She flipped through the Emerson Family album. There were black-and-white photos of Grandma and Grandpa Emerson and a young Joshua Emerson with two older brothers standing behind him. Eden had a hazy recollection of how both of her father’s brothers had died in World War Two. In another picture, Aunt Lillian as a little girl sat on Grandma’s lap.
Both Grandma and Grandpa Emerson had died when Eden was little. She never knew any of her grandparents. She resented this as a child. She remembered feeling enormously cheated when her friends would go visit their grandparents and experience soft cinnamon-scented hugs and leathery tobacco-stained handshakes. She shook the hand of Jillian Funk’s grandpa once. He had given her a peppermint candy.
The Emerson house had burnt down years ago and the property had since been divided. Huge homes sat on tiny lots, overwhelming the older homes in the neighbourhood. Even her parents’ house once stood on a much larger lot. It had been divided into three parcels, and now they had a good view of the Friesen’s back yard from their porch.
Eden carefully turned the pages, managing to block out Eleanor’s incessant singing. She flipped through more black-and-whites of Dad and Lillian growing up. Dad working on a truck engine with Grandpa, Lillian in the kitchen with Grandma. They seemed happy.
The next picture made her gasp. It was a wedding photo of two very young people with weak smiles, dated 1946. It was her mother and dad!
Eden thrust the picture in Eleanor’s face. “I know you got married in 1964. What’s going on here?”
Eleanor as expected, didn’t respond to Eden’s outburst.
“Okay.” Eden paced the small room. “You and Dad got married in 1946. Then eighteen years later, you were married again? Why?”
“…our love will not die…”
“You were married all that time and then for some reason had a second mock wedding? Why on earth would you do that? Or…” A second reason which caused greater distaste occurred to her. “You got divorced the first time? Okay… and then, remarried? I don’t get it. You didn’t get married because of me—I know that much—because I was born in 1966.
“What happened, Mom? Why don’t I know?” Eden stood in front of her mother, desperate for answers. She was hurt by this secrecy. She was angry. And Eleanor wouldn’t stop singing.
Her ears were ringing, and she felt like she was suffocating. Her parents kept secrets. Her mother didn’t know her own daughter. She was alone to deal with all this crap. AND SHE WOULDN’T STOP SINGING!
In retrospect, it felt like she had moved in slow motion, like her hand was someone else’s and not her own. When it slapped Eleanor’s face, it was like Eden had slapped her own. Suddenly, the world was quiet. She got what she wanted. Her mother stopped singing, but now large tears ran down her wrinkled face.
“Oh, Mom, I’m so sorry!” Eden flung her arms around Eleanor’s neck, her own tears left unchecked. “I didn’t mean to do that. Really, I’m so sorry.”
When Eden pulled away, she was shaking. She grabbed a tissue for herself, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Eleanor sat upright, almost regally. Eden took a fresh tissue and gently wiped the tear lines off her mother’s face.
Eden’s throat felt thick. She could taste the bile of self-loathing. She had more questions than answers now, but Eden knew one thing for sure. She needed help.
24
Eleanor
“HOW’D YOU like working at the Market?” Ellie asked after Lillian had finished her shift and they were walking leisurely home.
“Sometimes it’s okay, but when Mr. Kipper gets angry, watch out!” She relayed the event with the little boys that had just occurred. “I had to bite my tongue not to say anything. I need this job to pay for my tuition for nurses college.”
“I’m really proud of you, Lillian. You have goals and you do what you need to make them happen. I admire that.”
“Thanks.”
“Have you heard from Joshua?”
“Actually, the mail came this morning and there were two letters from Josh. One for Ma, and one for you.”
“Really? Lillian, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t have a chance. Boy, you’re sure head over heels aren’t you?”
Ellie bit her lip to keep from smiling, but her cheeks flushed red, giving away her joy.
“You’re in love! Ellie’s in love, Ellie’s in lo-ove,” she sang.
“Oh stop that! Everyone will hear you.”
They rounded the corner that led to the Emerson property.
“Come in for a while,” Lillian said. “I’ll get you the letter.”
Ma Emerson was busy in the kitchen. Lillian and Ellie greeted her, and then Ellie followed her friend to the living room where Lillian handed Ellie her letter. “I knew you were special to him,” she said, smiling warmly, “but you must be really special for him to take time to write. Josh doesn’t write to just anybody. I’m surprised he even writes to me.”
Ellie stared at his handwriting on the envelope.
“So?” Lillian bumped her with her shoulder. “Are you going to open it?”
Ellie sat carefully on the couch and tore open the envelope with shaky hands. Did Joshua still love her, or did he write to say good-bye?
Dear Ellie,
Life on the boat is drudgery. We get up early and work late. The smell of dead rotting fish is wretched, and the rocking back and forth made me sick for a week. But I think I got my sea legs now.
I don’t want to be a fisherman for the rest of my life, so when I get back I’m going to sign up for college. And when I finish I want to make you my wife.
Only four more weeks until I see your lovely face.
Forever yours,
Josh
“Well, what’d he say? Or is it too romantic to share,” Lillian chided.
Ellie burst into tears. She had ruined Joshua’s life!
“What is it? What did Josh say to upset you like this?” She sat next to Ellie and put her arms around her shoulders. “Oh, when I get my hands on him I’m going to wring his neck!”
“No, it’s not like that,” Ellie said between sobs. “He wants to go to college and then he wants to marry me.”
Lillian hummed. “I fail to see the bad news here. What’s the matter?”
Should she tell? She hadn’t told a soul, and she wasn’t planning on telling anyone but Josh, but now…, oh, who could help her? Could Lillian?
“If I tell you something, Lillian, will you promise not to tell anyone?”
“Of course.”
“I mean nobody.”
“What is it, Ellie?”
Ellie doubled checked that they were alone in the room and whispered into Lillian’s ear. “I’m expecting Joshua’s baby.”
“Oh my.” Lillian slowly slunk back into the couch, her hand grabbing at her heart. “Oh my.”
“What am I to do? Josh wants to go to college before marrying me.”
“He doesn’t know?”
Ellie shook her head. She was in trouble. Just like Pa had warned.
“Some girls, you know,” she leaned forward and lowered her voice, “get an abortion. It’s illegal, but...”
“No!” Ellie was mortified. This baby was unplanned, but was still her flesh and blood. And Joshua’s. She couldn’t kill it.
“Okay, then, you could give it up for adoption.”
“Go away for nine months, and come back like nothing’s happened? Oh, Lillian!”
“You have to tell him.”
“What about his plans for college? He’s an honourable man. He’ll insist on getting married, and then resent me for the rest of his life. I need to go away. I just don’t know where to begin.”
“First you need to tell him. He has a right to know. It’s the only fair thing to do. Besides, he’s partly to blame for this. Let him decide for himself what to do.”
“I better write to him now, before I lose my nerve.”
It was the hardest thing she would ever have to do in her life. No,
the second hardest thing. The hardest thing would be telling Pa.
25
Eden
ALL EDEN wanted to do was to lie down on Aunt Lillian’s bed and go to sleep. Instead she picked up a box that appeared to have important papers and books in it, along with the photo albums, and slowly led Eleanor out of the building, remembering to lock the door behind her as requested by Harry.
They made it home seconds before Sophie arrived with Tina Holsom, back from preschool. Eden feigned interest in her day, scrounging up something for lunch. Eleanor hovered around her like a pecking hen, questioning her actions and motives.
“Please, sit down, Mom,” she said with little enthusiasm. “Sophie, talk to your grandmother. Distract her for me while I get lunch ready.” Peanut butter and jam, the old standby. Thankfully, Eden thought, Sophie and Eleanor never got sick of it.
Eden’s lunch consisted of a fresh cup of coffee which she sipped in the next room, pressing herself down in her chair like a child with a security blanket. The view out the window was drab and dismal. She believed it would never stop.
The phone rang and Eden was tempted not to answer it, but she thought it might be Cade. She hoped it was Cade. How wonderful it would be to talk to someone who cared about Eleanor right now. She’d be nicer, try to make up for her snarkiness last time.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Eden! I’m back!” Not Cade, Justin.
“Oh, hi, Justin.”
“What’s the matter? You don’t sound happy to hear from me. You didn’t find yourself another boyfriend while I was gone, did ya?”
“No, it’s not that.” She just wasn’t sure how she felt about him anymore. It bothered her that he referred to himself as her boyfriend. They’d shared one dinner and one kiss. That was all. “It’s been a hard day with my mother.”
“Oh, sorry to hear that. Well, I had a great time out east, made a few bucks and some important new connections, too.”
“That’s great, Justin.”
“So when can I see you? Tonight?”
“Tonight?” Eden roused herself. Maybe she should go out. A change of scenery would be good for her, and besides, Cade was lost to her. She had to try to move on. “Yeah, sure.”
“My place?”
“Okay. I’ll call Marti and come over around eight-thirty.” When she hung up the receiver, she questioned her lack of enthusiasm. Had she missed Justin at all while he was gone?
Sophie was calling her from the top of the stairs.
“What is it, Sophie?”
“It’s Grandma,. Ew yuck! She pooped on the floor!”
Eden flung her hands into the air in surrender. This was the last thing she needed. She barely had the stomach to change Sophie’s diapers when she was a baby, much less… this. She dragged herself up the stairs, not at all up to the daunting task ahead of her.
“Oh, Mom.” Eden sighed and went to work. She gave Eleanor a bath, cleaned everything up and made everyone have a nap. Including herself.
After going under for forty-five minutes, Eden coveted some quiet time in the house with Sophie and Eleanor still sleeping. She stepped quietly down the steps to the kitchen where she put on a pot of coffee and lit a cigarette. She searched through her wallet for the numbers Dr. Chan had given her.
The business card had the words The Alzheimer’s Society embedded on the front. She called the number written underneath, and someone answered on the third ring.
“Hello. Alzheimer’s Society, Joan speaking.”
“Hi. My doctor gave me this number. I’m not sure…”
“Oh, thank you for calling. Are you a caregiver?”
“Uh, yes. I guess I am.”
“Are you caring for a friend or relative?”
“My mother.”
“I see. May I ask your name?”
Eden twisted he cord nervously, and answered the personal questions asked by Joan, whom she thought sounded very chipper. Certainly not how Eden felt, and she wondered if she had called the right place. The coffee pot hissed behind her, and she pressed the butt of her cigarette into a full ashtray.
“Eden,” Joan continued, “We at the Alzheimer’s Society understand the stress caregivers are under. I can direct you to a variety of services that can make your job easier. The main thing is that you don’t try to do it all yourself. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
“What stage of the disease is your mother in?”
“I don’t know. I don’t really know that much about Alzheimer’s. I never knew anyone with it before. I…” Suddenly, she was overcome with emotion. Her lips tightened and quivered, and her eyes swelled up with moisture. She felt like an idiot.
“Eden? Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” she blubbered. “I’m fine.”
“You poor dear. Look, I’m going to come to your home myself, to talk to you and answer your questions. How’s tomorrow sound?”
By the time Eden hung up, she had an appointment with Joan from the Alzheimer’s Society at her house in the morning.
Eden was in the middle of making supper when she remembered she hadn’t called Marti. She wiped her hands on a cloth and dialled her number but there was no answer. She left a message on the machine. She tried again every ten minutes but it was obvious that Marti was out, probably with her new fiancé. Eden shivered with envy. Marti wasn’t free, and she had no sitter. She shouldn’t have assumed that Marti would be free and willing, and now she had no choice but to break her date with Justin.
After stirring the spaghetti sauce she dialled his number. “Hey, Justin. I’m afraid I have bad news. I can’t make it tonight.”
“What d’ya mean?”
“Marti’s not answering her phone. I can’t leave Mom. How about…”
“Geez, Eden. I’ve been gone for fifteen days. C’mon!”
“You could come over here.”
“Well, you know, I’d rather be alone with you.”
“We’ll have to wait then,” Eden said, feeling slighted. “I’ll see if Marti can come tomorrow night.”
“Okay. I’m sorry for sounding so impatient. It’s just that I miss you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. But we’re on for tomorrow night, right?”
“Right. Eight o’clock?”
“Great. Later babe.”
Without returning the receiver, Eden started to dial a number she knew by heart, the one belonging to Cade, but she quit before the last number.
She really wanted to talk to him, but she didn’t know what she would say. And what if Hillary answered? Was there a way she could turn this around again? Or had she totally blown it?
How would she know if she didn’t call? Her head pounded with anxiety and anticipation. Her stomach lurched as she dialled the numbers again. She held her breath and counted the rings. If Hillary answered she would hang up. Then she would puke and never talk to her again.
To her relief, Cade answered, but with all the worry, Eden’s throat closed up, refusing to respond.
“Hello? Who is this?”
“Cade ?” Eden squeaked out.
“Eden? Is everything all right?”
Though uninvited, pride kicked in once again. She couldn’t let him know she was hurting. He’d laugh and tell her she got what she deserved. Suddenly, she was embarrassed. She wished she hadn’t called.
“Yeah, sure. Everything’s fine.”
“Is Sophie okay?”
“Uh-huh. She misses you.” Silence.
“I miss her, too. I can’t come down for a while. Why don’t you bring her up?”
“I can’t. Mom’s not doing very well.” Though it was the truth, it sounded like an excuse. And although Cade would never believe it, she would have jumped at the chance to escape with Sophie. She could sense his defences go up.
“I guess she’ll have to wait then,” he said stiffly.
Eden wanted to tell him about Eleanor, about all the troubles she’d been having but she couldn’t
do it. It wasn’t his problem anymore. She wasn’t his problem anymore.
“Eden, why did you call?”
“Sophie and I called you a couple days ago. Hillary answered the phone. Didn’t she tell you?” An awkward silence was broken only by static on the lines. “She said you were in the shower.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. Hillary’s here and you’re not.”
“But why her? Couldn’t you pick someone else?”
“Would that make you happier, Eden? You seem to be highly concerned with your own happiness. Let’s not talk about your boyfriend now.”
“I can tell this is going nowhere, Cade I’m sorry I called. Let me know when you can see Sophie.”
AFTER CHANNEL surfing for over an hour with no satisfying results, Eden resolved to put her weary body to bed. Exhausted, she crawled in beside Sophie, careful not to awaken her. She assumed she would slip into a deep sleep upon contact with her pillow, but to her utter consternation, her thought processes went into high speed, flipping the events of the day over and over until she thought she would go mad. The gases in her stomach churned and a fresh dose of adrenaline pumped through her veins.
There was the crisis at her aunt’s apartment, and the mystery of her parents’ two marriages to ponder. Then there was the strained conversation with her… Her what? He wasn’t her “ex” or former husband. They were still married. He must be what was called her “estranged” husband.
And how did she really feel about Justin Kipper?
Eden tried not to think of anything. She tried to go blank. Blackness. Cade’s face. No blank it out. She flipped her body over again. Her mother. Her dad. Back and forth it went.
East of the Sun: a 20th century inspirational romance. Page 9