Therefore, it came as a surprise to discover that he didn’t need a drop of liquor to relish the opportunity to cut loose. Then again, everything about this dream astonished him, so he decided not to overthink that detail.
He caught sight of the mystery man again. Wearing a dark suit that might have looked fashionable in the 1940’s and dancing with a lovely lady in a velvet gown who seemed unaware that her partner’s mind had strayed, even though he matched her step for step, the man smirked as though struck with immediate insight as to Nick’s identity.
Nick ignored the man. He didn’t know him. How could he? He hadn’t lived during the 1940’s.
The next song, “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas banged through the speakers, keeping up the vitality all the way through successive cuts such as “Sexy Back,” by Justin Timberlake and “Only Girl (in the world)” by Rihanna, and by then, Nick felt so good that he craved closer contact. (At this point, anything beyond 12-inches from Nina felt too far away, and he wanted to slow things down.)
More than anything, he wanted to feel her in his arms, wanted to move in sync with her, wanted to look into her eyes and see his future. He pulled up his favorite pop ballad, a tune he hadn’t listened to in over a decade, Mariah Carey’s song, “Till the End of Time.” He vowed to play that song only after finding a woman he could imagine marrying.
As the keyboards began and Mariah sang about cozying up to her loved one, Nina broke apart from him for a moment and looked at him with uncertainty. “Did I choose that song? Or did you?”
“I did. It’s my dream, remember?”
“I can’t believe that you like this song.” She swept into his arms. “It’s one of my all-time favorites.”
As Nick wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her toward him, he felt the deeper connection that he’d so desperately needed. He held her softly at first, but having her in his grasp made him want her even closer, so he clutched her with more feeling, and her hair brushed against his face. “Why do you feel so… right?”
The familiarity of that comment reminded him of the instances where he’d used similar phrases to so many other women. Only this time, he trusted that statement more than any other he’d made. Still, his duplicity with other women soured his mood. Given his track record, who could say whether he would also end up leaving Nina? He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her. Although he knew he couldn’t find a better woman to spend his life with, Nick had no relationship history to speak of, and he felt ill-equipped to even pretend what Nina might need, let alone whether or not he could give it to her.
He backed away from her.
Mariah’s song ended, but nothing replaced it. The entire hall became silent. Nevertheless, the dancers around them seemed oblivious to this fact. They continued dancing as if the music continued unabated.
“What’s wrong?” Nina asked. “What happened to our song?”
Our song. Nick couldn’t overlook the meaning behind those two words. Nina deserved better than a man who had mistreated so many women. And he didn’t want to make the same mistake with her. He wouldn’t allow it to happen.
For a second, he thought about leaving. She deserved better than him. She deserved someone who remained at her side without hesitation. But at the same time, something hidden deep inside him urged him to show them both that he could look beyond his past and become the man he’d always hoped to become: supportive, thoughtful, understanding, honest, loyal, and loving.
She made him want to try. And this newfound desire to investigate an untapped aspect of his personality encouraged him to try something new. It made him want to express the passion he felt for her. He grabbed her hand without any indication of what he planned to do and headed in another direction.
“Whoa.” Almost getting dragged along with him, she caught up to him. “Okay, caveman. Where are we rushing off to?”
Just outside of another dancing group, Nick swung Nina into the circle, spinning her like a top then slid up next to her, pressing her close. He looked into her eyes, a naughty smile making his teeth shine. “Salsa!”
“You know how to salsa?”
“No, but something tells me that I won’t make a fool of myself.” He took one of her palms and placed his free hand on her back. He notched an eyebrow. “Follow my lead.”
“Si, senor.”
He took three steps forward, moving only his hips, not his upper body. “You know Spanish?”
“Conozco un poco.”
“You know a little, huh?” He took three steps back before twirling her. “Wait, I can’t speak it at all.” He slowed his movements, puzzled by that new development. “So how did I know what you said?”
Nina came to a stop. “Follow your lead, huh? Do you say that and then just abandon all of your girlfriends?”
He returned to her and resumed dancing in a diagonal pattern. “I don’t have any girlfriends.”
“But you’ve had girlfriends.”
“I’ve had…intimate relationships.”
“Translation: plenty of sexual partners, but never a girlfriend.” She made this statement without judgment.
He whirled her before taking her back into the next dance movement. He expected to be on the defensive by her comment, but he didn’t feel under attack. “Are you applying for the girlfriend vacancy?”
“What’s in it for me? The occasional Happy Meal?”
“Not occasional. My ladies are treated to weekly visits to Mickey D’s. And Happy Meals? Please! Give me a little credit. You’re worth a Big Mac – at the very least.”
“Big spender. What if I wanted a McChicken?”
“Listen to you: acting like you already received girlfriend status. Are you even qualified? Do you have any references?”
“Qualifications? References? Is this an interview?”
“You think you passed my screening process and already skipped ahead to the interview? You’re pretty arrogant, aren’t you?”
“I prefer to call it confidence.”
“What makes you think that you’d be a quality girlfriend?”
“And what does a ‘quality girlfriend’ mean in your book? You’ve never had a girlfriend. I could be the biggest drama queen and command you around like my little pet, and you wouldn’t know the difference. You’d see my beauty and my intelligence and my sense of humor, and think nothing of—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Beauty is subjective.”
“But you’re attracted to me. I’ve seen the way you look into my eyes.”
“Really? And how is that?”
“Leering at me. Checking out my assets.”
“Assets, huh? Well, I do require a 50% down payment if you’re still thinking of applying. If, and that’s a big if, I accept you into my life, the other 50% would be expected at the end of that first month.”
“So you need a dowry?”
“I tend to think of it as an investment – to ensure that you don’t run off with another man.” Up until that remark, Nick had been having a heck of a time, but after saying those words, he realized the truth behind it. Not that he wanted money, but that he’d never had a girlfriend because he feared that she’d leave him. That realization humbled him.
“You’re not threatened by my inquisitive nature, aren’t you? Some men find that difficult to handle.”
“Not at all,” he said, his spirits returning to their fun banter. “In fact, it’s expected. I mean, you’ll be supporting me, after all.”
“No wonder you’ve never had a girlfriend. You have strict measures to abide by. You expect me to be faithful and the primary breadwinner? That sounds like a lot for any woman to give up. How do I know if I’m getting a good deal?”
“You laugh at my jokes.”
“Only sometimes but go on.”
“I’m supportive.”
“In what way? Beyond splurging on a box of Chicken McNuggets.”
“I’ve never heard you sing a note. But I just know that you’re one hell of a singer.�
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Doubt clouded her face. “You’re just saying that.”
“Have I lied to you? No. I’ve been honest. About everything. So how do I know you have talent? It’s in the way you look at situations. You’re always looking for some deeper meaning beneath the obvious. You’re not satisfied with the term ‘acceptable.’ For things you care about, you give it your all until you’re satisfied that you can’t do any better. That’s exactly how I look at my art.”
Nina looked suspicious. “How do you know all that?”
“I don’t know. I just do. It’s like how I know Spanish and salsa dancing, even though I’ve never studied the language or taken salsa lessons. The bottom line is that I believe in you.”
With her head tipped to the side, Nina seemed to concentrate on what he’d said until she glanced around them. They stood outside the circle of salsa dancers. “I had no idea we’d stopped dancing.”
Nick scanned the area and found a spot he’d like to join. Once again, he took Nina’s hand and led her to another section of the dance floor.
“Tango? Really? I’m so out of my element.”
“And I’m not,” he said with a certainty that surprised him. “It’s actually an offshoot of Argentine Tango called Tango Nuevo. He led her to the dance floor as music filled the speakers above them. Pressing chest to chest, Nick danced to the emotion in the music, transmitting this feeling to Nina through his dance steps.
“Okay,” Nina said. “You’re a good dancer, supportive, and somewhat funny.”
“Whoa, only somewhat funny? That’s harsh. I’m not a riot by any stretch, but I’d settle for just plain old funny. Agreed?”
“You can’t convince me that you’re funny. You’re either funny or you’re not.”
“So being ‘somewhat funny’ was a lie?”
“No. I don’t lie.”
“Neither do I. So how do I know I could trust you?”
“I haven’t dropped you yet. That should count for something.”
Nick continued leading her in a counterclockwise manner around the outside of the dance floor. He stopped with Nina crouching with her right leg nestled against his inner thigh and her left leg slanted out. Her closeness and the heat he felt inside him, not to mention the erotic image of her knee practically nudging against his private parts, made Nick issue a soft moan. He scooped her up into his arms and stepped out of the dance floor.
“I don’t know what the future holds,” he said. “I can’t promise you anything. But being with you is different. It’s special. I hope you believe that.”
She looked up at him with an unreadable expression.
“If you’re not going to apply,” he said with a teasing smirk, “I should keep my options open.” He turned away from her and examined the dance floor. “Hmmm. Looking for someone attractive.” He swung back to Nina. “You’re a hard act to follow. But it’s only fair that other candidates get an opportunity to apply.” Then he continued scanning the floor for other women until his eyes locked on an attractive redhead that he wasn’t especially attracted to. “She might do.”
That’s when Nick saw someone that he never expected to see again: his brother, Harold.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Although Nina loved the easy banter she shared with Nick, she felt somewhat let down by his reluctance to carry on a serious conversation. But what did she expect on the dance floor? It’s not exactly the place for deep introspection. Besides, her need to determine his level of interest stemmed from past rejection, and she didn’t want to give herself to someone who had no interest in a serious commitment.
Despite that, Nick’s reluctance to sustain a sincere discussion made her that much more eager to know him better. That level of playfulness tinged with unexpected earnestness won her over. She didn’t know what he’d say next, making her hang on every word. And as much as she enjoyed getting to know him this way, she hated herself for getting so wrapped up in him.
She had followed this exact pattern throughout her life: (1) meet a handsome, quick-witted man with a kind heart, an unbreakable moral compass, and a strong purpose in life; (2) disregard what he might need from a relationship, while only thinking of her own needs; (3) fall in love; (4) upon learning that his needs were different than what she could give him, change aspects of her personality she loved in order to prove that they belonged together; (5) turn herself into a stranger, whereupon said boyfriend loses respect for her and dumps her.
And this time, Nina vowed not follow this same path. She considered herself a lucky catch, and she refused to give away parts of herself, only to lose her self-respect due to her insecurities, namely that of not finding The One.
And although Nina hadn’t felt the need to start sacrificing herself in order to prove her worthiness, it would come to this if she didn’t end this cycle by determining what Nick needed from a relationship. Only then would she be able to upset this imbalance.
Still, until the moment Nick had broken away from her, Nina felt like she’d finally met someone who understood her and wanted the same lifelong bond that she’d ached for. But after meeting Nick at the diner and feeling drawn to him, she felt part of her soul shifting towards him. No, that didn’t quite explain her predicament because a shift seemed to indicate that she made the conscious decision to like him.
While she was tempted to explain away her interest as simple physical attraction, Nina wouldn’t trivialize the chemistry she felt with him. It was as ordinary as breathing. And rather than continue to analyze why she felt so strongly about him, which seemed like a wise choice since she had followed her heart and fallen for men who didn’t want her, this time, she decided to just trust her soul. And she knew the difference.
Loving someone with all your heart, in Nina’s opinion, had more to do with how you felt about someone: it amounted to fitting yourself into another person’s life. Loving someone with your soul showed how you both felt about each other. That type of bond didn’t need consideration. It didn’t need explaining. It existed without thoughts or words. It existed on earth and in heaven. It existed regardless of time or space. It was forever.
That Nick selected one of her favorite love songs reinforced this notion. Even after he grasped her hand, which allowed her to experience the music playing in his soul, because at that moment they both wanted a spiritual connection, he didn’t question that he’d chosen the songs by Beyonce and Rihanna, even though Nina had selected those songs for both of them, whereas Nick had selected songs by Justin Timberlake and the Black Eyed Peas. In each case, the music flowed from one of them to the other and manifested above them as though they had connected cables from a surround sound system to their bodies.
Although Nina couldn’t recall when she’d first experienced this magical sensation, she recognized how it worked without understanding how God had created this effect. But as with His ability to distort time, not to mention how the Lord manipulated this compact building into an enormous dance hall, she didn’t question the physics behind these incredible achievements.
And then, without warning or explanation, Nick destroyed a wonderful moment. The perfect moment, really: one that symbolized everything she’d ever expected from romance – passion, attraction, affection, kindness.
Seeing Nick push his way past members in the crowd, Nina caught sight of a couple from the Elizabethan era who stopped dancing in order to wave at her, a gesture that would have surely been frowned upon in their time period. Nina didn’t recognize them by sight, but inside she felt connected to them, as though all three of them had once shared warm conversations and fondness for each other. She smiled at them then continued after Nick, unsure what had driven him to leave her embrace with such great urgency.
Up ahead, Nick stopped on the outskirts of those doing the Waltz. He glanced around like a worried owner who’d given his puppy a little too much freedom, only to discover that his dog had run away from home.
“What’s wrong?” Nina asked, pulling up beside him.
&nbs
p; “He was right here. He even smiled at me.”
“Who?”
“My brother, Harold.”
Nina didn’t know what to say. She wanted to tell Nick that he might see those that had passed away during his most recent incarnation on earth, as well as many others that might seem familiar, although he might have lost the ability to identify them by name. In one way or another, however, he might recognize them by the essence of their spirit. But if she mentioned this, he would dispute her claims by once again stating that he controlled this dream world and everyone in it. Therefore, it only made sense that he’d know most of the people in a world he’d created, so she remained silent on the subject.
“But he never vanished like that,” he said.
“You’ve seen your brother before?”
Nick turned to face her. “In my dreams. He’d always be with me and a couple friends. We’d be standing in a circle, holding beers, and chatting. And Harold always stood across from me with this…pleasant smile on his face. But he wouldn’t say a word. And I always got the impression that my friends didn’t even know he was there.”
Nina knew exactly what he spoke about. She didn’t recall when, but at some point in her spirit’s long journey, a man named Aurelius, felt tremendous pain and grief that Nina had passed away. Although at this moment, she couldn’t remember if Aurelius had been a lover or spouse or trusted confidante, she only knew that he had endured prolonged torment after her passing.
And upon a request by Aurelius’ spirit guide, Nina had joined her friend’s guide and embraced him, allowing Nina the chance to enter Aurelius’ dream. But in truth, she had entered a nightmare. Aurelius sat at a rickety table that held two items: to his left – a near empty bottle of vodka; to his right – a pistol. Just as he picked up the gun and placed it to his temple, Nina appeared opposite him with an empathetic look and love in her soul.
Just Like Heaven Page 8