How would she ever trust me again?
I left his office and went right back to work, thoughts from my visit never leaving my mind. My guys must’ve thought I was pissed off, the way everyone steered clear of me. I can’t say I didn’t appreciate the silence.
I jumped in and began framing up the walls for what was going to be a restaurant. I felt like Lubbock could rival New York City with its abundance of places to eat, but jobs like this paid my bills so I’d never complain.
A few hours and several cases of near heatstroke later, I strip off my shirt and mop my face with it. It’s almost time to call it a day. I’m not looking forward to spending another night alone. I checked out of that damn hotel room only to be right back in it the next day. Maybe I could call up Mike, see if he wanted to grab a bite—anything to keep me from sitting alone in my hotel room. If I sat there long enough, the thoughts of Beth were almost enough to drive me to buy out a liquor store and drown myself in whiskey.
I can feel her presence before I pull the shirt away from my face. I look up and meet her big blue eyes. She looks like a siren and I would happily let the sound of her voice drive me toward the rocks, if only because I’d be near her.
I want to run to her, but I hold back. I don’t want to overwhelm her, especially when I don’t even know why she’s here.
Beth surprises me when she jumps into my arms. She almost knocks me over and I bring my arms around her for support, her long hair shielding us from everyone else.
I don’t know what I expect, but it’s certainly not an apology. I want to laugh because she thinks I left because of her comments on my dad. The guys are getting rowdy, so I walk away to give us some privacy.
Her eyes are filled with tears and I feel like that’s all I’m capable of doing—making her cry. When I explain why I left and why she needs to stay away, she actually shakes her head as if to argue. I want nothing more than to fall back into a life with her, but I want to do it for the right reasons—two broken people picking up the pieces together—not me relying on her to fix everything.
“You don’t think we can make this right?” Her question cuts deep, but I know what I have to tell her.
She deserves to be with someone who would never take her for granted. A man who’d never broken her trust. While I would fulfill the first one, I could never take back what I did.
I expect her to slap me again, I deserve her anger. What I don’t deserve is what she says next.
“So, there’s no chance? I came all the way down here to ask you to move back in…and all of it was for nothing?”
I feel like the air has been knocked out of my lungs. “You wanted to ask me to move back in? Even after all I’ve put you through?”
She gets into her car, wiping stray tears off of her face. “Not anymore, I guess.”
I don’t have a chance to think her words through before she leaves me in a cloud of west Texas dirt.
Fuck.
What am I doing?
I don’t know how I manage to make it through the rest of the workday, but I do. I’m at war the entire time with my thoughts.
Guilt eats at me over the way we left things. I owe her an explanation for earlier—Hell, I owe her an explanation for everything.
That’s how I come to find myself standing outside my own front door, freshly showered and holding my heart in my hands.
On the way over, I thought that she’d probably end up slamming the door on me, I wouldn’t have blamed her if she did.
I watch her face as I lay all my cards on the table and instead of slamming the door, she jumps into my arms.
I remember thinking that we’d just overcome the biggest hurdle in our relationship. Beth was mine. Permanently.
I had no idea of how cruel fate could be.
Against the odds, David and I are finding our way back together. These last few weeks have felt like a marathon of couple’s counseling sessions—we’ve tried to be as honest with each other about the past as we possibly could be.
No secrets—everything out in the open.
Well, almost everything.
I still haven’t told David I’m pregnant.
I got a call from my doctor a few days ago while David was still home and I ended up taking it in the closet. The nurse apologized and told me they needed to push my appointment to September eighth due to scheduling conflicts. When I walked out of the closet, he was leaned up against the bathroom doorframe, giving me a puzzled look.
I told him it was Lauren and she had some personal stuff to discuss. By the look on his face, it was obvious he didn’t want to know what sort of personal stuff.
The morning sickness has also almost completely gone away. I’m fourteen weeks today and I feel better than ever.
There’s just one small problem.
My hormones.
Specifically, my libido.
I live with an incredibly sexy man. A man who has slept in the same bed as me every night since he moved home.
A man who will not put out no matter what I do to try and change that. He is somehow content while leaving me dangling from a cliff.
When I’ve approached the subject, he’s said he wants everything to be right between us. I know that’s not the only thing holding him back. It’s the divorce.
I haven’t called it off yet. I know I should, the timing just hasn’t been right. I gave myself a one month deadline from the night he moved back in. I thought if we could survive a month of living under the same roof again and working through our issues, then I’d know for sure we were meant to be.
I just couldn’t voice that to David. I just told him he could move back in, but how could I tell him that it was a thirty day trial?
I look up from the magazine I’ve been staring at while lost in thought, just as Lauren nudges me, “You alright? You’ve been quiet this morning.”
I nod slowly at her, “Just tired.”
She decided to use some of her paid time off to accompany me to my doctor’s appointment so that I wasn’t alone. I secretly think she was hoping that Jess would just so happen to be here again.
Jess.
Yet another reason I wasn’t exactly ready to throw caution to the wind and work on living happily ever after just yet. Thankfully, she was nowhere to be seen this morning. I don’t want to think of how she’d react when she found out David had moved back in.
I didn’t see her at my last visit either—maybe she requested that her appointments be on a day I wasn’t here. I’m not sure how often she sees her doctor, but David hadn’t mentioned going with her again.
“Elizabeth Greene?” A nurse with a clipboard in her hands scans the waiting room for me.
“Looks like we’re up. Go on, I’ll grab your purse.”
They weigh me in and check my blood pressure. I’m finally starting to gain back a little of the weight I lost in the first trimester. My little baby bump has also grown and I’ve had to wear flowy tops in an effort to conceal everything just for a little bit longer.
I need the results of that paternity test now.
I want to be able to fully exhale and not feel like I’m holding my breath, waiting on the other shoe to drop. I want to fully give my heart back to the man who vowed to forsake all others, while loving and cherishing only me. I’ve been through hell and back, is it too much to ask for a happy ending?
As if the universe is answering my question, Jess turns the corner and almost walks right into us.
I sigh and look up at the ceiling tiles, “Seriously?”
The nurse, unaware of the drama that is unfolding, hands me a cup and directs me to the bathroom for a urine sample. Lauren is facing Jess head on and clenching her fists.
Jess looks from me to Lauren, “Hi.”
Lauren holds up her hand, “Did I say you could talk?”
Jess’s face darkens, “What did you just say to me?”
I bite back a laugh at the madness of the entire situation and pull Lauren away. “C’mon, Rocky. She’
s not worth it.”
Lauren grumbles about it, but ultimately follows me.
As we make our way around Jess to get to the bathrooms, I’m painfully aware of her eyes homed in on my stomach. I self-consciously pull my shirt down and away from my body.
Does she know?
As if she can’t help herself, Jess spits out, “He leaves and you let yourself go. I guess without me around to guide you, you’ve gone back to eating everything in sight.” She gives me a big fake smile that quickly changes to horror when Lauren charges toward her.
“Y-y-you bitch!” Lauren spits out the words and I cringe. I really want to see my baby today. At the rate we’re going, we’ll be in the back of a police cruiser instead.
Lauren continues, “You may prance around like you’re God’s gift to men, but inside—you are as ugly as they come. I want nothing more than to beat the shit out of you right now. I’m sure my boyfriend could even make sure any charges you pressed were dropped as well, but I have a thing against hitting a pregnant woman. So, consider it your lucky day and turn the hell around before I change my mind.”
She doesn’t raise her voice, but her words are clear.
Jess opens her mouth again, no doubt wanting to push Lauren into an altercation, but I cut her off, “Jess, judging by this morning in bed, David is just fine with all of this.” I gesture down my body as I say it and take pleasure in watching the color drain from her face. Maybe it’s not the whole truth—I mean, we did wake up in the same bed, but that was the extent of it. She doesn’t need to know that though.
Without another word, I turn and stalk toward the bathroom, Lauren racing to catch up with me.
“Oh my God, Elizabeth! Did you just say that?” She shuts the bathroom door and leans up against it. “That was amazing, did you see her face?” She dissolves into a fit of giggles that I can’t help but join in on.
My legs are feeling a little wobbly after that confrontation. I’d really like the remainder of my pregnancy to remain stress free or I fear this baby is going to be born needing Xanax to function.
When the nurse gets us back into a room, Lauren excuses herself to make a call.
“Laur—” I warn. “Don’t get into trouble please. Remember, you’re too pretty for prison orange.”
She smiles, “I swear…just a phone call. No covert missions. Although—I wonder if Mike could bring home one of those jumpsuits…we already have the handcuffs…”
My mouth drops open in shock.
“Cat got your tongue, Elizabeth? Do you need to play Candy Crush to block it out? That always works for me.”
I swat at her arm as she ducks out of the room.
I change into the thin cotton gown and try to make myself as comfortable as possible.
The nurse comes back in a few minutes later, but Lauren is still M.I.A. though. I wanted to wait for her, but this nurse seems to be in a hurry.
She squirts lukewarm gel onto my stomach and grabs the wand. “Um, did you happen to see my friend out in the hall?”
She doesn’t even make eye contact with me, “No, I sure didn’t.”
She presses the wand to my lower abdomen and thoughts of Lauren are forgotten. Gone is the gummy bear from before. This looks more like a baby. The nurse takes her measurements with clinical detachedness while I tear up and marvel at the screen.
I hear the door open and Lauren comes back in. She looks like she’s seen a ghost.
“Lauren, are you okay?”
She nods distractedly and then looks over at the screen. “Is that it? Oh my goodness, it’s like a real baby!”
I chuckle, “Well, it’s not a dinosaur.”
“The profile kind of looks like David’s, don’t you think?”
I study the screen closer and see that it does kind of resemble him. The nurse, in what I think is an attempt to help, switches the screen over to 3D and we both shriek in horror.
“Oh my God…it looks like an alien!” Lauren claps her hand over her mouth. “Elizabeth, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Your baby looks adorable.”
I clasp her hand, “It does look a little strange right now. Hopefully, he or she will grow out of that.”
Lauren points at the screen, “Looks like it’s a he. Congratulations and Mazel Tov.”
The nurse interrupts, “That’s the umbilical cord. It’s still a bit early to tell the sex.”
Lauren nods thoughtfully, “Ah…I was thinking that was a bit longer than normal.”
I laugh until tears pour down my cheeks again.
With Lauren in the room, everyone seems to lighten up a bit. Once she got Rose, the nurse, laughing—we were in the clear. Rose asked me questions about the baby and even asked if I had any special requests for ultrasound pictures. I asked if she could get the baby’s foot and she happily obliged.
“Do you feel that?”
I looked over at Lauren, “Feel what?”
She pointed at the screen, “That. Do you feel the baby doing gymnastics in there?”
I laughed, “Not quite yet. The baby is only the size of a lemon.” I stared at the screen longingly. Hopefully soon, I would though. That would make everything seem real.
Dr. Harper comes in soon after and looks over everything. “Well Elizabeth, everything looks good so far. Are you feeling better?”
I smile, “Once I remembered the medication, things were much better. I feel great now.”
“I’m going to send you down to the lab for those tests—cfDNA and Quad screening. We talked about it a little the last time you were here. Is that still something you want to do?”
It hits me out of nowhere. I’m making all of these decisions without David. It’s incredibly selfish to do that to him. I’ve got to tell him the truth.
I agree to the testing and Lauren joins me in the lab downstairs, both of us in a more somber mood. I look over at her worriedly checking her phone and pacing the small waiting area.
“Laur—what’s going on with you? Did something happen?”
She stops and bites her bottom lip, “I-uh-I’m not sure. I’m still trying to figure that part out. I overheard Jess talking to someone in her room about testing and blood samples—it might not be anything, but I think she was getting labs for a paternity test today. Something just doesn’t feel right though.”
I take my hand and massage my temple, trying to ward off the headache that just popped up. “How did you overhear that? Were you spying on her?”
Lauren breaks eye contact with me and looks down, “No. I couldn’t find the bathroom. I got lost.”
I snort, “You couldn’t find the bathroom we had literally just come from?”
“Nope. Got lost—Jesus, where is a lab tech when you need one? Shouldn’t they be stabbing you with needles right about now?”
I wince, “When you put it like that, I’m not really sure I need these tests done.”
She sits down next to me and grabs my hand. “Sorry. So, I lied. I just wanted to know what she was doing. I don’t trust her—and can we take a minute to ask ourselves why you look more pregnant than she does? Isn’t she like two months ahead of you?”
Feelings of inadequacy bubble up, “Good genes? The body of a supermodel? I don’t know—take your pick.”
She continues, ignoring me. “That’s just it. She isn’t showing at all. I’ve researched this and she should be showing—she’s gotta be over twenty weeks pregnant by now.”
I interrupt her musings, “How exactly did you research all of this?”
She looks at me seriously. “Google. You can research anything using that.”
I purse my lips to keep from laughing, “You Googled pregnancy bellies? That’s…that’s interesting, Lauren.”
“Don’t take my word for it—look it up yourself. Not one person I saw had a flat tummy. Geez—are they going to come get you soon? I really want to have lunch sometime today!”
I laugh, “Are you sure you’re not the one who’s pregnant here?”
After
what feels like an eternity, they call me back. The lab technician takes a lot more blood than I was expecting before promising me results within a week.
I briefly wonder how long it’ll take for the results of the paternity test to come back. How much longer will I have to hold my breath, waiting for a verdict?
I’m home. Just a few months ago, I didn’t know if I’d be able to say that ever again. Of all the things I missed, I think being in my own bed with my wife mere inches away was at the top of the list.
She insisted on helping Landon find Katya the day after I moved home and I had to grit my teeth to keep from losing my shit. I was going to have to trust her if I wanted this to work—didn’t mean that I had to sit at home while she went though. I showed up and joined the damn search party as well. I was even nice to Landon—by nice I mean that I didn’t hit the asshole in the face when he talked to her.
Beth never said it, but I think it meant a lot to her. So, every weekend since I moved home, we walked the streets and went door to door to find a missing woman, for a man that I detested. Tell me that’s not true love.
She looks so much more relaxed than I remember seeing her in the past year. I have to remind myself that it’s because we aren’t leading double lives anymore.
I don’t want to be naïve, but it feels like we’re still in some “honeymoon phase.” We’re rebuilding our life together, but on a foundation of glass. I get the feeling that we’re on borrowed time and it won’t be long before everything shatters beneath our feet.
I’ve just walked in the door from a long day of work and giving samples for that damn paternity test. I want nothing more than a hot shower and a cold beer.
Beth is sitting on the couch with her back to me, watching some cooking show. I set my thermos of water down and she startles.
“Hey! I didn’t even hear you come in. You’ve got to watch this. They’re doing a barbecue contest. People from all over the world come set up in a parking lot to compete.”
I walk over and sit down next to her. Her long hair is down and she’s already washed the makeup off of her face. I note the fact that she’s “borrowed” yet another of my t-shirts—something she seems to be doing daily now.
Forsaking All Others (From This Day Forward Book 2) Page 12