For a man who knew someone aboard his ship had betrayed him, Matias looked calm and in control. How much of it was a façade and how much his personality?
“You don’t seem very worried,” she said.
“I’ve already done all I can for now. Worrying about something I can’t control would only rob me of the ability to enjoy the present moment.” The corner of his mouth rose into a small smile.
Vanessa’s face flushed and she brushed at her cheek. Matias wasn’t the only one enjoying the present moment. She’d never imagined she’d be sitting with the captain in a nearly empty ship.
Matias leaned back in his chair. “There’s something I realized today. I’ve been doing this itinerary for some years and never have I had a trip with so many problems. It’s been doomed from the beginning, even before we left port, each day adding something more to the list of malfunctions and accidents and overall difficulties to an unprecedented scale. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, we lose the rudder.” He shook his head. “Ending the trip early is unheard of. I’ve never had to send the passengers ashore before the cruise was over.”
His expression was heavy with disappointment.
“But this situation is out of your hands.” Even if he felt responsible, he wasn’t to blame for the sabotage.
“Of course I’ve also known from the beginning that you were the one who brought the bad luck aboard.”
Vanessa’s eyes went wide. What was he talking about? She had no words; nothing came to mind to defend herself from his insensitive remarks. How had she brought any bad luck to the ship?
He turned his palm up, as if reading from a list. “I looked at that passenger manifest on the first day, saw the uneven number of passengers, and knew that someone traveling alone was not a good portent on a cruise for couples.”
Vanessa rose and walked to the railing, turning away from Matias. Her eyes stung, and she blinked in a futile attempt to hold back the tears. Her heart sank. Why was he blaming her for something that was out of her control? As if she had anything to do with any of the problems that had besieged the ship. How had he gone from talking about the ship’s rudder to accusing her of bringing bad luck?
She had to leave. Right now.
“I don’t have to stay here and listen to this.” She walked away from him as fast as she could, but he caught her arm.
“Vanessa, wait. Please. I’m an idiot.” His hand slid down her wrist until his fingers touched hers. “Here I am trying to tell you how I don’t care for the silly old superstitions anymore and I manage to insult you instead.”
She didn’t turn, continuing to face away from him, but she was caught in place by the gentle pressure of his hand in hers. When he stepped forward, the warmth of his body hovered at her back. Now she was torn between the urge to flee and the need to stay close to him. She leaned back ever so lightly, and his hand came to rest at her waist, then his chin rested on her shoulder.
Vanessa closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m so lucky to know you and so glad your grandfather sent you on this cruise. I’m especially glad you came unattached and are not part of a couple.” His hand tightened around her waist. “So lucky,” he said in a soft voice.
His breath fanned her neck and her skin turned into gooseflesh.
This is what she’d been wishing to hear from him.
Slowly, she turned in his arms until she faced him. Matias brought her closer and touched the side of her face with a feathery kiss. Her chest felt like it would burst into flames, and her knees struggled to support her shaking frame.
“Matias.” Her voice trembled, thick with emotion, and she paused to inhale. All the questions tumbling in her mind—she didn’t want to think of them right now. Not when time was so short.
“Forgive me for those stupid words, please?” He touched her lips again. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long, long time. I don’t care about even numbers on the passenger list.”
Vanessa tightened her arms around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder. She closed her eyes. What could she say to Matias when she didn’t know what to think? Was it even possible to become so close to another person in such a short period of time? She was caught between the voice of reason in her mind and the yearnings of the feelings in her heart.
Knowing which one to listen to wasn’t as easy as she would like.
Vanessa woke with a deep exhale. A sense of contentment filled her chest, something new and unexpected. When was the last time she’d woken to such a feeling?
Outside, a trace of night still clung to the sky, stubbornly pushing away the early morning light. Morning could wait. Let the rest of darkness linger on and take its time to fade.
A warm breath fanned her cheek. She lay in the cocoon of Matias’s arms, the weight of one across her waist and the other around her shoulders. How they had managed to get any sleep while in each other’s embrace baffled her. Maybe the trust and caring between them was deeper than what they consciously knew.
After their time on the balcony, they’d come inside and ended up on the widest sofa in the lounge, large enough for the both of them. They’d talked of little things, not really minding where the words took them as long as they stayed next to each other. In the end, the tiredness of the day exacted its toll, and here she was now, awake, as Matias slept, the little wrinkle between his brows finally gone.
Vanessa covered his hand with hers and closed her eyes for a moment. The little question that had niggled her the day before crept in once again. Was this the kind of happiness to last a lifetime and beyond? How could she know what was true and enduring in such a short period of time? And how could she make a choice?
If she stayed in Portugal, Grandfather would be pleased and so would Matias, but she’d be leaving Dad and the only life she’d ever known. And by returning to Kansas, she’d be closing the door on her Portuguese family and rejecting the possibility of a relationship with Matias, breaking her own heart in the process.
As the minutes wore on, Vanessa wavered on the edge of indecision, going back and forth between her choices, the impossibility of each growing larger and heavier. The comfort she took from being close to Matias would only bring heartache and, in the end, whichever path she chose would end in sorrow.
On the floor somewhere, her phone beeped. Slowly, she removed Matias’s arm and stood from the sofa as stealthily as she could. Let him sleep. He needed the rest.
Vanessa exited the lounge and swiped at the phone screen. Dad’s number flashed back at her. She quickly calculated the time in Kansas. Why was he calling her so late?
“Dad, is something wrong?”
“Hi, Vanessa.” His voice sounded tired. “Nothing wrong. Just wanted to let you know I just landed at the Porto airport.”
Her stomach dropped. “You’re in Porto? What are you doing in Porto?” Had he mentioned anything about coming and she’d missed it?
“I didn’t like the way we ended our last phone call, so I wanted to surprise you. Are you still on the ship?”
“I am.” This was not the time to explain what was going on with the ship. “Where are you staying?”
“Some hotel in the city, I don’t remember the name. How soon can you get here? I’d like to see you.”
Typical Dad, expecting her to drop everything to accommodate his plans. A feeling of resentment flared for a moment. Vanessa breathed in and pushed it away. Maybe this was the chance she needed to confront Dad about the truth about her past and about Mom. “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll text you when I know for sure.”
His voice brightened. “That’s my girl. I’ll send you the name of the place where I’m staying. See you soon.”
Vanessa hung up and sat on the carpeted hallway floor. In the course of five minutes, everything had changed. Only a few moments before, she’d been considering turning away from him, the parent who’d raised her and w
ho’d been the only family she’d had growing up.
Now Dad was in Porto and he wanted to see her. Maybe this was her answer.
She rose from the floor and walked back to where Matias still lay sleeping on the sofa. His breathing was deep and his expression relaxed, almost smiling.
It was all wishful thinking, this alternate reality with Matias. Thinking she could have a happily-ever-after with him was only a fairy tale—nothing more than a beautiful dream.
Quickly, Vanessa walked back to her cabin to call Grandfather.
Then it was time to wake Matias.
*
“Matias.”
Someone called his name. Matias smiled. The soft voice in his dream sounded like Vanessa. Even the sweet accent was the same. And the way she said the S at the end—he loved that.
“Matias.”
This time he opened his eyes. It wasn’t a dream.
When he took a look around, Matias found himself on a sofa instead of the bed in his cabin. He sat up and leaned back against the seat. After their talk out on the balcony, he and Vanessa had gone inside and sat on a sofa in the lounge. Had he slept there all night? And where had Vanessa slept? A hazy image of holding her in his arms flashed through his mind. Was it a memory or had he imagined it?
Vanessa sat across from him on an upholstered chair. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips, but her shoulders hunched over, her arms crossed over her middle. Her expression was heavy with worry and frustration, and even a little sadness.
He scrubbed a hand across his face, then straightened. “What’s wrong?” Outside, morning hadn’t come yet; a few stubborn stars still clung to a dusky sky.
She followed his gaze past the windows. “I’m sorry I woke you up so early.”
An undertone of regret tinged her voice. Something inside him twisted with a sense of premonition. “Vanessa, what’s going on?” What was she keeping from him? She barely maintained eye contact, and she had ignored his question as well.
She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes for a moment, as if to breathe in the courage she lacked. When she opened them again, the resolve was there. “I’m leaving. I know I said I was staying until the Princess Catarina was towed to port, but I have to go.”
For the length of a heartbeat, Matias stared at her. He scrambled for a reply, but the words failed him. Why had she changed her mind?
Vanessa stood. “I’m going to find my suitcase and then go. My dad is waiting for me at a hotel in Porto.”
“You dad?” His forehead wrinkled into a frown. “Your dad’s here in Portugal?” Matias rose from the sofa.
Her head cocked to the side, and she hunched a shoulder. “It’s a long story.”
The realization sneaked in and grew until it was impossible to ignore. Vanessa was running away. She was ready to leave the ship and she wouldn’t even say why.
A horn sounded from outside, loud and insistent.
“That’s for me.” She glanced at him for a moment. “I’m sorry to leave you, but the Port Authority captain said the tow ship will be here in less than an hour.”
That was the only good news he’d heard so far. He was anxious to turn his ship over to the company’s investigators.
They stood in front of each other for a long minute until Vanessa broke eye contact. “Thank you, Matias.” Her gaze flicked back. “I know that’s hardly enough…” Her words trailed off.
Every thought he had rushed around in his mind, but none of them connected in any rational way. The situation happening in front of him didn’t make any sense, but he didn’t know what he could say to make it different.
When the horn sounded again, Vanessa squared her shoulders. “Goodbye, Matias.”
By the time he recovered, she was already climbing the stairs to the upper deck. Matias followed as she handed her suitcase to a guy he’d never seen before.
He walked over and stopped by the railing. “That’s it? Goodbye?” There was so much more he wanted to ask.
Vanessa looked over her shoulder. “I think we both know it wouldn’t have worked.”
No, they didn’t know that. And now they never would.
*
Vanessa wiped at the corner of her eye once more. It was more of a persistent leak than crying. A very annoying leak that wouldn’t stop. After a night spent in Matias’s arms and then waking up early and weighing her options, she’d made her decision. Then why was she crying?
Two of Grandfather’s men had picked her up in a heavily tinted sedan, and she settled in for the trip back, grateful she didn’t have to take a bus.
When she’d called Grandfather, the news of Dad’s arrival in Porto had taken him by surprise, just as it had her. Dad hadn’t even hinted that he was coming. As far as she knew, he hadn’t been in Portugal since Mom’s accident. And now he was waiting for her in Porto. She sighed heavily.
Fatigue overtook her on the hour-and-a-half drive back, and she dozed off. When they arrived at the hotel, Grandfather waited for her in the lobby.
He stood from the upholstered chair and rushed to her. “I’m sorry about this, Vanessa. I know you wanted to see the ship back to port.”
“Where is he? Did you see him yet?” She walked over to the reception desk, but Grandfather stopped her.
“Are you sure you want to do this right now? I can take you back to the apartment, and he can wait until you’re ready.”
Grandfather had rented a small apartment with a fabulous view of the city for her. Had she even appreciated it? Other than hiding there, she hadn’t done much.
She shook her head. “No, I’d rather see him first.”
He hesitated for a moment, as if weighing her answer, then gestured to the elevators. “Come on.”
Vanessa managed a small smile. “Thanks, Grandfather.” Her resentment toward him had faded after reading the letter he’d given her two days ago. So many things had happened on the cruise. She wasn’t the same person she’d been before boarding the ship.
When she knocked on the door, Dad swung it open. “Vanessa. Finally.” He pulled her into the room and dropped an arm around her shoulders.
Vanessa returned the hug. “Hi, Dad. This is quite the surprise.”
He and Grandfather nodded curtly at each other with an undercurrent of tension that was hard to ignore.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming, Dad?” Vanessa walked over to the sofa and sat down.
Dad sat across from her. “Just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“We talked on the phone and texted almost every day.” He’d done it so often, she’d been forced to leave her phone behind in her cabin at times. “I’m twenty-three. Don’t you think I can take care of myself by now?”
Dad crossed his arms. “Of course I know you can take care of yourself. Just because you’re twenty-three doesn’t mean I’ll stop worrying about you.”
“You knew where I was, Dad.” The weariness she felt tinged her voice. “I was perfectly well the whole time.”
Grandfather turned from his spot at the window but didn’t say anything.
“I wouldn’t call it perfectly well. Didn’t the boat get stuck in the middle of the river?”
“Ship, not boat,” she and Grandfather spoke at the same time.
Dad stood up from his chair and gestured between her and Grandfather. “See, this is the kind of thing I tried to prevent. You spend a few days on a ship, and already you’re talking like him.”
“And what’s wrong about that? Maybe I want to learn from him about the ship.” She stopped and tried to soften her tone. “I have a feeling it’s what my mom would have wanted.”
Dad stilled, his eyes wide. “Your mother? Now you’re talking about your mother too?”
Vanessa leaned an elbow on the side of the chair. “At least somebody is.” As tired as she was, some things needed to be said.
Dad frowned. “What’s gotten into you? Why are you talking like that?”
“Well, Dad, maybe it’s about time
we talk like this.” She uncrossed her legs and rose. “I didn’t sleep well, I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I didn’t plan for this conversation to take place right now, but frankly I don’t care if you don’t like it. I think it’s high time we set everything straight.”
Dad opened his mouth, but Vanessa cut him off. “And I’m making the rules as I go or as I see fit.”
She’d never talked to Dad like this, and she hovered on the fine line between asserting herself and being rude. She was probably not making much sense, but she might as well keep going, now that she’d opened the door for this talk. “I’m sure you didn’t come all this way to argue with me.”
Dad waved a hand. “Since your trip didn’t go as expected, I thought we could change your return ticket and you can leave a few days earlier with me. There’s nothing else for you here.”
Vanessa looked away and sighed. Did he even understand how wrong he was?
Grandfather looked over his shoulder at Vanessa. “It’s up to you when you leave. You know you’ll have a place to stay as long as you want.”
Dad glanced at Grandfather, then back at her. “You don’t have to listen to him, Vanessa.”
“You’re right. I don’t have to listen to him, but I want to. He didn’t lie to me like you did.” Repeatedly. Dad had lied to her even when he didn’t need to.
Dad crossed his arms. “If I lied, it was for your own good.”
Her chest tightened. Years of frustration bubbled to the surface after holding in her questions for so long. “But why? You said she’d died in an accident but never gave me more details. You didn’t even tell me her whole name.” Vanessa paced away then turned back. “Something as simple as my mom’s name, and you never told me.”
Dad sat back down and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I wasn’t myself after the boating accident. I lost your mom to the river, and I didn’t want to lose you too.” He looked back up at her. “Moving to Kansas City was a reaction, trying to get away from the ships and the river cruises and everything else that represented pain to me. I thought—” He paused, and his head went down. “I only did what I thought was best.”
Meet Me At Sunrise (Destined for Love: Europe) Page 14