“I named this ship after your mother. Did you know that?”
“What?” Vanessa turned to him, unable to hide the surprise from her face. “My mother’s name was Ana, not Catarina.”
His expression softened. “Yes, Ana Catarina. Ana is just a filler name, like Maria. We always called her Catarina.” He spoke English fluently with a strong accent.
Vanessa took a deep breath. Why had Dad never told her Mom’s full name? Something so simple. Instead she was learning this from a man she didn’t really know.
“When I started plans for this ship, I knew I wanted it to be the most elegant river cruise ship in Portugal, so I named it after her because she was my little princess.” He paused for a moment and his voice pitched lower. “A father never really outgrows that, you know? Thinking of his only daughter as the princess in his life.”
Did Dad think of Vanessa that way too? He sure acted like the king, controlling and interfering, always checking on her.
Grandfather went on. “My next ship will be the finest in Europe, and I already have a name for it.” He smiled wide and then sobered. “But you’re not here to listen to my construction plans. I’ve been asking Captain Romano to come aboard since the first day, but he repeatedly said no.”
“Why did you want to come aboard?” The words slipped her mouth. She didn’t want to be curious, but how could she stay indifferent to this man who was related to her? The man who’d raised the woman whom Vanessa never got the chance to know as a mother.
He sighed deeply and rubbed his chin. “Because I wanted to see you on the ship. To see your reaction to everything.” His hand went wide. “That’s why I came in today when I knew Captain Romano would be busy with the banquet. I contacted the security team directly.”
They stood quietly at the railing. Vanessa’s mind whirled with the unanswered questions she’d had all her life, but she asked none. Too many emotions battled inside her, and she wasn’t ready to sort through any of them. Between a father who had a hard time letting go of her and a grandfather who wanted to be closer, the pressure to live up to their expectations was more than she could take today.
And then there was Matias. Where did he fit in her life?
The rustling of paper brought Vanessa back from her thoughts to the grandfather beside her.
“I won’t take more of your time.” He extended an envelope in her direction. “But I would like you to read this.”
“Right now?” The slight nervousness in her voice slipped through. What was in that envelope?
“Sometime when you’re up for it.”
She took the envelope, and he thrust his hands in his pockets.
He turned to leave but then paused and stepped forward to place a quick goodbye kiss on her cheek, the way so many Portuguese people did.
“I do hope you’ll enjoy the rest of the trip, Vanessa.”
She only nodded, unwilling to say anything to him. Not really knowing what to say.
Matias stood when Grandfather approached, and he looked in Vanessa’s direction before leaving together. With the tinted window, he wouldn’t be able to see her face, but she could see his and the apprehension wrinkled into his forehead.
Vanessa waited a few minutes and then left to her cabin, grateful the hallway was empty at the late hour. Once inside, she locked the door behind her and threw the envelope onto the bedside table. She kicked off her shoes and wrestled with her dress for five minutes before she was able to remove it without damaging the fabric.
After changing into her comfortable clothes and cleaning off her makeup, Vanessa sat on the side of the bed. The envelope lay on the polished wood surface, wrinkled from where she’d grabbed it by the corner. She picked it up again and ran a palm over the front where Grandfather had written her name. If only she could read the words inside that way, without breaking the flap. There would be no turning back.
Before she lost her nerve, Vanessa tore the side and pulled out the page.
Dear Vanessa,
My greatest regret in life is missing out on you growing up. The day I lost my only daughter, I also lost my only granddaughter when your father decided to take you back to the USA. As a father, I understand why he did it. I would have done the same thing. But as a grandfather, I mourned losing my place in your life.
When the opportunity came to bring you aboard a cruise trip, I jumped at it. Your mother loved the water, be it ocean or river. She loved being on the ships, learning about them, seeing them work. And I wanted to give you the chance to fall in love with the ship and the river as well.
You remind me so much of her. Your hair is lighter and you have your father’s eyes, but you have her nose. You also have her sense of curiosity, her work ethic, and her compassion toward others. Even if I didn’t see you grow up, I’m proud of the woman you’ve become and I know your mother would have been too.
Looking back, I realize that having a family reunion dinner on your first night in Portugal might have not been my best idea. Your grandmother warned me, but I was so excited for you to meet your uncles, aunts, and cousins, I didn’t even stop to consider how overwhelming it was for you. I’m sorry for the stress it caused you.
Whether you stay or go back, I’ll accept your decision. My only hope is this experience will be a fond memory for you one day.
With love,
Your grandfather/António Valadares
Vanessa wiped her cheek with her fingers. The tears had started falling when she read the first paragraph, and they wouldn’t stop. She sat back against the headboard and wrapped her arms around her knees. A shuddering breath shook her chest and she breathed in deeply a few times.
This letter was not what she’d expected. She’d spent almost two weeks in Porto before boarding the Princess Catarina, and she hadn’t taken the time to know Grandfather, Grandmother, or any of her other family members. She’d been dismissive and rude and an all around pain to deal with, hiding in her apartment and ignoring their efforts to connect. No wonder Matias had thought she was a spoiled brat—she’d been one.
This letter bore the words of a man who knew loss. He’d loved deeply and had lost dearly.
Dad had lied to her. He could call it whatever he wanted, but he’d kept from her the precious knowledge she’d craved growing up: the stories about her mother, the existence of caring grandparents and extended family.
She jumped from bed and searched for her phone. When she found it, she dialed Dad’s number, but the call wouldn’t go through. All the times Dad had called and she hadn’t answered. Now she wanted to talk to him and couldn’t. So much irony.
Maybe Matias had a phone she could use. She caught sight of her face in the mirror behind the door and started. Definitely not at her best right now. After looking so well put-together this evening, she’d scare Matias with her red, swollen eyes and ratty hair.
In the bathroom, Vanessa splashed some cold water on her splotchy face and combed her hair into a pony tail. It was the best she could do on short notice.
It was about time she got some of the answers she’d always wanted.
*
Matias accompanied Senhor Valadares to his car parked near the dock. When the driver saw them approaching, he threw a cigarette onto the ground and smashed it with the tip of his shoe.
Matias had left his uniform coat behind and the river breeze was welcome.
Senhor Valadares leaned against the back of the car and crossed his arms. He tipped his chin at the driver, and the driver walked away in the other direction.
“I’m sorry for interrupting your evening, Captain. I know how busy you are, especially on the night of the banquet.”
Matias slipped his hands in his pockets. “You’re welcome any time. It’s your ship, sir. And your granddaughter,” he added.
“Vanessa.” Senhor Valadares sighed and shook his head. “She probably won’t forgive me for waylaying her like this.”
He glanced at Matias, but Matias didn’t comment. The situation was delica
te enough already without him offering his opinion on the matter. Not that he had any right to do so anyway.
“Speaking of my granddaughter. You and Vanessa seemed close when you arrived at the lounge. Was that only my impression?”
Matias kicked a pebble, buying some time. “Uh, we were dancing on the sun deck.” His ears flamed. He and Vanessa had been doing more than just dancing. He wouldn’t lie about it if asked directly, but he needed time to think through his feelings for Vanessa. He wanted to talk to her before confessing anything to her grandfather.
Senhor Valadares raised an eyebrow at him. “Dancing? Come see me on Monday, Captain. At the main office in the city.”
“Yes, sir.” He straightened and made eye contact with his boss. Under the street-light, Senhor Valadares’s face stood out against the night’s darkness. Vanessa’s words came to his mind about her nose and her mother. Her grandfather had a more masculine version of the same nose. Had Vanessa noticed the common family trait she shared with her grandfather?
Senhor Valadares signaled his driver who returned promptly. He opened the back door, and Senhor Valadares paused before entering. “And the excursions? Did she like them?” He turned to Matias, his tone laced with expectant hope.
Matias nodded. “I believe so. She was quite taken with Castelo Rodrigo.”
The older man smiled. “That’s a good sign. It was her mother’s favorite stop on this route.”
After the car left, Matias went back to the ship. He stopped at the reception desk to retrieve his coat.
“Matias.”
When he looked up, Vanessa stood from the seat across the lobby and practically ran to him.
“Vanessa. I thought you went to your cabin.” He glanced at the analog clock on the wall. “It’s past two in the morning.”
She followed his glance, then turned back to him. “I can’t go to sleep until I talk to my Dad, and my phone isn’t working.”
He touched her shoulder. “Is everything alright?”
“I need to ask him a question.” She folded her arms and blinked before meeting his eyes. “Do you have a phone I can use? Please.”
“You can use mine.” Matias reached in his pocket and unlocked the screen, then handed the phone to her.
She didn’t take it. “It’s an international call, Matias.”
He placed the phone in her hand. “I know. Go and make your call. I’ll wait here.”
After a moment of hesitation, Vanessa took the phone. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She clutched the phone to her chest, and he watched her go, her shoulders slumped and her posture heavy. What was going on between her and her father?
Matias removed his bow tie and slipped it into his pocket. He walked to the large glassed wall behind the staircase and watched the dock.
What a night. One he wouldn’t easily forget.
He’d gotten his wish and had his private dance with Vanessa. From holding her in his arms to kissing her had only been the natural progression of their attraction and the growing relationship between them. Somewhere in the past few days he’d stopped seeing her as the bratty girl from their first encounter and he found himself craving her company. Her smiling face, her voice, her nearness and touch. There wasn’t a part of her Matias didn’t want.
He’d even broken his rule to never become involved with a passenger and it would be lying to say he regretted it.
Regret didn’t factor in.
For years he’d been avoiding dating and relationships, splitting his time between his family and his career, not really missing what he didn’t have in his life and not minding his single status.
But then Vanessa had come along and all of that had completely changed: he wanted a friend, a companion to dance with, to talk and to listen to, a woman he could embrace and kiss until morning came.
Not any woman. Only she would do.
Matias unlocked the bridge and went in for the morning’s procedures. He’d had only a few hours of sleep after the events of the previous night, but his duties aboard didn’t wait for him to rest and catch up. He’d do that when he got to his apartment in a few days. For now, work went on as usual, and he still had to navigate the ship to one more port before returning to its home destination.
As tired as he felt, his thoughts turned back to Vanessa.
She hadn’t said much after returning his phone, but he could see she’d been crying. If only he could have taken her in his arms and offered the comfort she’d so obviously needed. But one kiss didn’t give him the right to barge into her life when so much was still left unsaid between them.
The trip was coming to an end. Dinner tonight was the last one aboard—a farewell from the crew to the passengers. By morning, they’d be back to Porto. Passengers would disembark after breakfast, as they always did. He’d be on deck saying goodbye and posing for some last-minute pictures. But how could he go through the rituals when it came to Vanessa’s turn on the gangway?
The rest of the morning passed without incident. Matias didn’t see Vanessa at breakfast and hopefully that meant she’d slept in. She needed it. She also missed the tour to Lamego, but more than half the passengers usually did as the busyness of the previous days’ excursions caught up to them. By lunchtime, Matias was anxious to see her, and he found excuses to linger in the dining room, hoping she’d show up, but she didn’t. He returned to the bridge and got the ship on its way to Régua, and Miguel took over from there.
An hour later, when he peeked again in the dining room, Vanessa was there. Everyone was already finished with lunch, and the busboys had cleaned up. The wait staff had started setting up for dinner and she sat in the farthest corner, away from the preparations. He watched her for a moment as she stirred a cup of tea, her shoulders hunched and her movements timid and small.
He shelved his earlier resolve to give her some space and walked over to her table.
“Good afternoon, Miss Clark.”
Vanessa raised her eyes from the plate, and the corner of her mouth rose in a wan smile. “Captain.”
Matias pulled out a chair and sat one chair away from her. “Did you get to rest?”
She pushed away a plate with a half-eaten piece of toast. “I didn’t fall asleep until after six in the morning.” She leaned an elbow on the table and cupped her chin in her hand. “I grew up with a view of my past that I’m now finding out is not completely true. And I’m not dealing very well with it.” After a brief pause she added, “I don’t know why I’m unloading all this on you.” She sat back and folded her hands on her lap.
Matias pulled his chair closer to her. “I’d like to think of myself as your friend, and friends help friends, even if it’s just with a listening ear.” He wanted to be more than her friend, but friendship was a good way to start. “What happened last night between—”
She shook her head. “I can’t think of what happened last night between us.” She looked away to the window for a moment. “Not right now. Is that okay? I know we should want to talk about it, but I have so much going on, and this is not reality.” Her arms drew a wide circle around them. “This is not who I am, Matias. The fancy clothes, the elegant dinner, the dancing. None of it feels real. I’m just a simple girl from Kansas. I don’t go around changing outfits two or three times a day, and I certainly don’t spend my time sipping tea and lounging by the pool. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Her eyes shone with a kind of pleading emotion that compelled him to her.
His hand touched her forearm. “I know this is not your normal.” He kept his voice low. “But you have to know that I’m not my job. As much as I love captaining this ship, it’s what I do, not who I am. I don’t wear this uniform on land. Heck, I dance only when I’m aboard.” His voice rose at the last word, and he reined himself in. Was the earnestness in his tone enough to convince her he understood?
She held his gaze. “Can you wait until I’m ready?”
Waiting wasn’t the problem. “Will you let me stay in contact
with you after the trip?”
His phone beeped and he glanced at the screen. It was a message from Miguel. Matias glanced at Vanessa. “Excuse me. I need to take this.”
“Yes, of course,” she replied.
When he unlocked the screen, two words glared up at him: COME NOW!
Matias rose and looked out the closest window. Something was wrong. Instead of the usual expanse of river ahead of the bow, the ship leaned toward the left bank. “I have to go.”
She stood from the table as he sprinted toward the lobby. When the jolt came, Matias braced himself on the door jamb. Shouts sliced through the air but he didn’t stop. He kept running toward the sun deck even as the impact dragged and finally stalled the ship.
In the bridge, blinking lights and alarm sounds assailed the front of the console. Matias grabbed the microphone. “Emergency personnel, assess and report.”
Miguel stood at the wheel, facing the prow.
Matias snatched the emergency procedure folder from the shelf and opened it on the counter. “Port Authority?” he asked.
Jaime pointed at Pedro. “On the phone, sir.”
Pedro nodded and continued talking to the person on the other side.
Miguel turned off several of the switches on the console. His expression was calm but his movements belied the tension in the bridge.
When he was done, he lifted his eyes to Matias. “We lost the rudder.”
*
Vanessa ran to the sliding doors and stepped outside. Something had happened to the ship. It appeared to be stuck on a sandbar in a perpendicular position to the river, too close to the eastern bank.
The loudspeaker squeaked and Matias’s voice came on. “Emergency personnel, assess and report.” Despite the curtness of the command, he sounded in control. Her anxiety subsided.
She ran back to the lobby, where several crew members were already assisting passengers. Some people were visibly shaken. Others were less obviously affected, but the nervousness was still evident in their eyes.
“Your attention, please.” Matias spoke again. “This is Captain Romano. We are not in danger of sinking. We ask that you remain calm and stay away from the balconies and open decks. Thank you.”
Meet Me At Sunrise (Destined for Love: Europe) Page 12