by Ruff, K. S.
I ducked into my closet so I could sort through my clothing options. Then I cleaned my apartment in a feeble attempt to stay sane. Once the apartment was scrubbed, vacuumed, and polished, I sank into my bathtub. The lavender bath salts worked their magic.
An hour later, my hair and makeup were done. I took Cade for a quick walk around my building before changing into a black long-sleeved cocktail dress. I slipped on some shiny black patent heels and made a rare attempt to accessorize with silver bangle bracelets and a long silver necklace which hung in multiple strands.
Kadyn arrived promptly at six. He was wearing black slacks, black dress shoes, a white dress shirt, and a silver tie. “You look beautiful,” he murmured. He handed me a bouquet of sterling silver roses and softly kissed my cheek. “Shall we?”
I buried my nose in the flowers and took a deep breath. They smelled heavenly, like fresh spring rain. “These roses smell amazing.” I backed toward the kitchen. “I just need a minute to put them in some water.” I pulled a vase from under my sink, filled it with water, and set the bouquet inside. I glanced at Kadyn as I reached for my dress coat. “Where are we going?”
Kadyn smiled. “It’s a surprise.” He waited patiently while I locked the door. He reached for my hand and helped me into the car. One of my favorite blues artists, B.B. King, was playing on the stereo. Kadyn glanced at me as he pulled away from the curb. “Do you like B.B. King?”
I laughed. “I do. I like him even more than 2Pac.” I was never going to forget the look on Kadyn’s face when he heard 2Pac playing on my car stereo.
“Good. Then you’ll like where we're going for dinner,” he hinted with a smile.
I couldn’t resist guessing. “Are we going to Blues Alley?”
“Nope. Even better,” he responded smugly.
I wondered whether that was even possible.
Kadyn turned up the stereo.
I leaned back into the soft leather seat, closed my eyes, and relaxed as B.B. King’s rich velvety tone slid soothingly through me.
A half hour later, Kadyn brought his car to a stop in a large parking lot. There wasn’t a single restaurant in sight.
I stared at the throng of people moving through the parking lot. Then I spotted a large wooden sign that read Wolf Trap National Park for the Performing Arts. I looked at Kadyn questioningly.
A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He helped me out of the car before retrieving a blanket and a picnic basket from the trunk. I was thoroughly perplexed by the fact that we were going to picnic in dress clothes. Kadyn slung the blanket over his shoulder and reached for my hand as he pulled me into the crowd.
Kadyn handed two tickets to a gentleman standing at the gate. We wandered the grassy hillside until we found a place to spread the blanket. Kadyn unpacked cheese, grapes, bread, bottled water, Sprite, cheesecake, and strawberries from the basket.
I tried to wipe the shocked look from my face. I kicked my heels off and curled up on the blanket next to Kadyn. Soft jazz drifted from a large wooden structure at the base of the hill. The building appeared to be a large wood amphitheater.
Kadyn dodged my efforts to discover who we were there to see. Once we finished eating, Kadyn packed up the picnic basket and blanket and took them back to the car. He met me back at the fence line. Then he escorted me into the covered section of the amphitheater, where we settled into third row seats.
I stared at him in awe when B.B. King was introduced. “How did you pull this off? We just made plans for dinner last night.” I watched the blues legend walk amicably across the stage with a guitar in his hand. He sat on a black stool directly in front of us.
Kadyn leaned over and whispered in my ear. “You should know that I can be very determined when I have my heart set on something.”
I swallowed nervously. Was he talking about the concert, or was he was talking about me?
Kadyn laughed. He tucked me under his arm as we settled in to enjoy one of the greatest musicians of all time.
B.B. King joked with the audience, wove colorful stories around us, sang, and strummed his guitar with his eyes closed. His laid back demeanor left me feeling like we were close personal friends.
Our date couldn’t have been more perfect. During the drive home, I was still trying to figure out how Kadyn had secured such great seats at the last minute. I wondered how long he’d been planning this evening at Wolf Trap.
Kadyn parked his car in the garage under his building. He walked me to my apartment so he could make the nightly rounds with Cade and me.
I was finding it difficult to hold up my end of the conversation as we walked toward my apartment. I was so worried Kadyn was going to kiss me that I couldn’t think about anything else. My nerves got the best of me as we approached my door. I suddenly blurted out, “You know, saying goodnight is always so awkward, especially on a first date. I think we should just kiss and get it over with.”
Kadyn stilled. His face was void of all expression as he silently regarded me.
Heat flooded my cheeks. “Oh, God. Forget I said that. I don’t know why I said that.” I began fumbling with my keys. I was dying to get inside my apartment so I could escape any further embarrassment.
Kadyn boxed me in against the door. His arms were braced on either side of me. He waited silently until I turned around to face him. He stared at my lips. Then he lowered his mouth until it was only millimeters from mine. His eyes locked on mine. “I’m not kissing you to get it over with.” His lips brushed lightly against my cheek before settling just behind my ear.
Goose bumps scattered across my arms and back.
Kadyn issued his warning in a low, determined tone. “When I kiss you for the first time, you’re going to want that kiss more than your next breath.”
My heart stopped beating. My brain stopped… my breathing stopped… everything stopped.
Kadyn’s hand tilted my chin up as he forced me to look at him. He stood there, every inch of his body nearly touching mine, as he looked directly into my eyes. His hand cupped my neck as his thumb caressed my jaw. His mouth hovered over mine for what seemed like an eternity.
And, suddenly, I wanted that kiss. My eyelids grew heavy as my body leaned toward his.
He pushed away from the door with a satisfied smile. “Good night, Kri. I had a wonderful night.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.
Kadyn turned and strode away. He didn’t look back, not even once.
I groaned quietly to myself as I reflected on my rather impressive ability to screw things up. I hadn’t even thanked the guy for what had quite possibly been the best night of my life.
* * * * * *
I didn’t hear from Kadyn on Sunday, although I did text him to thank him for taking me to the concert. Cenia called to firm up plans for the football game in Annapolis. I was hoping things would be less awkward between Kadyn and me by then.
I received a text from Kadyn first thing Monday morning. Have a good day at work. I’ll be thinking of you… and the kiss that should have been.
I was relieved I wasn’t the only one who was missing that kiss. Note to self: next time you want someone to kiss you, keep your mouth shut.
I buried myself in work. Congress passed a continuing resolution on Tuesday, so policy negotiations and legislation suddenly began moving again. My brain was on overdrive with the sudden flurry of activity, so I didn’t think twice about opening a work e-mail without a subject heading. I stilled as my eyes skimmed the unsigned message. Il ne pourrait jamais t'aimer comme je le fais. Bientôt, tu seras de retour dans mes bras. Bientôt, rien ne pourra nous séparer.
I pulled up Google Translate and quickly typed the message in French. A chill ran down my spine when the words appeared in English. I read the translated text three times. He could never love you like I do. Soon, you will be back in my arms. Soon, nothing will keep us apart.
My heart stalled. There was only one way Michael could know about Kadyn. He had to have seen
us together. Not only was Michael in DC, but he was clearly watching me.
I sat and stared at the message. I wanted to call Dan. He’d be a lot more likely to find Michael if he could narrow his search to DC, but I was worried about how far Dan would go to keep Michael away from me. I didn’t want Dan getting into trouble with the authorities, and I didn’t want him flying to DC. The guy had his own life to live.
I debated telling Kadyn. He already knew about Michael, so he wouldn’t necessarily be surprised. Still, I was concerned that Kadyn and I might be on shaky ground, given my complete inability to manage dating and our last departure. I had already given him enough reasons to run screaming for the hills, and for some reason, completely outside my understanding, the guy appeared determined to have a relationship with me.
Still, I found myself looking over my shoulder when I left work. I walked briskly to and from my car, and my walks with Cade grew shorter every night. An outline of the mace Dan had given me was nearly imbedded in the palm of my hand.
I was physically ill by the time Friday rolled around. I wasn’t sure whether it was my nerves or if I picked up a virus at work, until I ended up with a fever and chills shortly before noon. I threw in the towel at work. I texted Kadyn to let him know I was going home sick. Then I texted Cenia to let her know I wouldn’t be able to attend the Air Force-Navy game.
As soon as I got home, I slipped into some yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I curled up on the couch with a pillow and a pile of blankets. Cade nestled against my chest, and we quickly fell asleep.
The doorbell woke me a few hours later. I dragged the pile of blankets across the floor and peered out the peephole in my door. Kadyn was standing there with a shopping bag from the Disney Store.
I rested my forehead against the door. I was mortified Kadyn was going to see me looking so ragged. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. “You might want to keep your distance. I feel like death,” I mumbled apologetically.
Kadyn chose to ignore the warning. He brushed past me into the living room. “I’m so sorry you’re sick, Kri. I can’t believe you’re going to miss the game tomorrow.”
“I know,” I responded dejectedly. “My timing couldn’t be worse.” I pulled the blankets around me as I sank onto the couch.
He dangled the shopping bag in front of me. “I brought you a present. Maybe this will help you feel better.” Kadyn handed me the bag as he joined me on the couch.
I sifted through the yellow and red tissue. I smiled when I finally discovered the gift. “Eeyore pajamas?”
Kadyn smiled. “I never could resist the Disney Store.” He brushed a strand of hair out of my face. His eyes softened. “You’re burning up. Have you taken any Tylenol?”
My eyes fell closed as he pressed his cool hand against my cheek. “No. Not yet.”
Kadyn stood. “Do you need me to run to the store?”
My eyes popped open. “No. I’m pretty sure I still have some in the medicine cabinet.” I pulled the blankets tighter as a chill ran through me.
He walked into the kitchen and began digging through my cupboards. He found a drinking glass and filled it with water. “Just sit tight. I’ll get it for you.”
Kadyn disappeared down the hall. He returned a few seconds later with the glass of water and Tylenol. He handed them to me. “Why don’t you rest while I walk Cade?”
“Thank you,” I responded gratefully.
Kadyn snapped the leash on Cade’s collar while I took the Tylenol. I watched them walk out the door, then sank back into the couch. I was half asleep by the time they returned.
Kadyn’s hand reached for mine as he sat on the couch. “I’m going to stay home from the game tomorrow in case you need someone to take you to the doctor.”
I sat up abruptly. “No, Kadyn. Please don’t miss the game because of me. Go. Have fun. I’m sure I’ll be feeling better by the time you get back.”
Kadyn looked torn. “Okay… but don’t hesitate to call if you need anything. Annapolis isn’t far from here, so I can easily drive back if you need me.” He pulled me into his arms. “Can you do me a favor before I go?”
I glanced up in surprise. “Sure.”
He pulled me to my feet and gently tucked me under his chin. “Will you dance with me, Kri?” An R&B artist named Joe was singing softly on the music station I had left playing on my television. “I think of you every time I hear this song.”
I closed my eyes and relaxed into his chest as he began to sway.
Kadyn held my hand against his chest while he sang the lyrics to “I Wanna Know.” He kissed the top of my head as the song ended.
I began trembling as he pulled away. I couldn’t look at him. I was trying so hard not to cry.
He wrapped the blankets around me and settled me back onto the couch before kissing my forehead one last time. “I’m going to leave so you can rest, but please know that I’m just a phone call away. Feel better, and call if you need me.”
I forced myself to look at him. “Thank you, Kadyn… for everything.” My composure cracked as I watched him slip out the door. When I was certain he was gone, I set the bolt lock on the door and let the tears fall. Kadyn was tearing down walls faster than I could build them. I knew what to expect from men who hit… men who threatened, manipulated, demanded, and controlled. Sadly, I had no clue what to do with a man like Kadyn.
* * * * * *
I was feeling a lot better by Sunday afternoon, so Kadyn picked up some wonton soup from my favorite Chinese restaurant and joined me for dinner. Shortly after we settled onto the couch, Cade jumped up and knocked the soup out of my hands. The hot liquid doused Kadyn’s leg.
“Oh God! I'm so sorry!” I knelt down at Kadyn’s feet to clean up the mess about the same time he lifted his arm. Instinct drove me to scramble back and cower in fear.
Kadyn looked completely horrified. His arm was frozen in mid-air, his sleeve dripping from the soup. I hadn’t realized his arm was soaked, too. Kadyn’s jaw clenched as he struggled to regain his composure.
I eyed him warily. I wasn’t sure how angry he was about the soup.
Kadyn spoke in a low, even tone. “Kri, look at me.” He waited to speak until my eyes met his. “I would never hit you. I don’t know who hurt you, but I am not that person. I was lifting my arm so I could clean my sleeve.” He sank to the floor and slowly crawled over to me.
I buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t bear to look at Kadyn. I felt horrible for thinking the worst of him, when he had been nothing but kind. “I’m so sorry,” I mumbled miserably through the palm of my hands.
Kadyn gathered me in his arms. “Hey,” he said softly. “Look at me.” He gently pulled my hands from my face. “I am not that guy. I promise I will never hurt you.”
I started shaking as the tears began to fall.
Kadyn sat there and held me until the tears finally subsided. He smoothed back the hair that was tangled in my tears. “Kri, I’m fine. The soup wasn’t that hot. I’ll help you clean up. Then I’m going to run home and change. I’ll go to the restaurant and get some more soup before I come back over. Why don’t you go get yourself cleaned up, and I’ll take care of the couch and floor?” Kadyn pulled me to my feet. He gave me a quick hug before sending me off to my bedroom.
I hadn’t even registered the fact that my own jeans were soaked. I changed into a pair of sweats, then ducked into the bathroom to wash my face. I didn’t bother with makeup. I knew it was time to drag out all of my emotional baggage and sort through it with Kadyn. The guy deserved an explanation.
As soon as we finished eating, I reached for Kadyn’s hand. I forced my eyes to meet his as I attempted to explain my behavior. “I’m so sorry for thinking the worst of you, Kadyn. Please understand, this is all I’ve known for the past nine years. While I grew up in a very loving home, I was in an abusive relationship nearly my entire adult life.”
Kadyn slowly nodded.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. “My ex-hu
sband, Tom, was a friend of my dad’s. He was ten years older than me. We started dating a few weeks after I graduated from high school. He sold his business and moved to be closer to me shortly after I moved away for college. He isolated me from my family and friends until he was the only person left in my life. He insisted I move in with him before the second semester ended.”
Kadyn squeezed my hand, encouraging me to go on.
“I still don’t understand how or why I let it happen. I fought for years to maintain some independence and control, but after a while it was no longer worth the verbal and physical abuse that would result… if I came home five minutes late… if another man looked at me the wrong way… if I said the wrong thing… if I wore the wrong shirt… if I spent too long talking to my mom on the phone…” My voice trailed off. I closed my eyes against the images of Tom screaming obscenities, throwing things, shoving me against the wall, and hitting me.
Kadyn wrapped his arms around me as I relived the abuse. “I’m so sorry, Kri. He was clearly manipulating you. He led you to believe the abuse was your fault when he was the one to blame.”
I pulled my legs to my chest and settled my chin on my knees as I continued. “I gathered enough courage to leave him once. He had thrown me on the hood of his car when I took his keys and begged him not to drive away drunk. He threw me hard enough to knock the wind out of me. When I slid down the hood and collapsed on the pavement in front of the car, he tried to punch me in the face. I ducked, and he punched out the headlight instead. The neighbors saw the whole thing and called the police. When the police arrived, I was still cowering on the ground in front of the car with Tom pacing in front of me screaming obscenities, oblivious to the blood pouring from his hand.”
Kadyn’s jaw clenched.
I pushed on. “The police took Tom to the hospital and insisted I go to a local battered women’s shelter. I went to stay with a childhood friend instead. She had recently moved to the area, and Tom knew nothing about her. Still, I refused to tell my parents. I was fearful about what my father might do if he found out Tom was hurting me. So I kept my mouth shut about the abuse. Tom quit drinking within a matter of weeks. He convinced me that he had changed. I bought into the idea that the abuse was connected to his drinking problem, and for a short time it appeared that he really had changed.”