“Working. I’ve decided to go back to school. Upgrade my degree.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I don’t have room for romance in my life.”
“I guess I blew it in that department, too.” Ellie sighed loudly.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that, well, now that some time has passed, the pain has eased a little, and I wish…” Ellie bit her lip and then sipped her coffee.
“You wish…?”
“Well, I’ll be honest with you, Lillian. I wish I would’ve done things differently. I wish I wouldn’t have pushed Josh out of my life. I’ll regret it forever.”
“I knew it!”
“You knew what?”
“That you guys still love each other.”
“Has he said anything to you?”
“He doesn’t have to. It’s that lost puppy dog look he walks around with.”
“But, it’s been such a long time. Maybe he’s found, you know, someone else?”
“Ellie, if there were someone else, I would know about it.” Lillian grinned mischievously. “Believe me, as far as Joshua is concerned, there is nobody but you.”
47
Eden
THE NEXT DAY, Eden walked down the halls of East Vancouver High with Cade Kelley by her side. It was déjà vu except that they were keeping a safe twelve inches between them now.
Cade had surprised her with an invitation to join him on a tour of their old stomping grounds. She couldn’t have been more delighted or more nervous. At least she did a better job choosing her attire this time. She dared a mid-thigh-length plaid skirt with a navy knit sweater and navy tights, together with her leather jacket and clunky slip-on shoes.
She thought Cade liked it. He didn’t say anything, but when he saw her, he inhaled and exhaled long and slow.
Everything was just like she remembered, with the exception of some fresh paint. The same long hallways were lined on either side with green ceiling-to-floor lockers, along with the same scuffed up floors and flickering fluorescent lights. The air was recycled and stale, a mixture of adolescent sweat, old textbooks, and yesterdays lunches. Most of the classroom doors were shut, but a window in each door allowed them to take the occasional peek inside.
“I can’t believe Mr. Rimmer is still teaching English,” Cade said, peering at an elderly man with a top of very white, almost blue hair. He wheezed through his lecture to thirty drowsy teenagers.
“I barely passed English twelve,” Eden added. “I had to cram like mad the night before the final exam.”
“I remember that.” Cade stopped suddenly. They both sensed the electric tension of sharing a memory together. “You kept phoning me for answers.”
Eden took a quick breath. “I didn’t think he’d live this long.”
They continued on down the hall, followed by the sounds of pencils scratching and keyboards from the typing classes clicking.
They both instinctively stopped in front of lockers number 103 and 104. Eden’s was 103. A very shy, studious girl named Kimmy Whitewood occupied number 104. One day Eden showed up at her locker and Cade Kelley was filling Kimmy’s locker with his things.
“I gave her five bucks to trade me.” His smile almost knocked her over. “I hope you don’t mind.”
Eden remembered holding on to her locker door, terrified she would slink to the floor in a faint, right in front of him. She’d made it clear that she definitely did not mind. That was the beginning of their romance. Soon after that they were a couple—Cade and Eden, Eden and Cade. She’d felt so important. Cade was the new guy everybody wanted to know and he had picked her for his girlfriend.
They were late for class on more than one occasion. He’d close his locker, putting a strong arm over her head, drilling holes into her soul with that deep, dark-eyed gaze. He’d kiss her then. His lips, full and sweet…
“Eden?”
“Huh?”
“You okay?”
It was Cade, his face expressing concern, his lips far away. Her neck flushed with the memory she’d been pulled from, and with Cade standing right there, totally unaware. “Yeah, I was just thinking.”
“It takes you back, doesn’t it?”
They stopped at the gymnasium. The Phys. Ed. class was engaged in scrimmage basketball and the pounding of the ball echoed through the large room.
Cade just stood there shaking his head. “I miss those days. Pushing yourself physically to the max, breathing hard, playing hard. The adrenaline rush of scoring and winning. The camaraderie with the other guys.”
“You were good, Cade.”
He tilted his head, and Eden thought for a moment he was going to thank her. “Let’s go upstairs,” he said.
Eden’s hand traced the wooden banister up the stairwell. They stopped at the top to look at the view from the six-by-five window that allowed the light of day to shine onto the second floor. Dull grey skies promised rain in the near future.
The banister had been painted, a few times Eden would guess, but the engravings over the years hadn’t been sanded away. She couldn’t help herself. She searched for the heart tucked in the corner by the wall with “C.K. loves E.E.” scratched into the middle of it.
Cade saw it, too. Then he turned sharply and headed down the stairs.
“Cade?”
“What?”
“We should talk.” She had to skip down the stairs to catch up with him.
“What’s to talk about?”
“Why are you mad?”
“I’m not mad.”
“You are so.”
Cade swung around to face her. “This place brings back too many memories.”
Good or bad? Eden wondered. “For me, too.”
“Where’s your boyfriend, Eden? Why are you here with me?”
Because he’s a low life amoeba and I’m still in love with you!
“We’re not… I’m not…” She shrugged her shoulders, tongue-tied. They started down the hall again, past the school offices, and bumped into the principal, Mr. Whitten.
“Well, hello there! If it isn’t, uh, Eden and Cade, right? How are you two?”
They both mumbled weak responses to the effect that they were fine.
“Just reminiscing, eh?” he said, hurriedly. He wore a wrinkled brown suit with a white cotton shirt and a tie that seemed just a tad too tight. “Well, take care,” he said, rushing to attend to the next item on his agenda. “Good to see young people who stay together these days.”
Cade’s jaw tightened. He muttered, “Let’s go,” walking with a long stride that left Eden scurrying behind him. The lunch bell rang before she got to the door and a flurry of teenagers filled the hallways, forcing her to push through them like a salmon swimming up the Frazer River.
Eden wanted to explain. “I’m not with anyone,” she said when they got into the truck. His eyes darted to her, but his face remained tense. She didn’t know what exactly she should tell him. So what that Justin had turned out to be a creep? She’d still made the choice to leave her husband and go out with another guy. “It was dumb. It didn’t mean anything.”
Eden tried to imagine if the roles were reversed. If Cade had been the one to leave, and then come back to say those words, would they be enough?
Not likely.
It was a short drive to Sophie’s school, and they were late. Sophie was waiting outside with her teacher, and Cade jumped out to retrieve her. Anything else Eden needed to say would have to wait until after Sophie was in bed.
48
Eden
EDEN gagged on her finger as she pushed two aspirins down her throat, slugging back a glass of water. Taking pills was, much like her mother, not her forte. That was why she had waited until she thought her head would burst before breaking down.
Cade clammed up after their trek down memory lane, and Eden didn’t know how to bring up the subject again. Cade found it easier to ignore her with the news channel blaring. Eden remained in the kitchen watching Sophie fin
ish her bedtime snack. “Hurry up, Sophie. It’s time for bed.”
“Ask Daddy to read to me again.”
“You ask him.”
“Okay.” Sophie slipped off her chair onto the floor and skipped into the living room. Eden remained carefully out of sight until she heard them go up the steps. Then she took up her domain in the living room and switched the channel to a sitcom, wondering how Cade would react to that.
He had his jacket with him when he descended the steps.
“Sophie is waiting for you to say her prayers,” he said. Then he left, leaving Eden feeling like a pile of dog crap he just stepped over. She waited up for him until well after midnight, pretending to be lost in a late movie. When he finally arrived, he didn’t say a word about where he had been, and swiftly retreated to his room. Eden was furious.
What was his problem? Besides her?
She wanted to stomp up the steps and rattle around in the bathroom, slamming the door and the like, but she was forced to stay quiet, otherwise, she would wake up Sophie.
The next morning at breakfast, Eden resolved to stay civil.
“Good morning,” she said when Cade came down.
“Good morning,” he acknowledged, then to Sophie, “Good morning, Pumpkin.”
“Daddy!” Sophie jumped into his arms. Eden watched her wistfully, biting her lip as she thought about how much she would love to do the same thing. She turned away and poured herself a coffee.
“Coffee?” she offered.
He shook his head. “I can get it myself.”
Okay. She changed gears.“I’m going to the hospital soon. What are your plans for today?”
Cade turned to Sophie. “What would you like to do?”
“Go to the park, and then buy ice cream.”
Cade smiled at her and nodded. “Sounds good.”
“So? That’s your plan then?” Eden said, hinting. She was jealous. She wanted to be part of their day.
“She’s the boss,” he said. He knew his way around the kitchen well enough to help himself to breakfast.
Sophie was the only one who didn’t seem to have a problem conversing. Her incessant chatter filled what would otherwise have been awkward dead space. “I saw a dog out the window, Daddy, a black one with a long tail.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and it was on a leash, with a girl taking it for a walk.”
“Nice.”
“Can I get a puppy, Daddy?”
Eden jumped in. “We’ve got enough cats around here, Sophie. We don’t need a dog.”
“We’ll talk about it later, Sophie,” Cade said.
“You know, Cade,” Eden said between clenched teeth. “It wouldn’t hurt you to talk to me about it, to perhaps say more than a few words?”
“Just what would you like me to say, Eden?”
It was suddenly very cold, then really hot in the room. Eden watched Sophie, blissfully oblivious to the tension she was sitting amidst.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Anything would do.”
He stood up, carrying his dirty dishes to the sink, his arm brushing against her as he did so. “I think,” he said stiffly, “we’ll talk when you have something to say.”
That was yesterday. Eden was spending as much time as possible at the hospital, and away from Cade. She’d told him she wasn’t with anyone, expecting it to warm him up, but incredibly, he’d gotten cooler. It could only mean one thing. He cared about Hillary.
Her heart couldn’t possibly hurt more.
The privacy curtain was pulled back. Mrs. “T” had died during the night. The quiet was a small comfort to the passing of another human soul from the face of the earth. Eden found herself wondering about what her life had been like. Had she been happy? Did she have children? Did her husband love her?
Eden could have obtained the answers to those questions if she had been interested a couple days ago. But now all the faded cards and dying plants had been cleared away.
“Ma?” Eleanor’s voice was weak and strained. She only spoke of her own mother now, infrequently, and occasionally her father. Joshua and Eden had disappeared into the memory abyss.
“I’m here,” Eden said. “How are you feeling today? Did you have a good sleep?”
Eleanor moaned and mumbled something Eden couldn’t comprehend.
“Are you thirsty?” Janice, the child nurse, had left a fresh cup of water. Eden lifted it to Eleanor’s lips. Janice had amazed her. She actually got Eleanor to take her pills without chocolate milk. Eden’s admiration for Janice went up several notches after that.
“Well, Mom,” Eden said, beginning her daily monologue. “I blew it. Cade detests me. I don’t know what I can do now. He won’t even talk to me.” Eden longed for Eleanor to squeeze her hand, give her motherly advice, and tell her everything was going to be okay. She couldn’t, of course. She just lay there staring at the ceiling. She was already dead to her in many ways. Eleanor had gradually died, little by little, and had left her alone.
Eden sat there in the silence of her own heartache. She must have looked like a complete wreck, she thought, when Dr. Chan walked in. Her concern for Eden was immediate.
“Are you okay?” she said. She wore a fashionable little dress under her white doctor’s cloak. A stethoscope hung loosely around her firm, narrow neck. Young, professional, content: An old part of Eden wanted to hate her.
“I’m fine, really,” Eden answered. She imagined what she must look like to Dr. Chan. Red rimmed, bloodshot eyes. Glowing, crimson runny nose. Ratted hair.
“Well,” Dr. Chan began, “I have good news for you. Your mother has stabilised. There’s not much more we can do for her here. She’s ready to be discharged.”
“But, she’s not anywhere near what she was before the fall.”
“Unfortunately this fall has been a major setback for your mother. It’s unlikely that she’ll ever regain the ground that was lost. I recommend admitting her to a high-level care nursing home.”
Eden folded into the hard plastic chair. Her mother wasn’t coming home.
“I’m sorry, Eden. I can see this is upsetting for you. Do you have someone you can talk to? Or would you like to see a counsellor?”
“Uh, no, no. I’m fine. I have someone.” Eden sat in a daze. She was only twenty-five, and already putting her mother in a nursing home. She walked down the hall to the pay phone and dialled. To her relief Cade was home.
“It’s Eden.”
“Yeah?”
“Mom’s being discharged from the hospital.”
“That’s good, isn’t it? She must be doing better.”
Eden massaged her temples, working out the throbbing that had begun there. “She’s stabilized, but she’s not coming home. I need to find her a nursing home.”
“I see. Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah.” The truth was, she didn’t know. “I’m hoping to get her into the same one as Aunt Lillian.”
“That’s, good.” A pause, then, “Eden?”
“Uh-huh?”
“I’m going back to Landers tomorrow.”
“Wh-what?” Her hand clasped at her heart.
“It’s time. I’m going home.”
Why? Don’t leave me too, Cade! I need you!
“Okay,” she whispered. She hung up, and went back to her mother’s room where she went through a box of tissues, whimpering like a baby.
49
Eleanor
1962
LILLIAN had arranged for them to meet at Salty’s, a popular seafood restaurant with a view of the ocean. Ellie mounted the blue and white steps while holding her churning stomach. If she weren’t careful, her nerves would be her undoing.
She picked him out of the crowd. He was seated at a corner table, facing her, but his head was turned toward the sea and he didn’t see her approach.
He looked so fine. Time had done him no harm, she thought. Joshua Emerson was better looking than ever. She nervously smoothed her hair, longer now th
an before, and hoped that Joshua still found her attractive as well.
Her sudden arrival at their table caught Joshua unexpectedly. He stood quickly, nearly spilling his tea. A teapot for one waited for Ellie in her place. She was pleased he had ordered for her.
“Ellie! It’s so good to see you again. You look great!”
“Thank you, Josh,” she said while sitting down in the chair facing him. “You do, too. Oh, and thank you for ordering tea for me.” He responded by pouring it into her cup, adding one teaspoon of sugar for her as well.
“I’m really happy that Lillian arranged for us to meet again,” he said. “It’s rather strange, I admit. So much time has passed.”
The waitress interrupted with an automatic recital of the daily special. Today was poached cod in an herb and butter sauce with a Caesar salad on the side. Ellie chose from the menu quickly, feigning hunger. She was feasting on the face of the one she still loved, the one she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with if he’d have her again. Oh, how she regretted the years that were lost between them.
They could start over. Even though she and Josh were in their late thirties now, it wasn’t too late. They still could have many years together. How would she know if Joshua felt the same way?
“So?” Joshua said. “Where do we start?”
“Why don’t you tell me about your new career? How do you like architecture?”
They began like this, with less serious matters, and Ellie volunteered tidbits of information about her life working at the nursing home. Yet, when their meals were over, she knew she must tread on a more sensitive topic.
“Before we are finished here,” she said, “I want to tell you, that is, I want to say, that I have recovered, more or less, from, well, you know, and by God’s grace I have been able to get on with my life. And…” Her gaze fell to her lap. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you, Joshua. I know you were hurting, too. It wasn’t fair.” When she dared to look up, she read only compassion in his eyes.
East of the Sun: a 20th century inspirational romance. Page 17