“At least that’s some sort of justice…Now, where’s the real hero? Where’s Whiskey? I want to thank her for finding me.”
“I’ll go get her.” Relief rushed through his body as he strode to the veranda and returned with his clever Border collie.
“Whiskey,” coaxed Jessie. “Up.” The dog leaped onto the side of the bed with her customary exuberance. Sitting upright, she presented her chest for a rub. “Good girl. Good girl for finding me.”
“She did a terrific job. Without her, there’s no telling what would have happened.” He rubbed his beloved dog’s lopsided ears and kissed her forehead.
“It would seem she’s proved herself to be good enough for you to join the search and rescue unit next year…”
“After this, I’m confident she’ll sail through the training, and we’ll be in. I’m really proud of her.”
“Lie down, Whiskey.” Jessie shuffled over a little more for Whiskey to ease down on her belly for more affection. “Sorry, BJ. You’ll have to sit on the chair.” Laughing, she fawned over the Border collie.
Knowing his dog deserved the kudos, he dragged the old, timber chair beside the bed. Catching a breath, he lifted the embargo on his feelings. “I meant what I said.”
Jessie slanted him a look, an inscrutable expression gracing her blotchy face.
Faltering only for a second, he forged on. “I think I’m falling in love with you. I never meant to. I don’t know if a relationship is right for me because I still miss Rachael and Tiffany so much. Ricky and Angel have been on my back to get on with my life, but I’ve been bitter and angry for so long, I didn’t know how. Then you came along. All of a sudden, I’m feeling things I never thought I would ever feel again…”
“Like what?”
“Little things. When I was waiting for you at Yass Hospital I actually felt relaxed for the first time in years. When I told you about my military history, about being a sniper and shooting targets—you accepted it as part of who I am. Then talking and laughing about our lives and families, swimming with you in the river and just enjoying being here at the homestead. I feel like I belong again. That there is a place for me in the world and that place could be with you.” His heart raced in anticipation of her response.
“I don’t know if a relationship is right for me either,” said Jessie. “I get one shot at my career and this is it. Being in a relationship consumes so much energy and time, both things I can’t spare. Yet despite all that, I feel the same as you. It’s all a bit overwhelming.”
Rising from his chair, he strode to the other side of the bed, where her raised hands beckoned him. “You mean this love thing is happening to you as well?”
“Yes. Whether you want to believe it or not, you saved me through this entire ordeal. It was your voice in my head telling me my worst enemy was my own self-doubt, to keep going, that I was tough enough, and to just front up—just like you told me at the hospital when we first arrived.”
“Oh, Jessie.” Wrapping her in his arms, he inhaled her loveliness into his soul.
“Ouch,” she yelped.
“Sorry.” He released his over enthusiastic grip and gently held bandaged hands. Planting a tender kiss to each one, he revelled in the opportunity of a brighter future, literally resting in his hands.
A slight growl from Whiskey followed by a brusque tap, tap, tap broke the mood. “Hello. May I come in?” Aunt Hilda popped her grey-haired, cheery face around the bedroom door. “I made you some scones, dear.” On top of an enormous country platter were a dozen steaming scones straight from the oven, accompanied by a bowl of strawberry jam and freshly, whipped cream. Beside them, steamed two mugs of freshly made tea.
“Oh, Aunt Hilda, aren’t you wonderful.” Jessie wiggled upright in bed.
“Now BJ, since Jessie can’t use her hands properly yet, you’ll have to help her. Here’s the cutlery and some side plates. Enjoy.”
“But aren’t you going to join us Aunt Hilda?”
“Oh no, my dear. I think you and your young man should have some time together.” The twinkle in Hilda’s eyes darted from Jessie to BJ.
“Thank you, Mrs Hilton. That’s very kind of you.”
“Oh no, BJ. You’re the one who is kind. I knew it the moment I met you. I know you will look after our Jessie. See you later, dears.” Reminding him of the fairy godmother in one of the nursey rhymes his grandmother used to read him, Hilda turned and all but floated from the bedroom.
“These are the best scones you will ever taste,” said Jessie, eyes sparkling.
“So you won’t eat the breakfast I cook for you, but you’ll eat your aunt’s scones?” he teased.
“I normally ration myself to half, but after everything I’ve been through, I think I deserve a treat and might have a whole one.” She flicked her hair behind her shoulders and eyed the platter. “You better start with the jam and cream because I’m starving.”
He selected a plump, soft scone and tore it open. The delicious, freshly-baked smell wafted on the escaping steam, bringing a hungry grin to his face. Cocking her eyebrow, Jessie tilted her head in an “I told you so” fashion.
“Okay. But everyone likes different amounts of jam and cream so you’ll have to tell me how you like it.”
“You won’t have to worry about that, Brad Jordan. I will most definitely tell you how I like it.”
He caught her mischievous wink and chuckled. “That I have no doubt about.” As he set about following her instructions, his mind delighted in the scene before him—Jessie and Whiskey, the two new girls in his life to love and protect.
Chapter 36
A soft knock at the bedroom door roused Jessie from her afternoon nap. “Jess, can I come in?” Richard peeped his head in.
“Sure. Help me up though…” She squinted as light splashed through the door.
Moving to the bed, he scooped her up and stacked some pillows behind her back. She patted the bed, motioning him to sit beside her.
“How are you feeling?”
“A bit sore, but not too bad…” She managed a smile as stiff as her body. “Thanks for coming to my rescue with Whiskey and BJ. Without you knowing the local cave systems, I would never have been found.”
“Jess, there’s something you need to know.” His face slid in a landslide of remorse. “It was my fault all this happened.”
“What do you mean your fault? Nonsense.”
“That Norton fellow wouldn’t have known where we lived or how to get here if it hadn’t been for me.” Confusion furrowed her forehead. “I went into Rosie’s on Wednesday and this guy starts talking to me.” He lowered his eyes. “I feel such a fool, Jess. I think he’s trying to pick me up, so I blather on about our family, the funeral, anything to keep his attention. I had no idea he was pumping me for information about you. Really I didn’t.”
“You know what? Even if you hadn’t told him, Skip would have found out anyway.”
Richard sighed heavily. “Maybe? But…”
“But it’s a lesson learned, isn’t it?” Tilting her head, she regarded him closely.
“What do you mean?”
“…to think with the head on top of your shoulders and not the one in your pants.” She shot him a cheeky smirk and he managed a strained smile in return.
“Yeah, you’re right. This sex stuff is a mind-fuck. I’m not real good at it.”
“Well, you’re just going to have to find a way through it all. Over time, you’ll get the hang of it.”
“I guess. This whole episode has really made me think about my future and who I want to be. I’ve got a lot more growing up to do yet. Thanks for understanding, Jess. I love you.” He leaned forward and embraced her in a gentle hug.
“And I love you too. Remember you can always confide in me if you need.”
“I know. Thanks. You get some more sleep. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay.” Still fatigued, she shimmied down into bed, thankful for more rest.
“Thanks, Mu
m. That was delicious.” A wide grin creased Jessie’s face as she dabbed a napkin to her mouth, clumsy though she was. “Your vegetarian lasagne is better than anyone’s.”
“I’m pleased you enjoyed it. After everything you’ve been through, I thought cooking your favourite dinner would at least build up your strength.” Taking the napkin, Joanna stacked the tray and placed it on the bedside table. “How are you feeling? Really?”
“I’m okay. Nothing is broken, and I’ll be dancing in no time.”
“That’s not what I mean, Jessica.” Joanna fidgeted with her hands, obviously uncomfortable with what to say.
“Mum, I’m okay. Nothing sexual happened, if that’s what you mean.” She heard her mother’s relieved sigh as her shoulders dropped.
“Oh, thank goodness. That’s what I was trying to ask. I’m so pleased, darling. The emotional wounds are bad enough, but to have…” Again Joanna baulked, unable to continue.
“Mum, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“I know that when you fell in love with Dad you accidentally got pregnant with me and that’s why you never pursued your ballet career.”
“But I don’t regret having you, Jessica.”
“Are you sure?” She gave her mother a serious look and waited a beat. “Sometimes I think you resent me for having the career you could have had?” There she’d finally said it out loud. The painful thought that had plagued her for years.
“Oh, Jessica, I don’t resent you. I’m proud of you and what you’ve achieved.”
“Really? Sometimes I think I ruined your life and that’s why you don’t seem that interested in my career.” Tears brimmed in her eyes.
“My darling, Jessica. Forgive me. I never meant for you to think that. I’ve been such a hard taskmaster on myself, I guess I’m the same with everyone else. I’m sorry. I will try to be more gentle, more understanding of your feelings. But believe me, I do not regret giving up my career to have you.” Joanna fixed her with the most compelling look of love Jessie had ever seen on her mother’s face.
“But because of what happened to you, I’m scared of falling in love with BJ and having to give up my career.”
“But Jessica, times have changed. There’s contraception and…”
“No, not that, Mum. I’m already on the pill. I wasn’t going to take that risk.” Her lips tilted in a slight smile at the surprise blinking on her mother’s face. Never before had they had a serious mother-daughter conversation. It was obvious that Joanna found some of Jessie’s forthright discussion a little unnerving.
“I’m not sure what you mean then?”
“Love, Mum. Love. I don’t want the growing love I have for BJ to take away from the love for my ballet. I’m scared that if I allow myself to fall madly in love with him, there’ll be no love left for my career.”
Joanna grasped Jessie’s bandaged hands. “Oh, Jessica. That will only happen if you allow it. You can fall madly in love with a man and still be in love with your career. One doesn’t have to compete with the other. In fact, love compliments and compounds itself. It’s like deposits in a bank. The more love you deposit, the more your love keeps multiplying.”
“But you gave up your love of ballet to be with Dad and to have me?”
“But I wanted that more than my career. The choice I made was a conscious choice. I gave up my ballet career to raise a family with your father here at Coodravale.”
From out of the fog of feeling not good enough, the revelation dawned. It wasn’t Jessie’s fault that her mother hadn’t pursued her ballet career. Her mother had made a clear choice—family before career. A long, shuddering breath heaved from Jessie’s chest as the guilt she’d carried for years slipped away. “But don’t you ever think about what could have been?”
“Sure, I’ve wondered…But I stopped asking that question years ago. If I kept wondering how things might have been different, I would never have been happy with my life here.”
“So in your opinion, I could fall madly in love with BJ and not jeopardise my career?”
“Absolutely. Falling in love does not mean giving up your other loves unless you choose to. I’m sure BJ understands how important your career is and what ballet means to you. He doesn’t strike me as someone who will try to make you give up anything just for him. My advice is to take it slow. Keep your eyes on the goal of being a principal dancer, and tell him how you feel. I’m sure he will support you all the way. We all will.”
“Thanks, Mum.” She reached out and they shared an intimate embrace for many moments. At last, the relationship with her mother that Jessie longed for bloomed like one of Joanna’s roses.
“Now, sleep. You need as much rest as you can get. I love you…” She dropped a kiss on her forehead.
“Love you, too.”
While Joanna cleared the tray and left the room, Jessie once more snuggled into her pillow as contentment nestled in her heart. A massive shift had taken place in her relationship with her brother and mother, despite the sadness surrounding them due to her father’s death. For the first time since she could remember, Jessie believed that they could finally be the loving, supportive family she’d craved.
Having slept for over twelve hours, she woke Sunday far more bruised and battered than the day before. Although she’d endured horrendous after effects from punishing ballet rehearsals, today her muscles ached in unfamiliar ways. Unwilling to hobble around hunched over like an old crone, she straightened her spine to find significant resistance. Not only were her muscles objecting, her skin pulled taut as her wounds began to heal, making movement even more difficult. Bathing, breakfasting and general activities proved strenuous. By late afternoon, she still felt like she’d been hit by a bus.
“For goodness sake, let me carry you outside where you can sit and relax for a while.” Clearly concerned about her painful, crooked shape hobbling around the living room, BJ hurried to her side.
“No. I can do it. Really I can,” she protested, pulling her shoulders back and wincing.
“I didn’t say you couldn’t do it. I said let me help.”
She lifted her head to meet his icy blue gaze and surrendered. “Okay. But go easy.”
He bent down and scooped her in his arms. “You really need to eat more,” he muttered, striding onto the veranda.
“You don’t listen, do you? I get one chance at being a principal dancer and since I can’t practice at the moment, I have to be doubly careful of what I eat.”
She watched him shake his head in silent disapproval. His long, golden hair tucked back in its band, his sculptured, masculine jaw roughened with blonde bristles and the set of his powerful shoulders; elicited a sexual stirring she’d not experienced for some time. As erotic arousal stirred in her body, wonder and delight set up residence in her heart.
Out on the lawn, he placed her on the garden seat under the heritage oak tree. “Comfortable?”
“Yes. Thank you.” Staring past the target-practice poplar tree, she gazed to the far edge of the paddock and pointed. “Here they come?”
“What?”
“The flying goats.”
“Flying goats? I thought you were only kidding about the goats on Wednesday, so I wouldn’t do any shooting.”
“Nope. Here they come. They belong to the Robinsons, our next-door neighbour. We’ve got a sweetheart deal with them. We let their goats graze in our paddock, and they keep the grass down for us. In the afternoon, the herd wanders up here to the poplar trees.”
BJ stretched out his legs and clasping his hands behind his head, he watched the advancing herd of scruffy, angora goats. “Flying goats, you say?” He turned to her, a twinkle in his eye.
“Wait for it.” Ignoring her body’s resistance, she mirrored his posture. She knew the more she moved, the faster her healing. Flexing and pointing her feet, she willed her muscles to loosen and lengthen. She needed to move, to transcend the ugliness of everything that had happened. The afternoon sun wrapped
her in its warm embrace melting some of her aches like hot candlewax. Nature’s soundtrack of distant bleating sheep joined the chorus of kookaburras in a sporadic tempo which inspired her heightening mood. Rising from the seat, she waved her arms like willow branches waltzing in a spring wind. “Ah, that’s better.”
“Certainly looks good from where I’m sitting.”
Pivoting to face him, she leaned forward. Resting her hands either side of his shoulders on the back of the garden seat, she lowered her face to his. “So are we going to give this a go?”
“If you want to, I’m ready.”
“But let’s take it really slow. Okay?”
“Whatever you want…”
Tentatively, she pressed a kiss to his mouth. Soft and tender, the touch was but a graze of skin. Parting his lips ever so slightly, he invited her further, his warm breath a subtle caress. Energy sparked. Instead of being responsible, of keeping herself in check, she abandoned her fears and kissed him—truly, madly, deeply. A tremulous breath transported her to his lap where he cradled her against the thudding plane of his chest. Enfolded in his arms, she melted into a mind-numbing swirl of joyous, blissful, empowering love. Not just for him, but for herself, for her life and for her future. Never had she imagined such effervescent passion. Yielding into it, she wished for time to stand still. Just a little longer. Eventually, in perfect synchronicity, the kiss ended, and he returned ownership of her lips. Dreamily, she opened her eyes to see his blinking; swimming in pools of tears. She cocked her head in an unspoken question.
“Tears of redemption,” he said, crushing her to his body.
Snuggling her face into his chest, Jessie wanted to stay like this forever. Safe in his arms, secure in his protection.
“Well, I’ll be damned.” A tone of surprised amusement edged his voice.
Swivelling on his lap, she turned in the direction of the paddock. “See, I told you. Flying goats.”
“But what are they doing?”
Retribution: Who would you kill to escape your past? Page 19