by Kate Hardy
“Is he young? Available?”
Now Callie had to laugh at the hope in her mother’s voice. “I don’t know how old he is, Mom. Older than me, I’d guess, but not by much. And I’m not interested enough to know if he’s available. He’s not interested in me. At all.” Was that too much protesting? Goodness. She shook her head. Good thing her mother couldn’t see her.
Jean made a little noise. “Too bad. Just don’t close yourself off from possibilities. Promise me, Callie. Maybe it’s not this man, but if one comes along, don’t hide from it.”
“I’ve got the boys to think about,” she pointed out, slightly peeved that her mother didn’t focus on that. “I’m not going to risk upending their lives for—for a chance, Mom. For something that probably won’t even work out. That’s selfish and not fair to them. They’ve lost so much already.”
“I know, honey.” Her mother’s voice was gentle. “You’re nothing if not responsible. But don’t you think it’d be good for them to see you happy?”
Callie took a sharp breath. Her mother’s words hit her hard. “I’m happy. As happy as I can be, considering.”
“Well, right. But like I said, they deserve to see you taken care of. They are going to want to take that on themselves in a few years. Do you want them to feel responsible for you, too? Shouldn’t they know it’s okay to be happy, too? It’s not like you’d cut Jason out of the picture. He’ll always be their father. Always. You being happy with another man doesn’t take that from them, or take away anything from Jason’s memory.”
Those words struck deep. Callie sighed. While part of her knew her mother was right, part of her resisted it so hard because it was a step into the unknown. And it seemed silly as an adult to be afraid of the unknown. But she controlled what she could, and right now she kept everything as safe as she could for her little family. With as little risk to them as possible. Bringing in someone new—even Matt— ran the risk of upending everything and leaving them swinging in the breeze again if he should decide to leave. She’d been through the soul-sucking pain of loss already. She wasn’t risking going back to that.
“I appreciate your concern,” she said carefully. “But I think I’ve got everything under control. I can’t make any promises about possibilities, Mom, but I will try. I think that’s all I can do right now.”
There was the slightest of pauses. “Then that’s all I can ask for. I love you, honey. I just want what’s best for you.”
“I love you, too,” Callie said. “And I know you do.” She hoped her mother wouldn’t push this, wouldn’t keep at her to pursue something she wasn’t in any way ready for. Wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready for.
“I’ll let it go,” Jean said, in a voice that made it clear she didn’t want to, and Callie had to smile. “But I’m still hopeful, honey.”
“You can be,” Callie said, because it would make her mom feel better.
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Callie put the phone on the counter and sighed. She couldn’t very well tell the boys not to talk about Matt. They’d noticed him right away and they didn’t usually pick up on strangers like that. It unnerved her, especially given her own unwelcome attraction to him. It was like something in all of them recognized him in a way, on a level she didn’t want to examine too closely.
Or it could just be as simple as the man had a dog and her boys wanted one, too.
She laughed at herself as she pulled the chicken off the stove. She’d go with the latter, since they were little boys, and the possibility of anything else was far too uncomfortable.
* * *
More snow.
Callie stared out the kitchen window the next morning at the white stuff blanketing the driveway. A good six inches rested on the railing of the porch. Snow in March wasn’t unheard of, but the weatherman hadn’t said there’d be measurable snow. And this was the thick, heavy stuff, not the light and fluffy lake effect they often got. She did quick calculations in her head. It’d take her a good twenty minutes to shovel the driveway. Another ten or so to do the sidewalk. And she had to be ready to leave in forty.
Standing there wishing it’d just go away wasn’t helping.
With a sigh, she threw on her winter gear and trudged outside. The snow was pretty, a temporary cover on the dingy snow piles and the patchy brown grass, but that wasn’t going to last long. Already it was melting, dripping from the eaves of her house. Grabbing her shovel—darn it, she’d really hoped she was done with the thing for this year—she got ready to get to work, then heard the whine of a snowblower across the street.
A quick peek revealed Matt out clearing his driveway. Callie allowed herself a moment of pure, unadulterated snowblower envy. Jason had always enjoyed the physical act of shoveling. Something that Callie had never understood, but she hadn’t argued, since he got it done. Now he was gone and the task fell to her.
She heaved a shovelful of the heavy stuff to the side of the driveway. Maybe she should go find one on sale for the end of the season. Jason would shake his head at her and give her that full-on grin. Why are you doing this, Cal? Some days the memories hurt. Others, they were bittersweet. Today, she smiled a little at his voice in her head.
Callie dumped another shovel load and looked up. The sound of the machine was getting closer. Matt was coming across the street—which wouldn’t get plowed for hours, if ever—toward her house. She leaned on her shovel and couldn’t help but notice how gorgeous he was in well-fitting jeans, a navy down vest over a gray sweatshirt, and a colorful knit hat. Guilt hit her at once—though it wasn’t his fault, darn it—and she frowned when he stopped in front of her. “Can I help you?”
“That’s what I was going to ask you. Can I help you with this?” He gestured at the driveway with one gloved hand. “It won’t take long.”
Callie accidentally caught his ice-blue gaze and her breath snagged. Heat rose in her face. She looked away and cleared her throat. “I’ve got it. Thanks, though.”
Right then the front door burst open. “Mom! I dropped the milk on the floor!” Eli’s voice was half-hysterical. Callie squeezed her eyes shut.
“Hang on,” she called back. “I’ll be right there.” She gave Matt a weak smile. “Kids.”
“Callie. Let me do this for you while you tackle the milk.” There was a quiet humor in his voice and part of her wanted to respond to it. She bit her lip, then nodded. There was no rational reason to turn him down. You make my insides do funny things didn’t count as an excuse.
“Okay. That’d be great. Thank you.” Despite her best intentions, the words came out sounding stiff.
He didn’t seem to notice. “No problem.” He turned back to the snowblower and Callie hurried as best she could though the snow to the garage. She’d been thrown off kilter wasn’t fully sure why Matt made her feel this way. She’d seen plenty of attractive men since Jason died. Many of them had known her husband. None of them—not a single one—had registered with her until Matt. It worried and annoyed her.
“Eli,” she said when she entered the kitchen, shedding her gloves and coat, and noting the large puddle on the floor. “What happened in here?”
He looked up at her out of her husband’s eyes. Blue, as well, but more of a denim rather than the startling crystal-blue of Matt’s. “It kinda fell.”
“I see that.” It had been a nearly full gallon. Usually she poured some into a smaller container to make it easier for Eli to use, but she’d forgotten about that in her hurry to shovel the driveway. “If your socks are wet, go ahead and change them while I clean this up. Is Liam up yet?”
“I don’t know. Liiiam,” he yelled as he ran out of the kitchen, and Callie laughed in spite of herself. If Liam hadn’t been awake before, he would be now.
She cleaned up the milk and threw the sopping towels into the washer in the basement. When she came back up, she looked out
and realized Matt had finished not only the driveway but the sidewalk, as well. Now she owed him thanks, which meant she’d have to talk to him and risk that little frisson of—something. That little something that reminded her, just barely, that she wasn’t just a mom and a young widow—she was a woman.
CHAPTER THREE
ALDO HADN’T BEEN thrilled with the snow. He’d been what Matt would normally consider a big baby, and getting him to do his business had been a bit of an ordeal. But he didn’t blame the poor guy. Clearly, Aldo hadn’t forgotten his last winter in Afghanistan, which he’d spent half-starved, with frostbitten ears and shredded paws. So Matt had shoveled a path to the spot his furry friend preferred, and waited while the dog had done his business. Quickly.
On the other hand, there was no way the mutt would make a break for Callie’s in the snow.
Callie. She hadn’t been too happy to have him clear her driveway. Was it him, or help in general she wasn’t keen on? Hard to know. But the question bugged him all day, in the back of his mind. He got held up and didn’t leave until late—Brice had a wife to get home to, and Matt, well, didn’t—so he really didn’t mind. He drove home through the wet streets and pulled into his driveway.
When he got out, he looked back and saw Callie coming down the porch steps. This gave him an unwelcome little jolt. He shut the truck door to keep Aldo inside for a minute, then walked to the end of his driveway and waited, unable to keep his eyes off her. Her curls were up in a clip; in the pale glow of the streetlight he could see it was slightly lopsided, as if she’d thrown it up quickly. She was wearing yoga pants, big fluffy boots and a worn, oversize sweatshirt.
She was sexy as hell.
Trying to bring his thoughts back around to more mundane matters, he asked, “You okay?”
She crossed her arms tightly under her breasts. The defensive posture made him wonder if it was the cold or his presence that made her uncomfortable. Possibly both. “I just wanted to say thank you for your help this morning. But normally I can handle it.”
“Of course you can,” he said, and wondered why she felt the need to warn him off. Why it mattered so much to her.
She nodded and her gaze caught his, then slid away. Just like earlier. Why was it so hard for her to make eye contact with him? Was he that scary? Or was it his past with Jason that bothered her?
“Some days are a little crazy,” she said, with an awkward little laugh.
“I bet,” he said, thinking of his own childhood without a father. His mother had done her best, but it hadn’t been easy raising two boisterous boys, though they’d both turned out okay in the end.
“Okay. I just wanted you to know.” She started backing up and Matt automatically took a step back, as well, to give her space. He was fairly sure this was the first time he’d had a woman run away from him. It was a bit of a blow to the ego, but hey, he was a big boy. He’d get over it. He watched as she turned and hurried back to her house. Her long sweatshirt fell to her thighs. It was too bad it covered the rear view. Shame burned through him. What kind of guy checked out his buddy’s widow’s backside? God. He turned around and walked back to the car to let Aldo out. The dog whined and tugged the leash in the direction of Callie’s house.
“Sorry, boy,” Matt murmured. “She’s off-limits.”
* * *
Callie shut the door behind her and leaned on it, trying to calm her leaping pulse. That had been a mistake. For one thing, it looked as if she’d been waiting for him, which, okay, maybe she had, but not in the way he might think. And the worst part was she really did find him seriously attractive.
She covered her face with her hands. All she had to do was ignore it. Ignore him. Ignore the links he represented to her husband. Denial, denial, denial. It would go away. It wasn’t that hard. This morning she’d been stressed. Right now she was tired. She could rationalize until she was purple, but the fact remained that every time she was near Matt her nerves did this bizarre little dance. It scared the heck out of her.
She hadn’t even touched him. What would happen then?
She pushed herself off the door and made her way to her bedroom, turning off lights as she went. Nights weren’t her favorite. Eli had frequent nightmares related to losing his dad, though it had been a while since the last one. She knocked lightly on the wooden door frame as she entered her room. Hopefully, that streak would continue. Sometimes she simply couldn’t sleep. Part of her was always waiting for another middle-of-the-night phone call. Plus, with the kids needing her, there was no way to take any kind of sleep medicine, though she did have a prescription for one she’d never filled.
Her bed was so big. Lonely.
She pulled Jason’s old sweatshirt over her head and dropped it on the chair in the corner before crawling into bed and pulling the covers up to her chin. She was supposed to be lonely. She’d come to accept the feeling as a friend, in a way. It was familiar now. A reminder of what she’d lost. She missed Jason. She’d miss him every day for the rest of her life. But the kids kept her busy and were such a blessing. She was making a new life. One that included only them, not an outsider who, as she’d told her mother, might leave them shattered if he chose to walk away.
Callie was done taking risks. Not with her kids, not with her life and not with her heart. She couldn’t take any more loss. She’d give up whatever she had to in order to keep them all safe.
That meant keeping her distance from Matt, because as long as he made her feel like this, he was most definitely not safe.
* * *
Unfortunately for her decision to stay away, Matt pulled into his driveway the next evening as she was walking back with the kids from Colleen’s. Both boys immediately went bug-eyed.
“Maybe we can see the dog, Mom,” Eli said excitedly, and slid a look at Liam. Uh-oh. Had they been conspiring over a way to meet Aldo? She wouldn’t put it past them. They were pretty determined when they were in accord.
So she made a noncommittal noise. “Come on, guys, let’s get inside,” she urged, but they were still both staring when Matt got out of his truck. So was she, but for a completely different reason. Watching him unfold his long frame made her pulse flutter. Goodness. She swallowed. “Boys,” she said in her best warning tone, then wondered who the warning was really for—her or them?
“We wanna see the dog,” Eli said, and Liam nodded firmly.
Matt sent a grin in their direction from across the street before Callie could say anything. “Hey, guys,” he called as he started toward them. “You want to pet Aldo? If it’s okay with your mom,” he added, with a look at Callie.
She stepped up quickly and spoke over their chorused “yes!”
“You just got home. I’m sure you have other things to do.”
“It’s no problem,” he said, crossing the street, Aldo at his side. Matt’s eyes held hers, and Callie couldn’t suppress a little shiver.
The boys spun to her and tugged on her coat. “Please, Mom?” Eli begged, his eyes big.
Everything in her screamed to say no. But that had nothing to do with a dog or the kids. It wasn’t fair to punish the boys because she had issues with the dog’s handsome owner. She relented reluctantly. “Okay. But only for a minute.”
Matt shot her a slightly lopsided grin. That wasn’t so hard, was it? it seemed to say.
You have no idea, she wanted to answer. The whole idea of being around him threw her off balance. And she definitely could not allow her kids to develop a relationship with him. That would be dangerous. He’d move on and the boys would be hurt, and she wasn’t putting them through that again.
And she was way ahead of herself. All they were doing was petting a man’s dog.
Matt and Aldo came up on the sidewalk. The snow was melting, but she noticed the dog took care not to step in the spots where it remained.
“Eli a
nd Liam, this is Mr. Bowden.” She laid a hand on each boy’s head as she said their names. She did not say Matt had known their dad. No sense in muddying the waters. Aldo leaned forward on his leash, tail wagging hard.
“Nice to meet you, Eli and Liam,” Matt said, as he shook each boy’s hand. “But please call me Matt. This is Aldo. He’s very friendly. He’d love to have you pet him.”
Both boys, eyes huge, reached out and touched Aldo’s dark coat. “Hi, doggie,” Liam said softly, and Callie’s heart squeezed. She’d never hear the end of this from them.
“He’s so soft,” Eli said wonderingly. Matt crouched down and slid an arm around Aldo’s neck, and the dog sat down, tail still going. Matt was on the boys’ level now.
“He is,” he agreed. “And he’s got a very special story. Want to hear it?”
Both boys nodded, and something kept Callie quiet.
“Aldo came from all the way across the world. We found him last year when I was in Afghanistan. Our army unit sort of adopted him.” Matt glanced up at Callie, then touched one of Aldo’s ears. “He was in very bad shape and needed some serious help. We found him on the streets.”
Callie could see, now, the damage on the dog’s ears, and she reached out and rubbed his head, as her boys were doing. A rescue dog, for sure, but not like she’d expected.
“We worked hard to save him and get him healthy again. When I got out of the army, I worked with a rescue group to bring him home with me. He’s been here just a few months. And he’s not a fan of the snow, but he loves kids. I couldn’t—I couldn’t leave him there.” While his tone was light, Callie saw the emotion in his expression.
“He’s okay now?” Eli asked, his eyes big.
“Yep. Just fine,” Matt assured him, and her heart flipped a little. The man had moved heaven and earth to bring this dog home. Callie ran her hand over Aldo’s head. A man who’d spend that kind of money and time to save a dog half a world away—no, not just a dog, but his friend—was a good man.