own?’
‘Thanks. That’d be great.’
‘If there’s anything you want, just take it.’ Beth watched her leave, then turned to smile at the little boy, vowing to stay in his life from now on, whatever it took.
Jo walked down the short corridor to her bedroom, opened the door and stepped into her past, gasping and clapping one hand to her mouth as she stared round. Even though her mother had warned her, it was still a shock to see the room looking exactly the same as when she’d walked out of it five years ago.
Slowly, hardly daring to breathe, she moved across to the bed and stroked the familiar quilt, a little more faded but still pretty. When she slid open the wardrobe door, her old clothes were still hanging there. Most of them wouldn’t fit now, unfortunately, because she’d grown a couple of inches and wasn’t as stick-thin as before. No, some of the looser ones might fit. It’d be a big help because she was running short of decent clothes.
She moved the hangers to get a better look. Nearly all the clothes were dark. In those days, she’d thought it cool to dress in black, had bemoaned her naturally blonde hair, and worn chains, dark eye-shadow and black lipstick.
She’d frighten Mikey if she dressed like that now.
She looked at the floor of the wardrobe. Shoes. Now, those would be really useful if they still fitted her. She took out a pair of lace-ups she’d had to wear for school. How she’d hated them! Sitting down on the bed she tried them on and they fitted perfectly. She walked to and fro. These would be ideal for work, far better than the frayed trainers she couldn’t afford to replace.
There was a school skirt, too. No one except her would know it was school uniform, as it was navy and of no particular style, but again, it would be perfect for work. She slipped it on and nodded. Great.
Sitting down on the bed, she tried to recapture how she’d felt all those years ago, what had driven her to run away. The room was comfortable. Her parents had provided everything a girl could need. Why had she felt they didn’t love or understand her?
Seeing how upset her mother was, how terrified of frightening her away again, knowing how she’d feel if she lost Mikey, brought it all home to her.
Jo shook her head in bafflement at her younger self, felt like weeping for the stupidity of it all, but wouldn’t let herself. OK, so she’d stuffed up big time, but she’d paid for her mistakes, paid dearly. And if that was what it took to get a son like Mikey to love, then she’d pay the price again without complaining.
As always, the thought of him lifted her spirits.
She went back into the living room, her shoes making no sound on the soft carpet, and stopped at the sight of her mother cuddling Mikey and reading a book to him, tears running down her cheeks. Oh, hell! Jo backed away. This was too private a moment to interrupt. She’d hurt her mother far more than she’d understood at the time. Perhaps she could make it up to her now.
She could try, anyway.
Opening the door of her old bedroom quietly, she banged it shut and walked along the short corridor once more. Her mother was still bent over Mikey, who had one chubby forefinger pointing at a picture in his new book.
‘He loves being read to, doesn’t he?’
‘He always has. I often read to him.’ Jo waved the pair of shoes. ‘Can I take these? I hated them when I had to wear them for school, and they’re still pretty ugly, but they’re perfect for work. You bought me good quality shoes, didn’t you?’
‘Always.’ She looked at Jo’s feet, but didn’t say anything about the ratty trainers.
Mikey wriggled down from his grandmother’s lap and began to explore the room, touching things gent
ly. His shoes were in a much better state than his mother’s.
‘He’s not usually destructive,’ Jo offered.
‘It’s good for children to explore. Don’t you want any of your other things?’
‘There’s a skirt . . . and I can try some of the clothes on after tea, but it’s Mikey’s teatime now, if you don’t mind.’
‘Come into the kitchen. It’s almost ready.’
By seven thirty, Mikey was drooping, so they went into Jo’s old bedroom, let him lie on the bed and went quickly through the things in the wardrobe.
‘I can’t take too much because I have to move soon.’ Jo could have kicked herself. She hadn’t intended to mention that yet.
‘Oh? Where are you going?’
‘I don’t know. They’re knocking the building down and we all have to get out. They’ve given us the minimum legal notice, the rats, even though they must have known for ages. I suppose they didn’t want to lose any rent. But you know what the rental market’s like. It’s really hard to find somewhere cheap at the best of times, but just now, well, it’s going to be very difficult. And I need to be close to Ghita and to my work.’ She watched her mother start to fiddle with the plates.
‘You could come here temporarily, then take your time to find a decent place.’
Jo tried to make a joke of it. ‘Do you think we could stand one another full-time?’
‘We could try. To be honest, I wouldn’t want you living here permanently, but temporarily would be fine.’
‘It’d drive you mad to have a three-year-old around. He’d break things, wake you up during the night, leave his toys everywhere, make so much noise and mess. You know what they’re like at that age. And you’ve always been Mrs Tidy.’
Her mother’s eyes were brimming with tears as she said huskily, ‘He could break everything and I’d still want him. I’ve missed so much of his life.’ She pressed one hand to her mouth. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything like that.’
‘And I didn’t mean to come here and start asking for help on the very first visit.’ Jo went to give her mother a quick hug. ‘Hey, it’s all right. We’re both human. And it’s really kind of you to offer to have me, but there’s Ghita to think of.’
‘Your friend? The one who helped you so much?’
‘Yes. She can’t manage very well on her own.’ Jo tried to explain why Ghita’s cultural background made her very self-effacing and nervous.
‘So you’re going to look for somewhere together?’
‘Yes, though separate flats next to one another were ideal. I need her to look after Mikey while I’m at work and she needs me to help her cope with the world. It’s a great partnership. We’ll find somewhere soon, I’m sure.’
‘Actually, I might be able to help you find a flat. I have some contacts in the rental industry.’
Jo looked at her in puzzlement.
‘I’ll tell you about my business success next time. Shane thought it a stupid idea and predicted I’d fail, but I didn’t.’
As her mother drove them home, Jo felt as if the load on her shoulders had been lightened. So much for independence! She wished she hadn’t waited so long to get in touch. She couldn’t get the picture of her mother weeping over Mikey out of her mind, felt horribly guilty about causing her such pain.
It was heavenly to be driven home in comfort. ‘Turn left. Second house on the right.’ The place looked worse than ever, a huge old Victorian building that had been split into as many flats as could be crammed in, then neglected. ‘Not very nice, is it?’ Jo got out and paused by the driver’s side. ‘Next time you must come in and meet Ghita, but I’d better get her used to the idea first.’
‘Am I so frightening?’
‘Everything new is frightening to her. She tries to hide it, but I can always tell. It’s better to give her some warning. Thanks for today. We enjoyed our visit. I’ll – um, see you soon.’
‘I’ll look forward to it.’
Beth locked her car doors and sat watching till Jo had wheeled the sleeping child into the building, then drove slowly back home.
Mikey was such a lovely little boy. She couldn’t help feeling resentful that she’d missed three whole years of her grandson’s life.
Jo seemed a good mother, absolutely devoted. Who’d have thought that?
Beth’s smile faded. She’d tried hard to be a good mother, too – and had failed. She still didn’t really understand why Jo had done something as drastic as running away, and wasn’t going to risk talking about that.
Parenting had to be one of the most difficult jobs on earth.
Pete watched his wife get ready to go out with ‘the girls’ and could stand it no longer. ‘Tell Henri tonight that you’ll be getting a divorce soon and he’ll be able to marry you.’
‘What?’ Fran froze as what he’d said sank in, then plumped down on the bed. She opened her mouth as if to protest, caught Pete’s eye and closed her mouth again. After a moment, when he didn’t speak, she said, ‘Henri was just a fling. I don’t want to marry him. I want to stay married to you.’
‘To my money, you mean. Well, sorry. That tap has been turned off. You’d better not try to use your credit cards from now on. They’ve been closed permanently.’
‘Pete, don’t! We’ll discuss it, get counselling.’
‘I don’t want any bloody counselling. I want to be free of you, you disloyal bitch.’
There was a long, pregnant silence, then Fran stood up.
‘I’d better change.’ She put her handbag down and began to take off her clothes. When she was naked, she came across to him and tried to put her arms round his neck. But he stepped back, feeling disgusted that she was trying to use sex like this. He’d loved her once, but now he had a hard time remembering why.
‘Don’t!’
‘But Pete, you know how well we go together.’
‘Sex isn’t love, Fran.’
‘You don’t know how to love!’
‘Then it’s a good thing our marriage is over. Put some clothes on, then we can talk.’
Sulkily, she slipped on a lacy dressing gown.
He led the way into the living room and steered clear of the big sofa on which they’d often made love. ‘Right. Here’s what I’ve worked out with my lawyer. If you move out, I’ll pay for a flat and deal generously with you. If you try to stay here, I’ll fight you for every single penny.’
She pulled her dressing gown more tightly around her. ‘You have been busy.’
‘So have you.’ He watched her lips press tightly together and her hands clench into fists.
‘I’ll have to hire myself a lawyer before I agree to anything. Perhaps you had better move out for the time being. The man usually does.’
‘I had this flat before we met. I like it. My lawyer says to stay put. After all, you’ve made sure there are no children involved, haven’t you?’
She shrugged and turned away.
‘I’ll move my things into the guest suite, temporarily. I want you out within the week.’
He slept badly, tossing and turning, worrying about that damned DNA test, how much money Fran would rip him off for, how a divorce would affect his image.
Early on Monday morning, after a fraught day with Fran, during which they’d hardly said a word to one another, Pete went round to Edward’s flat, desperate to talk about it all.
His cousin looked as if he hadn’t slept well either, and greeted him with, ‘What the hell are you doing here at this hour?’
‘I told Fran last night that I was divorcing her. The flat isn’t the most comfortable place at the moment.’
‘What if she locks you out?’
‘Then I really will break down the door.’ Pete shrugged and went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. ‘It’s about time you got yourself a proper coffee machine.’
‘Why should I? I drink tea in the mornings and water the rest of the day.’
‘You don’t know what you’re missing.’ It was an old joke
between them but he hadn’t the heart for it this morning. ‘Have you got the results yet?’
‘No. I’m going to collect them later.’
‘I’ll come with you.’
‘Beth’s meeting me there. I thought you didn’t want anything more to do with her.’
‘I don’t. But I’m still coming.’
It was preying on his mind. He needed to know. Suddenly he understood the people on his show a bit better. They too needed to know.
Three hours later, as they were getting ready to leave, Pete asked suddenly, ‘Do you think she really is my sister?’
‘She is certain she is, and I consider it a strong possibility. There can’t be two scars like that. And by the way, that photo hasn’t been doctored.’
‘I can’t believe Mum would be involved in something like that.’
‘I did some research into Beth’s story. Her little brother vanished just as she said, and the scar on the arm was mentioned in all the media reports. There were other photos of it. I’ve checked them out.’
‘What the hell are we going to do about her?’
Edward picked up his car keys. ‘Nothing for the moment. We need the facts first, then we need to sit down calmly and discuss our strategy.’
There was no answer and he turned to see Pete staring out of the window, making no attempt to move.
‘Pete? Are you coming?’
‘What? Oh, yeah.’
When they parked near the laboratory, Pete blew out his breath in a whoosh of tension. ‘You go in and get the results. I don’t want to be seen there.’
‘I’m waiting for Beth. And the results will be in an envelope. No one will know what we’re collecting.’
‘They might think it’s a paternity suit. There’s always someone who recognizes me these days.’
‘And you love it.’
‘Not today, I don’t. Today I feel – strange. Who am I, if she’s right?’
‘The same person you were yesterday.’
Pete shook his head. ‘I don’t think so.’
Edward had never seen his cousin so subdued. ‘Ah, here’s Beth now.’ He went to greet her. ‘Pete’s staying in the car. He’s a bit upset. He and his wife decided to divorce yesterday.’