by Kate Hardy
‘I don’t know. When I saw her name, I was too much of a coward to answer. Sorry.’
‘It’s fine. Probably just as well.’ He sighed. ‘Did she leave a message?’
She glanced at the screen of his phone. ‘It looks like it.’
‘What does it say?’
‘How would I know? I don’t listen in to your messages, Dylan.’
‘It’s probably something to do with paperwork for the divorce,’ he said, and sighed. ‘I’ll sort it out. And I’ll see you later. Em...’
‘Yes?’
‘Never mind. We’ll talk when I get home.’
Emmy spent the morning playing with Tyler. But when the baby had a nap, she looked a few things up on the Internet. And then she really wished that she’d let it go. Now she’d seen a picture of Nadine, she could see that Dylan’s ex was perfect for him. Poised, sleekly groomed, very together—everything that Emmy wasn’t.
And the divorce was taking a very long time to come through. Assuming that they’d split up before Tyler was born...why hadn’t it been settled yet? Did Nadine want him back? Had she heard from a colleague that Dylan was guardian to the baby she’d wanted, and did she think that Dylan might be prepared to give their marriage another chance?
She blew out a breath. OK. Dylan wasn’t a liar and a cheat. He wouldn’t have slept with her if he’d still been in love with his ex. She knew that.
But...
Her relationships always went wrong. What was to say that this would be any different? And there had been that night where he’d pulled her close and murmured Nadine’s name...
The doubts flooded through her, and she just couldn’t shift them. What if Dylan had changed his mind about her? What if, when he came home tonight, he wanted them to go back to their old relationship—at arm’s length and only sharing the baby’s care? What if they got together and, once the first flush of desire had worn off, he started realising how many flaws she had, just as her exes always had? What if he started wanting her to change, and she couldn’t be who he wanted her to be?
Tyler woke; feeding him distracted her for a little bit, but still the thoughts whizzed round her head. And the doubts grew and grew and grew until she felt suffocated by them.
‘I need to think about this,’ she told the baby. ‘I need to work out what I want. Find out what Dylan wants. And I think we need to be apart while we work it out.’
She knew exactly where she could go. Where she’d be welcomed, where the baby would be fussed over, where she’d be able to walk for miles next to the sea. Where she could talk to someone clear-sighted who’d listen and let her work it out.
She rang her great-aunt to check that it was convenient for her to visit, then packed swiftly. ‘We’re going to the sea,’ she told the baby, who cooed at her and clapped his hands. ‘Where I used to go when I was tiny. You’ll like it.’
Then she picked up the phone again. It was only fair to tell Dylan what she planned. Except he was unavailable, in a meeting with a client. This wasn’t the kind of thing she wanted to leave in a message, and she could hardly text him because his mobile phone was still here.
But she could leave him a voicemail.
She dialled his mobile number swiftly and waited for the phone to click through to his voicemail. ‘Dylan, I need some space to think about things,’ she said. ‘To get my head straight. I’m staying at Great-Aunt Syb’s. I’ll text you when I get there so you know we’ve arrived safely.’ Given what had happened to Ally and Pete, she would’ve wanted him to text her if he’d been the one travelling. It was only fair.
* * *
Honestly, Dylan thought, if you were going to leave a message on someone’s voicemail, you could at least make sure you were around to accept the return call.
On the third attempt, he finally got through to Nadine. ‘You wanted to talk to me,’ he said.
‘Yes. I saw that article in the magazine.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘And Jenny at the office said you were looking after Pete’s son since the accident.’
Where was she going with this? He had a nasty feeling about it. ‘My godson. Yes.’
She dragged in a breath. ‘So you’re a dad.’
Uh-oh. This was exactly what he’d thought she wanted to talk to him about. ‘A stand-in one.’
‘So we could—’
‘No,’ he cut in gently before she could finish her suggestion. ‘Nadine, you’re seeing someone else.’
‘On the rebound from you. I still love you, Dylan. We can stop the divorce going through. All you have to do is say yes. We can make a family together.’
‘It’s not quite the same thing, Nadine. You wanted a baby of your own,’ he reminded her.
‘And we still can. We can have a brother or sister for Tyler.’
‘No. Nadine, it’s over,’ he said, as gently as he could. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘So you’re really—’ she took a deep breath ‘—with that jeweller?’
‘I am,’ he confirmed. And it shocked him how good that made him feel. Tonight, he’d leave the office and go home to Emmy and Tyler. His partner and his child. His unexpected family.
Her voice wobbled. ‘What does she have that I don’t?’
‘That isn’t a fair conversation,’ he said. ‘You’re very different. Opposites, even. But she complements me. And it works.’ He paused. ‘Be happy, Nadine. And try to be happy for me. We’ve both got a chance to make a new life now, to get what we wanted.’
‘I wanted it with you.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, guilt flooding through him. ‘But there’s no going back for us. I know that now. We wouldn’t make each other happy.’
‘We could try.’ Hope flared in her voice.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘Goodbye, Nadine. And good luck.’ He cut the connection.
And now he could go home. See Emmy. Tell her that everything was going to be just fine.
Except, when he opened the front door, he realised that the house was empty.
Maybe she’d taken Tyler to the park or something. He tried calling her mobile phone from the house landline, but there was no answer. Maybe she was somewhere really noisy and hadn’t heard the phone, or maybe she was in the middle of a nappy change. ‘It’s me. I’m home,’ he said when the line clicked through to voicemail. ‘See you later.’
He went in search of his mobile phone. Emmy had left it in the middle of the kitchen table. He flicked into the first screen, intending to check his text messages, and noticed that he had two voicemail messages. The first was Nadine’s from earlier, asking him to call. He sighed and deleted it.
The second was probably work. He’d sneak some in until Emmy got home, and then—well. Then he could kiss her stupid, for starters.
He smiled at the thought, and listened to the message.
And then his smile faded.
I need some space.
Uh-oh. That wasn’t good. Did that mean she’d changed her mind about what had happened between them? That she didn’t want to be with him?
Or had he been right about her all along and she was like his mother, unable to stick to any decisions and dropping everything at a moment’s notice to go off and ‘find herself’?
Feeling sick, he listened to the rest of the message.
So she was going up north. To the sea. That figured. And she’d left the message two hours ago, so right now she was probably in the car. Of course she wouldn’t answer while she was driving. She’d never put Tyler at risk like that.
OK. He’d talk to her when she got there. And in the meantime he’d get on with some work.
Though it was almost impossible to concentrate. The house just didn’t feel right without her and Tyler. Going for a run didn’t take his mind off things, either, a
nd nor did his shower afterwards. And he was even crosser with himself when he saw the text from Emmy when he got out of the shower. Here safely. E.
Just his luck that she’d texted when he wouldn’t hear it. He called her back immediately, but a recorded voice informed him that the phone was unavailable. Switched off? Or was she in an area with a poor signal?
‘Leave a message, or send a text,’ the recorded voice told him.
Right.
‘Emmy, call me. Please. We need to talk.’ They really had to sort this out. Did she want him, or didn’t she?
Except she didn’t call him.
And Dylan was shocked to find out how much he missed them both. How much he wanted them home safely with him.
Maybe she wanted space because she wasn’t sure of him. Maybe he hadn’t made her realise exactly how he felt about her. Maybe she needed something from him that he wasn’t good at—emotional stuff. The right words.
Maybe his mother went to find herself because she had nobody to find her. But Emmy had someone to find her. She had him. And he needed to tell her that.
It was too late to drive to Whitby now. It’d be stupid o’clock in the morning before he got there. But he could go and find her tomorrow. Tell her how he felt. And hope that she’d agree to come back with him.
First, though, where did Syb live? He had a feeling that if he did manage to get through to Emmy’s phone to ask for the address, she’d come up with an excuse. And this was too important to put off. He needed to see her now.
Knowing Emmy, all her contacts would be on her phone rather than written down somewhere. But he knew she was savvy enough to keep a backup. If she had a password on her computer at all, he reasoned, it would be an easy one to crack. He switched on the machine, waited for the programs to load, and typed in Tyler’s birthdate when the computer prompted him for a password.
Bingo.
It was a matter of seconds to find Syb’s address in Emmy’s contacts file. He made a note of the address for his GPS system and shut down the computer.
Tomorrow—he just hoped that tomorrow would see his life getting back on track. Back where he belonged.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AT FIVE O’CLOCK the next morning, Dylan gave up trying to get back to sleep. He had a shower, chugged down some coffee, and headed for Whitby.
He’d connected his phone to the car and switched it into hands-free mode, so he was able to call his second in command on his way up north to brief him on the most urgent stuff he had scheduled for the day. And, with that worry off his mind, it let him concentrate on Emmy.
As he drove over the Yorkshire moors the heather looked resplendently purple, and there was a huge rainbow in the sky. When he was small, his grandmother used to tell him there was a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Well, he didn’t want gold. He wanted something much more precious: he wanted Emmy and Tyler.
At last he could see the sea and the spooky gothic ruin of Whitby Abbey that loomed over the town. Almost there. He didn’t want to turn up empty-handed, so he stopped at a petrol station to refuel and buy flowers for both Emmy and her great-aunt. He managed to find a parking space near the house; when he rang the doorbell and waited, his heart was beating so hard that he was sure any passers-by could hear it. Finally, the door was opened by an elderly lady. ‘Yes?’
‘Would you be Emmy’s great-aunt Syb?’ he asked.
She looked wary. ‘Who wants to know?’
‘My name’s Dylan Harper,’ he said.
‘Ah. So you’re Dylan.’
Emmy had obviously talked to her great-aunt about him. And probably not in glowing terms, either. He took a deep breath. ‘Please, may I see her?’
‘I’m afraid she’s not here.’
His heart stopped for a moment. OK, so she’d probably guess that he’d lose patience with the situation and come to see her, but surely she hadn’t disappeared already? ‘Where is she?’ he asked.
‘Walking by the sea. I told her to leave Tyler with me—she needed some fresh air and time to think. It’s hard to think when you’re looking after a baby.’
‘Is he OK?’
‘He’s absolutely fine and he’s having a nap, so don’t worry. Just go and find her. She’ll be on the east foreshore.’ He must’ve looked as mystified as he felt, because Syb added, ‘Head for the Abbey, then instead of going up the steps just keep going forward until you get to the beach, then hug the cliffs and keep heading to the right. You’ll see her.’
‘Thank you.’ He thrust the flowers at her. ‘These are for you—well, one bunch is. The other’s for Emmy.’
‘Thank you, Dylan,’ Syb said gently.
A cheap bunch of flowers. How pathetic was he? And the only other thing he had to give Emmy was his heart. Which was incredibly scary. What if she rejected him? What if she was here because she was trying to work out how to tell him that it was a huge mistake and she didn’t want to be with him in that way? ‘I, um...’
‘Go and find her,’ Syb said. ‘Talk to her. Sort it out between you. I’m here for Tyler, so don’t rush. Take your time.’
As Dylan walked through the town he felt sick. What if she wouldn’t talk to him, wouldn’t listen to what he had to say? What if she didn’t want him?
There were a few families on the beach, and his stomach clenched as he saw them. That was exactly what he wanted—to be able to do simple things like building a sandcastle on the beach with Tyler, and playing with him and Emmy at the edge of the sea. Family things. A forever family.
Please let her listen to him.
There were a few people beachcombing on the foreshore; some had hammers and chisels, and Dylan assumed they were collecting fossils. Then he rounded a corner and saw her. She bent down to pick up something from the sand; probably some jet, he thought. Syb had sent Emmy out to do something to soothe her soul, and he already knew how much she loved the sea.
He quickened his pace and nearly slipped on the treacherous surface; he blew out a breath and picked his way more steadily over towards her.
She looked up as he reached her side. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’ve come to see you. Talk to you.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Emmy, I’m good at business words and computer code and geek. I’m rubbish at the emotional stuff. I know I’m going to make a mess of this, but...’ His voice faded.
She nodded. ‘What did Nadine want? Was it about the paperwork?’
‘No. She’d seen the article.’
‘You said she wanted a baby. You have a baby, now.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘Is that what she wants?’
He knew with blinding clarity what she was really asking. Was that what he wanted, too? ‘I’m not going to lie to you, Emmy,’ he said softly. ‘She did suggest it. But I said no. Because that’s not what I want.’
She bit her lip. ‘You don’t want a child.’
He squirmed. There was no way out of this. He was going to have to bare his heart to her, even though he hated making himself that vulnerable. ‘Not with her. We’re not right for each other.’ He dragged in a breath. ‘I guess that’s something else you need to know. I didn’t want a child,’ he said slowly, ‘because of the way I grew up.’
She waited. And eventually the words flooded in to fill the silence.
‘I never knew who my dad was. My mum used to go off to “find herself” every time she broke up with whoever she was dating, and she always dumped me on the nearest relative. Usually my grandparents.’ He looked away. ‘My grandmother loved me and had time for me but my grandfather always made me feel I was a nuisance and a burden.’
She reached out and linked her fingers through his; it gave him the strength to go on, and he looked back at her.
‘I hated it. I hated feeling that I was always in the way. Then, as I grew older, I was scared th
at maybe I wouldn’t be able to bond with a child because my parental role models were—well, not what I would’ve chosen myself. I was scared that I wouldn’t be any good as a parent, and I never wanted a child to feel the way I did when I grew up, so I decided that I was never going to have children.’ He blew out a breath. ‘I suppose I married Nadine because I thought she was safe. Because I thought she wanted the same thing that I did, that her job was enough for her. But then she changed her mind about what she wanted and I just couldn’t change with her. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, because I was too selfish. Because I was a coward. Because I was scared I’d fail at it, and I walked away rather than trying to make it work.’
‘And yet you stepped up to the mark when Ty needed you,’ Emmy said softly.
‘I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I still don’t,’ he confessed wryly.
‘Me, neither—but we’re muddling through, and Ty definitely feels loved and settled.’ She paused. ‘Is that why you didn’t like me? Because you thought I was flaky and selfish and just thought of myself, like your mum? Because my relationships never lasted and Ally always had to pick up the pieces?’
He bit his lip. ‘I was wrong about that. But—yes, I admit, I did.’
She sighed. ‘I don’t blame you. I probably would’ve thought the same, in your shoes.’ She paused. ‘Is that why you think I went away? To find myself?’
‘You said you needed space. Time to think.’ He paused. ‘I think my mum went away to find herself, because there wasn’t anyone to find her.’ He looked her straight in the eye. ‘But I came to find you, Emmy.’
She dragged in a breath. ‘I’d never dump Ty on anyone. The only reason he’s with Syb is because he’s asleep—and I have my mobile phone with me. She promised to call me the second he woke up, if I wasn’t already back by then.’
‘I know,’ he said softly. ‘She told me to take our time. To talk. She’s wise, your great-aunt.’
She nodded.
‘So why did you leave?’
‘Because I was scared,’ she admitted. ‘I had doubts.’
‘Doubts about me, or doubts about being with me?’